Please keep in mind that I have never been to therapy and I'm sorry if it is not exactly the way it would happen.
Epov
Today would have to top off as one of the best days of my life, and it was only noon. Seeing Bella's fist connect with Tanya's face was priceless. I kind of wished that I could have videotaped it, so I could watch it over and over. I had to laugh at that thought.
Dazzle? Do I really do that? Leave it to Bella to come up with a word like that to describe me. I loved her so much, and that love grew more and more.
Working with Bella all day was amazing. We had so much fun, and I never really thought work was fun. I kept forgetting that Mike was with us. When Bella and I were together, to me it was like there was no one else in this world. We got done working about four o'clock, and I had asked Bella if I could walk her to her car. All she did was nod. My controlling side was still there, and I didn't think it would ever go away completely, but I knew I could keep it in check.
"So, will I see you tonight?" I asked her as I held open her door.
"Yes, I will be there but…." she trailed off and I hated that shit so much.
"Just say it Bella," I said. I'm sure I sounded annoyed because she kind of flinched away. Great just scare her away asshole, I thought to myself.
"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be pissy with you, but I want to know what you wanted to say. You always start to say something and stop. It's frustrating," I said trying to get myself in check.
"Whatever Edward," she said trying to close her door but, I wasn't letting that happen.
"Bella, please stop, just fucking talk to me," I said gripping to door.
"Edward if I don't want to tell you something, than I don't have to. Got it!" she said as she stopped fighting me with the door.
"I get that, I do, but I want you to always finish your thoughts. Don't be afraid to tell me things," I said as I was trying to make eye contact with her.
"Bella, look at me, please," I said as she made eye contact with me. I saw that she had tears in her eyes.
"Bella, don't cry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Please, talk to me," I all but begged. After a long staring contest she blinked back the tears and cleared her throat.
"Why did you go and get another girl? I know it's not my place to ask. I just need to know." Uh okay, not what I thought she would say, but I would take it. No wonder she was hesitant.
"Honestly Bella I don't know. I guess I thought it was because I thought I would be able to get over you. Kind of prove to myself that you were just another relationship gone badly. But, when I brought her home, I felt like I was cheating on you. It wasn't right, her being in our house. I made her leave before she put her bags down. Bella, for a moment there, I just wanted to forget you, but there was...there is no way I could ever do that. You have permanently claimed my heart. Even if you may not want it, it is yours forever." I didn't know what else to say.
Bpov
What the fuck is up with this guy. We had a great afternoon working together, and then he gets annoyed because I pause my sentence to think of the right words to say? And then, the old Edward came back and fought with me with the door. Now don't get me wrong, I like parts of the old Edward, but when he wants things his way, he is relentless. I don't know if he can change that. I mean, that is okay with me, I just wanted to be able to walk away or drive away when I wanted without a fight.
In all honesty, I knew that he had gone and got another girl. I knew she was back within an hour of her leaving. I just wanted to hear the reason why. When he said our house I thought I was going to lose it and cry.
"I see." Was all I could think of saying when he was done explaining about the other girl. When he said his heart was mine whether I wanted it or not made me almost forget why we broke up in the first place. I had to leave before I ended up going home with him. God only knew how much I wanted that. How much I wanted just to touch him again and feel him. I really missed him. But, no I couldn't do that, not now, it is still too soon. I need time to think things through. He obviously still needed to work on his anger issues if a simple thing as me not telling him what I thought upset him so quickly. There's lots he needs to work on if this was ever work between us again.
"I gotta go," I said as I reached for the door handle.
"I'll see you at six," he said still assuming that I would go. At that point I wasn't sure if I wanted too. It might be too soon since he seems to need to work on his own issues first. I didn't see what the point of me being there would help him with just yet.
"Yeah, we'll see," I said as I pulled the door shut, or so I thought. Before I knew it, my door was open again.
"What do you mean, 'we'll see', you just said yes not more than ten minutes ago, did you not?" he asked as I could hear the annoyance in his voice.
"Yeah, I know Edward I'm just not too sure about this right now. Maybe it is too soon. We have only been talking to each other for a couple of days." I made eye contact with him because I needed to see what was in his eyes. I saw anger and hurt. I felt bad, but he said he did say he wanted to know what was on my mind so…
"Bella, I don't give a shit if we have only been talking for a few days. I have been waiting for months to do this with you," he said breathing heavy. "Please Bella, I need this. I need to know that there is a chance. You have no idea how hard it was for me to even see someone in the first place," he said. I kind of felt bad, but I was still a little upset with him, and wanted him all at the same time.
"I just think it might be too soon. I don't know, maybe, we'll see, like I said. But right now, I'm a little pissed and I need to chill," I said as I grabbed the door and shut and locked it so he couldn't open it again, and I could finally drive away.
When I was finally out of his sight I broke down and cried. When I got home no one was there, and that was a relief I needed some time to myself. I loved Edward there was no doubt in my mind about that. The questions that I was asking myself were, what do I love about him, and what do I hate about him.
The things I loved were easy. He was sweet, funny, a great kisser, god I miss his kisses. I love the way our hands fit together like a puzzle piece. Part of me did like the way he was controlling, possessive, in a way it made me feel wanted. I really love the way he commanded in the bedroom, which was sexy as hell. But, all in all deep down, I knew he could be the man he wanted to be, and that I needed him to be. He has a good heart, it's just been damaged, and I know if he would just really let himself open up it would heal. Then we would have the life we both wanted.
The things I could do without were easy to list as well. His jealousy for one I could do without, I'm not a huge fan about that. His rules had to go, that was a definite deal breaker, along with the sending me to my room, and taking my phone when he wasn't getting enough attention. The only thing that I would be sensitive about was the whole no men thing. For him, that was a big deal, and I wanted him to trust me completely. So, I figured when the time came for him and me to be back together, I would ease my way into talking to other men, let alone having them in the house. I knew that was something that was going to take time to fix. But, other than that I could deal with anything Edward threw at me.
I decided that I was going to go to his appointment, but I was going to be late. I wanted him to sweat a little. While the time passed I wrote down the pros and cons list. There were more pros than cons in the end. The only things that was on the con list were the rules and the punishments. I didn't even bother to put jealousy, because some guys can't control that, and I was not going to hold that against him. I also found the list of rules that were given to me before I went to his house, just in case. It took me about ten to fifteen minutes to get to the therapist's office, so I left at five minutes till six.
Epov
"So, Edward how was your day? The way you look I take it, it didn't go so well," Dr. Yorkie said.
"In all honesty, it was the best day ever until four this afternoon," I said with a sigh. I really didn't know what came over me. I should have just let it be. But, when she stopped talking it pissed me off because I wanted to know what she was thinking. I want this to work so badly that I would do anything.
"Why don't you tell me about it," he said as he was making notes. "Is Bella joining us?" When he asked that I made a groaning sound.
"Nope, I don't think so. I really fucked up today and just pretty much showed her I'm still a bastard that needs things his way. I won't be surprised if she just avoids me for a while," I said putting my head in my hands.
"Okay, well, here's what happened," I said as I took him through the day and told him everything that happened with Tanya and how Bella hit her. I don't know if I was hearing things, but I'm sure he chuckled. Then I told him how we worked together, we joked and got a lot done. I thought we worked great together.
"Ya know Edward that is a very good thing to have. To be able to work together is a hard thing," he said.
"She is still talking about going out with Mike Friday night," I said with a sigh. I don't want her to go out with him. I wanted her to do something with me Friday night.
"It is a good thing Edward. She needs to know where her heart lies." I knew he was right. Bella had never gone out on a date, but why did it have to be with Mike fucking Newton. He was such a tool. I heard Yorkie's phone beep, and he put his finger up for me to wait a minute. The receptionist never bothered us unless it was important. I didn't hear anything he said until he said, "Great send her in."
" Bella?" I asked jumping out of my seat. I couldn't believe that she was here. I heard the door open and Dr. Yorkie was already there to greet her.
"Bella, it is so nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Yorkie," he said extending his hand to her.
"Nice to meet you," she said as she walked over to me. I could tell that she had cried at some point in time because her eyes were still a little puffy.
"Thanks for coming," I said as she took her seat. All she did was nod at me again. That was really starting to bug the shit out of me. I assume she was still mad at me?
"Yes Bella, thanks for coming. Edward was just telling me about all the events that happened today," he told her and she started to blush rubbing the top of her knuckles. I could see that they were swollen.
"Does it hurt?" I asked her taking her hand to look at it.
"A little, but I've had worse injuries," she said taking her hand back. I cringed remembering what she had told me about her past jobs. I was so glad she is out of that line of work.
"Okay look, if I may be blunt…" she started to say and stopped to collect her thoughts I would assume. She also sounded annoyed.
"Go right ahead Bella, and speak your mind," the good doctor said.
"I'm only here because I want to have hope that there is a chance for Edward and me. But, in all honesty, I don't know what good it is going to do with me beginning here." She looked at Doctor Yorkie only. She wouldn't look at me for whatever reason.
"I understand that Bella. I asked you here to basically see where your head was at with all that has happened between the two of you. Like I suggested to Edward, if you two get back together I would like to work with both of you for a little while," he said looking between the both of us. Bella still wouldn't look at me.
"Okay, I understand that. What do you want to know?" she asked still not looking at me. I wanted to put my hand around her or at least hold her hand.
"Well, why don't we start by telling me how you feel about Edward?" he asked and she giggled a little.
"Well, that's a loaded question now isn't it," she said shaking her head. "I figured you would ask me so I made a list," she said pulling a paper out of her purse.
"A list?" I asked her.
"Yeah, I knew that when I got here I wouldn't be able to think of anything," she said with a little giggle but still she would not look at me.
"Why won't you look at me?" I asked.
"I don't know. I'm still a little upset about this afternoon, and then when I had time to think I was pissed at myself. I just think I'm not in a good mood right now. I'm sorry," she said and then she finally looked at me. I saw sadness in her eyes. That made me feel worse because I didn't want her to feel that way.
"Don't be sorry Bella, we are all allowed to feel whatever it is at that moment," Doctor Yorkie said. "Do you want to read your list or do you want me to read it to myself," he asked her.
"NO! I mean no there is some private stuff on here that I don't want someone else to read," she said with a blush. It took everything I had not to lean over and read what she wrote. Yorkie laughed and asked her to read it if she wanted to. That made me so nervous that I thought I was going to be sick.
"Well, I'm not too worried about the things I like about him. I want to talk more about my deal breakers," she said as she cleared her throat. "If this is ever going to work between Edward and myself then there are things that need to change," she started to say.
"Firstly, the rules need to go. I don't like being followed so that you know where I am every given second. You will not send me to the bedroom like a child, and you will not take my phone away from me if I am on it too much," she looked nervous and I felt embarrassed because she was right. I had treated her like a child.
"I can live with that. I'm sorry for that. I should have never treated you that way," I said taking her hand and this time she let me keep her hand in mine. I loved the way our hands fit together.
"Is that it?" Doctor asked.
"Yes, for the negative things that I cannot live with," she said. "I know he is controlling and demanding, but those are things that I can live with to a point. I will say there was a point where things were really good between us, and I try to remember those days," she said looking down.
"What is one of the best times you had with him?" Yorkie asked.
"We had Chinese one night for dinner and talked for hours," I remembered that night. That was a great night.
"Are you in love with him?" Yorkie asked.
"Yes," she said without hesitation. I thought I was going to cry at the fact that she was so sure in her answer.
"Do you still plan on going out on your date Friday?" he asked and I was literally on the edge of my seat.
"Honestly, I don't know. Mike is a nice guy and all, but I don't really think I could be with Mike in a relationship. He seems to be those guys that have one thing on their mind. I am not that kind of girl, at least not anymore. I want to be someone I can look in the mirror and be proud of. I don't think I want to waste my time on Mike or anyone like him," she said and I was happy to hear that.
"Um…look I think I'm going to leave now. I need some time to think," she said and I gripped her hand. I didn't want her to leave.
"That's fine Bella, thanks for coming in, but may I ask you one more thing?" Yorkie asked. I was a little happy that she would be here for a few more minutes.
"Of course," she said and when I looked at her she looked like she wanted to cry. That was probably the reason she wanted to leave.
"What is the one thing that Edward did that hurt you the most?" What the fuck? Why would he ask that? I could have told him that. I really didn't want to hear Bella's answer.
"Don't answer that," I said to Bella. "Why the fuck would you ask that? I already told you all the terrible things that I did to her. Why do you want her to say it?" I was pissed I didn't want to hear what Bella had to say. I saw Yorkie start to say something, but Bella spoke first.
"Well, there are three things that hurt me the most," she started to say. I was very upset. I was not ready to talk about this, here like this out of the blue. Besides I said I was sorry already.
"Bella stop! Don't answer that question," I all but yelled at her. She acted like she didn't even hear me.
"When he pushed me into the wall, when he called me a whore, and when he packed my things and told me to get out, without even talking about what happened. I think that is what hurt the most, the fact that he could just let me go like that," I was boiling at this point.
"Bella shut up. I already said I was sorry for all of that, I thought you forgave me,"
"No you shut up, Edward. I know you know what you did was wrong and I know you are sorry, but I'm not going to get back with you and act like nothing happened. We talked about it over the phone, and I know I said that I can forgive you. I didn't want to talk about it, but it still bothered me that after we met face to face. You didn't bring it up and try to apologize in person. But, maybe that part was my fault for saying I didn't want to talk about it when we needed too," I flinched at that because she was right. Why did she not say it when we were talking about it on the phone that night?
"Bella, I'm not asking you to forget about it, but I thought you forgave me. I can't read your mind, but you are right I let myself believe a simple sorry was enough for you. I don't know what to do. What do you want from me now?"
"You know what I want, I want nothing Edward! I want nothing from you," she raised her voice and grabbed her purse to leave.
"NO! You are not leaving. I want to finish this. I don't want you to leave just because you are fucking mad. I want to work this out." I couldn't let her leave this upset at me. And why was Dr. Yorkie just sitting there and not saying anything? Is this what he was hoping for? For her to be more upset with me?
"Edward, just stop. Please, and what you want to talk about this now? Why couldn't you have done this, that night instead of packing my shit and throwing me out? Why should I stay here and fight for us when you didn't want to do it that night? You let your stupid pride get in the way. I wasn't important enough for you to fight for that night was I?" she yelled and was wiping her tears away. I felt about an inch tall because she was right. I was a coward, and to think that she would have been happy with a simple I'm sorry over the phone was stupid of me.
"I don't know what you want from me Edward. I want this to work, but you need to get your shit together first," she said as she continued to cry.
"Bella, I…I really am sorry for pushing you. It was stupid, but you are right in the fact that I should have talked it through with you instead of pushing you away because I was too much of a coward to admit I was wrong. I'm sorry that I was foolish enough to believe that talking about it over the phone was the right way to go. But Bella, I am a man, and if you said you forgave me I thought we were okay. How was I supposed to know you wanted me to apologies in person as well? You said you didn't want to talk about it anymore! That is why I need you to be more open, and tell me what you want too," I said to her while we were inches apart from each other and I just wanted to pull her into my arms.
"Edward, I know you are right. I should have been more open with you. I should have told you we needed to talk about it in person, but I was scared because well, look how you acted when the doctor brought it up here."
"Bella, you are right. I think we both need to work on being more open with each other. We shouldn't be afraid to talk to one another. That is why I really want us to see Dr. Yorkie together. Bella please, just tell me what you want and I will give it to you. I can't live like this anymore, and not have you in my life, in my arms, and in my bed," I told her as I took a stepped closer to her.
"Edward…I want that too. I miss you, I miss us. I want all of you, good and bad. I want to live in our house again. I want children. I want a career. I want the American dream. That is what I want. I don't want to fight all the time. But, then again, maybe that is just us. And, I can deal with that. I just want you to let me walk away when I am upset so I can think, and then talk about it later on when we are not so mad. I don't want you jumping to conclusions every time I do walk away. I love you, and I want you more than life." I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled her to me and kissed her. My heart swelled when she kissed me back. Then I deepened it. She opened her mouth for me, and I took full advantage of it. I felt her hands go around my neck and grip my hair, she gave me goose bumps. I pulled her closer to me wrapping my arms around her as tight as I could. This felt right, so right, and I didn't want to stop.
We only pulled away when Yorkie cleared his throat. I didn't want to let go of her, and we were standing forehead to forehead.
"So yeah, I'll see you next week, Edward," Yorkie said and I gave him a thumb up.
"Yeah I'll be there, Bella will you be joining me?" I asked as she smiled up at me.
"Yes, I'll be here too," she said and leaned up to kiss me once more and pulled away to look at me.
"And Edward, please don't jump to conclusion that we are back together just like that. You know we still have a lot to work through right?" I was taken back for a second, but she was right, we needed to do this the right way, and I think I know just how to do that.
"Bella you are right, and I want to start out the right way. Would you like to go on a date with me this Friday? We never actually ever did that, so I think it is a nice place to start. What do you say?" I asked her and I really hoped she would say yes even though I knew that was the day she said she would go out with Mike.
"Why Edward, I would love to go on a date with you. That is the best idea you have ever had," she said smiling back at me.
"No Bella, the best idea I ever had was going to Pretty as a Princess and finding a real Princess there. Who would have thought, dreams can come true," I said and kissed her one more time before we headed out of the office.
"I love you," I said only for her to hear me.
"I love you," she said in a whisper.
Thanks so much for reading! One more to go and you should get it tonight.