Disclaimer: Degrassi is something I don't own, sadly… I do own Eli's five year old cousin though, Maureen.
A/N: Okay, so I was seriously convinced that the last chapter sucked… I was a little disappointed by the lack of reviews I got, so I'm hoping you guys aren't getting bored with this story. But, thanks for the reviews nonetheless. Here's chapter 21! Enjoy :) Oh and thanks to LiteraryLolita for clarifying Eli's eating disorder, I'll be sure to change that when I have to time to :)
Warnings: Parental abuse, cutting.
Oh and nice try on the mystery guest; X3
Alibis
Summary: Waiting for change to lead him down a more innocent path, death obsessed Elijah Goldsworthy finds it in a blue eyed beauty, but perhaps with an even darker past than his own.
CHAPTER 21
It's been exactly ten minutes since I left Eli's house. I was currently sitting in a tub full of scolding hot water, and bubbles; I wanted some time for myself to relax, and this is the best way I could do it. I slowly opened my eyes and smiled, my thought drifting to Eli. He is such an amazing person. I sighed and closed my eyes, sinking lower into the tub so the water was hitting the back of my neck.
I propped my legs up and looked out the window that I had opened so the steam would exit the bathroom.
After a few moments, I turned my attention to the front of me, and then brought my arms up to my face. The soap suds and water rinsed down my arm and into the water surrounding me. I frowned, eyeing the purple-red ridges on my wrists. No matter if their healed, these cuts are old memories that will never fade away. Each one told a story…
I remember exactly how it went too, for the memories are still vivid in my thoughts, staining my once calm – normal life. I sighed one last time and sat up, letting the water drain out after I pushed the small lever down, opening the drainage. I turned the shower on, and let the hot water soak my hair. I sighed heavily, enjoying the feeling. When I tilted my head back, the water hit my face, making it hot from the heat. It felt really good and I smiled from the sensation.
I quickly washed my hair because the hot water was beginning to run out, since I had used it all in my bath. After thoroughly washing my hair, I washed my body and turned the shower off. I opened the curtain and quickly grabbed my short fluffy white robe, and pulled it on. I didn't feel like getting dressed, because I was going to just lie down and write in my notebook.
The second I got comfortable on my bed, opened my notebook to clean page, and uncapped my pen, there was a few knocks on the door.
"Come in." I stated, looking at the door so I knew who was coming in.
My face lit up just slightly when I watched my sister – who I haven't talked to since that incident she decided to pull about asking how I received more attention to. She walked in and sat down awkwardly on my bed, we stared at each other and I quirked my eyebrows up and shrugged my shoulders, asking her what was up.
"Clare, about the other night… I'm really sorry…" Darcy whispered.
"Don't worry about it." I responded coldly. Darcy apologizing to me was just words. I didn't believe her, and probably never will. She hurt me, emotionally. I needed someone there for me, and all she wanted was to find out why I gotten most attention from the two people I call my mom and dad. Darcy moved closer to me and she placed her hand on mine, clenching it just slightly. I looked down at it and then back up at her.
"Please Clare, I don't know what came over me, when you told me that dad rapes you, I didn't know how to react, I guess you can say I acted like a—
"Bitch?" I answered for her.
She nodded and pressed her lips into a line. I swallowed and looked away, moving my wet hair from my face. Darcy continued; "Look, I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything, I want to make it up to you." I glanced at her with the corner of my eye. I didn't say a word though. She sighed, and got up from my bed when I remained silent. I sighed. I'm officially way too soft.
"Wait!" I said. Darcy turned around and I smiled at her and continued; "We can… paint each other's toenails and have a girl's night… I think I saw some popcorn in the pantry earlier, we can watch a movie." Darcy smiled and nodded in approval. She walked to the bed and hugged me tight; I returned it, wrapping my arm around her back.
Darcy took one last look at me before she exits my room, heading down the hall and down the stairs. I got up from my bed and sat down in front of my mirror. As I picked up my pink comb, I started combing it through my slightly knotted hair. I winced a few times, tugging on the strands to untangle them. After I combed my hair, I removed my robe, and quickly pulled on a long sleeved light blue shirt, and a pair of blue and white plaid shorts.
I suddenly remembered that I hadn't seen Beauty in what felt like forever, so I quickly bounced down the stairs, and walked into the living room, finding Darcy sitting on the couch, with someone else. I arched my eyebrow and cleared my throat. When they turned around, I noticed that it was Peter from The Dot.
"Hey uhh… Clare right?" He said.
I nodded and smiled faintly at him.
I continued to walk into the laundry room and opened the door. Beauty's fluffy little head lifted, and she walked to me, wagging her tail. I leaned down and picked her up, and then walked into the living room, setting her down with me on the empty couch adjacent to Peter and Darcy. Beauty lay on her back and I giggled and rubbed her stomach.
"She's a cute dog, Clare."
"Thanks Peter." I smiled while looking down at her. "My boyfriend helped me pick her out." Darcy lifted her head the second I said boyfriend. She smiled stating, "You're dating Eli?"
"I thought I told you." I responded unknowingly.
Darcy shook her head no. I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at Beauty. She moved into my lap and I reached down and passed my hand down from her soft head, to the end of her back. As I watched Darcy and Peter snuggle on the couch, I immediately thought of Eli and couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous. I really missed him, even though we had just seen each other not too long ago.
Seeing as Eli lives across the road from me, you would think I'd be over there constantly, but I think he would want his space, maybe? I wouldn't know. Darcy and Peter started swapping spit in front of me and I grimaced, and picked Beauty up, to walk outside with her. She needed some play time, and it felt as if I hadn't paid much attention to her.
The second I stepped outside, my father's car pulled up into the driveway. I swallowed nervously and walked onto the lawn and sat down, placing Beauty down with me. She pranced around, and my heart started to beat painfully hard in my chest when I noticed my dad walking to me, slowly. It was very creep like if you ask me.
"What are you doing here outside?" He asked.
"What does it look like?" I asked sardonically.
"Don't use that tone with me, Clare." Dad snarled.
"Daddy, I'm playing with Beauty, how's that for an answer?" I looked up at him while Beauty ran around me, tugging on my shorts. I averted my gaze to her and smiled as she gave out a pathetic sounding bark. Dad still stood next to me and I glanced up at him, giving him a questioning look. He rolled his eyes at me and walked inside, leaving me alone outside. Sometimes I wonder that there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with him, oh wait…
I looked up towards Eli's house and noticed how perfect it looked on the outside. Smiling faintly, I glanced down at Beauty and noticed that she was sitting next to me, like she had done too much that worn her out. I rolled my eyes and reached down to pet her. She lifted her head and looked across the road. Her tail started wagging and I glanced up to see what she was looking at. Eli was pacing his front porch, he looked a little disturbed.
I watched him intently, wondering what exactly he was going to do.
Eli clenched his hair in his hands and started walking down the steps of his house, and down the road. He looked really upset…
"Eli!" I called out to him, picked up Beauty and ran to him.
He turned around and I paused, looking into his bloodshot eyes.
"Eli, what's wrong?" I asked, concern filling my tone.
"Nothing, I just… nothing, I'm going to go walk." Eli turned around and left me standing in the middle of the road. I chased after him and stood in front of him. Eli looked down at the small dog in my arms, and then up at me. I smiled faintly at him and Eli sighed and looked away. The smile on my face turned into a frown and with one hand, I reached up to touch his face. Eli looked down, his bangs covered his eyes.
"Eli, what happened? What's wrong? Talk to me, please." I almost begged.
Eli shook his head and said, "It's nothing, I'm fine."
I frowned. Eli walked around me, and I started to think that I had done something wrong. When I turned around, Eli was still walking away from me. I chewed on my quivering bottom lip and lowered my gaze. I upsettingly walked back to my house, but before I entered, I took a glance back at Eli, he was still walking, and he turned around the corner and disappeared from my view. I opened the front door and walked to the laundry room so I could put Beauty to rest.
Slowly, I walked to the stairs, still having thoughts that I had done something wrong to Eli. Before I made my way up them, I stole a glance at Peter and Darcy who were still on the couch; they looked like the perfect couple. There was an unbearable pain in my chest growing, and I quickly bolted up the stairs to my room. I started to breath unevenly, completely convinced that Eli was mad at me.
I didn't know what for, but by the way he was acting, he was obviously mad at something I did. I clenched my damp hair in my hands, and walked to my drawer where I rummaged around frantically and pulled out a shiny, clean razor. I pulled up my sleeves so they went up past my elbows. I wasted no time in bringing the razor to the juncture were my bicep meets my forearm.
I hissed as the pain coursed through my body the second I cut my arm. Since the blade was unbearably sharp, the pain was harsh, but I did enjoy how it felt; it slowly calmed my nerves. Blood poured down my arm as I continued to carve the word "hate" in my arm.
The pain wasn't enough though, the second I finished the angry-red "e" I dropped the razor and clawed my arm, feeling my nails dig into the ridges I created, making more blood pour from my cuts. I slouched against the wall I was standing near, and slid down, sitting on the floor. I began crying heavily, sobbing under my breath, I was whimpering, "Eli hates me."
My arm was still bleeding, and I could feel the blood dribbling down, soaking the sleeve of my shirt.
I had let out a scream and clenched my hair in my hands.
Since crying was the only thing I had ringing in my ears, I didn't hear my sister and Peter running up the stairs and barging into my room.
"Oh my god! Clare, what happened!" Darcy shrieked. I lifted my head and she squatted down next to me, and took my arm in her hands. She turned to Peter and demanded, "Peter! Get me something to clean this up!" He nodded and walked out of my room, leaving me and Darcy alone. I cried silently now, tears slowly streaming down my cheeks as I watched my sister's fingers move over my cuts. She looked up at me and asked, "Why?"
I didn't hesitate in responding.
"Eli hates me…" I whimpered.
Disbelief shown on Darcy's face and she narrowed her eyes at me; "Clare, no he doesn't." I shook my head. He does… Eli hates me and he proved it today. I cried, "I walked to him, to see what was wrong with him and he wouldn't tell me… I think I did something wrong, and now he won't talk to me." My voice squeaked as I explained to Darcy the situation.
She hugged me tight, and whispered in my ear, "Clare that doesn't mean anything – Eli likes you, so much, you can see it in his eyes, and he probably didn't want to talk right at that moment. He probably just wanted some time to cool off with whatever was wrong with him." Darcy cupped my face and wiped the tears that streamed down my cheeks with her thumbs. I swallowed hard and lowered my gaze. Maybe she was right… I wasn't sure. Peter soon walked in with paper towels and rubbing alcohol. He handed the items to Darcy and she thanked him, tearing a few paper towels from the roll, and soaking them with the rubbing alcohol.
Peter was watching and when I glanced up at him, he turned his head away, as if he had never seen something like this before. I hissed when Darcy placed the paper towels on my cuts, and began to wipe them clean. It hurt, but I liked it. I was used to this kind of pain, so instead of it being the pain that hurt, it was the pain that felt good.
Once the blood was cleaned off my arm, Darcy traced her fingers over the carving in my arm.
She sighed heavily.
"Can you guys leave me alone? Please." I asked. Darcy frowned and asked, "Are you sure you want us to leave you alone? You've already tried to—
"I'm not trying to kill myself, I'm just… I'm tired and I want to take a nap." I explained.
Darcy stood up, helping me up with her. I stood between Peter and my sister, and yawned, trying to get them to leave my room. I wanted to be alone. I walked to my bed and laid down on it. Soon enough, I was alone, which was exactly what I wanted. The door was closed, and I sat up quickly and grabbed my phone. I needed to talk to someone; someone I know will listen to me no matter what the situation. I dialed the number and pressed send.
"Hello?"
I smiled, listening to their voice.
"Hey, do you think your parents would drive up here so you can stay the night with me?" I asked, hoping that they would say yes.
"Of course Clare, I'm sure they'll let me, I'll ask now."
"Okay." I responded. I heard the phone being placed down and I waited patiently, for them to return and tell me the good – or bad news. While tapping my fingers on my knee, I looked down at my cuts and frowned, remembering what Darcy told me. I realized that what I did was a mistake, and that I needed to stop jumping to conclusions so quickly. I'll ask Eli what happened later.
"Clare?"
"Yeah."
"They said yes, I should be over there in about an hour or so."
"Okay, do you still remember the directions I gave you, or do you need them again?" I asked while getting up and removing my shirt really quick. I tossed my blood stained shirt in the trash bin in my room and found a different shirt hanging in my closet.
"No I still remember, I'll see you in a little bit, okay?"
"Okay, bye." I closed my phone and slipped my thumbs into the thumb holes of the shirt I wore. When I turned around, I could swear that my heart stopped. My father stood in the doorway and I cleared my throat and said softly, "Alli is coming to stay the night." He blinked at me and walked up to me saying, "You're inviting people over without asking me?" His tone was off and I knew I was in for something horrid. My back came in contact with the window behind me.
Dad had cornered me and his body was pressed uncomfortably close to me. I looked away and he grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him.
"Are you. Inviting. People over… without asking me?" He repeated, only more quiet, more monotone. I cleared my throat and licked my bottom lip and said, "It doesn't matter, Alli is my friend and I want to see her. If Darcy can have boys here without you being home, then I can have Alli come and stay the night with me." I glared up at him and he glared back.
"Call her back, tell her to cancel."
He turned around and I dropped my jaw.
"What? No! I won't do it." I crossed my arms across my chest and he turned around asking, "Clare, I said cancel, you're not having her come over."
"I am too!" I shouted.
He turned around and his hand came crashing into my face, making my eye feel like it were going to explode, or better yet, fall out of its socket, because my dad hit me that hard. I held my cheek, feeling the heat on my palm, and looked up at my father. Again I said, "Daddy, I'm not going to cancel. She's coming over." He arched his eyebrow and placed his hands on his hips. I stood straight, with my dignity to its highest point. I wasn't going to let him win.
He noticed this and he asked, "Do you want to get hit Clare, are you testing me?"
"What if I was, I'm used to it, you can't do anything more to hurt me. I've felt it all." I snapped.
Daddy didn't seem pleased with what I was saying, because I can easily see the anger filling his eyes. But, he didn't even budge. He just stood there, in shock, wondering if he heard right. I crossed my arms across my chest and shifted my weight to one leg. He didn't say anything afterwards, only walked out of my room. I smiled triumphantly and walked to my door to shut it, only to have it slammed open, hitting me in the face.
My father came charging in, slamming my body into the wall. I yelped and he covered my mouth as I tried to scream.
"Do you think you can talk to me like that Clare?" He growled.
I screamed behind his hand and he slammed me hard against the wall, making me feel light headed. I slouched against him and he held my body up and pulled away. His hand came in contact with my face making my other eye feel as if it just exploded. He hit me so hard that I fell to the floor, holding my face. The pain from the door, the wall, and his hand made tears stream down my face.
He snorted and walked out of my room. The door was slammed and I staggered to my feet. I wiped my tears away; I wasn't going to cry. For the likes of him, I'm not going to, there's no way. Unfortunately I had no control for my tears, they continued to stream down my face. As I walked to my window, I noticed that Alli's car had pulled up and she quickly climbed out and ran to the door. I listened for the doorbell.
The front door was opened and I heard my sister's voice.
"Hey Alli! Oh it's so good to see you! What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to see Clare; she invited me to stay the night. Your house is amazing."
"Thanks, well Clare is upstairs; it's the last room at the end of the hall." Darcy said.
I sat on my bed after quickly grabbing my headphones, plugged them into my laptop and started to blast music, so that way I made it look like I wasn't actually expecting her to come upstairs. Alli stood in front of me and she tapped my head. I glanced up and faked excitement; I pulled my headphones off and jumped off the bed to hug her.
"I missed you sooo much!" Alli squealed.
"I missed you too." I smiled faintly.
"Clare, what happened to your eye?" Alli asked.
I cleared my throat and looked away. Alli frowned she dropped her bag on my bed and asked, "Is your dad hitting you again?" I shrugged my shoulders and said, "It's nothing, really don't worry about it. I have stuff to tell you." Alli frowned. She wasn't going to let me off that easy, I just know it. But, instead of pestering me, she sat on the bed and said, "Okay, spill. Tell me more about your boyfriend." I sat down and sighed pathetically.
"He's amazing Alli, his kisses are just so breathtaking. He's really sweet to me, like he's the perfect boyfriend." I said.
"His kisses? So you guys have gotten far huh?" Alli waggled her eyebrows at me and I tossed a pillow to her face responding quickly, "No, we just kiss, he's kissed my neck a few times and I did the same to him, but that's all. We talk most of the time. He hasn't rushed into anything… he makes me feel comfortable." I smiled softly and leaned against my dresser.
"Sounds like you got a keeper." Alli smiled.
I nodded.
"I really miss him." I whispered.
"When was the last time you saw him?" Alli asked.
"About an hour ago."
"Awe, Clare! And you miss him so much already? That is so cute!" Alli squealed. I blushed and looked away. Alli was still squealing and I hid my face in my hands muttering and begging her to stop, because she was making me blush ten different shades of red. Alli refused though. She continued, "Clare and Eli sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, her comes Eli with the baby carriage!"
"Alli shut up!" I squeaked while throwing a pillow to her face.
I didn't know my own strength because the force caused her to fall off the bed and land on the floor with a thud. She poked her head up and started laughing; I joined in and laughed with her. Boy, did I really miss this. Alli and I hadn't seen each other since I moved and that was the day school was let out at my old school in Hamilton. I really did miss my old school, but I'm ready to start a new year at Degrassi – with Eli and Adam; even though I am not entirely fond of Adam. I just need to get to know him better.
"So, I want to meet your boyfriend." Alli said.
"What? No." I shook my head.
"What? Yes! I want to meet this mysterious boy that has practically kidnapped your heart." Alli said, slapping my knee playfully. I sighed and got up from my bed. Slowly walking to my window, I looked across the road and noticed that Eli was sitting on his front lawn, and talking to someone; it looked like Adam.
I turned over to Alli and she crawled to the window sill and stood up. I pointed to him and she leaned in and narrowed her eyes at him, trying to get a much clearer view of Eli. She asked, "Is something wrong with him?" I looked down from my window and looked over at Eli. He had his head buried in his knees and the person sitting next to him was rubbing his back soothingly. I wanted to go down and comfort him, because when I left his house he was fine.
"You should be an awesome friend and introduce me to your new friends." Alli said, insistently. I pinned my eyebrows together and looked Alli, and then back down at Eli's lawn. I rolled my eyes and said, "Okay, but we're only going to see him for a little bit." Alli nodded and I quickly grabbed a pair of pants that I had hanging in the closet and quickly pulled them on over my shorts.
Alli took my hand in hers and she dragged me out of my room, down the stairs and I told Darcy before we left that I'll be back. Darcy nodded and waved me off – smiling both at Alli and me as we exit my house. The sound of my front door slamming echoed and Eli looked up. Alli was dragging me across the road and we were soon standing in front of Eli and Adam. There was an awkward tension between us and I walked next to Eli and gave him a hug, because it looked like he needed it.
Eli's head fell to my shoulder and he snaked his arms around my waist, and sighed shakily.
"Ehem." Eli pulled away from me and I did too.
"Oh um, Eli this is my friend Alli, Alli this is my boyfriend Eli, and this is Adam."
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you both; I've heard so much about you two." Alli smiled really wide, showing her white teeth, which was a huge contrast to her dark face. Eli wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to his chest and I glanced up at him. He looked down at me and that's when I actually noticed the black eye forming around his eye, and I frowned.
"Eli, what happened?" I asked.
"Oh this, it's nothing." He whispered while turning away, hiding his eye with his bangs.
Alli stood next to me and Eli and she eyed his bruise. Eli was startled because he flinched when she stood next to him, and leaned in forward and stared at his eyes. She said, "You do have really pretty eyes. Clare was right." I blushed and Eli chuckled nervously. My head fell to his shoulder and he pat my head. Alli has the tendency to make me blush all the time in front of my boyfriend and friends – embarrass me.
"So…" Adam said, rocking back and forth on his heels.
"Well, I just wanted to see how you were doing, and to meet my friend, I'll call you later?" I asked. Eli nodded and I desperately wanted to kiss him right there in front of Alli and Adam, but I know that it wouldn't be "appropriate." Unfortunately Eli didn't show any sign that he didn't care, because the moment I pulled away, his hand came out and he grasped the back of my head and crushed my lips over his.
I whimpered, but he soon softened his vice like grip and kissed me softer.
Eli pulled away and said, "I'll be waiting for that call."
I smiled and kissed him chastely before walking back home with Alli linking her arm around me. She whispered in a deep down that she could possibly muster; "I'll be waiting for that call, oh Eli is such a charming man." I smiled and glanced back at him he smiled at me and I waved at him. He lifted his hand in a wave and turned around, walking into his house, with Adam following behind him.
"Shut up Alli." I finally said.
"Oh come on Clare, you should know this, Eli is a charmer, I bet he's really romantic too, even though he looks really mysterious." Alli playfully elbowed my side. I rolled my eyes and smiled. Eli hasn't showed me his romantic side, but I know deep down that he does have one. With the make out sessions we have and the tiny kisses he gives me, I know he's a closet romantic.
Smiling wide, I entered my house and walked up the stairs and into my room, sitting down with Alli on my bed.
"So, do you love him?" Alli asked quickly.
"What?" I blinked up at her.
"Simple question Clare, do you love Eli?" Alli asked again.
I swallowed hard and looked down at the floor of my room. Isn't it too soon to be even thinking about love? I have strong feelings for Eli, really strong feelings, they might be love, they might be something else; I'm not quite sure. Besides, Eli might not feel the same way about me, I'm sure he just likes me a lot… But, then again, I can't really say I don't… because deep down, no matter how hard I try and hide my feelings, I think I do love him.
"Yes? No?" Alli pestered me.
"Alli, yes… I do love him." I responded and she let out the loudest squeal ever.
It's like she's surprised because of it.
Well, I wouldn't blame her for getting excited, the last guy I fell in love with he turned out to be the biggest psycho path ever.
I only hope Eli isn't that way…
End of Chapter 21
HA! Didn't think it would be Alli coming along did you? So, in the next chapter, there will be some bloodshed, rape, cutting, and attempted suicide, you have been warned. The next chapter will probably be posted sometime next week. So, if you want it, leave me some reviews, yes?
Goodbye for now!