For you, Friend

It was hard to remember anything outside of Brittany and I—all the craziness of the summer—existed.

But summer vacation ended, like it always did.

I hadn't spent much time back at the house. Antonio made sure to see me as little as he could, which wasn't hard with his work schedule. I'd only spoken to him twice since the night I'd come out. It was better with my mom. We were talking, she'd said I still love you.

Brittany's parents said they'd be glad to let me stay with them, but I thought it'd be better if I just stayed with my dad. I was glad they'd offered, anyway.

My dad was excited to have me staying with him. I was almost scared he'd be less excited once I told him, but I knew he—and Eva—deserved an explanation. I told Mikey this time, and he joined us for dinner.

I said I'm gay at dinner to my parents for the second time, and, again, I was met with silence.

I looked at Mikey, on the brink of panicking, but then Eva spoke, supporting as always, and asked about Brittany. My dad was a little awkward about it at first, but he got over it quickly.

They told me to have her over for dinner soon.

And school started, like it always did.

It was my senior year, and I hadn't even thought about it until it was there and I was freaking out. I was back in Lima like I'd always wanted to be—It wasn't exactly like I thought it'd be, but luckily, I had Brittany and Puck. I hadn't completely lost my other friends, either. We had a large lunch group.

Things had just changed.

I asked my mom to go shopping with Brittany and I after the first day. Brittany's mom offered to go, too, since both her and her sister needed supplies. It was a little awkward at first, but our moms were talking like friends by the time we walked out of the store. My mom couldn't get over how much alike the three of them looked.

Therapy started, too, which was different. I'd mostly talked about it with Brittany, a little with my dad, Eva, Mikey, and even Puck. I mentioned it to my mom.

Brittany gave me a ride to my first appointment. It was a mixture of her wanting to be there for me and me being nervous as ever.

In true Brittany fashion, she made everything a lot easier.

We'd parked, I'd just about strangled her hand on the walk to the building, and we stood out front. She took my other hand, made me face her, and looked right in my eyes.

"You can't feel bad now, Santana Marie," she'd said, "it's not February."

I stayed quiet, because I didn't want to ask. It didn't make sense, and I tried to figure it out, but I couldn't.

I caved, and I asked, "What?"

She grinned. "'February is the shortest month of the year, so if you are having a miserable month, try to schedule it for February,'" she said. "Lemony Snicket."

I laughed a little and shook my head. She pulled me forward and gave me a quick kiss.

The ride sort of became a routine after that.

I hadn't said much during my first appointment, just a little at the end about Brittany.

At the end of my third appointment, I'd said, "My girlfriend is picking me up." I smiled the whole way out to Brittany, and then all the way to Alex's house. We were babysitting him that night. He kept asking why I was so happy.

I told him Brittany was my girlfriend, and I was getting over my fear of monsters.

Brittany ended up being a #1 topic with Yvette, my therapist. I guess it didn't help that I liked talking about her more than I think I'd ever like talking about myself. But sometimes talking about Brittany would make me talk about myself. Sometimes I couldn't really tell if I was talking about me or her.

"I wasn't alone," I'd said. "I don't think I ever really was, I have people around me all the time. But I was lonely. And for the first time in a long time, when I was with her, I didn't feel that way. I love it, the way she makes me feel. And I just kept getting to know her and I... I just loved her."

Yvette said it was okay, though. "She matters to you."

As I sat across from Yvette now, the session coming to an end, I bit my lip.

It felt weird to speak quotes. It was Brittany's thing. I didn't want to admit that I sat and looked them up, that I thought about saying them to Brittany but never actually did it. But I'd had it stuck in my head since the night before, repeating it, repeating it, feeling the perfectness of each word.

In that moment, I couldn't hold it in. I wondered if that's how Brittany felt. I wondered if she thought them out, or if she stored them and they surfaced at the perfect moment.

"'I will no longer mutilate and destroy myself in order to find a secret behind the ruins,'" I said. It made my heart beat so fast, for some reason. I almost couldn't hear the words as I recited them.

Yvette smiled.

"The fact that someone else loves you doesn't rescue you from the project of loving yourself."

— Sahaj Kohli

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who has spent any of their time on this fic. Thank you for reading, for reviewing, for everything.

To anyone who reads The End That is the Beginning, I will be trying to start that up again.

I am also working on a new fic, so if anyone is interested in being a beta, you should message me—either pm on here, or ask on tumblr.

I hope you guys enjoyed it, at least a little bit.