APOV

''Ana I need you to listen to me,'' Elliot continues right after he tells me that Christian is missing. ''Our dad is trying to get information about what's going on, but there is no sign of Charlie Tango.'' My world stops, and I'm not sure if I'm breathing or not. ''We are all coming over, is that okay?''

''Ehm… um… well… I… I suppose so,'' I'm fighting my tears, this isn't happening. In a second Elliot is going to call me up again, tell me that this was all a prank and Christian will walk into the apartment, any moment. I'm sure of it, that's what's going to happen.

After a few minutes standing shocked still with my phone in my hand, there's a ping at the elevator arriving. Christian! He's home, thank god he's home.

My world stops even more, if that's possible, when I see the Grey clan all in tears. I finally understand that this is happening; it's as real as it can get. Christian is really missing.

Mia pushes the others away and runs over and hugs me tight. Why? Why is all this happening to me, why all at once, what have I done to deserve this? First I learnt about my dad's illness then the whole mess with Christian entering back in our lives, then my father's death, Christian's lifestyle, the miscarriage and now this, am I suppose to survive all this? Is it all a test, to see when I'll break down for real, to see when I click?

Teddy, my sweet little boy, who just got to know his dad, got to spend time with him for the first time, have now maybe lost him forever. Teddy might've lost his dad. Christian was so good calling when he was away; he called in between meetings, at night, in the morning. He called as often as he could, and he often texted me while he was in his meetings. Why didn't he call before he left Portland, he should've called me, called Teddy, at least talked to us.

He loves me and I can't count on 2 hands how often he has told me that, and I've been a coward not saying it back. It's not like I hadn't said it to him before. It's not like I don't love him, because I love him more than life itself, he made his way into my heart and now, now he's gone. What if I never get to tell him how I feel, to say those 3 magical words to him?

Mia and I lean on each other as we stumble towards the couch to sit down, before we fall over. Grace is beside herself, and I've never seen anyone more heartbroken. Carrick walks past us right into Christian office, looking angry, confused and scared, while talking in the phone. Elliot looks worried and torn between supporting his family or be with Kate who looks like she couldn't care less.

''Grandma!'' We all turn towards Teddy, looking at him as he runs from his room and into Grace's arms. She dries her tears as quickly as possible, and shows him a fake smile, that only looks real if you haven't seen her true smile. ''Is daddy back yet?'' he asks looking at everyone then ends up at me. I shake my head and try placing on a smile, but I feel myself failing. ''He promised!'' Teddy shouts and we all look at him in shock and confusion, ''daddy promised he would come back, he would never leave me.'' He runs off to his room, leaving us all stunned.

Grace get's hysterical, and I feel like breaking down to, but I need to be strong for Teddy I can't break down now. I walk after Teddy knocking lightly on his door just so he knows I'm coming in and I walk in. Teddy is laying there with his head in his pillow and he's slightly shaking. ''Oh, Teddy bear'' I say as I sit down beside him. I stroke up and down his back, soothing him as best as I can.

''Where is he mommy?'' he asks, as he turns over with tears in his eyes. ''Doesn't he want me anymore?'' My heart breaks for my little insecure boy, who so far has grown up without a father and now his dad is gone again.

''No Teddy, daddy loves you so much,'' I say and scoot him up in my lap, rocking back and forth. ''Teddy I need to tell you something okay? It might not be easy hearing.'' He nods his head so I continue as good as I can. How do you tell a 4 year old that there's a chance he won't ever see his dad ever again? ''Did daddy tell you about his helicopter?'' Teddy nods again, ''well he was flying it to where his meeting was, and… well when… Teddy…'' I take a deep breath, ''Teddy no one knows where daddy is, I believe he's alive and misses you like crazy and trying to get home to you, but right now no one knows. They can't find his helicopter.''

I look at Teddy to see if he understood what I just told him, and when I look at his face my heart continue breaking. My sweet precious boy look so lost, like his world has no meaning anymore. I hug him tight to my chest and continue rocking back and forth. ''Teddy, do you want to try sleeping a bit?'' I ask after a few minutes, I need to be here supporting my son but still Christian's family is sitting in the living room. Teddy slowly nods his head, and I lay him down and tuck him tight in.

I walk back out to the living room, and besides Kate everyone has tears in their eyes. I could never imagine Elliot crying, he's so big and so… man, but now he's crying over his lost brother. If Christian doesn't come back, I think that will break Elliot more than anyone else. If I understood Christian correctly he and Elliot had a tight friendship, they were often busy with work, but they tried getting together here and there. But lately I haven't seen Elliot, which means Christian hasn't seen him either.

I sit back down beside Mia and I don't cry, I don't talk and I don't feel. I don't want to feel, if I'm feeling something now it would kill me. Carrick is still in Christian's home office, and god knows what he's doing. None of us talk for a long time, and then Teddy comes back to the living room.

''Mommy I can't sleep,'' I look up at the clock and when I see it's nearly 9pm, I feel like losing it. Its 4 hours since he was supposed to be here. By now we would've put Teddy to bed, and who knows what we would've done right this minute.

''You have to sleep, come let mommy put you back to bed.'' He shakes his head and refuse to walk with me. ''Come on Teddy it's late.''

''No, I want to wait for daddy with you. I want daddy to tuck me in.'' He cross his arms over his chest and pout. When I pull on his arm a little he clicks, telling us that he is a big boy and that he can wait for his daddy.

Elliot leaves Kate's side and get down to Teddy's level, and gives him a weak smile. ''Can I tuck you in?'' Teddy slightly shakes his head. ''I've never done it before, so you have to show me. Can you do that?'' Teddy shakes his head but lean in to hug Elliot while he cries. This is too much for him, and he's exhausted after a long day, but he's just as stubborn as his dad.

''Can Uncle Elliot tuck you in Teddy?'' I ask, ''maybe he can read you a story.'' I say and after a little while Teddy gives up and starts walk with Elliot to his room.

''Are you leaving me alone with them?'' Kate shouts after Elliot, and he turn around. ''You can't leave me here with them, please baby come back here.'' Elliot shakes his head and lifts Teddy up and start to walk towards the bedroom again. ''I'm your wife!''

The look of shock on everyone's faces is indescribable, and there's a complete agonizing silence.

''What's she talking about?'' Grace stands up and looks directly at Kate while asking Elliot. I don't see sorrow in her eyes anymore, now she's furious. And Kate's eyes are filled with horror, and then her smirk is back. ''Elliot,'' Grace warns.

''Yeah we got married,'' he sighs. ''But now I'm taking my nephew to bed… Kate why don't you just leave? I'll be home in a bit.'' Then he walks to the bedroom, and when he's out of sight Grace starts to pace back and forth. Mumbling under her breath about how stupid Elliot can be at times.

''Leave Katherine,'' she says while pacing back and forth, ''we don't want you here… My son got married, my other son is missing, Ana just had a miscarriage'' she sums up everything bad that has happened lately. ''Leave!'' She screams when Kate just stands there, not doing anything.

''Jesus woman, I'll go.'' She says, she turns around before getting in the elevator. ''Jesus Steele, learn to use a fucking condom.'' Then she's gone.

''How could you be so stupid Elliot?'' I hear Grace shout at him. I went back to Christian bedroom when Elliot got out of Teddy's not wanting to be there for that conversation. I have too much going through my head to care about Elliot and Kate getting married, I'm more concerned about Christian.

Its 5 hours since Christian should've been back, and I really wish the Grey's could take their conversation out of here, but I'm not going to throw them out of their son's home, they're worried about him just as much as I am. Maybe yelling at Elliot is a good distraction for Grace.

I sneak myself out of the bedroom so they don't hear me, and I hear Elliot trying to defend himself as good as he can, but I'm not interested in their conversation. I knock on Christian's office door before walking in. Carrick is sitting there his head on the desk, but when he sees me he straightens up.

''Ana, what's going on out there?'' He asks, he sounds tired and his skin is paler now than I remember, and it looks like he might fall asleep any second now.

''Ehm… Elliot and Kate got married and Grace is freaking out.'' I say, and sit down in one of the chairs in front of Christian's desk.

''I can imagine,'' he says ''Grace was really hurt when she learned what Kate and Elliot did while watching Teddy… She was also really hurt when Christian told her how he reacted to the pregnancy news.'' He picks up a pen and start fiddling with it. ''Because of her situation,'' he continues after a while ''Gracie is against abortion, she won't understand why or how people could abort a child, when all she wanted was to have one of her own. For Gracie it was harder than for me, I never got attached to the children she was carrying, yes I was excited when she told me she was pregnant, and I was sad when she lost the first. But then the same happened with the next one and the one after that, and I stopped getting my hopes up.

''When Gracie told me she wanted to adopt, I wasn't onboard with that from the beginning, but when she told me she met a little orphan while she was checking on one of her colleagues' patients… I thought she had lost it when she wanted to adopt him. But I went with her to see this little boy she was talking about and I instantly fell in love with him. That's how we got Elliot, when he looked up at me with those baby blue eyes, I knew Gracie was right, he was going to be our son.'' He gets up and starts to walk around the office. Christian told me that Carrick is a private man; he doesn't like to talk about feelings, or things that makes him emotional, but maybe he needs to let this out now. The least I could do is listen to him.

''Christian, was her patient. I was late to pick her up one day so she worked a bit longer, if I haven't been late that day Christian wouldn't have been assigned to her. When I got there I didn't see my wife anywhere, and when I asked around after her they paged her but she didn't answer. I was freaking out, had something happened to her? Then when I walk through most of the corridors where she mostly worked, I heard her voice coming from one of the rooms… I knocked on the door and peeked my head inside, there she was sitting with this small boy, and he was so small and so skinny, it was only bones on that boy. When he saw me, you could see in his eyes how afraid he was, I've only seen that look on his face one time since that.

''Grace couldn't leave him, she was by his side all the time, and when I asked her if she wanted to adopt him she was over the moon. She didn't want to ask me to adopt him because she did that with Elliot, but when you saw the way the two of them looked at each other, there was no way I could let him slip through her fingers.'' He breaths out in a rush, and we both have tears in our eyes.

When Christian told me his adoptive story, it was nothing like this. He told me time after time that he was just a burden on them, that his father hated that his mom wanted to adopt him. If only Christian knew it was his dad's suggestion. ''You said you saw the look on Christian's face one more time, when was that?'' I ask, while drying my tears away.

''The time he sat down with us, and told us he wasn't going to college. He had a good reason for having that look in his eyes, it hurt seeing the look again, but I admit that I was mad and upset that he decided to not go to college. He came to me with business ideas, and I literally laughed right back in his face, I've never told him one time how proud I am of him, I wish I did. I'm so proud of him.''

''He knows you are,'' I say, Christian's father is a sore topic for him, Christian never liked talking about him, but whenever he talked about him you could see that he cared deeply for his father. ''And he loves you, there might be a chance he can't say it to you, but he loves you.'' Carrick walks over to me and leans down and hugs me, tight. ''What do you know so far?'' I whisper, not actually wanting to know the answer incase it's anything bad.

''Nothing much,'' he sighs and sit back down behind Christian's computer. ''The police and their fucking law don't take this serious, it's a damn helicopter missing why the fuck should we wait 24 hours before reporting it? It doesn't make sense,'' he starts typing things on the computer. ''I'm a lawyer and I've heard so much crap in my life, but that, that's just… fuck.'' He says and then quickly adds ''sorry.''

''Isn't there anything we could do?'' I ask, not sure what I could do, but we need to do something.

''Yes, it is. But we need to go the private way, but money isn't a problem, it just pisses me off that they don't take it more serious… come here.'' He says and I walk back behind the desk to look at the screen. ''Let me play this, it's fast but just watch.'' It's a map and a red dot going really fast from point A to B. ''That was Christian and Ros flying from Seattle to Portland, now watch this.'' He shows me the same map, only now the dot start on B, it flies a few seconds then it disappears. ''Now you would think that there'' he points at the screen, ''is where the helicopter is… it's not. I've had people there looking for them. So they were still flying when the signal got lost. My son doesn't know this but I have a tracker on his helicopter, I was worried when he started flying it around. The tracker was beside the motor, and if the motor got ruined they wouldn't be able to fly for long, but he's nowhere around this area'' he makes a large circle around the area where the dot died.

''The only believable reason at the moment is abduction by aliens, and we both now that didn't happen.'' He sighs ''so where is he? What happened there?'' He shows another map, a nature map so you can see what he's flying over when he flies. ''If he's crashed there's a chance he could land in time, if he weren't that high up, but see there.'' He points the mouse at a dark grey thing on the map. ''That's Mt. Saint. Helens and that can't be good if he flew that way, but other than that everything looks fine. Of course he could've been up high and there wouldn't be much of a chance at surviving, but I believe in my son, he's a smart man.''

''If he flew that way what could happen?'' I ask.

''If he flew high, that would be bad where ever he was, but if he weren't flying that high, and was around that area he might have flown right in the mountain wall. But I have people looking there, and looking everywhere from Seattle to Portland'' he clicks the site off and shuts the computer ''It's late, we should join the others, I have my phone on and they'll call when they find something.''

When Carrick and I got back out in the living room, Elliot sat by himself in the kitchen, while Grace and Mia was on the couch. Carrick joined them there, and I joined Elliot in the kitchen. We sit there just looking out the window, neither one of saying a peep. I can hear the conversation in the living room, but I don't pay any attention to it.

''I'm sorry for all the marriage drama, it was inconsiderate of us to do that here and now,'' Elliot says after a while. ''I know that neither one of you like her, but I love her and I'm sure she loves me back.'' I don't doubt a second Elliot's love for Kate, Kate can be very lovable, if she tries to get you to love her. But Kate has never been in love, and I don't believe she's in love now.

''It's okay. I love Kate, I really do and a part of me always will I think.'' He looks at me confused, and to be honest I'm a bit confused as well. ''We have some good memories together, me and her, and a few with Teddy. But not all of them are good… I don't hate her, but I don't like the way she has treated me sometimes, it's hurtful and I won't let her continue doing that to me.'' He nods, I was sure he was going to defend her, but he isn't.

''I know what you talk about, she doesn't use her filter all the time, but she has this affect on me… I literally am addicted to her, somehow. In the beginning we had great sex, but then I became clingy, I hate clingy people but I got that way myself.'' I know what he means; Kate can make you feel special, and worth something. But she can also take that away in seconds, and I can't let her in anymore.

''Now I'm afraid I've made a mistake. Is she really worth losing my family over?''

''You won't lose your family.'' I say, Grace would never do that to her son, and neither would Carrick and Mia. If Christian is alive he might have a problem with it, but he would get over it.

''I know,'' he says ''but I could never bring Kate over, and it would always feel weird. I love her, I'm not sure I love her enough.'' I look at him with a sympatric smile. ''Anyway, how are you doing?'' He asks.

''Oh, you know… I've been better. It helps talking about other things.'' I say, and he nods.

''Okay, other things.'' He says ''we could talk about the weather'' I frown at me, ''not?'' I shake my head, ''you're right it's too dark out. Eh… I heard you're pregnant.'' He says and my eyes widen.

''Who told you that?'' I ask.

''I got a text from Kate while I was in Teddy's room 'teach your brother how to use a condom' so I assumed you're pregnant?'' I blink away my tears that threaten to come, and bite my lip to keep it from quivering.

''Eh… No… I had a miscarriage,'' this time his eyes get wide.

''Shit Ana, I'm sorry. Jesus I didn't know.''

''No, it's okay. Christian and I got through it together, everything is fine now'' I reassure him, even though it still hurts thinking about it. Thinking about the child we might've had.

''You really love him huh?'' Elliot asks, as he sees that I'm looking at my screen picture on my phone. It's a picture of the Teddy, Christian and I. At the picture I blush, because while Christian held the phone in one hand, his other hand was resting on my ass, while I held Teddy.

''I really do, with all my heart. Forever,'' I say and walk over to the other Grey's.

It's starting to head towards morning, its 3am and Mia and Grace are sleeping on the couch. Carrick has had a few phone calls; they have found the helicopter, but not Christian and Ros. I don't know if that's a good thing, but it narrows the searching party down to around that area. When I walked back into the office with Carrick, he had gotten pictures of the helicopter, which is crushed. Carrick said to me that looking at the pictures and the fact that they weren't in there, it might suggest that they got thrown out or jumped out of the helicopter before it went down.

He also said that, it's a slight chance that something happened to the helicopter while they were flying, like the motor exploding or something like that, but they could've land it safely. If that was the case, then they probably started walking in one direction, so now they have no idea where to look for them, but they're looking.

''Where did they find the helicopter?'' I ask, as Carrick scrolls through the pictures, stopping a few times and zooming in before changing to another picture.

''Mt. Saint Helens. But they obviously didn't crash in the mountain wall, but I have no idea what happened. See this?'' He shows me the first map again, ''remember this is where the red dot disappeared right?'' I nod and he continues. ''Here,'' he says while pointing to a place that's not showing anything, ''that's where they found the helicopter. So see, if the motor exploded how they get so far?''

''Is it possible that the tracker fell off.'' I ask, and he shifts between nodding and shaking his head.

''Yes that is possible, I believe. But then the dot that indicated the tracker would still show, but if the tracker got ruined then the dot would disappear. But the tracker was too close to the motor that the tracker could've gotten ruined and not the motor.''

After looking through a few more pictures, showing me where the tracker had been, and showing what's left of the motor, I start to lose my hope more and more. Then his phone ring again. An hour ago, I would be jumping up and down with excitement for the phone to ring, but now they've called every other minute telling us that they haven't found anything.

''Hello?'' Carrick answers and he listens for a while. Not showing any emotion on his face, not happiness or concern or worried or devastated. ''Okay, I'll tell them. Thank you.'' He hangs up, and then sighs. ''They're bringing him home now.''