Special chapter for my lovely readers! I hope you enjoy :3
I whimpered as I lay in bed. I had woken up from my short, very short, nap and I was on one of the med bay human sized beds. Darla and Thomas were on my left softly stroking my hand and brushing through my hair, I had to admit that I was scared to death and what they were doing wasn't calming me one bit! I didn't like the way Ratchet's holoform was examining me before the surgery, and I sure as hell didn't like the way Barricade holoform was watching me with his arms crossed over his chest!
I was so, so scared…
I never really liked hospitals. I've been in and out of them ever since I can remember. The doctors always felt a need to experiment on me and since I was under aged my foster parents, doesn't matter what number, had to make the choice for me, whether I liked it or not.
People always had to stick needles in me and drain my blood or take bone tissue. I think I've had like five chemo treatments, forty-two electrotherapies, nine brain surgeries and different donations such as blood and bone marrow…
"It's alright, sweetie." Darla whispered as she softly kept on stroking through my hair, I hadn't even noticed the tears falling onto the pillow. "You don't have to do this is you don't want to, we'll figure out something else…"
A clicked sob escaped me but I still shook my head. I needed to do this! I needed to get this done with so I could talk to everyone again. I needed to get this done because I wanted to be normal like everybody else.
"Looks like you're all ready to go." Ratchet said softly after shaving the hair on the right side of my head. At least he didn't cut it all of. "Jolt if you could ready the IV, I will gather the supplies. I have to ask your foster parents and Barricade to leave the room, we will call you in when you can see her."
Thomas and Darla nodded and both kissed my temple before walking out. I felt my hands twitch as I wanted to reach for them but I restrained myself and fisted the sheets instead.
Jolt's holoform walked up to me with a soft, kind smile. His hair was messy but short and blue! It looked so awesome! He was wearing a light blue denim shirt with a white t-shirt underneath; he had a white belt in his dark jeans. I couldn't see his shoes but I'd bet that they were blue.
Anyways! Jolt attached the IV to my hand, put those stupid sticker thingies to my chest, pulled a oxygen mask over my face and put finger clip on my right index finger before checking the heart monitor as I tried to control me speeding breath and heart rate.
I couldn't believe that this was actually happening. I was panicking, I was scared and I wanted to run away!
Tears ran down my face but Jolt wiped them away as he gave me one of his ensuring smiles.
"You're in good hands." He told me, giving my hand a soft squeeze. "Don't worry, you'll be as good as new in a couple of hours."
I could only nod at Jolt. In al these months I've known him, together with the few times I've seen him, I've never heard him talk. It sounded really sweet and convincing.
"Barricade, you may go." I heard Ratchet say. I turned my face to them and saw Barricade say something back but it was too soft for me to hear. Ratchet just nodded and called Jolt before walking out for a second. Barricade stepped towards me and I would see the worried look on his face.
Why was he worried?
He didn't say anything to me but as he reached out to me. His hand brushed through my hair and I think I saw the smallest smile on his face. I purred for only a second before Barricade pulled his hand back.
"Not a word about this to anyone." And there was the grumpy bot I knew. "You'll get through this."
I nodded and he just walked out… Just like that he was gone and I was alone. Of course that didn't take long because Ratchet and Jolt came back.
"This is what we are going to do." Ratchet started to explain as he took a seat next to my bed. How I hated it when doctors explained me things. "I created something that will be a replacement for your antenna, which you don't have. The hole you felt behind your ear is a sort of port we can plug it into. Now, we will need to remove the skin behind your ear and install the device. It will take some getting used too, but I believe it will work."
I nodded and he stood up. I saw Jolt inject something in my IV and everything slowly started to fade before I fell asleep.
Barricade's POV
I was waiting in my alt mode form outside the surgery room. I was going insane! This surgery shouldn't worry me, neither should that stupid sparkling! She wasn't my sparkling! She wasn't her mother's! She was her foster parents'!
The way they cared for her made my wires bundle up and my spark turn heavy.
She never was mine… She never could be and never wouldbe… Darla and Thomas Nicholson cared for her and took care of her in a way that I would never be able.
I should have left her alone when I saw her for the first time. I never should've talked to her mother! I just should have left her that day, but of course Cindy had to get what she wanted and get into my processor… Damn that woman for her stupidity!
"Either stop scratching your arm or get a drink." A young woman, around the age of eighteen, leaned against the bar across of Barricade. "What can I get you, officer?"
"I don't drink."
"So a officer just walks into a bar an hour before closing and doesn't want a drink… That's new." She smiled. "Marv makes the best chicken soup in all of Georgia… I ain't gonna let you go home until you've had something to drink or eat. And if you don't stop scratching your arm I'm going to put some mittens around those hands of yours! What brings you to Avera anyways, Officer…?
"Cade."
"Cynthia, but everybody calls me Cindy."
Barricade looked at her outstretched hand before shaking it softly. This woman wasn't going to leave him alone for a while and he knew it.
"So, what brings you here?" Cindy asked again as she poured a beer for another man before turning back to him.
"Just decided to go for a drive." Barricade answered.
"So that's why you wear sunglasses at… almost half past midnight?" Cindy grinned looking at her watch and out the window. In a small town like Avera everybody knew everybody, so Cindy couldn't help but to question this strange unknown officer. He wasn't bad looking, she could give him that, but her Papa had always taught her that you know what kind of man a man is when you look him in the eye. "You got a bad eye infection or something?"
"If you want to call it that."
"Let me see."
Barricade cocked a brow at the dark haired woman in front of him. Her green eyes were filled with curiosity. He didn't like this girl, but he didn't dislike her either. This was the first human femme he would even consider beautiful.
"What?" Cindy asked. "I'm going to study meds in a couple of weeks and my mom's the town's nurse. Trust me, I can handle it… Maybe even do something about it, driving with infected eyes isn't the brightest idea."
"No."
"Please?" She pouted, looking like a kicked puppy dog.
Barricade sighed and rubbed his eyes under his shades. "Fine." He gave in. He hated that kind of look, so he took of his shades and watched the girl's face carefully. Cindy didn't show any fear when her green eyes met his crimson red ones. She just grabbed his jaw and softly turned his head to the side. Barricade had to keep his eyes from glowing at the woman's touch. Her hands were soft and gentle and he felt warmth spread through his holoform like wildfire.
"Suites you." She eventually smiled and let go of him. "Makes you look more… badass. Now drink up." Cindy poured him a beer and placed the pint in front of him with a loud thump. "Your drinks are on the house."
"I told you I don't drink." Barricade huffed and crossed his over the bar top.
"I don't care." She smiled and fixed her black tank top when one of the other costumers was looking at her chest a little too long. "My shift ends in an hour, I want you drunk and leaned over me in the backseat of your cruiser by half past one. Drink up and screw me later."
"A bit bold, isn't it?"
"I like speaking my mind." Cindy whispered before quickly pulling him in for a kiss. "And I want you to show me how badass you really are…"
I snapped out of the memory when Ratchet's holoform came walking out of the surgery room, drying his hand with a cloth. I quickly turned on my holoform and stepped out of the car as I tried to hide the worry on my face. I hadn't even held track of the time, but by the looks of the foster parents, it had been a while.
"Everything went fine." Ratchet answered when Darla opened her mouth. "Phoebe's still under anesthetics but she's fine."
I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.
"How did it go?" Thomas asked hugging Darla, who cried in relief, another reason why I should've left Phoebe alone. Her foster parents cared more for her then I did.
"Extremely well." Ratchet smiled. "Removing the skin didn't cause any problem but some tissue had grown into the plug-in port, which was a bit harder to remove but we managed eventually. The installation took a bit longer then we wanted but we won't know if it's working until the sparkling wakes up."
"Will she be alright?" Darla asked. "The thing won't hurt her, will it?"
"It will take a lot of energy and time from her side to learn to work with it." The doctor answered. "The weight on the right side of her head will be a bit heavier then on her left, she will need to learn how to cooperate with the build in comm link and she will need to learn how to control her sparkbonds."
"Sparkbonds?" Thomas asked.
Ratchet turned to me for a second and I knew that I wasn't going to like this. "Yes, sparkbonds." He answered. "Phoebe's spark, or heart in your case, is bonded with Barricade's spark. A sparkling strengthens the bond the more time she spend with her creator, in this case Barricade. The bond is basically there to send feeling or emotions and even thoughts, if it is really strong, with the 'bots her spark is connected to. Right now that is Barricade. On Cybertron her spark would also have connected with her mate when the time would be right, but that doesn't seen likely here."
"So her heart is bonded to Barricade no matter what?" Darla asked, quickly snatching a look at me. "She doesn't get a choice in that?"
"She made that choice." I knew the foster parents didn't like me, and I didn't blame them, I didn't like this either… I think. "The moment Phoebe gave Barricade a choice the bond was made. He might not like this either, but if he would break the bond now, while it is in healing progress, it could kill her. I've heard and seen signs of self harm and abuse on her, is that true?"
"Yes, it is." The parents said together with a sad sigh.
"She had a couple of suicide attempts and she used to cut herself before she moved in with us." Thomas said. "We're still very careful with sharp objects around her."
"Then we need to let her control the speed of the sparkbond." Ratchet said. "Barricade will need to learn not to send the wrong emotions and feelings towards her because if this goes wrong then it could end really badly for the sparkling. The two of you," he turned to me. "will need to connect in your own ways. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
I nodded and rubbed my face. This was not the position and place I wanted to be in.
"Can we go and see her?" Darla asked. Ratchet nodded and the foster parents hurried into the room where Phoebe was.
I turned off my holoform and transformed into my bipedal mode. I needed to get some air and think about this, so that was exactly what I was going to do.
XxX
"You are the strangest mech I have ever met, Barricade." I didn't even need to take my optics off of the ocean to know who it was. "Cybertronian and not real to the human eyes, yet you still manage to create a sparkling as unique as Phoebe."
"She's not my sparkling." I huffed and crossed my arms. I didn't need to turn around to see Ratchet roll his optics. "She was a mistake. This whole thing is a mistake. I never should have talked to the woman Phoebe should be calling mother. I never should have gone after her."
"I know you care for her, Barricade." Ratchet said as he stepped next to me. "I also know that you are just trying to push everything about her aside, but you can't. You can keep telling yourself that she's a mistake but yet you still keep worrying about her."
"I don't worry."
"I know when mechs are trying to hide their emotions, Barricade. I've been around long enough and I've dealt with soldiers more stubborn then you. I've been around since long before the war."
"I didn't want this!" I snapped at the medic, turning to face him. "I didn't want any of this!"
"And yet you still held the sparkling when she was nothing more then a baby!" He snapped back.
I slowly towered over the slightly smaller mech and growled as I felt my eyes glow dangerously. "How did you know that?"
"Besides the marks I found on her heart when I scanned her?" Ratchet asked. "That girl has been torturing herself ever since she could, I've seen the scars on her body. You know just as well as I that a sparkling starts getting destructive when its denied or ignored by its creators! You broke the bond with your own child just so you could feel better after what you did to her mother!"
"What was I supposed to do?!" I growled. "You honestly wanted me to take care of the sparkling and have it raised by Decepticons?! I didn't want that for her! I did what I had to do to protect Static from getting killed-!"
"Yet you still managed to kidnap the girl and bring her to Starscream himself, for who knows what!" He exclaimed. "You were going to watch your own sparkling getting tortured by that Decepticon scum! And for what?! Some low payment?!"
"I was ordered to kill her, alright?!" I yelled. "I had been given orders to kill my sparkling and bring her body before Starscream. I didn't know why and I didn't want to know, but I couldn't! I couldn't kill her mother and I couldn't kill Phoebe! Why do you think I saved her the second time?! I had been planning an escape the first time you came to the rescue! I wanted to take her away and explain her everything over time! That's why I fought Sunstreaker when the twins took her! Las Vegas was a distraction to get the sparkling! I wouldn't let her get hurt again, so I went after her but landed in the brig here instead! I try to keep her safe, but look at her… She wants to die, Ratchet! How can I keep her safe if she's the one that brings the most danger to herself?"
Ratchet's eyes softened at my words. If there was one thing I hated over worry then it would be sadness and pity. I didn't need the mech to pity me.
"Talk to her." He said and placed a servo on my shoulder.
"She doesn't want to talk to me!" I pushed the servo aside and took a step back. "She doesn't want to know the truth! The truth will only make her feel more worthless then she already feels. How do you tell your child that it was you who left her on that junk yard and not her mother?! That her mother just threw her in my arms and turned away?!"
"I'm not saying that you should tell her right now." Ratchet said. "Give her sometime. Let her get used to living here, and the training she will be getting, and her antenna. A lot changed over these last months and a lot more will change over the course of her life… Just tell her when the time is right and work on your bond in the mean while, the stronger the bond will be, the easier it will be for her to understand."
"It will never be easy."
"True, but that doesn't mean it will get harder either." He smiled and placed his servo on my shoulder again before slowly pushing me back to base. "You have a good sparkling, Barricade. She won't run away from you now that she found you."
Hey people!
Sorry, sorry for the late, terribly late, update! I wanted to update last week but I was stuck in one of my other fics so I'm very sorry!
Tell me what you think about this chapter though. I was quite interesting to write Barricade's flashback, so I hope you liked it :3
Anyways, I've going to bed because, even though I have holidays now, I still need to get up early :3
Night guys and I'll promise that I'll try to update again soon :3
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XxX KneelingAngel