A/n: Hey guys, another chapter. This one is mostly filler, but there's a couple important parts here and there. The next chapter will be much, much more exciting, just bear with me. Anyways, thanks for reading and don't be afraid to leave me love notes in the review section~
"Sarah, honey," Carlos says, "What's the matter?"
Sarah is sitting next to her father, her body doubled over in pain. Her wrists, like everyone else's, are tied together, but she still is managing to press her arms against her stomach. She's moaning and groaning, not able to answer.
"Is she sick?" Kenny asks, scrutinizing the teenage girl.
"Carlos lifts his arms awkwardly and presses his hand against her forehead, "She's not feverish."
Kenny looks over at me, expectantly. I sigh, and push myself up, wobbling over to where Sarah is laying. It was hard to walk in the trailer of a moving truck. I crouch down and touch Sarah's head with my hands. I shake my head at Kenny, "No fever."
Carlos glares at Kenny, unhappy that he didn't believe him.
"Sarah," I whisper, "Are you okay?"
"No..." She groans.
"What's the matter?" I ask.
"My stomach, Clem," She whimpers, "It hurts so bad. It feels like I'm being punched right here..." She points to her lower abdomen and I immediately know what's going on.
"Carlos," I whisper, "How old is Sarah?"
"Fifteen," He answers, "Why?"
I look down at Sarah and couldn't even imagine how she'd react if I told everyone what was going on. Instead, I get up and walk to the end of the moving truck. I hit the back of the truck as hard as I can, over and over, much to the annoyance of my fellow passengers.
The truck stops suddenly and I'm knocked over by the inertia. The truck opens loudly, with a metallic wobbling sound, and on the other side are a very, very irate Carver, Troy, and Bonnie.
"The fuck is goin' on back here?" Troy spits.
All eyes are on me, the maker of the ruckus. I push myself off the floor and stand up, crossing my legs, awkwardly.
"I just have to pee," I say, whining, "Like really bad."
"Just go in the bucket we gave ya." Troy grumbles.
"I…" I frown, "I'm a girl… You want me to just go pee in front of everyone?"
"Aw hell, Carver, can't we just let her out to pee? She can go on one of the trees." Bonnie says.
"Alright, fine. I can respect a young ladies' privacy." Carver concedes, "Why don't you take Rebecca and Sarah with you too?"
"I don't need to use the bathroom," Rebecca sneers, refusing to look at Carver.
I walk over to Sarah and tug on her arm, "Hey, Sarah, let's go pee in the woods."
Sarah lifts her head and looks at me, her cheeks flushed and her eyes puffy. "Oh… okay."
I help her stand up and walk over to the edge of the trailer. Carver and Troy then grab us by our hips and lower us to the ground. They untie our wrists, to make the trip a little easier.
"Don't try something funny, like tryin' to escape or nothin', ya hear?" Carver asks.
I roll my eyes, grabbing Sarah by her wrist. I pull her deep enough into the woods so they we couldn't be heard, but could still be seen.
"Do you wanna go first or should I-"
I interrupt Sarah immediately, "You started your period, didn't you?"
Sarah looks confused, and I realize something almost horrifying. "Sarah, do you know what your period is?" I ask.
"Yes!" She protests, "Of course I do! B-but that's not what it is! I just… My stomach started hurting really bad yesterday at the resort, and when I went pee, there's was… blood. What if I have what those monsters out there have? I'm so scared, Clem. Am I dying?"
I'm honestly trying so hard not to laugh, and I know my face is contorting weirdly in my efforts. "Sarah," I say, taking a deep, calming breath, "That's your period."
"N-no, it's no-"
"Yes, it is." I say, and I take a couple minutes to explain to her what her period was and what it meant, and blah, blah, blah.
I leave Sarah for a quick second to ask Bonnie for a spare rag, explaining the situation to her. She makes a disgusted face, like she had never had her period before in her life. She goes inside one of the trucks, and comes back out with a thick, ripped piece of cloth. I guess it'll do.
I walk back to Sarah and tell her to wrap it around her underwear. She frowns, not seeing the point, but does so.
"Thanks, Clem. For coming out with me, and telling me all this stuff," She says, shyly, when she's done.
"It's no problem," I smile, "Friends look out for each other."
"We are friends, aren't we?" She says, smiling sweetly, "If you need someone to look out while you pee, let me know."
"Uh, okay." I say, "I don't really need to though. Thanks."
We head back to the truck.
"Everything come out alright, girls?" Troy asks.
Sarah blushes and I cross my arms, glaring at him.
"Troy, get 'em tied up." Carver orders. He takes a few steps away and starts talking into his walkie-talkie.
Troy yanks Sarah forward, wrapping a rope around her wrists tightly. As I wait my turn, I find myself listening to Carver's conversation. He tells someone that we're thirty minutes away, and to be prepped. "Emotions are running high," he warns. Then he bitches at Troy, telling him he better not have wasted fuel by running the heater. Troy claims he didn't.
"It ain't polite to listen to other folks' conversations." Carver says, glaring at me, "Has anyone ever taught you that?"
"I know." I say, refusing to let Carver scare me.
He steps closer to me, before pulling his arm back, and smacking me across the face so hard, when I realize what happened, I'm on the ground. My head is reeling slightly and my face stings.
"You don't want to test me, young lady," Carver says in his low, gravelly voice, "I'll pass every time."
Sarah steps forward, "Leave her alone!" She says, in an unexpected act of bravery.
"Get them the fuck back in the truck." Carver snarls, walking away from the scene.
Troy obliges him, tying the rope around my wrists extra tight. He opens up the back of the moving truck, pulls out his small handgun and point it at us, ordering us to go in. Sarah and I go inside without a fight, Troy closing up the truck behind us. The truck shifts and begins moving. I fumble a little bit, trying to sit down beside Carlos, across from Kenny.
"What the hell did he do to you?" Kenny asks, undoubtedly noticing my swollen cheek, "Did he hurt you?"
"He slapped the shit out of me." I answer.
"That son of a bitch!" Kenny growls, "That's it! We gotta do something. Anyone got anything sharp? Anything? We gotta get these bindings off. Clem, help me find something to cut them."
"What good is that gonna do?" Rebecca asks, condescendingly.
"What the hell is wrong with you people? We gotta get outta here." Kenny says.
"Like what?" I ask.
"What do you mean, 'like what'?" Kenny says, irritated with me now, "Anything sharp that can cut these damn things off. We're in a fuckin' precarious situation here. We gotta do something about that!"
"Settle down, Kenny." Carlos says, weary, "They took everything. We have to keep a level head."
"He's right," Rebecca agrees, "You don't know Bill like we do."
"Bill?" Kenny asks, catching Rebecca's slip, "This whole time it's been Carver, Carver, Carver, and now it's fucking Bill?" Fuck, of course he doesn't know anything about their fucked up situation. "Oh, I see how it is. Y'all are just getting a ride home, aren't ya? That's what's goin' on, isn't it?"
"Say that again." Nick says, challenging.
"I'd stay out of this, boy." Kenny snarls.
"I ain't a boy, mister." Nick spits back.
"Oh, that's right. You're a man." Kenny almost laughs.
I shake my head. They were letting this situation get the worst of them. They're all at each others' throats.
"You don't understand," Rebecca says, "He's different. He's… worse."
"The fuck are you talkin' about?" Kenny asks.
"Yeah, what do you mean worse?" I chime in. Worse was not something I wanted to fucking deal with right now.
"He wants to punish us." Rebecca clarifies.
"He's a fucking psychopath." Kenny says.
"You have no idea what you're dealing with." Carlos says, beginning to succumb to anger as well.
"Oh, he gave me a pretty good goddamn idea back at the ski lodge." Kenny says, "And I don't intend to sit around and let that happen to the rest of us. I'm trying to help!"
"I'm sure Walter really appreciate your help!" Carlos says, sarcastically.
Kenny says nothing, looking away, obviously still upset over the loss of his friend.
"That's not fair," Sarita finally speaks, "You're blaming him for the actions of a madman."
"I'm just pointing out that, regardless of intent, there are consequences for rash actions. Something he seems to be misreading as capitulation." Carlos says.
Well, he's not wrong, I think, in fact, that's probably something that I should keep in the back of my mind. I do tend to get caught up in the moment and suffer for it. My throbbing cheek was proof enough of that much.
"I don't know what the fuck you're saying, but I know it's bullshit!" Kenny yells, "We have to do something."
"Kenny," Rebecca says, "We can't reason with him."
Kenny looks over at me, before something catches his eye. "Oh, shit. Jackpot!" I turn my head to look at what he's looking at and I see it. A part of the metal railing on the inside of the truck is disconnected, leaving a jagged, sharp edge out in the open. He stands up and makes his way to the edge, rubbing his bindings against it.
"Sit down," Carlos says, "You're gonna get us all killed."
"You don't know what you're talking about. We get cooped up in a kennel like we're a bunch of fuckin' dogs, it's over." Kenny says.
"You don't know that." Rebecca sighs.
"Yeah? Well, I've been in this situation before. You ever been a prisoner? I know for damn sure you have, Clem. You remember that?" Kenny asks.
My heart beats quickly in my chest, and I feel like I'm reliving that horror again. The horrible smell of blood and meat fill my nose, as though I'm back in the St. John's butcher room. I close my eyes and count to ten, wishing Lee was with me. It is like the St. John's all over again. What would Lee do? What would Lee do?
"Kenny's right," I finally say, slowly pulling myself out of my attack, "We gotta do something. We can't just sit here."
"Clem, the adults are talking." Carlos says.
"Is that what you think this is?" I growl, "And I am an adult, by the way."
Before Carlos can retort, Kenny turns around, his wrists free of the binding. "Now we're talking." He grins.
"Carver will be on the other side of that door with ten people." Carlos says, shaking his head, frustrated with both me and Kenny.
"There, there, baby," Rebecca says, comforting a crying Sarah, "It's okay. Everything is going to be fine."
"At this point, maybe Luke is the only hope we have." Carlos says.
"If he was gonna do something, he would've done it by now." Kenny grumbles. I look up at him, hurt, and he shakes his head, "Sorry, Clem, but it's true. Your boyfriend skipped out on us."
"Who knows what he's dealing with?" Rebecca says, "Anything can happen out there."
"I'll tell you what happened: he abandoned us." Kenny says, adamantly.
"You don't know that." Nick argues.
"I know he ain't here." Kenny retorts.
"He may not be around, but he wouldn't just leave us behind." Rebecca argues.
"That guy is a flake," Kenny says, "I knew it the second I laid eyes on him. In fact, he probably only stood around for as long as he did, cause he probably thought he could get into Clementine's pants."
"Kenny, what the fuck?" I yell, not appreciating getting dragged even further into this downward spiral of a conversation.
"Don't what the fuck me," He raged, "You know it's true, Clementine. You don't actually think a guy like that gives two shits about what happens to you the morning after, do you? You're an adult. Think for a second."
"Kenny! Please, calm down." Sarita implores him.
"I am calm!" Kenny insists, "Do I look angry to you?"
I take in a deep breath, calming myself before I say something rash. "Look, all we can do is wait and see."
"She's right," Rebecca says, "There's no way to tell what's happened to him."
"I told you already. He's gone." Kenny says with finality.
A metallic taste fills my mouth with how hard I bite my tongue. I need to keep my cool, I remind myself, rash actions have consequences.
The truck shifts us forward and backwards, slowing down.
"We're close." Carlos informs us.
"Okay, let's do this." Kenny says.
"They have guns," Rebecca says, exasperated, "What exactly do you plan on doing?"
"I'm gonna punch the first son of a bitch I see, then I'm gonna take his gun, and shoot the next son of a bitch I see." Kenny says.
"Just sit down." Carlos growls.
"Shut up, Doc, this ain't your call." He then looks down at me, "Hey, look, if something happens, help out. Don't get yourself hurt or nothing, but any help would be good. Hey, Clem, look at me. You trust me, right?"
I look up at him, and I want to punch him. I want to tell him that he's being a lunatic, that he's gonna get us all killed. But… Above all else, Kenny is a survivor. He's beaten the odds before, who is to say he won't again?
"Yeah, okay… I'll do what I can." I say, making no promises.
"Alright. It's okay to be a little scared, but we gotta do this." He says, his voice finally lowered, like a normal human being's. "Alright, everybody re-" Suddenly, the truck jerks forward, causing Kenny to smack his head against the back of the trailer. He falls back and is unresponsive for a moment.
Sarita runs to his aid, immediately, cradling his head.
"Whoa, what hit me?" He asks, obviously disoriented, and I laugh. It's hilarious. All that build-up for nothing. It also was nice to see him get knocked out for a second, especially after he insinuated that Luke only wanted me for sex.
Carlos looks away, shaking his head, "It's probably for the best."
And I hate to admit it, but he's probably right.
It looks like a hardware store, like a Home Depot or something. I had only been in one once, before the outbreak, with my dad. We went because he needed stuff to build my treehouse.
They have a lot of supplies, from what I can see. Bonnie is leading us somewhere, I don't know where, so I don't really have time to look at everything. While she leads us, Carver is speaking on the PA system, some bullshit about forgiveness and making this place a beacon of hope. We see quite a few people on our short journey, most of them glaring and whispering as Rebecca, Nick, Alvin, Carlos, and Sarah walk by.
"They have food." I comment, my stomach growling loudly. After the past few days, all I wanted was something to eat.
"I know you're not saying what I think you're saying." Kenny says, giving me some serious side-eye.
"I'm saying that I'm hungry, that's all." I grumbled.
As we continue on, Troy approaches us, walking besides Carlos. "Come on, we need you for something." He says, beckoning with his fingers.
"Can't it wait until morning? We're all exhausted." Carlos protests.
"Just come the fuck on." Troy says, irritably, and Carlos complies.
Sarah begins to panic as her dad leaves her behind. "I need him," she says, "I need my dad. He looks after me."
She begins to follow after him, but is stopped by Troy on her way. She looks up at him sadly, but he doesn't waver. I put my tied wrists together on her shoulder and steer her back to the group.
"He'll be back." I say, trying to comfort her.
"When?" She asks, like I seriously know the answer.
"I don't know," I say, honestly, "But he will. Until then, I'll look after you, okay?"
Sarah smiles, "Thanks, Clem."
We finally reach the end of the hardware store, coming across a rolling gate with an orange padlock at the bottom. Bonnie reaches down and unlocks it, opening the gate.
"Make sure y'all stay off the fence. Bill can see if you're messin' with it." She says, and I feel like she's got a lot of nerve giving us advice.
She opens the rolling gate and on the other side it looks like what used to be an outdoor garden center, with some post-apocalyptic modifications, of course. There are some cots that look like bunk beds, a fire pit, chairs… It doesn't look comfortable, but it beats sleeping on the dirt, I guess.
Troy comes around and unties all of our wrist bindings. "Y'all best get some sleep tonight, cause there ain't gonna be no time for restin' tomorrow. You're gonna be workin' hard."
Bonnie taps on Rebecca's shoulder and points to an actual mattress on a metal frame, "That's for you."
"Fuckin' Bill," Rebecca swears, "Keeps me out in the cold, but at least I'll be comfortable."
"Hey guys," Some guy says, walking up to us. He looks like he's of Indian descent, maybe middle-aged or close to it, and he only has one arm. He seems happy, or at least as happy as a guy with one arm can be.
"Reggie!" Rebecca smiles, wrapping her arms in him in a tight embrace, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. What did they do to you?"
"This could've been worse, trust me." The guy- Reggie says, "I'm lucky to be alive."
"It's my fault." Nick says, looking down.
"No, it's really not," Reggie insists, "I would tell you if it was. This happened well after you guys left." He continues talking to the group, but Sarah talks over him to me.
"Reggie helped us," She explains, "When we ran away."
"Do you know what happened to his arm?" I ask because if it was walker-inflicted, like Lee's was, I highly doubt he'd look as good as he did, which only meant he did it on accident, or someone did it to him.
"I don't know. We were all running out together, but then he fell… And everyone kept running." Sarah recalls, her voice sad, "I know he had both his arms then."
I don't like the way her words feel in my gut, but I try not to pay attention to it right now. Instead, I listen to Reggie recall what supposedly happened.
"They got me working outside. A lurker snuck up on me while I was hammering something. Luckily they took my arm off quick. Saved my life." He explains.
"Alvin," a woman says, entering the garden center, she's black, kind of a bigger woman, with a headband wrapped around large hair, "Carver wants you in his office."
"What? Why?" He asks.
"Don't make this difficult," She says, "It's too late for that."
"No, please!" Rebecca pleads.
Alvin turns and faces her, putting his hands on her hips, "It's okay, Bec. Just get some rest. If Carver wanted to do something to me, he'd have done it already. I'll be fine," he says.
But we all know it's a lie.
Troy walks up to Reggie and tells him not to fuck things up cause Bill is close to letting him back in, and Reggie eagerly promises Troy a quiet night. Troy nods his head and he and Bonnie exit the garden center, closing the rolling gate behind them.
"Oh, right. Let me introduce you. They were with us when we got caught." Rebecca tells Reggie. Suddenly, the attention is on Kenny, Sarita, and I.
"Hey, I'm Reggie," he introduces himself to us.
"That's Sarita," Rebecca says, and Sarita gives him a polite hello. "And that's Kenny." Kenny smiles kindly, without any hostility whatsoever, and says "Heya."
Reggie then turns to me, "Hello. Who are you?" I take a minute, unsure if I want to even be friendly with this guy. He mistakes my caution for fear, "This freaks you out," He says, shrugging his armless shoulder, "It's okay. Freaks me out too, sometimes."
"My name's Clementine," I say, trying to put on a friendly face. I wasn't sure how long I'd be staying here. I guess it couldn't hurt to have at least one friend from the inside.
"It's very nice to meet you, Clementine," he says, and we shake hands. He looks over at Sarah, and kind of tilts his head, "Where's Carlos?"
"Bill's already got him lookin' at some folks." Rebecca explains.
"Oh, okay… Good. What about Pete?" He asks, and I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I look over at Nick, whose face has turned almost ghostly white. Everyone stays silent, and Reggie takes the hint from the somber energy in the air.
"Can you guys save it for the morning?" A deep, manly voice yells from one of the cots, "Some of us gotta be up early." He's a black man who has muscles for days, wearing a blue hoodie and some jeans.
"What a jerk," I mumble, "Who is that guy?"
"I don't know." Sarah shrugs.
"No problem. Sorry about that," Reggie calls back, "Okay, that's Mike. He's kind of a dick when he's tired, but like I said… He saved my life, so… I put up with that shit. Bill put him to work outside the wall with me."
I look around the rest of the garden center, trying to make sure I know exactly who I'm stuck inside this mini-prison with. I see a girl sitting by herself at a table. She has short, kinda spiky hair, and her face is made up of sharp angles.
"Who's she?" I ask.
"Hm? Who?" Reggie says, not paying attention to me.
"Her, sitting over there." I say. I think she hears me cause she pushes herself off the table and goes to lay down in one of the cots.
"Oh, okay. Right. So, she's fucking weird. They caught her outside, sneaking around the camp, covered in guts and just, like, the grossest shit. Anyways, I know it must look, but it's really not that bad here."
"Reggie." Rebecca says, like she can't believe what he's saying.
"No, I'm serious. Where else are you gonna find food like we have. We have the canned stuff. And now, with the green houses coming along, we've got fresh food. The building's getting more and more secure all the time, mostly through forced labor, but that's only temporary. They've even got the solar panels working. When was the last time you had electricity, huh?"
"Well, we just came back from a lodge with a wind turbine an-" Sarah begins and I giggle.
"It's not a competition." Reggie says, flatly, "I'm just saying, it's not as bad as you think. We're building something great here, guys. A real community. Bill is making it happen."
Kenny and I look over at each other and I know we're thinking the same thing: Carver has Reggie totally brainwashed.
"You know," I say, "Carver killed my friend Walter."
Reggie gives me a pained look, "Okay, I'm not sure what happened, but maybe he had his reasons-"
"His reason is that he's a crazy piece of shit." Kenny spits.
Reggie sighs, "Listen, I'm really close to being let back in. I've worked really hard to get to this point. The fact is, I could do a lot more for you guys when I'm back inside. I could even maybe help get you guys out. I'm just asking you guys not to cause any trouble, please."
I bite my lip. My natural instinct is telling me to cause all kinds of trouble, from trying to escape to causing an uprising, but Reggie seems so sincere. "We won't cause you any trouble." I concede.
"Carver expects me to keep things in line here. So, let's just have a quiet night, and we'll chat again tomorrow." Reggie says.
"I can't believe what I'm hearing." Rebecca groans.
"Listen, Carver had ever reason to kill me when I helped you guys out, but he didn't. He gave me a second chance, and I know he'll give you all one too."
"I don't want a second chance," Rebecca says, fiercely, "I want to leave with my family."
"Your family is safer here." Reggie says.
Rebecca groans, suddenly, holding her swollen stomach. "I need to sit down."
Sarita steps forward, putting one hand on Rebecca's shoulder, "Of course. Sarah, go check if there's anything for her to drink."
Sarah nods, and Reggie points to some old looking water cooler by some benches. He walks away from Kenny and I, taking a place by the fire pit.
"Man… Fuck that guy," Kenny says, "I don't trust him. Clearly, he's had too much of the kool-aid."
"I think he's just scared, Kenny." I say in Reggie's defense.
"Everybody's scared," he retorts, "Doesn't give him an excuse to sound like a nutcase. Anyways, you need to take a look around. We need to find out if there's anything we can exploit to get out of here. We're in a tight spot."
I don't want to get Reggie in trouble, but I can look around without being too meddlesome. "What should I be looking for?" I ask.
"Stuff they don't want us to know about," Kenny answers, like that helps at all, "I'll go run interference on Reggie. You just snoop around, I know you're good at it."
I don't know if I should be insulted or not, but Kenny walks away quickly. I sigh, not wanting to do this right now. Now that I've had a second to breathe and relax, my adrenaline has gone down, and I just feel tired. I want to sleep, but I humor Kenny. I walk around the garden center, taking a look at the bedding, which looks about as comfortable as laying on concrete, some weird fish statue, some of their bagged soil. I notice there's a rather large gap in their fence, so I keep that in the back of my mind. I don't really feeling like investigating more, so instead, I walk to where everyone else was at- the fire pit.
"I just haven't been the greatest to him," I hear Rebecca say, "Everything got so messed up. It just became about making it through each day. I'm trying to remember real hard the last time I told him I loved him. I've been racking my brain, but I just can't remember."
"I'm sure he knows," I say, "In his heart, he knows you love him, Bec."
She smiles at me sadly, even though I sound like a character from a Disney movie. "I hope you're right." She says, "Alright, get going. I appreciate you checking up on me."
I smile at her before leaving. If I was checking in on people, the next person I want to talk to is Sarah. When I approach her she looks at me, then looks away quickly.
"Um, you okay?" I ask.
"Yeah, I'm just trying to be good." She says.
"What?"
"I told Reggie I'd be good, so that's what I'm doing," She clarifies, "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"
It takes me a second to realize it, but… Did Sarah think I was a bad influence? That I was going to get her in trouble? I mean, she's not wrong, but still. My feelings are a little hurt.
I make my way to Kenny to report my only finding: the gap in the fence, but he's less than happy. I shrug, I can only do so much.
Suddenly, the loud rattling of the rolling gate opening fills my ears. "Dad!" I hear Sarah cry out, and I see her running to Carlos, who was escorted by Troy.
"Alright, go the fuck to sleep." Troy orders, "I'm shootin' the first one of y'all I see wandering around before sun-up." He leaves the garden center, closing the rolling gate behind him, and I hear the thick click of the padlock, locking us in.
Everyone heads to a cot. Kenny and Sarita lay next to each other at the end of the row of cots, on the bottom cot. I lay on the cot next to them, underneath Nick's.
My body thanks me, but before I can close my eyes and let sleep overtake me, Kenny whispers something.
"You know, some of these folks ain't too keen on leaving," he says, "So it's up to us to find a way outta here. You up for it?"
"I'm ready," I say, "Of course I am."
"Good, good. Confidence is good. You gotta have the right attitude." Kenny says, approvingly, "Now get some rest. We're gonna need it." He turns around and spoons Sarita. I frown deeply, not wanting that to be the last image I see before bed.
Instead, I turn around, facing away from the couple. I close my eyes and think about the last time I saw Luke. It makes me sad, but just the memory of his lips against my forehead was comforting enough to lull me to sleep.
"Clem. Hey, Clem!"
I wake up to a man's voice calling my name. For a second, I thought maybe it was Luke, but it wasn't. It was Nick.
"Clem! You awake!" His voice was a whisper, but a loud whisper.
"Nick," I groan, "What do you want? I'm trying to sleep."
"I'm just thinkin' about Luke. There's no way he's gone. That he just left." Nick says, "How bout it? Cause me, I've known him for about twenty years and I don't buy it. Course, I can't say the thought never crossed my mind. Things change. The whole damn world changed. But I figure, with you bein' his girlfriend and all, you might have some idea about where he is."
"I'm not his girlfriend," I tell him, "But if I was, I'd be wondering why you're thinking about my boyfriend at three o'clock in the morning."
"How'd you know it's three?" Nick asks.
"I'm guessing, Nick." I say, flatly, "Anyways, I guess… I don't know, honestly. My gut is telling me that Luke wouldn't just abandon us. But he's not here. Should I trust my instinct or my eyes? That being said, I fucking miss him."
"Yeah, me too, Clem."
A sudden realization dawns on me. "Nick?"
"Yeah?"
I try to phrase my question tactfully. "Are you, um… Do you… Fuck. Okay, do you have feelings for Luke?"
"Yeah, he's my best friend. I've known him forever."
"That's not what I meant."
Silence falls between the two of us. I think maybe I got it all wrong. Nick and Luke have been friends for twenty years, he said, of course he's gonna have a strong attachment to him. Maybe I confused friendship love with romantic love, which makes sense considering I haven't actually seen a relationship in any form since all this happened. I feel like an idiot.
"Honestly, Clem. I don't know." Nick finally speaks, "I always like hanging out with Luke, ever since we were kids. I always did what he wanted to do, and I thought that's cause we're friends. But I can't say for sure."
"Have you ever been with a girl?" I ask him.
"If you're askin' if I've ever made it with a girl, then the answer is yes. But that was back in high school, and it was about what felt good. And I was young, didn't wanna fall in love or any of that shit. But I haven't been with a girl since the world decided to go fuckin' batshit." Nick explains, "I guess I was too young and didn't want to explore that part of my life, and now that I'm old enough, but we're living in hell, I feel like it might be too late… This is stupid, why are we talking about this? Why am I talking to you about this?"
"Because, Nick," I start, "Despite the fact that you've almost killed me, twice, I still kinda consider us friends. I care about you, you dipshit. And part of being friends is talking about this kind of stuff."
"This is fucking stupid. Night, Clem. Get some rest. And don't fucking tell anyone what I said, or I'll kick your ass." Nick grumbles.
"I'm gonna force you to be my friend, Nick," I say, "I swear it, we're gonna be best friends by the time we get out of here."
"Fuck off."
"Me and Nick, sitting in a tree. B-O-N-D-I-N-G. First comes hugs, then comes friendship. Then comes- Ow!" Nick lowers his arms and swings it wildly, trying to get me to shut up.
"Shut up and go to sleep."
"Are you my friend?" I ask him, purposely trying to sound like a child.
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Oh my God, Clementine, go the fuck to sleep."
"Only if you admit that we're friends."
"Okay! Fuck! We're friends, alright? Jesus Christ. Can I sleep now?" He groans.
"Sure. Good night, best friend."
"Yeah, yeah, go fuck yourself." Nick says, his voice already trailing off.
I smile and close my eyes, letting sleep once again overcome my body. Tomorrow is gonna be a long, hard day. But maybe with my new friend, it'll be a little easier to get by.