I'm immensely thankful for the continued hits and views (and reviews!) on New beginnings, you have no idea. Here's a little something that's been brewing for a while, I hope you enjoy it!
As always, thank you all so much for your support! xoxo
They step through the door together, for the first time complete. There's nothing missing to them now. Although they haven't been able to find that truth inside themselves just yet, let alone say it out loud to each other, the flat in St. Petersburg feels sacred all of a sudden. It's where the rest of their lives will begin.
Yuuri blinks slowly when he kicks off his shoes, heel to toe. He yawns loudly when he takes off his jacket with an almost invisible shrug. He is hit by the wave of exhaustion as he takes the first few steps down the hall, towards the open space that is their combined kitchen and living room. But even though it calls him, it has to wait. The sleeping. Just for a few more hours.
Victor follows him, he hears. Victor, who's been nothing but smiles because they made this journey together only to arrive at this very moment. Victor, who's grown more quiet and focused with every second of getting closer to home. Victor, who now blinks, blinks and blinks, standing in front of the sofa.
"What do I do with the bags?" Yuuri keeps his voice low, afraid that he'll disrupt the muted atmosphere he senses they brought with them as they came through the door.
He doesn't get an answer. Not at first. Victor is sitting down on the sofa, his eyes locked on his hands.
Yuuri doesn't blame him. He knows that no matter how important this moment is to him, it's even more important to Victor. It's an understanding that he's been trying to accept and although it initially makes him feel not as invested, he knows it's not the truth. Victor's just… so much more. In everything he does.
"Victor? Vitya?"
The word of endearment breaks the spell Victor is under, and he replies, just as low. "Hm? Oh, sorry."
"The bags? Do Iㅡ"
"Just put them in the bedroom, love. We can unpack them later. Tomorrow."
"I can do it now," Yuuri replies, knowing that Victor wants to keep it tidy. Especially now. "I don't mind," he adds, because it's the truth, brought on by the feeling that Victor needs at least a moment alone. To adjust. To allow it all to sink in.
"No, it's fine. We'll do it tomorrow. Don't bother."
Yuuri hums his response and looks at Victor from where he stands, just shy of the doorway to the bedroom. Victor's back is slightly hunched, his shoulders drooping as they relax. Victor's caught by the spell anew, it seems, which makes Yuuri see an opportunity to rest, finally.
"Is it okay if I rest a bit? You should too, you know. It's been a long trip."
When the answer comes, albeit delayed, it's exactly what Yuuri expected it to be. Breathless, proud, loving. All of the things that sums Victor up perfectly.
"Go ahead. I'll… I'll sit up just for a while longer."
Yuuri feels his face respond automatically with a smile, one that Victor doesn't see, as he turns around to leave their bags on the floor of the bedroom. Of course he'll stay up, Yuuri thinks to himself as he pulls off his sweater and the t-shirt underneath it, feeling the traveller's smell with a slight disgust. It's been his plan all along, most probably.
He catches a glimpse of Victor again, as he prepares to close the bedroom door. Something compels him to get close, which he does on inaudible feet.
"Can I get you anything?" He whispers this, his lips softly touching Victor's ear. "Or are you happy the way you are?"
Victor huffs then, that little sound that Yuuri knows means a million things. A million things depending on the situation, the setting, the feel. Right now, Yuuri knows the answer. Victor is indeed happy the way he is, happy doesn't even begin to describe him, but he'll humor him and ask him for something simple.
"A cup of coffee would be nice," Victor smiles. Those blue eyes are narrow when they look into his, his mouth is having that peculiar shape it has when he smiles directly from the heart. Then, and only then. The smile Victor's never shared with anyone else but him.
Yuuri leans in a bit more, kisses Victor's temple and thinks to himself, I knew you would say that, before he walks off towards the kitchen and fulfills Victor's request.
"Here," Yuuri says upon returning, placing the gargantuan cup on the coffee table, "wake me up if you… no, forget it."
"I will, but I don't think it'll be necessary. Sleep, honey. Don't worry about me."
They share a kiss. One that is a bit too brief for Yuuri's taste, but he settles in knowing that he'll ask for more after his rest.
"Thank you. For today," Victor breathes as they part.
Yuuri's hand lingers against Victor's cheek for a moment, a moment that's longer than the kiss they just ended, feeling Victor's heat seep into his hand. Yuuri want's to thank him too, for choosing him, for continuing to so so. For making their future more and more intertwined.
"We'll make this work, right?" As soon as Yuuri utters the words, he feels stupid. Like there's a possibility to go back now. On any decision, on any road they've walked on together, on this day that made them beyond close. Also, he feels stupid because it sounds like he's not sure, like there's doubt left in him still. He's not hesitant. In fact, he's never been as sure of anything in his life.
"We'll make it work," Victor replies. There's something in his voice, although it's so muted and incredibly soft, that puts an end to any eventual debate.
Yuuri knows better to contest Victor when he's got that tone of voice, so he laughs then, just a syllable, before his hand leaves Victor's cheek. Before he leaves Victor's side and heads for the bedroom. Before he falls asleep within seconds of feeling his head touch the pillow.
-xoxo-
He wakes up with a jolt. It's silent in the bedroom. Dark. Lonely.
He reaches for his phone and sighs when he notices the time. The intended nap became a little more than half a night's sleep. The irritation follows thereafter, eventually settling in shame. Victor was probably just as tired, and here he is with his eyes sandy with sleep, alone in their bed.
When he opens the door to the bedroom, he's almost surprised to see Victor exactly where he left him, roughly five hours ago. Sitting little hunched over on the sofa, his shoulders relaxed.
"You better not be awake," Yuuri breathes, his guilty conscience doing the talking.
As he leans in to see if Victor's awake, his eyes travels over the coffee table. He notices the coffee cup, untouched, on top of it. Victor had indeed been humoring him earlier. But there's more clutter to the coffee table. Victor's mobile phone, the weather-worn puppy that is Victor's first stuffed animal, a couple of emptiedㅡ
"I am," Victor responds in the same low voice, cutting him off in his observations. "I just… got caught."
Yuuri stands silently behind Victor, his hand eventually ends up touching his shoulder. He wonders if Victor has been sitting there, awake, silent in the dark for as long as he's been asleep. He knows he probably has.
"You're making me feel bad," he blurts out, his fingers inching away from Victor's shoulder to end up touching his jaw.
"I'm sorry," Victor replies as he turns his head and kisses the palm of Yuuri's hand. "Don't feel bad. You were tired."
"Aren't you? Do you want me to take her?"
The look Yuuri is met with almost makes him take a step back. There's a fire in Victor's eyes, a blue heated flame, that softens a heartbeat later. Making Yuuri wonder if he ever saw it in the first place.
"No, I… I…"
Seeing Victor's lower lip tremble, his eyes filled with tears that have been waiting to be shed for months, maybe even longer, makes something stir inside Yuuri. So, he whimpers.
"Oh… Victor, please. You're going to make me cry!"
"It's… it's just," Victor begins, tears escaping his eyes, one after another, as he puts his right hand on his chest, "when I look at her, I get this feeling in-inside, you know?"
Yuuri knows what Victor's talking about. He feels the exact same thing, but right then and there, it becomes clear to him that this, everything they share, means so much more to Victor. Because he's never been able to share anything like this before.
"Yuuri, I… you know I love you? I would do anything for you, right? But when I look at her, it's… I mean, I… would do everything for her. I look at her and I feel like…" Victor sniffs a couple of times before he continues. "I can make something of this. My life. I'm more than medals and titles. I never thought… I-I… I never thought that this was for me."
Yuuri instinctively embraces Victor, this new Victor he feels beyond curious to get to know. This new Victor with wet cheeks, this new Victor settling against his shoulder when being pulled close.
"Yuuri… I am a father. I'm a father now."
"Yes," Yuuri mumbles into Victor's neck, hugging him just a little tighter. "Yes, you are."
They share a silence, one that feels like nothing and everything at the same time. One that might be just as brief heartbeat or as lasting as an eternity. One filled with knowledge of each other, and a slight apprehension of what's to come.
"So," Yuuri sniffs when he eases up, when his cheek ends up touching Victor's, "what do you want to be called?"
"Wh-what?" Victor laughs and blinks, seemingly puzzled by the question.
"I want to be touchan. And you? Papa?"
Yuuri feels Victor move against his cheek, his head tilts down and just like that, he's lost in the spell again. The spell created by a baby, a little more than a few days old, sleeping on his lap.
"Papochka," Victor finally answers, his words riding on a vibrating exhale. His eyes seek out the tiny, sleeping face of a child oblivious to the plans being made above her head.
To Yuuri, something clicks inside his head. It feels like Victor's been waiting to say it, to finally make his acquaintance with the word. A word he never thought was for him, to use and heed to. In that moment, that particular understanding, the one shared by him and Victor, is probably the most important thing that has happened during the last twenty-four hours. They are fathers now, a commitment taken on together, and… no matter where they will end up in their relationship, they'll remain just that to the life resting on Victor's lap. For an entire lifetime, until they cease to be.
"Papochka? I like it," Yuuri smiles, as he lets Victor free from his embrace. Still remaining close, slowly feeling the same spell threatening to take him over.
But he manages to stay outside it, the bubble created by Victor and their daughter. By doing so, he can observe them. How peaceful she seems to be, her chest heaving being the only thing that separates her from looking like a doll. How he in turn seems completely enthralled, utterly consumed by her mere presence. How content they both seem to be, despite being totally new to each other. How she seems to trust Victor with her life without any hesitation and how easily he meets up her unspoken demand.
Blinking away the blur brought on by being close to them, feeling the impact of that the both of them exude together, he clears his throat before he dares to speak. Hoping that his voice won't sound as weepy as he feels. "Hey, Victor?"
"Mhm?"
"Why don't you come to bed, huh? I don't want to share you all night. If you think that she won't mind." He nods a little in the direction of Victor's lap.
"She won't. She's got the patience of her touchan."
"Then come," Yuuri adds, straightening up. Watching in silence, in reverence, as Victor gently lifts the baby from his lap to rest against his chest. The way she almost disappears behind the hands and arms cradling her makes Yuuri utter a noise that resembles both an aw and an oh.
Yuuri loves the both of them so utterly, he realises. He loves seeing them like this. And, to think that this just started, their life and love together, how many times he'll be able to see this particular scene and how it will continue to affect him, almost makes him gasp for air.
He waits as Victor passes him, the smallest of glances shared between them, and follows him into the bedroom. Victor goes over to his side of the bed, and stands there for a few seconds. He seems to think about something, maybe even reconsider what they've previously agreed to, before he reluctantly puts the baby in her crib. Yuuri thinks he hears Victor whisper something, something that sounds like a 'welcome home', although he can't be entirely sure.
"I'm so thankful that she sleeps next to you," Yuuri whispers as he takes off his trousers and dives underneath the covers. "I'm not sure if I'll wake up if she cries."
"You can sleep through a goddamn earthquake. Of course she'll sleep next to me." Victor starts to unbutton his shirt and shrugs it off before he undoes the belt to his trousers. "Yuuri, know what?"
"No?"
"I think we need to change her name."
"Victor, honestly…"
"It's true, though," Victor adds, sliding into bed, "she's not a Kira."
Yuuri sighs and rolls over to his side to face Victor. It was a battle reaching some kind of consensus regarding the name of their daughter. As soon as they knew the sex of the child, they'd started to look for names that worked in both Russian and Japanese. Not an easy feat.
Yuuri can't help the shudder that starts to ripple across his skin when he remembers the heated discussions. "I can't believe we're having this conversation again."
"We can't call her something that doesn't work," Victor responds curtly.
"Can't we have this discussion tomorrow? Or… maybe not at all?"
"Tomorrow, I can agree to," Victor mouths as his hand finds Yuuri's face, effectively calling a truce. For now. "Can you believe that we ended up with her? I mean, you and me?"
"I'm sure that if they knew that you decided to change her name after knowing her for a few hours, they would consider me to be the better parent." Yuuri smiles immediately afterwards to take the edge off. "You're amazing, Victor."
Then, the kiss Yuuri's been hungry for finally comes. It's soft at first, when Victor nibbles on his lips, when Victor's hands cups his face, when Victor's breath dances and swirls against his skin. But it builds, the kiss, becomes more urgent and heated with hands starting to travel, when bodies get fired up and close, when tongues suddenly can't keep still and yearns to explore.
"Wa-wait," Yuuri pants, "she's right there! I-I, no, I mean, it'sㅡ"
"No, it's not. It's fine, perfectly fine," Victor coos, licking Yuuri's bottom lip. "If she wakes up, I'll see to her. Don't worry. Love, come on…"
Yuuri swallows and holds his breath for a few seconds, afraid that his heart will explode inside him. But when he lets it out, slow and steady, a yes travels on his breath. Because he feels it too. The need to do something, everything, together.
It doesn't take long for them to climb together, brought closer to the culmination of their audience with the help of hands and mouths. Hands and mouths that occasionally tries to shush the other when pleasure suddenly becomes vocal.
Just as Yuuri gets close, when the tension in his abdomen is waiting to be released and take him under, it comes to him. The name. Something that embodies everything he'd ever wanted with Victor, and now, with their child.
"Mirai," he groans into the side of Victor's neck, as he finally lets go.
A future, unlike any other.