The next two weeks saw a series if ups and downs, highs and lows. One-minute things were looking up and the next they were sinking back down to the bottom. It was excruciatingly hard. And also emotionally exhausting for all involved. Both twins had had setbacks but generally Megan was still doing fine. She had put on a little bit of weight and she seemed to be getting stronger. Nadine's setbacks however had been more major. She was fighting for survival and clinging to life with everything that she had. Both girls were fighters, refusing to give up yet. And Buffy and Spike were proud of them. They still spent every day at the hospital. Giles, Lorne, Ali and Xander had all been to see the twins again a couple of times. But Willow had never returned to the hospital, unable to face it. But without fail, every day she called Buffy to check on how they were doing and ensuring they were still fighting. And every day she was told they were doing just that, fighting; surviving. She gradually became a bit more optimistic. More hopeful that both would be okay.
But that was not to be, Buffy had called to tell her that Nadine had been diagnosed as having a leaking valve to her heart and surgery would be needed to correct it. The worst of it was that she had been especially poorly in the previous few days. But the operation had to go ahead in the next couple of days. Because of the illness she was already suffering from they knew there were increased risks in the surgery, an increased chance that she wouldn't pull through from the surgery. So they had decided to have her baptised beforehand. Lorne and Willow were asked to be godparents to Nadine, while Xander and Ali would be godparents to Megan. Buffy and Spike had decided they wanted both of their children to be baptised together. So on the day before the surgery, Willow drew all of the strength she could and went to the hospital. And she stood by the incubator, a proud smile on her face for this little fighter as the minister baptised them. It was impossible not to feel at least a twinge of happiness, but it was very bittersweet.
Buffy and Spike were proud parents throughout the whole thing, even though they were well aware of the reasons for the baptism taking place on this specific day. After the others left, Buffy and Spike remained where they were, refusing to leave their daughters' side. They stayed with them all through the day and night, just watching and hoping. And when the doctors came for Nadine the next day to take her to surgery they kissed her tiny forehead and whispered their goodbyes, hoping they wouldn't be the last.
The long hours waiting for the surgery to finish and to hear some news were agonising. They sat with their stronger daughter, the only bit of comfort they could find. They needed to see her breathe; convince themselves that she was going to stay string. And convincing themselves of that Megan would be okay they could almost believe that Nadine would be too. Maybe it was a dream; a fantasy that they were kidding themselves with. But it was a dream that they had to hold on to. They had to clutch it close to their hearts and never let it go. At least, not until they knew for sure there was no chance of it ever coming true.
They were almost beside themselves with fear and worry by the time the doctor finally came to let them know how the surgery had gone. When Buffy saw him approach she jumped from her seat asking,
"Is she okay? Did the surgery work?"
Spike stood by her side, awaiting the doctor's response.
"Well the surgery was successful and Nadine is still with us."
He watched the two parents let out relieved breaths before continuing
"We will be keeping an even closer eye on her. She is weakened from the surgery and there could still be complications such as infection setting in or any number of things. We're going to be keeping a close eye on her. Hopefully it will be okay."
Buffy sighed, "Thank you, doctor." She attempted a small, grateful smile before tuning back to Megan.
They went home later that night, Spike and the doctors had over time been able to persuade Buffy that there was nothing they could do at the hospital and they would be much better off and of much more use after a night's rest. She had given in only due to the fact that she hadn't slept in two days. They were barely at home for an hour before they were curled up in bed, fast asleep. Their sleep was restless at times, but for the most part they were both so tired that it was an almost sound sleep. But there was always that undercurrent of fear and worry that cursed both ever sleeping and every waking moment. But for that one night, it wasn't quite so bad.
The following two days were much of the same. They spent their days in hospital and their nights at home asleep. Or at least getting as much sleep as they could. And the longer the news they received regarding Nadine was good, the more peaceful their sleep became. Their worry lessened with each day and night that passed with nothing going wrong with their most ill daughter.
Three days after the operation Buffy and Spike walked into the hospital hand in hand, accompanied by Giles. They were feeling optimistic. It was exactly a month since the twins were born. And also, three days had passed since Nadine's operation and everything appeared to be going fine. Their good moods disappeared when the were met by the grim faced doctor at the door of the intensive care unit. He asked to speak to them. Buffy's heart was in her throat, but she nodded and allowed the doctor to usher them to his office.
When everyone was seated they waited to be told what was going on. Buffy, Spike and Giles couldn't ask. They were too afraid. The doctor cleared his throat, dreading what he had to tell these people, especially Buffy. She was young and a mother and this would break her heart but it had to be done, he sat down behind his desk,
"Buffy, Spike, I have to tell you that an infection has set in from the surgery. It's called septicaemia. We had to resuscitate her several times during the night. With everything that has gone wrong with her since her birth she is just too ill. She is going to be severely disabled is she survives which at the moment is seeming less and less likely. I think, in my honest opinion that maybe it's for the best that you consider switching the life support machines now."
Buffy turned to Spike, and with one look into his eyes, she broke down.
"Can we have some time to think about it?" Spike requested.
The doctor nodded and Spike led Buffy out of the office. Once they were outside he put his arms around her, crying with her.
"I want to see her now," Buffy whispered.
"Ok," still holding her he took her to their daughter.
Buffy wept as she stood by the incubator, she could admit that Nadine looked more ill now than ever. Spike watched too, his beautiful little girl. And she was going to be taken away from them.
"What do we do Spike?"
"I don't know," he admitted. But I want to talk to her.
He moved in front of Buffy and opened the incubator's small window, slipping his hand inside; he began to talk to her,
"Hey, princess. You're in a lot of pain aren't you? But you've been so string up until now and mummy and I are so proud of you. But maybe now you just want to rest, is that want you want princess? You have to tell daddy, what do you want? If you want to go now, tell me, we'll do whatever you want."
He waited, and a moment later she opened her eyes and clutched his finger tight. Looking up before her eyes closed again. It was time.
Before anything was done, they called Willow and the others to come. They all dropped what they were doing to be there. If they were going to lose her, they would all be there. Because they were all a family. One by one they all went in. Although still hooked up to her life support machine they took Nadine out of her incubator so that everyone could hold her just once. There wasn't a dry eye left by the time everyone retreated to the hallway. Leaving Buffy and Spike alone with their daughter.
Spike sat clutching his baby daughter close, whispering how much he loved her. Buffy took her turn next. But they knew the longer they waited the harder it would be.
So Buffy moved to allow Spike to sit beside her, holding Nadine close and cuddling to them, and then nodded to the doctor. They held their breath as they watched the doctor solemnly move and switch the machines off. Buffy and Spike didn't try to hold back their tears, they fell freely as for a moment or two they watched their daughter breathe on her own, her chest rising and falling with each one. It was a sight they had prayed for, and they knew that this would be the only time they would ever see it. And within a couple of minutes of the machine being switched off, and her chest fell for the last time. They held her eternally still body close to them, Spike leaned down to kiss her, stroking her tiny head and as his tears continued to fall as he whispered to her
"Sleep tight sweetheart."
And Buffy cried out.