[A/N: Just one gross topic after another in this chapter. That's probably why I wrote it so quickly, also why it's short because it kind of got away from me.]

Christmas Eve morning, I was sitting in my room with Ginny, Hermione, and Kaitlin looking through magazines telling them all about my conversation with Draco from the night before.

"But he's right, you know," Hermione said. "I don't recall you even mentioning Tyler before. He just popped up out of nowhere. He's right to be a bit peeved."

"You're making it sound like Hannah intended for this to happen," Ginny said.

"That's not the point. It's to do with the fact that he doesn't want her to be leading him on to make it seem like he might even have a chance," Hermione said.

"Boys chase after Hannah all of the time. It's part of her existence and she just comes off as a natural flirt she can't help it if some random guy at the office gets the wrong idea," Ginny said.

"That's true, but if she doesn't want Draco to get upset over that, she can't get upset over that Andy girl," Kaitlin said.

"Which she will because Hannah is incredibly jealous," Hermione said.

"I still think he's overreacting," Ginny said.

"What about how insane you're acting over Kristen and Harry?" Kaitlin asked.

"I am not being insane," Ginny said.

"No, you're definitely being insane," Harry said popping through the trap door.

"Eavesdropper," Ginny said frowning at him. "And I am not insane. How can you say that?"

"Because your weekly gentle reminders are definitely the mark of a crazy person," Harry said.

"Gentle reminders?" Kaitlin asked.

"That's what she calls the inappropriate letters she sends to Harry every week," Hermione said.

"Hermione!" Ginny said.

"I don't have to read what you write to Harry to know that it's inappropriate," Hermione said.

"Well, I've had enough of this conversation," Kaitlin said. "What did you need, Harry?"

"To get away from Ron and Draco," Harry said. "They're being weird again."

"How so?" I asked.

"Well they-."

"There you are, Harry," Ron said climbing up the ladder with Draco in tow. "You never answered the question. We both answered the question."

"That because you are both weird and disgusting," Harry said.

'Don't be such a baby, Harry," Draco said.

"What question?" Kaitlin asked.

"Danielle's downstairs with Lydia and we were bored and they asked us a hypothetical question and now Harry won't answer," Ron said.

"Someone's got a wand to Hannah's head and Harry has to choose either Remus or Snape to give him a BJ or he and Hannah die. Who do you choose?" Draco said.

"What is wrong with you people?" I asked.

"That's completely disgusting," Hermione said.

"I'm so glad I'm dating or biologically related to either of you," Kaitlin said.

"We picked the same person," Ron said nonchalantly. "Don't be such a baby."

"I would rather die," Harry said.

". . . Really?" I asked.

"Yes," he said.

"You would rather die than-."

"Hannah, this is not a real life scenario," Harry said.

"But if it were," I started.

"That's as good as making me answer the question," Harry said.

"Well, then I guess you'd better get on with it," I said.

"That's my girl!" Draco said. "Now come on, Harry. Answer the question."

"Yes, who would you rather get a blowjob from—Snape or Remus?" Ron asked.

Harry frowned. "I guess it would be less weird if it were Remus," Harry said.

"There. That was easy; we both picked Remus as well," Draco said.

"So, do I want to know what you three are talking about?"

We all looked over to the trap door and there, peeking his head through was none other than Remus himself. Draco, Ron, and Harry all flushed with humiliation. Ginny was already well on her way to wheezing with laughter.

"I just. . . We just. . . And. . ." Ron started.

"You know what, never mind," Remus said.

"But you don't understand," Harry said.

"And honestly I don't want to," he said. "I just came to let you know that Kassia and Severus are here to spend Christmas with us."

"Oh, that's lovely," Draco said.

"Also we're standing right under him on the ladder and can hear everything as well," Kassia called up.

"Excellent. I'm just going to go fling myself out of a window now," Harry said.

"I'll join you," Ron said as Remus climbed down the ladder.

"I disappear for a few months and you nimrods go and have conversations about who you'd rather get felatio from? I need stick around more often," Kassia said coming into the room.

"It was hypothetical question in which imminent death was assured if it was not answered," Draco said.

"So, I guess the next logical question would be who do you think would be better at it—Remus or Severus?" Kassia asked.

"That is completely not the point," Ron said.

"Well obviously you think it's Remus since you all chose him didn't you," Kassia said.

"No! That's not it all! That was not the basis for our choosing," Draco said.

"So what I am gathering from this conversation is that the three of you have no interest in enjoying felatio?" Kassia asked.

"No one said that," Harry said.

"So even in a hypothetical scenario involving either Severus or Remus you would still want to enjoy it?" Kassia asked.

The boys exchanged glances and then answered in unison, "Yes."

"I leave for two minutes, come back and the conversation gets worse," Remus said. We looked back to the trap door this time to see both Remus and Sirius sticking their heads in.

"What are you lot on about?" Sirius asked.

"You bitch; you set us up," Harry said.

"Yeah, I did see them coming up the ladder," Kassia said.

"I hate you," Draco said. "You are a terrible person."

"Tak, jestem okropny człowiek," she said in Polish. "Any questions?"

"Yes—what the hell did you just say?" Sirius asked.

Kassia laughed.

"How about you guys find a new topic of conversation," Remus said.

Remus and Sirius slinked down from the ladder.

"Are you okay, Ginny?" Kaitlin asked.

Ginny was lying on the floor, laughing hysterically, tears spilling from her eyes.

"It's just not Christmas if someone isn't being utterly and completely humiliated," Ginny said. "I love you guys. I can't wait for dinner."

"You're lucky you get to miss it," Ron said nudging Draco.

"After all this I'm sorry I'll miss it. This was going to be the first Christmas Eve since I was 14 where everything wasn't going to be completely shit," I said.

"What happened last year?" Kaitlin asked.

"Attacked by a giant snake hiding inside of a dead woman's body after seeing our parents graves for the first time," Harry said.

"Shit," Kassia said. "And now where are you off to Hannah?"

"Malfoy Manor," I said, "because I am a wonderful, wonderful daughter-in-law."

"At least that's what your in-laws would think if you weren't marrying into my family," Draco said. "But I think you're great."

"We're going to be in-laws technically," Ron said.

"Oh, that's right! How would we be related?" I asked.

"Third cousin once removed," Ron said.

"That's incredible. How do you know that?" Draco asked.

"I looked at the Black family tree. Our common ancestors are Phineas Nigellus and his wife. Those are your great-great-great grandparents and my great-great grandparents," Ron said. "Neville's our third cousin."

"Remarkable," Hermione said. "How are you related to Sirius?"

Ron thought for a moment. "Third cousin as well. Mira is my third cousin, twice removed, and Lydia is, again, my third cousin, once removed."

"Damn, every pureblood wizard in existence is related to another one," Ginny said.

"Congrats on actually finding someone outside of your gene pool," Kaitlin said.

Harry and Ron exchanged glances and then shook their heads.

"No. No, they're not," Harry said.

"What?" I asked.

"Potters married into the Black family," Harry said. "Found out a few weeks ago."

"And you decided to just not tell us?" Draco asked.

"Well, it hardly matters because the relationship is so distant. Besides, you've got a daughter already and she's fine," Harry said.

"Now, Sirius is the one who dodged a bullet. His parents are first cousins and that's like number three on the list of people you're not supposed to procreate with, third only to sibling and parents," Ron said. "You guys are only like. . . Third cousins, once removed. Harry and Ginny are third cousins."

"What! I didn't even think about that!" Harry said.

"Ugh. I want to forget everything we learned in the past five minutes," Ginny said.

"But they're right though. Third cousins are practically strangers genetically speaking. You've only got two entire people that you're related to," Hermione said.

"Let's just stop talking about it," I said. "Please."

[A/N II: I did look into the whole marrying your third cousin thing. I got a look at the Black Family Tree and discovered Harry and Draco were related (this was many years ago after I read Order of the Phoenix for the first time) I was horrified. But then, after doing some research and looking up it is perfectly safe, for the most part, to marry your third cousin. For those of you still horrified I'd just like to point out to you that Sirius' parents being FIRST cousins is cannon, that Harry and Ginny being third cousins is cannon, and that for a great deal of Half Blood Prince, everyone thought Tonks was in love with Sirius who is her third cousin once removed and everyone thought this was perfectly okay. So, everything's cool? Cool.]

[Chapter title credit to The Beatles for their song "Love Is All You Need]