Chapter XXI

A/N: We have surpassed 300 reviews! Holy cow. I can't even...you know what? I just won't. I'll give you this chapter instead :).

Santana's POV

Nothing felt real about that particular Monday. There was no way that my alarm clock sounded at the appropriate time for starters; it was way too soon for it to be Monday morning.

Conversely, I felt like it had been weeks since we had classes rather than just two days. So much had happened in such little time that it was almost impossible for me wrap my mind around all of it.

Saturday was easily one of the best and one of the worst nights of my life. For starters, it really hit home for me how much I had changed and how much my life had changed since freshmen year when people started referring to me as "Satan". I didn't find pleasure in other people's pain anymore. I didn't care about a crown. I cared about having a good time with my friends. Friends like Tina, who weren't going to do anything for my popularity or status. I did things for people without there being anything in it for me.

I was really beginning to let people in. Interestingly enough, as far as I could tell, people liked what I was showing them.

My parents may have constructively abandoned me, but I was making my own family here in these halls, in that choir room, and on that Cheerio practice field.

As for one of the worst parts, I experienced firsthand the extreme hatred that exists out there for people like me. I didn't have the time to process that part yet. Not really. I was growing up, certainly, but I was far from an emotional genius.

There was good that came of that violence, however, and that good came in the form of my friends. The support I received after was absolutely overwhelming. From Puck risking his own handsome face to fight for me, to all of the hugs, texts, calls, emails, and Facebook messages, it was more support than I could have ever expected.

I was sure that many other people were afraid to approach me about what happened, and I didn't blame them for that. It was an extremely sensitive topic, and I was not the most approachable person.

But, the people who did reach out were all very respectful. Most of the messages were simple like "I'm glad you're okay" or "Let me know if there is anything I can do". No one begged me for more information.

Maybe it was because they didn't need more information with that video online. I couldn't believe that I didn't find out about the video until Sunday. I didn't watch it. I didn't think I ever would. But, apparently it had thousands of views already. It explained how everyone was privy to the details though.

I wondered if there was a way to get it down from the internet. Although the damage was done, it made me feel exposed and vulnerable just having it there for the world to see. Alternatively, maybe it could help with awareness or something.

Who knows. I wasn't going to chase down the kid who put it up or anything like that. However, it did kinda bother me to find out that Artie showed the video to the whole party. That's pretty messed up.

But anyway, back to the good. Part of me didn't understand how I could have so many people like this in my life when I had been anything but a good person for so long.

My Cheerios, for example, who I spend most practices ordering around and yelling at, surrounded me on the field that morning in what was probably the quantitatively largest hug I have ever been in. Despite Nationals coming up that very weekend, Coach Sue waited more than a few heartbeats before shouting for everyone to get their "sappy asses" into formation.

It was almost enough for me to lose it. I hadn't cried about everything yet.

While I'm being honest, I couldn't remember the last time I cried, period.

As for the rest of Saturday, my after prom party was ridiculous. Ridiculous in a good way, for the most part. Everyone seemed like they had a great time, and people must have stuck around in the morning for a while because most of the cleaning was done before I dragged my ass out of bed.

Bed.

Alright, so I made this giant step, in the land of Santana anyway, and I asked Quinn if we could talk about us. We had two amazing encounters on Saturday, and I finally convinced myself that I needed to just suck it up and have an adult conversation about things.

I didn't think I had ever put myself out there like that. It wasn't my style, but I had thought that she was worth it.

When she agreed to talk, she had seemed happy about it, but I obviously misread her. I obviously misread the whole fucking situation. I almost believed, after our second kiss on the porch, that she might have been feeling some degree of what I was feeling.

I didn't want to risk fucking it all up after that, and I purposely toned down my flirtations the rest of the night, and avoided standing or sitting anywhere near my redheaded date.

I didn't want Quinn to think that I was being casual about everything. It was serious for me. Very serious. I wasn't ready to jump on the roof and proclaim my endless love for Quinn Fabray, but as scary as it was, I wanted that honest conversation with her.

So I'm all, "I'm going to be a nun, albeit a foul mouthed one, until we have this conversation" and she's all "I'm going to make out with Trouty Mouth like it's my job while you're just a few feet away."

Message received. Not exactly on the same page there.

I didn't throw a fit, or shove Sam like she had shoved Sadie. Oh, about that. Because of the chaos that had happened right after Quinn and Sadie's celebrity bitch match, I hadn't given any thought to their quarrel. But that's a whole other issue.

As I was saying, I didn't flip out or make a scene, I simply left. I wasn't going to watch. I was done with the night. That was the last colossal drop in my emotionally exhausted bucket.

We weren't in a relationship, but if she had wanted her lips on that froggy mouth so badly, couldn't she have gone to another room to do it? She knew I was right there. It was like she had wanted me to see it.

Saved her a conversation, I suppose.

I didn't even have the energy to be angry, not then, not now. I was stupid to have had even a shred of hope that she felt something for me. It was even more stupid to think that she would understand how much of a big deal it was for me to ask her to talk in the first place. Hell, maybe she did understand, but just didn't care.

I was numb.

I left the party, and went straight up to my bedroom. I wanted to sleep off the night's events, and I hoped that my mind would gift me with just one night of Quinnless dreams. Just one night.

When Sadie entered the room shortly after I did, it felt right. It felt like the universe was telling me to wake the fuck up. The woman downstairs was just some middle school fantasy, and the woman in front of me was the mature reality.

It was a different sort of disappearing act than sleep was, but it was far more effective.

I made sure to show her how grateful I was for her attentions, her consistency, and her openness. I spent hours demonstrating my gratitude.

Sadie was right, we did have many things in common, and I understood what it meant for her to have suggested the possibility of a relationship between us. Not only was it outside of her comfort zone, it was also really brave of her.

And all I had the courage to do was ask Quinn to talk.

Quinn was long gone before I came downstairs the next morning. Everyone was gone by then, actually. Sadie left me a note on the fridge saying that she would give me back my jersey the next time she saw me, which she hoped was sooner than our dance class on Thursday. Smooth.

She's definitely the most experienced girl that I've ever been with, and it was really nice to not have to play teacher all night.

Quinn didn't contact me at all on Sunday, which was fine, I mean, what would be the point? She said all she needed to say by making out with Sam in front of me.

She didn't make any effort to speak to me before or after cheer practice, and I sure as hell didn't approach her. What would I say? "Don't worry, I won't try to kiss you again"?

We didn't pass notes in Trig like we usually do, and I was more than fine with that as well.

Fine was a great way to describe how I felt in general. It was my go-to answer whenever someone asked me if I was okay throughout the day.

Fine is a good way to describe numb right?

I caught people staring at me more so than usual. I even overheard some guy whisper "I worship you, Santana Lopez" as I walked by him in the hallway. Weirdo.

When I walked into my AP Lit class a few seniors were watching the video of the fight, but they turned it off as soon as they saw me. I didn't say anything.

Overall, considering the weekend I had, the day was pretty normal.

And then there was Glee.

I paused just after the doorway when I entered the Choir Room. It was empty. Well, the chairs and equipment were all there, but no people. After a brief pause, I decided to take a seat anyway. It was a little awkward sitting in there by myself, but it was also nice to have a minute of quiet.

I wondered if we were supposed to be in the auditorium that day, and I didn't get the memo. I resolved to check there in five minutes or so, if no one came. I really hoped that Coach Sue hadn't found some way to cancel the club again. It's pathetic, but I needed Glee. It was my most important outlet, and these were my people.

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see,
I'll be the light to guide you

I heard Kurt's beautifully unique high-pitched voice before he stepped into the room. My first instinct was to ask him where everyone else was, and my second, was to ask him what the hell he was doing. Something else inside of me told me to do neither, and I listened.

He looked right at me as he sang, his eyes begging me to absorb every word.

Find out what we're made of
When we are called to help our friends in need

Puck sang the next lines, arriving inside the room while strumming his guitar with the strap around his neck. I didn't know which one of us smiled first, but the smile he gave me as he sang his part was one of the sweetest Puck smiles that I had ever seen.

I had always loved his voice. So much better than Finn's. I never understood why Finn was given so many parts when, in my opinion, all of the guys in Glee were better singers.

Oh honey, I already know what you're made of.

I didn't mean that sexually. I meant that he didn't have to prove anything to me after Saturday. I knew I could always count on him.

Oh god, Santana, don't cry. Don't you dare.

This was one danger of opening up to people. You risk them seeing you cry.

How do you begin to repay or thank someone for something like that? Puck and I have been close for a long time, but what he did, I was never going to forget it.

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
And you'll be there
Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Tina and Mercedes entered together, walking side by side, their arms around each other's waists. How, precious. Tina and Mercedes had become two of my closest friends. I hated that I had wasted so much time on only hanging out with cheerleaders and football players.

Hey, what if I had skipped Glee today? It would have been kinda funny for them to all come in to sing to some empty chairs.

If you toss and you turn and you just can't fall asleep
I'll sing a song
beside you
And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me
Everyday I will
remind you

Finn, Brittany, Joe, Sam, and Sugar were the next ones to file in. Although I was pretty sure that Sugar was not singing. Smart choice. That girl did not sound good. Ever.

I blew a kiss to Brittany, and she made a point to catch it. Yesterday, we solidified movie plans for Wednesday night. I was so ready for some best friend time. I didn't think that she had any idea how much she means to me.

Finn was hitting the stupid fucking bongos that were hanging from his neck as he sang. I hated to admit it, but his beat wasn't half bad.

Joe's support meant a lot to me. He's really religious, or at least he was until he was influenced by the Glee Club. I'm serious. Glee Club. Bad influence on Teen Jesus.

In any case, he never treated me like a "sinner", and that endeared me to him greatly.

You'll always have my shoulder when you cry
I'll never let go
Never say goodbye

Mike, Rachel, and Quinn came in, and the combination of their voices made a surprisingly awesome mixture.

I tried not to look at Quinn while she was singing, but it is pretty fucking rude to avoid someone's eyes when they're singing to you. At least I could alternate between her and Mike and Rachel.

Quinn was in her Cheerio uniform, just like me. We were stuck in them every day until Nationals were over. The three of them did a little dancer spin, and Quinn's skirt, of course, floated up. God damn those skirts.

Whatever. I can be done with whatever was going on between us and still think she's hot. I'm only human.

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
You'll be there
Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Artie, Blaine, and Rory were the last ones to appear. Except for Mr. Schue, he had snuck in through the other door at some point during the number. The whole club finished the chorus together, and by that point I was spending more time looking up at the ceiling rather than at my friends. It was either do that, or let the tears fall.

"You guys are so fucking corny." I managed to speak, finally. The group bumrushed me for yet another hug, and I half-expected Mr. Schue to chastise me for my language, but he didn't.

Hug overload the past couple of days.

"But I loved it." I admitted, laughing at how dainty Kurt was trying to be with his part of the hug. "It's okay, Porcelain, I'm not that fragile." And I wasn't.

Yesterday was a bit rough as far as pain went, and I was sure that getting it on with Sadie only aggravated things. Today was okay though. Better than the day before. I needed to heal fast. I didn't want the judges to see any sign of weakness at Nationals that weekend.

"Thank you, but if you guys make me cry, I will go Lima Heights Adjacent on all of your asses." I joked. I wasn't sure if that threat was more or less funny after this past weekend, but the group laughed anyway.

"Okay okay, give Santana some air, kids. We need to get back to work on our set list for Nationals." Thank you, Mr. Schue.

We started to go to work, but my mind was elsewhere. I was thinking about how I didn't feel deserving of all of this…love, or whatever it was. I had tortured many of these people over the past couple of years. And while the performance was corny, it was also incredibly touching that they would do that for me.

Practice was almost over when one of the office secretaries interrupted to gesture for Mr. Schue to come into the hallway. After he went out there, he kept glancing over at me while she spoke to him.

Oh god, what now?

I didn't know her very well, but by her body language and facial expression, she seemed like she was on edge. Frantic almost.

I needed to learn to read lips better. The conversation was almost over, and I had nothing.

"Thank you."

Woot, I got that one. Mr. Schue said "Thank you" to the woman as she walked away. Helpful.

"I'm letting you all out a few minutes early today. Remember that, and dedicate some of that time to brainstorming outside of class, okay? Santana, come here please."

Knew it.

I approached Mr. Schue right away, not even bothering to collect my books from beside my chair before doing so.

I could hear most of the club lollygagging behind me. They were probably shuffling papers around or some stupid shit as an excuse to hang around to see what was going on. Typical.

Mr. Schue inhaled before solving the mystery for me. "Santana…your parents are here. They're waiting for you in Principal Figgins' office."