A/N: Heeeeere's the big one... Enjoy!

He woke to Emily shaking his shoulder lightly. He realized that at some point Jude had moved so her head was in his lap, her hand on his knee, his on her shoulder. He smiled in spite of himself and stroked the side of her sleeping face with the back of his fingers.

Emily was looking down at them with her mouth pressed into a tight line. She handed him a Styrofoam container of food.

"Tom" she whispered. "What are you doing? She's engaged. You can't... do this." She looked pointedly at his hand on Jude's hair, and he pulled it back.

He glared at her. "You don't think I know that? You think I want to be hurting myself like this?" he snapped, much too loudly. Jude woke up with a start and looked around, disoriented. She didn't seem to notice her sleeping position, just sat up and rubbed her eyes. She looked at Tommy, then at Emily. "What's wrong?"

Emily smiled and lied smoothly. "Nothing's wrong. A bunch of us went out for sushi, and I brought you some back. Want it? How's your headache by the way? Better?" Jude looked confusedly between Tommy, who was still scowling, and Emily, whose smile was much too carefully controlled. She took the container from Emily's hand and said "Um... Sure. Thanks. And yeah, a lot better, actually. Are you okay, Tommy?"

He wouldn't look at her, glaring at his hands. "I'm fine."

Jude frowned and turned his face toward her with her right hand, stroking his cheek with her thumb and saying softly "Come on. What's wrong?"

Emily threw up her hands and sighed exasperatedly. "Jude! You're engaged, for God's sake." Jude snatched her hand back as if she'd been burned. She looked at Emily, her mouth forming an "o" of shock and shame. Emily wasn't glaring or anything, but rather had an expression mostly of pity, tinged with only mild frustration. Tommy shut his eyes. "You had Tom," Emily said "but you left him, and started dating my cousin. I realize it's none of my business, but..." Emily looked at Tommy who had opened his eyes to glare at her. Her expression was pained. She looked back at Jude, whose head was pounding, images of Tommy and Alex spinning in her mind. "Jude, you have to see what this is doing to Tommy."Pain in his expression as he hugs her. God, I hate this. "To Alex, too." He looks scared as he asks where she's been. Just don't forget you have a fiancé at home waiting for you. "You're killing them. It's not fair. We can all–"

"Emily!" Tommy shouted. "Enough!"

Emily turned to look at Tommy, "I'm just saying what you won't, Tom." She turned back to Jude. "Jude, you have a half hour to get ready to perform."

Jude's nose was stinging, tears threatening. "Em, I'm–"

Emily shook her head. "Not to me." She bent down to hug the other girl. "I know this is hard for you too." She whispered in Jude's ear. "But you have to be fair. You can't try to keep both this way, or you'll end up hurting both, too."

"Emily!" Tommy yelled again.

"I'm going, Tom!" She gave Jude one last pointed look, and slid with her ballerina's walk out of the room.

Jude was splintering, shattering, her head and heart pounding. Tommy was breathing heavily, his head turned away from her. After a silence that seemed to last forever, she said his name. It came out as squeak, so she cleared her throat and said it again. "Tommy, I messed everything up. I– I never stopped loving you." She stammered. "And th-that's not fair to anyone."

"If you loved me" Tommy said, his voice ragged, his face still turned away "why did you leave?"

"I guess I thought... you were keeping me from spreading my wings. I– I saw you as a crutch. I thought I needed to get away from you if I was really going to... going to grow. Or something."

Tommy took a breath and held it for a second, letting it out in a whoosh of air. He turned to look at Jude. "Girl, the last thing I ever wanted was to hold you back." His voice was cracked and raw. "I loved you, Jude. More than I've ever... I always have. I would've been willing to..." He shook his head. "I'd have done anything."

Jude tasted blood in her mouth suddenly, and realized she'd bitten through her lip. "I don't regret leaving, you know." She saw his face contort with pain and hastened to clarify. "No, look. I don't regret leaving, because some part of me really did need to be on my own. Needed to leave you, just to prove to myself I could do it, if I wanted to. You've left me so many times. And every time, it practically killed me. After New Brunswick..."

Tommy winced. "I'm so sor–"

She shook her head and interrupted "I always forgave you as soon as you came back. You always made it okay again. But it scared me how dependent I was on you. I was barely nineteen. I couldn't make that kind of a commitment. I needed to find out who I was without you, what I really wanted." Tommy turned away again, looking up at the ceiling. She continued softly "But that turned out to be you. What I regret is not begging for you back." to Jude's surprise, a tear dripped from Tommy's cheek and onto his shirt. In the six years (was it really only six?) she'd known him, she'd almost never seen him cry. She felt tears rushing into her own eyes, and fought down a lump that had formed in her throat. "About a week after I got to London I realised what a huge mistake I made, leaving you behind. I–" she broke off with a little sob, tears stinging her bleeding lip. She wiped them away with the back of her hand. "I may not have needed you to survive, but you were almost all I could think about."

"Then why Alexander?" Tommy asked more loudly than he'd meant to. He turned to her. "Why would you do that to him?"

Jude laughed mirthlessly. "Because I'm a horrible person."

Tommy gave her a look, and opened his mouth to correct her, but she interrupted him. "Save it. We both know it's the truth." Tommy shook his head, but shut his mouth. Jude stood up, pacing. "When I first got here, I missed you so much. You don't know how many times I dialed your number and then stopped myself from making the call at the last minute. I guess I'm just too stubborn. It felt like... I'd made this decision, and I couldn't bring myself to admit I was wrong, or something. I figured you wouldn't want to hear from me anyway." The total, sick incorrectness of that statement actually made Tommy laugh out loud.

Jude winced "Do you remember when we talked? When I called you?"

"How could I forget?"

"That was my album release. I'd left my own party. I was crying. Alex came looking for me. He was so... so... adorable. He looked at me like I was, I don't know. A goddess or something. I'd been pretending not to notice his crush, but it was sort of nice. To have someone who thought I hung the moon." Her voice grew quieter, and Tommy had to strain to hear. "He kissed me, and it was so easy. Easier than missing you. Just let him love me. And I do care about him. I do, it's just..." she paused, gathering her courage. She stopped pacing and looked at Tommy. When she spoke again, it was firmly, with conviction. "I love you more." It was the thought she'd been fighting to deny since he'd arrived in London. Tommy drew a sharp breath, raised his eyebrows. Everything held there, frozen, her words hanging in the air for a minute before Tommy stood up and closed the distance between them in two strides. His expression was fierce. For one wild second as he pulled her to him, Jude was reminded of her sixteenth birthday before their lips met and all logical thought was wiped from her mind.

Her lips parted under his, her breath filling his mouth. She tasted like coffee, like blood from her bitten lip, and just... Jude. Like everything he could ever remember wanting. Her hands tangled in his hair and he pushed her against the wall of the green room. She was acutely aware of every inch of his body against hers. His hands slipped under her shirt. She gasped for breath as her fingers fumbled with the tiny buttons on the front of his. Tommy removed his lips from hers to kiss her neck, the smooth skin of her collarbone. She was on fire. She moaned.

"Jude!" came a call from the hallway. Emily. Tommy and Jude sprung apart, both hissing curses. Tommy hastily tried to wipe lipstick from his face, re-buttoning his shirt; Jude desperately straightened her clothes, combing her fingers through the hair Tommy's hands had made wild, wiping the drying tears from her face. Emily appeared in the doorway a second later. She was carrying a clipboard and wearing a headset. She gasped at the sight of the two of them, with their lips swollen, breathing heavily. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, shock written all over her face. Jude was frozen with shame and dread, her heart pounding and her head still spinning. Finally, the shock on Emily's face turned to fierce anger. She just shook her head. "Jude. You only have fifteen minutes left to get ready. I'll do your makeup myself. Tommy, Mum needs you for something. She's on stage left. You two are so damn lucky it was just me who walked in here." She looked at Tommy and pursed her lips. "You have lipstick right here." she said, indicating a spot next to her mouth. "I'd suggest getting it off before you talk to mum. You may want to fix your shirt, too."

Tommy jerked his hand up to his face, rubbing off the spot of red and fixing the buttons on his shirt, some of which he'd buttoned into the wrong holes. "Better." Emily said. She pulled the mic on her headset down to her mouth and pressed a button on the pack on her hip. "Nicky, I'm sending Tom over now. I have to finish getting Jude into makeup and wardrobe myself." She grabbed Jude's hand and pulled her towards the door that led to her dressing room. Jude resisted, looking at Tommy frantically. "Tommy, I–"

"We'll talk about it after the concert."

She grabbed his hand. "But–"

"Jude." Tommy said firmly. "We'll talk after. Go." When she just kept staring at him he said. "Jude, come on! You have to perform! Go! I promise we'll talk later." His look was pleading. Jude nodded and snapped to her senses, her carefully cultivated professionalism kicking in, admittedly a little late. She dropped his hand, turned, and followed Emily, letting the older girl push her down into a chair and start ripping through her tangled hair with a hairbrush. Emily stuffed Jude into an outfit she'd picked out earlier and applied her makeup with practiced speed. Neither spoke, save one quietly exasperated, "Really?" from Emily when she noticed the split in Jude's lip.

"Miss Harrison" a man came in right as Emily sprayed the last of Jude's hair into place. "we're ready for you." Jude nodded. She could hear fans chanting "Jude! Jude! Jude!" from the stage door. She stood up and grabbed her guitar, opened the stage door and walked into the little curtained backstage area.

"They're a great crowd" the stage manager, Brad, said to her when she came through the door. "Really high energy. Watch your tempo. You'll be brilliant."

Jude nodded and took a few deep breaths, getting herself into performance mode, letting the energy of the crowd seep into her and wash out all the craziness with Tommy. She looked at Brad, who held up one finger, signaling "wait", and said something into his headset. The band started to play, and he nodded and pointed, cueing her. She took one more deep breath, smiled widely and bounded onto the stage, waving at the audience, who went wild. Feeding off their energy, Jude let the music take her.