Chapter 21 Dilemma

Hi- I've been too busy to update recently. Also, I've been thinking about how the story is going to develop with the two threats – Randal's crew and the Governor - looming over the prison community. I've mixed up the timeline – hope this is OK. Last chapter was kind of an experiment – I don't usually write love scenes in detail but hope that it was realistic.

In this chapter - Daryl has a devastating dilemma before him- will he make the right choice?

i.

They'd just come together urgently for what felt like the umpteenth time – but they could never get enough of each other with the sense of time running out before the inevitable attack looming over them. And each time seemed better and more precious than the last – as they mapped out each other's bodies with more intimate knowledge.

Giving and receiving pleasure. Learning each other's pleasure-zones.

Finally sated, still panting and bathed in sweat, they lay in the semi-darkness, only relieved by the obligatory emergency lights outside his cell, lighting the outside corridor while the generator fuel lasted.

After he slid out of her that last time, he lay with his ear against her racing heartbeat, listening while they tried to get their breath back as she giggled breathlessly and cradled him against her with both arms. He sighed contently and smiled while she played with his hair – running her fingers through it. The elated mood of the lovers was at odds with the oppressive sense of doom – all over the prison – coming from the others who were glum and terrified.

'Maybe we should sleep...' He murmered, his eyes shutting of their own free will. It was about 4 in the morning after all. 'We'll need it tomorrow...'

'No.' She whispered vehemently, in mock anger. Slapped his head only lightly, in play. 'Wake up! I ain't finished with you yet, boy!'

He raised his head drowsily and looked up at her. ' Who ya callin' boy? I'm an old man compared to you. You gotta be tired.' He protested sleepily. 'You can't want us...to..again?' Suddenly awake now, he pinned her down gently to the bed by her wrists and bent his head to her hers, to kiss her long and deep.

But then they heard gunshots outside and panicked shouts and running feet and Daryl instinctively covered her with his own body, pulling the bed covers up protectively over them as someone pounded on the door. Then, Glen poked his head round the door, only registering his surprise silently by raising his eye-brows briefly at the naked pair in bed together. At Beth's instantly recognisable blond hair streaming over the pillow as she unsuccessfully tried to hide by burying her face in Daryl's chest. After all, who was sleeping with who wasn't exactly a priority when they were obviously under a surprise pre-dawn attack. 'They're here – Randal's crew!' He gabbled, panic clear in his voice, hanging onto his gun for dear life. 'Get up and get to the front! We have to fight them off!'.

Daryl wasted no time either. 'We're coming!' He shouted back as he started pulling on his clothes after Glenn left to bang on other people's doors.

'Did he know it was me?' She asked, more worried about everyone finding out about them rather than possibly being killed or worse – captured. And Daryl was more worried that Glen had seen his back – 'cos too many people – Carol, Rick, Herschel as well his own brother knew which was bad enough. And he couldn't deal with more knowing.

Surely, Glenn hadn't seen his scars? No, he'd pulled up the cover over both of them and he hadn't seen the usual look of horror and pity that he got from people who caught sight of his back.

Because that would have been worse than him knowing about him and Beth.

Rudely, he pulled the covers off Beth as she instinctively tried to cover herself, even in front of him who'd seen everything there was to see. Cos' at the beginning, she'd flaunted it in front of him, in fact.

And she looked good. Hell – she was roastin' and he shuddered as he remembered what the animals who were part of the same group attacking their gates had wanted to do to her and her sister.

He'd die – no- better – he'd rip them all apart before he let them near her.

But panic and fear made his voice, rough as he glared down at her. While tears came into her eyes after she self-protectively drew the blanket to cover herself again and her full, rosebud lips trembled as she looked up at him as the truth hit her finally. Looking at him with those big eyes. Those big, blue eyes that had been his undoing. And he was reminded again how very young she actually was.

'Are we going to die?' She breathed. Looking at him for the answers. To save her. Like everyone else did.

And he couldn't stand it – the pressure, the responsibility. Weighing him down. Along with the guilt not if but when he failed to protect them.

He resisted the urge to comfort her - Girl was so very young and he could be her father. There wasn't any time anyway.

'Not if I can help it.' He told her coldly and threw her clothes at her. 'Get dressed.' He ordered. And when she didn't move, 'What are you waiting for?' He almost yelled at her. 'Ya waitin' for them? Ya think there's no point 'cos they're just gonna rip ya clothes off ya again?' He added brutally to shock her into reality and the tears finally overflowed and made their way down her cheeks. 'You remember what they nearly did to you and Maggie in the forest? It's the same fuckin' animals.'

But then her back straightened and he was glad to see fire instead of fear in her eyes as he chivalrously turned his back out of habit as she got dressed. (He didn't know why, wasn't like he hadn't seen everything anyway) 'Fuck you, Daryl.' She retorted, her voice full of anger. 'I can fight and not just Walkers, neither. You taught me remember ,after we were captured?'

'He grabbed his crossbow, checked for his dagger and his bolts then grabbed her hand. Not giving a shit who saw – even if it was her father. Ran to the where were the commotion was.

'Come on. Let's put these sick motherfuckers down.' He suggested and she grinned at him and patted her own weapon -a stake made from a pool cue from the recreation room and her own gun and hunting´knife.

'Good.' He approved. 'Now, remember everything we practised.'

She nodded vigorously because she wanted blood. Revenge for her and Maggie. For these people coming to spoil their way of life and disrupt their peace of mind. 'Cos it was hard enough to survive and these people wanted to steal everything they had. Everythin'. The prison which they'd risked their lives for to make it safe from Walkers. Hadn't thought that they might be in danger from fellow human survivors.

More than that – she wanted to prove herself to the rest of the group. As an adult able to protect them. Wanted them to eventually accept her and Daryl, especially her father.

He recalled briefly teaching her and others who wanted to learn how to fire the crossbow, ostensibly putting one arm around her innocently to guide her aim while she stretched her arm at the target. Whispering in her ear – things nothing to do with archery, secrets and promises reserved for lovers for the coming night. And no-one had known as she'd giggled and pressed her body against his. As if by innocent coincidence, her breasts rubbed against his chest when she turned round. He remembered their excitement, anticipation for the coming night which was only heightened by the others' apparent obliviousness to their mutual attraction. Despite the way they couldn't stop touching one another, even in front of the others – especially the change in the man everyone knew hated to be touched.

He guessed everyone was too scared and preoccupied with what was coming to notice them.

Except for one – Merle. His brother always knew – Daryl couldn't keep any secrets from him. He'd just looked at them with a sardonic grin twisting his lips and a knowing smirk but Daryl knew that Merle would not betray them. He didn't like most of the group anyway.

Would always protect him.

Didn't stop him from tormenting his brother though, even in the chaos and general panic, as he saw the pair. 'Well, well, little brother, gone back to batting for the boys' team?' He teased, outwardly completely relaxed and unaffected at what was going round him, indifferent to the screams and gunshots. Daryl glared at him – couldn't believe that Merle was bringing up Rick then when all hell was breaking loose around them. As Beth looked up at him questioningly, not quite understanding. Daryl brushed it off and dragged her to the front gate. 'Shut the fuck up, Merle.' He snarled. 'Can't you see we're being attacked? Why don't you help us?'

But Merle didn't, was waiting to pick the winning side, no doubt.

Never had loyalty to anything or anyone.

Except to Daryl.

ii.

'Time to choose.' The Governor chimed in a creepy parody of a childish sing-song voice. 'Which one, Dixon?' He asked, revelling in his enemy's obvious panic and indecision that he could never hide as Daryl's eyes flicked from Carol to Beth and back to Carol again. 'Which one for Milton?' And Daryl wanted to rush up and stick the point of his dagger through the eyes of the heavies, through to their brains, holding the two women.

For putting their hands all over them, as Beth squirmed in her captor's grip. Of course, it was the heavy Hispanic who had had held him down, who was now sneering at him. Recognition clear in his eyes as he leered at the younger Dixon brother.

Should've fuckin' known that Randal and his people were in league with that psycho – had just handed over the women to him.

Of fuckin' course.

And Daryl had failed to protect the two people he cared most about from the group.

He was useless, a nobody. A nothing who couldn't keep anyone safe.

But Daryl sensed rather than saw his brother guarding his back. As always. Heard him growl menacingly and move forward and he motioned him away without looking back at him. Because despite what people thought and what happened to Maggie, Merle didn't enjoy seeing women being hurt or threatened. 'Cos maybe Merle and Daryl were more alike than most people realised – but then they didn't know that his brother had damn near killed their father for hitting their mother.

Maybe they would have seen him in another light but they would never get the chance unfortunately. Merle just had this habit of rubbing people up the wrong way and Daryl knew he even enjoyed the effect he had on them.

In other words, he just liked fucking with people. It was too easy for him 'cos he had this uncanny ability to smell out their secrets, things they were afraid of and their weaknesses.

Would have made a fuckin' good politician with background and education.

With the right family and connections.

'Go to hell.' He snarled at the Woodbury leader. Ignoring the silent, terrified pleas in Beth's eyes before she had lifted up her chin resolutely in strong defiance. And he felt proud of his girlfriend – she was no longer just the sweet, sheltered farm girl - she'd become a fighter.

Like him – like he'd had to be his whole life.

And Carol's calm resignation. Because she knew that there was nothing that the Governor could do to her that hadn't been done before. Ed had seen to that. And if he killed her – at least she would be with Sophia in heaven. She was telling him silently to choose Beth, who still had her life ahead of her and everything to live for. And besides, Daryl loved her and Carol was willing to sacrifice herself to make Daryl happy.

Because she loved him too.

An old Bible verse came to him then 'Greater love hath no man...'1

And Herschel would never forgive him.

Who should he choose – his best friend who had been the first person to try and see past his rough, redneck exterior, to reach out to him? The first person who had made him feel safe or a teenage girl who was his lover?

'We don't negotiate with assholes..' Daryl declared defiantly to the enemy. But his eyes betrayed him – the grief and the fear in them for the people he loved. Yes – he realised that he loved these people. The panic. Where was Rick? Herschel? The others? He prayed that the ex-Sheriff hadn't been killed or captured. He couldn't deal with the Governor by himself – not without the calm leader. He couldn't decide for the group but they were looking at him to decide their fates.

'Give us both women and you can have Milton back.'

'I'm afraid that won't be possible.' The other replied, calmly, reasonably.

'Both or nothin...Ya'll get nothin.' We'll slit his fuckin' throat.' He moved to where Milton was bound and gagged, held up his knife to the man's throat as the prisoner struggled against T-Dog.

He was gambling – playing with Beth and Carol's lives – counting on Milton's usefulness to the Governor as a scientist, as a researcher on Walkers.

Everyone stared at Daryl like he was crazy. What are you doing? Knowing that he was fully capable of carrying out his threat.

The Governor seemed to reconsider. Outwardly, not showing any concern.

'No. You kill him and we'll kill them. But only after we've had a little show with them as the main stars in it.'

Both the women trembled as their eyes got bigger and Daryl understood.

And Daryl knew that the other would keep one woman hostage – maybe play with her a bit but then they could always attempt a rescue later.

He just hoped that he didn't hurt her too badly.

But at least she'd be alive.

There was no-one left except him, T-Dog and Glenn. Looking up to him to make the decision. Because Rick had already said that this was not a democracy – and that left him as the de-facto leader. The others would go along with whatever he decided.

They couldn't help him. Weren't no leaders either.

But he wasn't anybody's leader Just a nobody, a no-one, a nothing.

He was filthy inside. Damaged and ugly on the outside.

The Governor had known and had taunted him with it. Daryl could see it still in his eyes, his sneer.

I know your secret.

And that's what finally galvanised him into a decision.

He released Milton, even so, the man's throat was bleeding where Daryl had held the knife against it. Then he roughly pushed the man forward – to the neutral buffer zone between the two groups.

'Take him.' Daryl gave in knowing that the exchange – one prisoner for the other – would have to be carried out at exactly the same time.

Then he made his decision. Stopped where he was and straightened his back. Looked the Woodbury leader full in the eye.

'I want...'

1'No greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.' (John 15: 13)