Ch. 21. Christmas special.
Christmas and New Year's parties passed by in a blur of color and nothingness. Gabriel spent those holidays with Kali's family, he asked Cas to come with them but he refused graciously, he had work to do and besides, he wanted to give his family another chance. Last time he shared a proper Christmas celebration with them, before every party was an office party, he recalled having a good time.
Well, this time wasn't like that. Once and again the house was festively dressed up and a huge party was thrown, but it was more for show than anything else, it was like every other 'business party' he attended while working for his father. Cas endured the first few hours of the Christmas party talking with all the people his father introduced him. Sons and daughters of very good families made polite small talk, some witty, some dull, they all tried their best to catch the elusive young Novak's fancy.
He was feeling equally annoyed and miserable till Jo helped him escape the advances of a perky brunette, calling him out of the ballroom 'to solve a pressing matter'. Once out of sight she handed him a food tray and a champagne bottle so he could continue the party elsewhere, no explanations needed.
Cas was surprised over how well she knew him, he never asked for it but she was there for him anyways. He took the tray, used the service stairs and got to the hallway where his bedroom was, but when he turned a corner he almost bumped into Hannah, Zachariah's wife.
"Hi, Cassie!" Hannah slurred her greeting and hugged him sloppily. She was really drunk and, sadly, the party was just a poor excuse as it was her usual state. Cas sighed and returned the salute, asking her if she needed help getting somewhere, like her room.
"Nah, I've got Maggie here to help me. Right girl?" Hannah wrapped an arm around her slave's shoulder and leaned on her.
"Of course Mistress" The poor girl was used to her Mistress's ways so she just rolled with it.
"I've got my girl. She's mine and she cares for me… you love me, Maggie?" Hannah was caressing her hair with the hand that was circling her shoulders, bending the girl's neck at an awkward angle for a moment.
"Of course Mistress" The girl was tired but she just kept her trained eyes on her.
"See? She loves me… I'm loved, yes I am. And it makes me happy…" Hannah was now talking to herself. She left waddling through the hallway, her girl stretching her arms towards her, not quite touching her but ready to catch her the moment she loses her balance.
Cas met Hannah on her wedding day, seven or eight years ago. She was a kind and sweet girl and he didn't understand at the moment what that gentle creature saw in his brother. Now that all the pieces came into place together, he was able to see that it didn't matter what she thought on her wedding day, her marriage was orchestrated for his brother and her father, and maybe her drinking was her way to cope with her unhappiness.
Cas saw himself on her sometimes, he was just like her not so long ago, he was ready to marry a man he didn't truly love, the only difference was that he realized it sooner, and by accident. He came so close to end up like her it was frightening.
That night he drank his champagne toasting for his newfound freedom and his utter loneliness.
Prior to the New Year's party he spoke to Martha but it was to no avail, neither Jo nor Dean could be spared to spend the evening with him during the party, so he suffered a few hours of it till somehow one of the blondes managed to replicate his disappearing act, food and drinks as well.
Castiel read and made sketches the rest of the evening while drinking his champagne.
Those were very lonely holidays he spent but when his alcohol numbed heart tried to put a silver lining to the memories of his last Christmas, the ones he celebrated with Tom, his mind put a stop to it right there. 'Cas, get it together man, it is the first time in a long while you're not smashed at one of these parties and that's why you're so whiny…'
So he put a remedy on it and drank himself blind. There, it was done.