Claire: Thirteen
"Hey Lightning, why do you always wear your track gear? There's no rule against changing," a girl asked as she walked out of the locker-room.
A teenage Claire was casually leaning against the wall just outside the door, her hands tucked into the pockets of the loose track jacket she wore over her running clothes. There was no uniform at her school, so she left them on all day.
She smiled and shrugged at her teammate. "I just like to be comfortable," she lied.
"Well, I guess dressing stylishly wouldn't fit your image," the girl commented with a chuckle, walking away.
Soon, a pretty young girl with her blonde hair cut into a bob stepped out. Her warm brown eyes found Lightning's and she smiled and nodded.
"You okay?" she asked with a gentle voice.
"Actually Nell, can you help me out a little?" the pink-haired girl asked, coyly shrugging her shoulders.
As concern washed over her face, Nell nodded. "The locker-room is clear. Let's go," she responded, turning and heading back in.
Claire gingerly followed the other girl to a secluded corner where there weren't any windows. She watched as Nell pulled a little box out from her locker. When Nell made a slight gesture, she removed her jacket and tank-top.
She had to peel off the tight, long-sleeved compression shirt that she always wore beneath her other clothes. After a few seconds of fruitless effort to raise it, her friend stepped over; the blonde blushed as she pulled the garment off.
"How do they look?" Claire questioned as she sat down onto a bench, her expression betraying her pain.
Nell examined her closely. "Worse than usual," the blonde responded, shaking her head. "I don't even want to know how bad it would be if you weren't always wearing the compression shirt," she added, pulling out and breaking a little instant ice pack.
Claire winced as Nell pressed it against a large, dark bruise on her stomach. She looked into the mirror that was beside them; her torso and the sides of her arms were coated with mottled splotches of both fresh and old bruises.
"So, you just like to be comfortable?" the blonde questioned, drawing Claire's gaze.
She gave a painful shrug. "What am I supposed to say– I can't change because they'll find out that I get the crap beaten out of me every night?"
Nell stayed quiet for a few moments. "He's been getting worse, hasn't he?"
Claire nodded slightly. "Maybe," she responded, staring at the floor, "I'm used to it, though."
"You know that isn't true. I know you're scared they'll separate you guys, but I think we should tell someone–,"
"No, I have to do this– for Serah," Claire interrupted.
"But if she knew, she would never let you stay."
"That's why she can never know. Come on, I'm feeling better," she responded, attempting to rise.
Nell pressed Claire back down on to the bench. One hand held her shoulder down firmly, the other rose to sweep gently through her pink hair. "You're so strong. There aren't a lot of people who could do this."
"I know," Claire responded quietly, staring into the caring brown eyes.
"How do you always act so cheerful at school? If I were you–,"
"Act? It's not an act. I have to be like that; if I really sank all the way down, I don't know if I could ever pull myself up."
"Well if you ever do, I'll be there to help you out," Nell responded with a gentle smile, tilting her head.
"Thanks," Claire started, her eyes misting and her shoulders sagging. "I don't think I could have lasted all this time without you."
As tears began to fall from Claire's eyes, Nell pulled the weeping girl into her chest. "There, there. Just a little longer, right?"
"Right. We'll get into that boarding school. Serah can stay with them, and I can–," Claire started, calming down.
"Finally be safe," Nell finished. "Let's go."
After Claire put her clothes back on, the two stood and moved to leave the locker-room. As they passed by the orange glow flittering in through a window, Claire reached a hand out and ran it through the nearby blonde hair.
"You know, your hair looks really pretty at sunset."
"Thanks," Nell choked out, blushing and staring at the ground.
After some awkward silence, the two started to walk back to Cross Tower. They weaved through the crowded streets of Eden, tired from track practice. As they entered a clearer street, lit only by sparse streetlamps, Nell began to speak again.
"Weren't you suppose to do something with Serah today?"
"She wanted me to go and meet her friends at the pool. She didn't give me a chance to make an excuse either."
Nell raised an eyebrow. "Is it okay to just stand her up like that?"
"It's not like I can show up in a wetsuit."
The blonde stayed silent as they continued to walk. Eventually they reached the base of the skyscraper. It rose thin and evenly up to its place in the Eden skyline. Staring up, she could see the countless statues of Lindzei that decorated the rising tower.
"Are you ready?" Nell questioned, her expression serious– asking was part of their daily routine.
Lightning gave a subtle nod in response before they entered the building to take the long elevator ride up to the nest of vipers that resided at the top.
The elevator was old and stuffy; it had thick, wooden walls with intricate and delicate designs carved in. The doors closed, bringing together two halves of a mural of Lindzei.
Claire always winced when she heard the soft ding that signaled they had reached their floor. The penthouse had two separate floors. The first floor held the quarters for all the servants, along with Claire's room. The second floor was where Serah, Robert, and Helena's massive rooms were.
They stepped out onto the first floor. Despite only the servants and her living there, the hallways were still spacious and open. All rooms in the Cross penthouse were large; Claire missed her small and cozy childhood home. When she turned eighteen she would officially inherit it, and she definitely planned to move back in.
The two immediately headed for Claire's room. Once inside, they began to quietly start working on homework for the next day– they knew that they had a narrow window to get it done peacefully.
After about an hour, the door flew open and Serah stepped inside, wearing a yellow sundress and an angry expression. "Claire, you were suppose to come to the pool!"
The elder Farron stood up and rubbed the back of her head. "Sorry, Serah. They assigned us a lot of homework at school; I'll try to come next time."
"Cut it out! I know your just avoiding me!" Serah shouted, stomping a foot on the ground. "You promised you'd always be there!"
"Listen, Serah, I know–,"
"You'd just rather spend time with Nell! I hate you!" Serah interrupted, continuing her tantrum. She immediately stormed out of the room.
Claire didn't follow her– she couldn't. She let out a heavy breath and took a few steps to sit on the edge of her bed. Resting her head in her hands, she began to cry.
Nell bolted over and began to rub her back. "Claire, she didn't mean that!" she quickly reassured.
"I know– it's my fault anyway," Claire responded, calming down. She shut her eyes tight and forced her expression to be serious and resolute. "It doesn't matter if she hates me. I have to do this for her."
"I mean it. She's just a kid throwing a tantrum. Your sister loves you."
Claire nodded and relaxed. "I know."
A little chirp drew Nell's attention away. She looked down at the little beeper she carried. "Sorry, I have to go. Just– try to lay low."
Nell left for her duty; she was training to be a maid in the penthouse. Her father was the current butler. Claire knew it pained the girl– she had to serve Robert the alcohol that led to him beating her.
After an hour, Claire rose and left the room as hunger began to overtake her fear. She cautiously walked through the halls, attempting to make it to the kitchen. But before she got there, she heard a crash come from one of the studies.
"Girl, what did you just do!" she heard through the door. Claire couldn't help but crack it open; the scent of alcohol drifted through the little gap.
On the other side, she could see a shattered bottle on the floor. "Sorry, sir! I tripped! I'll clean it up right away!" Nell nervously spurted out, bowing.
She saw Robert rise unevenly out of his chair. He was a gruff-looking young man, with dark, dirty looking blonde hair with a red tint. He wasn't particularly large, but enough to overpower a young teenaged girl. Claire spotted the usual wooden cane gripped in his left hand.
As he brought it down, she jumped in– the blow struck hard against the center of her back.
"Claire!?" Nell shouted as she fell to the ground, tackled by the pink-haired girl.
Claire rose off of the ground tenderly and weakly, but turned and stood resolute despite the shooting pain. "Punish me instead," she commanded, staring into his dazed, drunken eyes.
"How impudent of you," he slurred out before cracking the cane against the side of her arm, causing Claire to collapse onto the ground. "You're just like your father," he added, bringing it down again. "I'll punish you instead. But you get twice as much."
Her vision flashed white as the cane repeatedly struck her side. Each hit forced her to wince, her breath became more ragged but her eyes stayed clenched tight in resolution. After finishing the savage lashings, the drunken man stumbled out of the room mumbling under his breath.
Nell sat by the injured girl's side, "Why–,"
"Because I can handle it," she interrupted, slowly pushing herself off of the ground.
"Are you okay?"
Claire lifted a hand off the ground and gave a thumbs-up. "Of course. I feel great."
Nell chuckled weakly. "You haven't changed."
"My mom told me not to. Can you help me back to my room?"
The blonde slung Claire's arm over her shoulder and helped her stand off of the ground. The two slowly made their way back to her room, Nell struggling to keep her friend from falling to the ground. When they finally reached their place of sanctuary, she shut the door and laid Claire gently onto the bed.
The tank-top and compression shirt were quickly peeled away again and the small first-aid kit that Nell stored beneath Lightning's bed was dragged out and opened. The blonde once again pressed a cold pack onto the freshly forming bruises.
"You shouldn't have done that. I would have been fine," Nell started to say with tears beginning to drop from her eyes. "It shouldn't always be you–,"
"I couldn't let him hurt you," she quickly interrupted, reaching a hand out to once again run through Nell's hair. "Knights are supposed to protect princesses, right?"
"Claire– I," Nell started, before taking a long pause. The blonde girl suddenly darted forward, pressing her lips gently onto her friend's.
Claire felt like all the air was suddenly taken from her lungs. Gentle warmth spread throughout her body and soothed the aches and pains of her muscles. Her lips tingled as the other girl slowly pulled away.
"I love you," Nell whispered, inches from her face. "I– I'll help you feel better."
A slight nod was the only response.
The blonde crawled onto the bed and gently straddled Claire. She dropped down and brought their lips together once again. This time, Claire pushed up to deepen this kiss, relishing in the warmth and comfort of the other girl.
Gasping for breath, Nell sat up and pulled her shirt off. Claire quietly smiled up at her, before rising up from the bed to kiss her again.
Claire didn't remember everything about her first time; the memories of what happened afterwards had rendered it a foggy haze. She knew that it was slightly awkward– both her and Nell were very young and very inexperienced.
But she also remembered that it had felt good. Nell had been gentle and caring and Claire had been wanting for affection and intimacy. She knew that the other girl had been honest; Nell did love her. That night, she was able to let herself go, relaxing into the gentle caress of a lover and feeling alive for the first time in years– a sad sentiment for a person so young.
It was enough; her body and soul had been comforted. It was also the reason why she was so self-assured of her own preferences. Though the thought hadn't crossed her mind prior, she immediately realized that kissing and laying with another girl had felt right for her.
But the world was cruel. Exhausted, the two fell asleep in each other's arms.
Claire was still half-asleep as she felt the rough tugging on her arm. As she sputtered into awareness, she shrieked because she was being dragged through the hall, still naked. Claire flailed wildly, glancing around. She soon realized that it was Robert who was dragging her– but he wasn't drunk. His expression was neutral and he was staring straight ahead.
She stabilized herself and got onto her own to feet, but was still unable to resist his strong pull. He didn't speak a word, continuing to roughly tug her to the room at the end of the hall.
The door was kicked open, sending the noise of the hearty slam. Robert threw her against a small wooden chair. He quickly drew a rope out of the drawer.
Claire tried to stand, but he grabbed her wrist and swiftly tied the rope around it while she struggled.
"What are you doing!"
The man responded by roughly shoving her back down into the chair and then tied up her other wrist. Thrashing with all her might, Claire was unable to get her wrists free or get out of the chair. When she glanced at Robert, she saw his expression had become downcast.
"Sorry," he finally said quietly, leaving the room.
She settled down as Robert slammed the door shut behind him. Claire finally calmed down and tried to figure out her current situation. It became obvious; they had realized what had happened.
Her stomach began to twist with worry. The pink-haired girl had no idea what was going to happen– how they would react to her sleeping with another girl. All she could do was hope that Nell was okay.
Her whole body tensed with shock when the door opened; an older woman stepped into the room. As always, she kept her back and neck perfectly straight as she moved. Helena Cross was the perfect image of a pure-blooded, high class noble.
"Helena?"
The woman didn't speak as she crossed the room. Helena stood still, gazing into the fireplace. Claire stared wide-eyed at the roaring fire. It was the end of spring– there was no reason for it to be lit.
"This is bad, Claire." The old woman turned to face her. "This is very bad. We can't have something like this."
"I–,"
There was a loud burst of sound as the old woman interrupted her with a slap. "There will be no excuses."
Claire felt her stomach twist; her skin grew clammy and her heart-rate shot through the roof as the old woman lifted the stoker and began to examine it.
"Helena, I–,"
"There is nothing for you to explain. It's simple. You've done something wrong, and you will be punished."
Claire closed her eyes. "What about Nell?" she asked quietly.
"Her father has been dismissed. Unlike you, she is not within my jurisdiction to deal with– despite the fact that she doesn't deserve to exist," Helena responded, placing the stoker into the fire.
"Okay," Claire responded. She was at least relieved that her friend would be fine.
"Lindzei is the goddess of judgement and order. She most certainly does not smile down upon the disgusting homosexuals. It is an impurity of the soul."
The pink-haired girl shook her head as the older woman continued to circle her.
"You will not do this again. Let's be honest– every single minute of your life is already a disgrace. Your mother Evelyn had such a promising future. She could have married into any number of upper-class families, but she got knocked up with you and ran away with that– bum."
Claire's death glare showed for the first time in her life; Helena glared back.
"Be defiant. But you know, we're right beneath Serah's room. If you make any noise, she will wake up. You'll be separated from her, forever. Are you ready for your punishment?"
Without glancing away, Claire nodded.
"Good. We are going to burn away the impurity from your body. One mark for every year of your flawed existence."
Without pause, Helena removed the red-hot stoker from the fire and pressed it onto Claire's back.
Claire had already spent years taking painful abuse, but had never felt anything like this. The pain shot through her whole body, forcing all of her muscles to uncontrollably tense as she tried to escape.
When the burning iron was finally removed from her flesh, she slumped down in the chair. Her breaths ragged and weak, she flicked the hair from her eyes. Despite the tears that were flowing unrestrained down her cheeks, she glared at her grandmother once again. Helena stared right back.
"One. That defiant glare disgusts me," she spat. Helena left the room, but after a few minutes returned with a piece of black fabric that she quickly tied around the girl's eyes.
"Better. You're a disgrace."
Lightning could no longer see, but once again felt the iron pressed into her back. It took every ounce of her will not to release a bloodcurdling scream from the pain. Every nerve in her body was raw and weak when it was finally removed.
"Two. Congratulations on managing to stay quiet. I suppose that your kind are tougher than normal girls, huh? Abomination."
She would bear it; she knew she had to. This woman may be crazy, but Serah was happy. They had money and they treated her sister well.
Claire grit her teeth as the stoker drove into her back again and again. The foul smell of burning skin began to assault her nostrils; pain continued to erupt through her entire body, ripping at her soul. She wouldn't let herself cave here. Claire promised Serah they would always be together– failure was not an option.
Bear the Pain. She wouldn't scream. She couldn't scream.
Claire had been hanging over a pit of despair– now she had been cast down, falling and falling deeper into the void. Her father was gone. Her mother was gone. Nell was gone. Her sister hated her. She had no more support; alone and hurting, she knew there would be no escape– no pulling herself back up.
Never let this cruel world get to you.
She just barely heard the old women whisper "thirteen," before she finally blacked out from the pain.
Lightning quietly groaned as she returned to existence, her back sore and tender. Pale blue eyes blinked a few times, noticing that it was night. Her first attempt to push herself off the ground was met with only horrifying agony. Collapsing onto her back was a mistake– Lightning violently thrashed until she rolled over, laying with her face on the cold hardwood. She had become tangled; she realized someone had covered her with a sheet while she was unconscious.
After what felt like an eternity lying on the floor of that den, she mustered all of her will and pushed herself off of the ground. Though pained, once she managed to get onto her feet she was able to stumble into the hall, still wrapped in the sheet.
She shambled into her room, collapsing onto her knees beside her bed. Tears began to flow from her eyes as she pulled the small first aid kit from beneath her bed. She quickly realized that with the burns, she couldn't do anything by herself. She missed her only friend.
Lightning tenderly slid into her bed, careful to stay on her side. She pulled a sheet over her bare body, staring coldly at the wall and beginning to relax. She could feel all her pain, physical and emotional, slowly drain away into a void of nothingness.
Eventually, there was a light knock on the door. "Come in," Lightning called out.
"Claire?" Serah asked quietly as she stepped into the room. "I haven't seen you all day."
Lightning continued to silently lay still, choosing not to respond.
"Um. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said," Serah said quietly. "I don't hate you."
"Right."
"Uh– are you okay?"
"Just leave me alone," Lightning responded through gritted teeth. She could hear her sister leaving the room. As the door creaked, Lightning called out again. "You don't have to worry about Nell anymore."
The door closed.
"Can I speak now?" Fang asked quietly, with Claire still resting her head gently on her lap and staring up at her.
The pink-haired girls expression was neutral, despite the tears pooling in her eyes. "Yeah," Claire responded.
"You're an incredibly strong girl," Fang started, looking down and letting their eyes meet. "I'm so amazed at how much you've made it through."
"I've taken care of Serah, right?" Claire asked, the tears starting to flow from her eyes.
"Oh, Light," Fang said with a wince, her eyes beginning to mist. "You've given all that you could, and trust me, it was enough."
Claire took a deep breath and nodded. "A few months later, Serah ran into Nell– and she told her everything that she knew. That was when Serah insisted we cut ties with them," Claire started say, slowly. "That's why she hates me now: because I hid the abuse from her– and she still doesn't even know about the scars. Before you and Vanille showed up, she was barely speaking to me."
"I'm sure that she doesn't hate you."
"Thank you," Claire said gratefully.
The huntress nodded. "So, Nell was your first love?"
"No, my first love is–," Claire stopped speaking. She hadn't thought about it; in the years since, she kept herself from remembering those times. Nell was so caring and was always there for her. The feeling– it was the same. Tears began to flow from her eyes again. "She– she was," she finally responded, her mind reaching a chilling clarity.
It was a painful inevitability: everything she loved would always be ripped from her life. Her father, her mother, her sister, her first love– and in a few months, her second.
There was a long silence before Fang looked down at her. "How long would it take me to get to Cross Tower from here?"
Claire actually chuckled lightly, sitting up off of the huntress's lap. "There's no need. She had a massive heart attack three months later."
"That's– good."
"It should have felt good, but I don't really remember feeling– anything."
Claire was being honest. At the funeral, she just sat quietly; Lightning wasn't relieved, she wasn't happy, and she certainly wasn't sad. She couldn't remember feeling anything at the time.
"What about your uncle?"
"He stopped," she answered with a shrug. "I found out why a few days later– it happened to him too. I even saw the scars. My mother was the person who took care of him; that was why he hated my dad. I couldn't still be angry with him; we just ignored each other after that."
"Eh. So– it runs in your family?"
Claire delivered a solid punch into Fang's arm. "Not the time for jokes," she hissed through gritted teeth.
"Sorry, Light," Fang answered. She let there be a long silence. "Are you okay?"
"I will be," Claire responded gently, "I think I need to lay down." The huntress stood to walk away, but a hand quickly shot out and grabbed her arm. "Can I–,"
"It's fine," Fang interrupted with a nod.
Claire fell asleep in Fang's arms again that night.
Author's Note: Well, here we finally are. I hope it wasn't too dark, it was actually pretty hard for me to write.
I also wanted to say thanks to Al-liv over at deviantart for the excellent drawing. Definitely check out his stuff, there's a link in the reviews.