Part 21
San Francisco
The Previous Night
"Angel, look out!"
Almost on reflex at Fred's words, Angel ducked, narrowly missing the fist that seemed to come out of nowhere. He hadn't expected this, none of them had. To say that they were unprepared was an understatement. What was meant to be a routine patrol had suddenly erupted into a fight for their lives.
In the few days since they'd arrived, they'd encountered very few vampires, and even fewer demons. It was those lack of encounters that had lulled them all into a false sense of security. A sense that had failed them this night.
Only a few minutes into their sweep of the area near the southern pylons of the Golden Gate Bridge, they had all found themselves surrounded by over twenty vampires. The fog that seemed to live in this area, especially in the cemetery, where they were now, had worked against them and for their pursuers, hiding their arrival till it was too late to retreat, forcing a confrontation.
Over the last few years, Angel and his crew had become very seasoned fighters, but as good as they were, they knew they were horribly outnumbered. Their only saving grace was that most of the attacking force seemed to be very inexperienced. Angel surmised that the vampires were new recruits because they continually made the mistake of attacking in one's and two's - no strategy at all. But even with that lucky break, it didn't change the fact that even if they were newly risen vampires, the fact that they were here, meant that others knew what was coming. And that meant older, more dangerous opponents. Something that would require much more planning, unlike the battle currently occurring.
Even after most of their number had been wiped out, the remaining vampires didn't seem to change from their run in and attack strategy. Gunn and Lorne were currently engaged with two of them, while what seemed to be the strongest of the lot, had joined up with the only other surviving member of his group to take on Angel.
It was during this fight that Fred's warning alerted Angel to, and consequently gave him time to duck the first punch it threw at him. However in evading that first thrust, he wasn't quick enough to swerve away from the kick that followed it. It cannoned into Angel's right side, knocking him off his feet as it sent him in the air to the dirt a few feet away. The impact to the ground knocked Angel about, but he could sense the follow up attack coming. Quickly he sprung to his feet, narrowly avoiding the kick which would have smashed into his face, and thankfully, gave him a few feet grace between him and his attackers.
As one of them made a movement forward, Angel pulled out a stake from underneath his jacket, spying an opening, he planted it into the chest of the vampire, above where it's heart was. He had no time to appreciate the majestic dance the vampire's body did as it turned to dust. As soon as he pulled back, the stake was kicked out of his hand by the lone surviving vampire. Angel turned around quickly ready to block any attack that followed the kick, but when he looked up, he saw that Lorne and Gunn had grabbed his adversary and were trying to get him into position to deliver the final blow.
He could see the realisation pass over the demon's face. He knew that his time was at an end and he'd failed in his task. And with that it stopped struggling, fixing his gaze straight at Angel, who was now moving closer to where it was being held by Lorne and Gunn.
"You can't stop what is to come, traitor. We'll kill your slayer bitch and all your friends," it spat out at him.
"Well you won't be around to see it," Gunn shouted back at it, as he thrust forward, letting his stake slide easily through the dead flesh, holding it there till the body around it disintegrated in front of them.
"I don't think our presence here is a secret," Fred said, as she came up behind them.
"No," Angel said quietly, knowing that it made everything a lot harder, and that was something they didn't need.
"Well, I suppose we'll just have to be extra ready," Gunn said slapping Angel friendly on the back. "Don't worry man, we'll handle it."
Angel simply nodded, taking a look around the graveyard as the fog continued to roll in off the water, almost as if it was trying to cover up the un-natural events that were to come.
********
Xander wished he could stop tossing and turning. But then after a few moments, he felt himself adjusting his body again, searching for the one position that would give him the comfort that he was looking for. Unfortunately after another five minutes, all he'd discovered was that the ceiling did really need a good clean, not to mention a re-plastering, and that he was at least thankful he didn't have the rollaway bed.
The night was cool, crisp even for a June evening in San Francisco. And seeing that they were less than a few miles away from the Bay, the air was getting a nice little blast off the water to help it along. Xander usually liked the cold. But even the hospitality of the weather was not stopping Xander's body perform it's own impression of a tumbleweed under the sheets. The only thing that stopped him crying out in frustration as the third hour ticked away with his eyes still open was the knowledge that his roommates would undoubtedly wake from such an exclamation. Although to be honest, he was surprised that they hadn't already kicked him out for all the noise he'd made. However lifting his head, he saw that they still seemed to be under the restful effects of REM sleep.
It had been a long day for them all. Not particularly stressful in itself, but with everything that hung over them, that didn't mean much. They'd left Sunnydale after breakfast, arriving at San Francisco in the afternoon. The trip itself was quite enjoyable. It was as if they'd all decided to have fun on the road trip. Whether that was done to avoid thinking about what was coming, or simply because they all enjoyed each other's company, Xander couldn't be sure. He thought it was probably a bit of both. The trip was full of talk about old times, jokes about past mistakes and spirited singing when a well known song came across whatever radio station they were listening to. During those times Xander realised that for all her tries at Caritas, Cordelia's singing was still an acquired taste, Tara had the most wonderful voice, and beyond anything else, he could have listened to both of them for hours. The whole atmosphere was warm and friendly and showed him, not that he needed reminding, just how good of friends they all had been, and still could be in the future. While Tara and he had become very close friends over the last few months, he knew that he had not shared that closeness with Willow for a number of years. But there was a bond that they shared that allowed them to improve on that if they wanted. And he was certain that she, like him, wanted that. Next to him was Cordelia. He still remembered clearly that promise made to her in the future. Don't be a stranger had been the basic idea. It didn't pass his thoughts that even though he'd spent a couple of years in LA, a lot of that time was away from Cordelia and the rest of them. Now that he remembered, it would be something that he would make sure to rectify later.
The mood had flattened off as they hit the outlying areas of the Bay City. Arriving at their intended destination brought everything to the fore, and as much as they each tried to keep the conversation light, there was a cloud that seemed to settle over them, even as the afternoon sunlight broke through the ones in the sky. When they had arrived at the motel, it didn't take too long to realise that it wasn't the Marriott. In fact it was closer to a no-tell motel in appearance, but there was reasons why it was chosen and they all understood them. Their stay in San Francisco could become open ended. As much as they were hopeful for success, the reality of it was, they may be in here for months. They had limited finances for what could turn out to be a protracted stay. That was one of the reasons for the motel that was chosen, the price. The other was its proximity to the area they would be staging the operation from.
The rest of the day had been taken up with mainly mundane activities. Getting settled in, shopping for food and other supplies. He knew that Giles, Buffy and Wesley had spent a good amount of time catching up with Angel, concerning the local situation since they'd been here for a few days already. No one had much of a chance to be by themselves, there always seemed to be something that needed attending to.
Dinner came and went, and before he even thought about it, someone mentioned that they should all turn in. It was only then that Xander even realised it was after midnight.
That was over three hours ago now, and Xander felt no more tired now then he did then. He knew his difficulties in falling asleep had nothing to do with whom he was sharing the room with. When it was first suggested, he'd said no on impulse. It wasn't that he was embarrassed to be sharing a room with Willow and Tara. All of them had shared rooms and for that matter, mattresses over the last decade and they were all past the point of feeling self conscious about that. He just felt like he might be intruding on them as they were a couple.
However letting the couples have a room to themselves was not feasible. Their finances had dictated them only renting three rooms, each of them fitted out with one queen size bed, one single and a fold-away. And, because Giles had probably thought it would save any arguments, they simply kept to the car assignments when working out who would be staying in each room.
Turning his head slightly he noticed, with quite a deal of envy, that they were still all soundly asleep. Next to him, Cordelia seemed to be picture of contentment, even though she was sleeping on a rickety fold-away. As much as he knew Cordelia had changed over the years, and even with his experiences of the future very current in his head, Xander still felt a little off kilter when Cordelia volunteered for what has to have been the worst bed in the room. Her reasoning that Xander was taller, and bigger, and there for would be better off with the single didn't lessen that feeling.
Tara and Willow had naturally taken the queen size bed and in the quick glance Xander through their way he could tell that if there was any lumps in the mattress they had, they were serenely oblivious to them.
No, Xander knew why he couldn't fall asleep. It wasn't hard for him to work out. His mind was full with thoughts and worries. Some of them were on the coming battle. Others were on the still fractured relationship with some of the team, including Buffy. Although he knew in her case, that seemed to be more of not having had a chance to talk then any lasting bitterness between the two of them. But most of all, and he did feel more than just a little guilt at this fact, he was running over and over in his mind what the next say would entail. All because Dawn and he would be spending a good deal of the day together.
He had tried to find time to talk to Buffy, Dawn and Giles all day. But there was always other people around, and in reality more important things to attend to, so they never got the chance. He hadn't realised till later that Dawn had been trying to find time for them to talk as well, but had been just as unsuccessful. He only found this out later in the night, after she'd spoken to both Giles and Buffy, and getting the okay to disappear for a few hours, Dawn had come to him with the suggestion that they get away from the group, and really have a chance to talk.
He'd agreed quickly thinking only about the chance of spending some time with her, but now in the hours following midnight, but not yet seeing the morning sun's glare, his mind was running over all his fears.
For another quarter of an hour Xander lay there counting the little cracks that frequented the aging masonry work on the walls and ceilings in their motel room, before he couldn't take it anymore. Shucking the sheets and blanket off him, and pulling on a pair of jeans he'd laid next to his bed, and then an overcoat, before he quietly walked over the door. Gently he pulled on the latch, and opened the heavy weighted door, sliding through, then letting it close but bracing the force a little so it didn't slam, as it clicked into place.
The two things he noticed straight away were the coolness in the air, and the over-riding smell of salt. Of course he knew both of these conditions had a lot to do with the fact that he could see part of the bay from the verandah he stood now on. Not a glorious panoramic view, that really would've burst what budget they had, but a little bit in the left hand corner of his sight. Close enough to know it's there, and more importantly close enough to where they had to be in a few nights time.
He closed his eyes, letting the chill hit his cheeks, enjoying the simple pleasure of the cold. He'd hardly believed that it was summer, but this was a totally different place to Sunnydale.
"Hey"
He heard the slight voice to his left, and immediately opened his eyes to see who'd addressed him. The voice was small, and if Xander hadn't just seen who'd said it, he would have thought it sounded almost frightened. To his left sitting on one of the chairs that were stationed outside all the rooms, was Buffy. She'd brought her legs up, so that her feet were resting on the chair, and she had her arms wrapped around them, hugging her legs to her body.
"Hey Buff," Xander responded.
Noticing that Buffy didn't look at him when he did, he took a few steps towards her. As he did, he saw that her face still showed the signs of recent tears, and he wondered just how long she'd been out here by her self.
It didn't matter that they hadn't talked since that night in the clearing a couple of days ago. At this point, all Xander wanted was to soothe whatever ill Buffy was feeling. He hesitantly reached over and offered her his hand, which she studied for a second before grasping it tightly for a few seconds and then letting go.
Xander didn't say anything. For some reason he felt that it was her place to talk. She was in some pain, that was obvious, and he felt that it was his place to be there if she needed him.
"I'm not angry with you," she told him, after a few seconds.
"I'm glad," Xander replied nodding his head as he did.
Then there was silence again for a few more minutes, before Buffy's voice broke the quiet. "I'm scared, Xander," she told him.
It wasn't her voice that conveyed the true depth of her fear to him, though it was obvious in her tone that she was. No, it was when Xander looked into her eyes, and swore that the eyes looking back at him were that of a frightened child. If there was any doubt to Buffy's mindset over the past week, Xander no longer had any such queries. He could see it so clearly etched in the deepest part of her pupils the reality that she didn't think she was going to survive.
"You're going to make it, Buffy. We all are," he told her firmly, grabbing her hand again as he did.
"You can't be sure of that," Buffy countered.
"No, but we are all going to make sure it turns out to be true," Xander replied as confidently as he could. He knew the risks, but he couldn't entertain the thought of her not surviving. Her living through this was the glue that was holding him together, making all that he'd been through almost worth it.
"It's strange you know?" Buffy said, gazing out into the distance at the lights that illuminated the streets leading down to the bay.
"What?"
"You'd think I wouldn't be scared of death. I mean I've died twice already," she told him as her face turned to look at him.
"It's not going to happen. We've stopped prophecy before."
Xander's words didn't stop her thoughts. "This isn't a prophecy, it's reality. You lived it, Xander. We're trying to stop history. You lived in a future where I died." Buffy took a breath before adding, "and it was apparently a good place."
Fighting the crushing feeling he was experiencing inside, Xander put aside that hurt, and tried to tell her what it was like. "It was. There was no demons, no vampires. At least that we knew about. And you know why?" He didn't wait for Buffy to answer before continuing. "Because you'd stopped them, Buffy."
"And died in the process," Buffy added.
Xander nodded. "Yes, you did. But we've been given a second chance to rectify that."
Buffy seemed to take in these words for a moment before asking her next question. "You and Dawn were very happy there weren't you?"
The sudden change in topic caught Xander off guard a little and because of that he couldn't mask his pain at the memory. He didn't want Buffy to feel any guilt over what happened to him. It was none of her doing. But seeing the look on her face as he replied, he could tell that she was.
"We were very happy." Seeing that Buffy didn't have a response to that, except to look away, Xander wanted to continue, but didn't know where to start. Before he gathered his thoughts enough to put them into words, Buffy said the one thing he was trying to avoid her saying.
"I'm sorry," she told him, her voice if anything sounding smaller while her face looked away from him.
"No!" Xander told her adamantly. "Don't be sorry. This wasn't your fault, Buffy." He reached over touched her shoulder, lightly coaxed her around to look at him. "And please don't think that I'm sorry to have this chance to save your life."
"But you didn't want to come back," Buffy asked him.
"No, I didn't. But," Xander searched his thoughts quickly, knowing that he had to say this just right. "It wasn't as simple as just coming back in time, Buffy. There was no guarantee I'd get here, no guarantee on what I'd remember. But more than that, I didn't think I had the right. I could've screwed so much up if I'd come back. What if me coming back had resulted in the Hellmouth not closing?"
Buffy nodded, getting what Xander was saying.
Xander knew the next part may hurt him to admit to Buffy face to face, but it was the truth. And even if Buffy was one of his best friends, he had to admit it to her. "But Dawn and I had also decided that we didn't want to risk losing each other. We'd both lost so much, and we didn't want to lose what we had. And in the end, that was the deciding factor for me."
Buffy had watched Xander closely as he told her all of this, seeing how some of the words were difficult for him to get out, knowing what the implication of it was. "It's strange to think of you and Dawn," she told him softly with out any malice or hurt at his words.
Xander had to smile a little at the little curve he saw on the ends of Buffy's lips. "I can understand that."
Buffy couldn't help but think of her sister, sleeping in the room just a little down the balcony. "Does she know any of this?"
Xander shook his head.
"What are you going to tell her?"
Xander shrugged. "I really don't know. We're going out tomorrow to talk."
Buffy nodded, remembering when Dawn had asked her. She looked out over the streets again, thinking about what Xander had told her.
"Buffy," Xander called softly, when his friend hadn't said anything else after a few moments. He could tell that she accepted what he'd said. The reality of what was coming was so much of a burden on her thoughts, Xander's motives, or lack there of, for his return from the future, seemed as they had passed into insignificance.
Buffy turned to face him.
"I once told you that you were my hero," he said.
Buffy nodded, remembering that day that was so long ago when she started university.
"But you are so much more than that to me. You are my friend and I love you and nothing is going to take away a future where you can kick my ass for all the dopey things that I tend to do."
The last part may have added a humorous tone to his words, along with one of his trademark grins, but Buffy could tell it was just to hide the little bit of un-camouflaged honesty that he'd just laid bare to her. She reached over to him and enveloped Xander in a hug, knowing that it was as much for her own benefit as well as his when she did this.
"I love you too," she told him.
They held each other for a few moments, before letting go.
"Are you okay?" he asked her.
"Yeah, I will be."
Xander smiled, just a little, before getting up and stretching his back after sitting for that time. "I'm going to get some sleep," he told her, although thinking to himself, that he was going to try and get some sleep.
Buffy nodded, knowing that she should as well, but not moving herself, yet.
Xander cast her one last look and then turned to walk back the few short feet to his room. He had almost reached the door, when Buffy called softly to him.
"Thank-you."
This time the smile on Xander's face was not small, and he did noting to hide it, as he gave a little wave to her, before walking back into his room. He saw that the others were still asleep, so he walked across the room as quietly as possible, slipping out of his overcoat and jeans, before lying back down in his bed, and pulling the sheet up over his chest.
A few minutes later he was once again looking at the ceiling, but unlike the last time, he only felt warm and happy.
*************
It may not have been a 'date' but both Dawn and Xander had more than their fair share of nerves as each of them got ready for what was, to both of them, a very important day.
It had taken Dawn a few different attempts before she was happy with what she was wearing. A job made more difficult with the coolness of the morning, and the knowledge that it would probably be warmer later in the day. She also couldn't fail to notice the occasional wry glance from her sister that told her Buffy was finding a little too much enjoyment in her sister's predicament. Not that Dawn wasn't use to that. Buffy had seemed to take much delight in Dawn's social life. And seeing as though this was one of her best friends, she could imagine Buffy would have miles and miles of smirking half glances and little comments to come. And more than any of that, Buffy seemed in a lighter mood than she had been for the last few days, and if this was the pay off for that Dawn would handle it.
Two rooms down, Xander's nerves weren't so much on what to wear. His fashion sense may have improved somewhat since High School, and with Cordelia in the room with him, there was no way she would let him out of there with anything that didn't look at the very least, okay. His worries were more centred on what to tell Dawn. Beyond anything else he wanted the barriers that stood between them to be torn down, and he knew that might mean telling her all of his time in the future. And that wasn't the easiest thing to contemplate. He would much rather be spending the time getting re-aquatinted with her. They'd spent so little time together in the last few years, he realised that what he knew about Dawn was mainly through observation and hearsay. That and his memories from a future that no longer existed. He didn't know where their relationship could go from here.
His thoughts were broken by light knocking on his door, and one look at Cordelia, Willow and Tara, and the grins that were on their faces was enough to tell him it was showtime. Taking a deep breath, he walked over and opened the door, telling himself not to get too worked up.
When he did, he could tell by the look of apprehension on Dawn's face, that she was just as nervous as he was about today. And in a way it gave him strength, that she was just as serious about getting their friendship back on some sort of track.
"Hey," she greeted him, smiling nervously.
"Hi," Xander replied, then adding, "you look nice," hoping the compliment hadn't over-stepped any boundary.
"Thanks," Dawn replied with a smile. "You too."
Xander grinned, silently thanking Cordy for her stubbornness in picking what he should wear. "Shall we go?" Xander asked, picking up his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.
"Yeah," Dawn replied, waving to the others in the room as Xander walked out of the doorway and out onto the balcony. He closed the door behind him, after silently saying goodbye to the others. Then they both walked down the verandah, out onto the street and down to where the cable car stop was located. Although he didn't know exactly where they were going, Dawn had told him they would head further around to where the waterfront piers were. He'd heard enough horror stories about parking in the city area that they didn't even consider taking his car. He didn't have any great love affair with public transport, so he was pleasantly surprised when the Cable car turned up after only a short waiting time. He guessed that Dawn had planned their timing very well.
Their trip into the downtown area was punctuated with long periods of silence, as both of them were wary of what to say, especially in the crowded car. As they passed different landmarks, it gave a perfect opportunity to break the silence and they took advantage of it, till gradually by the time they'd reached their intended destination they were merrily chatting about all things touristy in San Francisco. It was a shield, a cover to what they had to talk about and they both knew it. But it also was warm and friendly, something they both enjoyed.
They'd come right down to the waterfront, and as the hour approached midday, Xander could tell that the sky was clearing, letting them both see out across the water.
"Pier 39," Dawn told him, as they looked at the structure. "You want to get some brunch?"
Xander nodded, "sounds good."
They walked together towards the pier, staying close as the crowds got larger, and looking out for some place that looked inviting to eat, as well as giving them a little bit or privacy that they both wanted. "How about we grab something to go, and find a place in the park outside?" Xander asked, after it looked like their search would be unsuccessful inside.
Dawn agreed, and now that they weren't worried about finding acceptable seating inside they quickly found some acceptable food, and headed back out to the one of the parks, where Xander opened his duffel bag and pulled out a blanket for them to sit on, surprising Dawn.
"Now I know why your bag looked so full," she told him as he straightened the blanket out on the grass.
"Trying to be prepared," he told her back.
They had picked a place overlooking the water, but with a little break from the wind which had picked up a little. It wasn't cold, but both of them were glad they'd brought coats as it kept the little chill off them. They could just make out the sounds of seals, barking at people at one of the piers, something that both of them found amusing.
"We should check them out later?" Xander said, as they both smiled at the sound of one particularly loud roar.
Dawn nodded. "We can go for a look after."
They both acknowledged that they were both stalling; something that was working till they both finished their snacks. As if they both realised that now was the time, they looked at each other and laughed nervously.
"I've missed this," Dawn told him. Even with the unspoken words between themselves, they'd both enjoyed the day so far, even if it had only been for an hour or so.
"I know, me too," Xander replied.
"Did..." Dawn started to say, before biting her lip and stopping herself.
"What?" Xander asked. When he saw the look of apprehension on her face, he added, "ask me anything Dawn, you can you know?"
Dawn nodded. "Did you and I do this in the future?"
She could tell that he wasn't expecting that, by the way he looked totally stumped for a few seconds. Then almost as if he was happy she'd asked, he replied. "Yeah we did."
"We were a couple then?" she asked.
Xander nodded. "Yeah we were," he replied quietly, taking in the glazed look in Dawn's eyes. "When did you work that out?"
"Probably when you kissed me," she told him, with a little smile. Looking back on it, it was sort of funny to her. Not in the laugh out loud sort of way, but she found it hard to think of Xander kissing her as a bad thing. "But I didn't acknowledge it till I started putting things together."
"I shouldn't have done that," he told her.
"It's okay," she replied. "It's just, well strange."
"I get that," he told her.
"I can ask you anything?" Dawn said, making Xander nervous. He would tell her the truth, he'd promised her that, but there were things that he really didn't want to talk about with her. It would be just too weird.
"Yeah," he replied, hoping that she wouldn't ask about one of those things.
"What do you feel for me?"
It wasn't one of the questions that Xander feared, but there wasn't a simple answer either. However he had sworn to tell her the truth. "I love you,"
As much as she tried not to, her heart did flutter a little at that. But there was another question she needed to ask. Something that had been knawing away at her mind since she'd worked out that Xander had been involved with a future version of herself, something that took more than a little to get her mind around. "Do you love me, or the other Dawn?"
Xander didn't know exactly how to answer that. He loved the person in front of him with all his heart. But where did that come from? Was it all from the Dawn he left behind when he went back in time?
"I don't know," he told her honestly. Looking at Dawn as he said those words, he was sure of one other thing. "But I can tell you without any doubt that I do love you."
"I'm not the same person, Xander" Dawn told him.
"You told me something, in the future. You said that the feelings you had for me were always there," he said, hoping that it was still a fact. He hadn't even considered that Dawn may have not thought of him that way, with the differences in this timeline.
"I said that, huh?" she asked, blushing a little at the truth in those words, before sobering up to the reality of them. "I think you knew that I had a crush on you when I was a young kid, but that was years ago."
"I know," Xander replied.
"And after that..." Dawn paused, not wanting to turn any of her words into an accusation. "I know it wasn't your fault, Xander, but you missed a huge part of my life over the last few years. I mean, do you really know me anymore?"
"Maybe I don't," Xander admitted.
"And how much do I know you anymore? To be honest, I'm not sure if what I feel for you is just from my memories, or something else?" Dawn told him.
"It's ironic that in the future, the I wished that I hadn't missed you growing into the woman you became." Xander could see that woman, clearly in Dawn now. Not exactly the same, but it was there. "And I missed it all again."
"That hurt me so much, Xander," Dawn said softly. "I'm not blaming..."
Xander stopped with a wave of her hand, knowing what she was going to say. "It's all screwed up, isn't it?" Xander said. The talk had not gone how he had hoped, but maybe that was the reality he had to face.
"Well, yeah it is," Dawn replied, wishing she could escape the feeling that they'd managed to bring down one barrier, only to erect a sturdier one between them.
Xander thought about it for a moment, before answering. "Well stuff it!"
"Xander!" Dawn replied, not understanding what he was saying. and more than a little surprised at Xander's words.
"There isn't any law saying we had to work everything out today is there?" Xander asked her, trying to focus on the fact that they'd spent a very enjoyable time together if you set aside the awkwardness of some of the questions.
"No I don't think there is." Dawn replied.
"Well there you go. That means we can have more days like this," Xander replied, not missing the fact that he was basically suggesting more non-dates.
"Yeah, we can," Dawn answered with a smile, showing that she had no problem with that suggestion.
Softening his tone, he continued. "I love you, and that means wanting you to be happy, no matter what."
"I want the same for you," Dawn replied.
"So we can work on this later on, tomorrow, next week, next month, whenever."
Dawn nodded agreeing with that.
"I'm just..." Xander started to say, his voice showing the slightest tinge of how happy was he was. "I'm just so happy to be talking to you again. Spending time with you. I want to be able to talk to you about everything, and I think we can now, can't we?" Xander asked.
"Yes, always," Dawn replied.
"Well then, lets take a look around the rest of this place. I'm sure there's some noisy seals that have peaked my interest at least," he told her with a grin. As he went to stand up, he felt his hand being grabbed. Looking back he saw that Dawn had hold of it, and she simply was staring at him. Pulling her up, he wasn't all that surprised and not unhappy in the slightest when she enveloped him in a hug. It felt so right, so correct; he didn't hesitate in the slightest in returning it.
"I've missed you," Dawn told him, though Xander had to listen hard as her voice was muffled in his chest.
He lightly caressed her back with his hand till they broke apart. When he did he smiled at her, and gave her hand a squeeze before letting go. "No matter what, we'll always be friends," he told her.
**************
Looking around the assembled people, Giles could tell that the worry and tiredness was starting too weigh heavy on all of them. They had been in San Francisco for five nights now, and each night one or both of their groups had come under attack while patrolling. With only twenty-four hours till the deadline they all knew couldn't be moved, that only meant one thing. They were expected, and they would be hopelessly outnumbered. After explaining all this to the group Giles continued.
"Which is why, we've come up with a change in plans," Giles stated to them all.
Some of the group was caught off guard by this. Changing plans this late in the game was never the most prudent idea. Especially since everyone seemed to know the roles they were to play tomorrow night.
"Are you sure, Giles?" Buffy asked.
"I don't think we have any choice," Giles replied. "Believe me when I say I wouldn't suggest it, if there were any other way."
"Giles is right," Angel added. "If not, we won't last ten minutes."
Looking around and only seeing the odd nod from others, and no dissention, Giles continued. "We could be expecting a force of hundred's, maybe even more."
"There's no way we can fight that," Cordelia said, breaking into Giles's words.
"Well, yes quite," Giles answered, giving her a very stern look for interrupting. "Which is why we need to find a way to keep them all away from us till it's over."
A couple of the group seemed to grasp the idea straight away, including the one person that Giles hoped would.
"A barrier," Tara said.
"Yes, a barrier. We've used them before, of course, but this time it will need to be bigger, and stronger."
Tara nodded, turning to look at Willow, as the enormity of the power she would need to tap became obvious to her. "I'll have to start work on it now."
"And it may need to be mobile," Giles added, saying each word carefully, so that no-one could mistake his tone being anything other than seriousness.
"Mobile?" Willow asked, glancing at Tara, who seemed to be thinking about it still.
"Well, whether we are successful or not, we are going to have to get out of an area which will presumably still be crowded with vampires and other demons."
Willow simply nodded, and seeing that Tara was doing the same, said nothing more. It was just another hurdle to jump over. And even if it was a little higher that they had previously thought, they weren't going to give up now.
"Well, everything else is pretty much unchanged. The only difference is that it will be up to Wesley and myself to say the spells necessary to power up the Staff and the right time. But that shouldn't be a problem," he replied, throwing Wesley a quick glance to see if he agreed.
"It's actually not that powerful, magically speaking. It gets its power from what lies between dimensions. So we should have no problem with that," Wesley added.
"And then Angel has to shatter the staff at the exact time?" Buffy asked.
"Yes, but we may have caught a break there. We think there will be around thirty seconds for Angel to do that," Wesley answered. "I know it's not an eternity, but it gives us a little leeway."
"And the rest of us will, what, hopefully not be fighting anything?" Gunn queried.
"If it all goes to plan than that's right," Giles answered. "But lets just say experience has taught us all to prepare for it not working out like that."
"Gotcha," Buffy answered. "We keep the bad guys off Tara, Giles and Wesley, till it's time for Angel to shatter the staff." She thought about it for a moment, then added with a bit of laughter. "It sounds almost ridiculously easy."
"Which is why it won't be," Angel responded solemnly.
"Which is why we will still be preparing over the next 24 hours as well," Wesley added.
Giles looked upon all the people he considered his charges as Wesley spoke, and it became very clear to him that one person seemed almost too silent on the issues. He hadn't had a chance to talk to Xander yet, apart from the impersonal greeting in a group or such, and it was eating away inside of him. The problem he faced was the fear that Xander's silence on some issues may cost them in the long run. And as much as he wanted to take his word, not to mention Buffy's as well, that Xander wasn't keeping anything from them, that fear still reigned inside of him.
The other's were all getting up to leave. Some of them seemed to be getting ready to go on another patrol, though Giles felt it unnecessary, Angel didn't want to leave that chance un-taken. Tara, Giles was sure was going to be in contact with some of the local witches for any help she could get to perform the barrier spell. And as Xander and Dawn got up to follow, it was clear to Giles that apart from the two of them being on much friendlier terms, they were going to be accompanying Tara and Willow on their travels. He knew that now was the best, and maybe only time that he would have a chance to have the talk, he needed to have.
"Xander could I speak to you for a moment?" Giles called out to him, just as he was about to walk off with the others.
Xander looked over at Dawn, knowing that he had to have this talk with Giles, even if they had both hoped to spend some more time getting to know each other again. He could tell however that she seemed to understand perfectly.
"I'll see you later on after we get back," she told him, obviously planning to go with Tara and Willow.
Xander gave a slight nod to Dawn, letting her know he'd see her then, and then waved goodbye to the others, before turning back around to face someone who in all intensive purposes was a father figure, if not more to him.
"I don't like that things aren't right between us, Xander," Giles told him when he saw they were alone.
"I don't either," Xander told him.
"But I know that you've kept things from us, and I can't understand why you would, with what we're facing."
Xander felt like tearing his hair out. He couldn't understand why Giles couldn't grasp the simple concept that some things were private. "Giles, have you told us everything about your childhood?"
"No, of course not," Giles responded.
"But what if there is something there that may help us with what's coming up?' Xander asked, knowing that he was stretching the credibility a little in asking such a question.
"Why would there be, and if there was I'd tell..." Giles broke off realising what he'd been led into saying. "It's not the same, Xander and you know it."
"No it isn't, but unlike me, you are refusing to accept that I can tell if something would help us. What I haven't told you involves me and the people I've told, that's all," Xander told him forcibly.
Giles reached up and grabbed hold of his glasses, taking them off his head, and wiping the frames with a cloth he kept in his pocket. He knew this was going no where. For whatever reason, unlike Buffy it seemed, Xander didn't have that one bit of future knowledge that he could say to convince him. It was up to him to decide now, and he knew it. He took a breath, fixing Xander in his gaze, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "And that's that then," he said.
"Yes it is," Xander said firmly.
Giles seemed to think about it for a second before he held his hand out. "Okay."
Looking down at the outstretched hand, Xander didn't know what exactly to do. He didn't feel as though he'd settled anything, yet by Giles's action he was sure the Englishmen had decided it was over. He reached out and shook his hand, "Are we okay?"
Giles nodded. "Yeah."
Still not sure of how it had all been sorted out, Xander knew however that now was not the time to look a gift horse in the mouth. He hadn't planned on letting anyone know about what he decided. Part of him inside was still yelling, saying that it was a mistake to let Giles in on that confidence. But maybe it was that Giles had taken a leap of trust, or maybe it was just to get some assuredness, but as far as he was concerned it was the right time to talk to Giles about it.
"Umm, listen I need to discuss something with you," Xander asked a little nervously.
"Hmmm?" Giles responded.
The look on Xander's face, as he opened his mouth to speak, did little to quell both Giles's curiosity and apprehension at just what Xander had to tell him.
End Part 21
San Francisco
The Previous Night
"Angel, look out!"
Almost on reflex at Fred's words, Angel ducked, narrowly missing the fist that seemed to come out of nowhere. He hadn't expected this, none of them had. To say that they were unprepared was an understatement. What was meant to be a routine patrol had suddenly erupted into a fight for their lives.
In the few days since they'd arrived, they'd encountered very few vampires, and even fewer demons. It was those lack of encounters that had lulled them all into a false sense of security. A sense that had failed them this night.
Only a few minutes into their sweep of the area near the southern pylons of the Golden Gate Bridge, they had all found themselves surrounded by over twenty vampires. The fog that seemed to live in this area, especially in the cemetery, where they were now, had worked against them and for their pursuers, hiding their arrival till it was too late to retreat, forcing a confrontation.
Over the last few years, Angel and his crew had become very seasoned fighters, but as good as they were, they knew they were horribly outnumbered. Their only saving grace was that most of the attacking force seemed to be very inexperienced. Angel surmised that the vampires were new recruits because they continually made the mistake of attacking in one's and two's - no strategy at all. But even with that lucky break, it didn't change the fact that even if they were newly risen vampires, the fact that they were here, meant that others knew what was coming. And that meant older, more dangerous opponents. Something that would require much more planning, unlike the battle currently occurring.
Even after most of their number had been wiped out, the remaining vampires didn't seem to change from their run in and attack strategy. Gunn and Lorne were currently engaged with two of them, while what seemed to be the strongest of the lot, had joined up with the only other surviving member of his group to take on Angel.
It was during this fight that Fred's warning alerted Angel to, and consequently gave him time to duck the first punch it threw at him. However in evading that first thrust, he wasn't quick enough to swerve away from the kick that followed it. It cannoned into Angel's right side, knocking him off his feet as it sent him in the air to the dirt a few feet away. The impact to the ground knocked Angel about, but he could sense the follow up attack coming. Quickly he sprung to his feet, narrowly avoiding the kick which would have smashed into his face, and thankfully, gave him a few feet grace between him and his attackers.
As one of them made a movement forward, Angel pulled out a stake from underneath his jacket, spying an opening, he planted it into the chest of the vampire, above where it's heart was. He had no time to appreciate the majestic dance the vampire's body did as it turned to dust. As soon as he pulled back, the stake was kicked out of his hand by the lone surviving vampire. Angel turned around quickly ready to block any attack that followed the kick, but when he looked up, he saw that Lorne and Gunn had grabbed his adversary and were trying to get him into position to deliver the final blow.
He could see the realisation pass over the demon's face. He knew that his time was at an end and he'd failed in his task. And with that it stopped struggling, fixing his gaze straight at Angel, who was now moving closer to where it was being held by Lorne and Gunn.
"You can't stop what is to come, traitor. We'll kill your slayer bitch and all your friends," it spat out at him.
"Well you won't be around to see it," Gunn shouted back at it, as he thrust forward, letting his stake slide easily through the dead flesh, holding it there till the body around it disintegrated in front of them.
"I don't think our presence here is a secret," Fred said, as she came up behind them.
"No," Angel said quietly, knowing that it made everything a lot harder, and that was something they didn't need.
"Well, I suppose we'll just have to be extra ready," Gunn said slapping Angel friendly on the back. "Don't worry man, we'll handle it."
Angel simply nodded, taking a look around the graveyard as the fog continued to roll in off the water, almost as if it was trying to cover up the un-natural events that were to come.
********
Xander wished he could stop tossing and turning. But then after a few moments, he felt himself adjusting his body again, searching for the one position that would give him the comfort that he was looking for. Unfortunately after another five minutes, all he'd discovered was that the ceiling did really need a good clean, not to mention a re-plastering, and that he was at least thankful he didn't have the rollaway bed.
The night was cool, crisp even for a June evening in San Francisco. And seeing that they were less than a few miles away from the Bay, the air was getting a nice little blast off the water to help it along. Xander usually liked the cold. But even the hospitality of the weather was not stopping Xander's body perform it's own impression of a tumbleweed under the sheets. The only thing that stopped him crying out in frustration as the third hour ticked away with his eyes still open was the knowledge that his roommates would undoubtedly wake from such an exclamation. Although to be honest, he was surprised that they hadn't already kicked him out for all the noise he'd made. However lifting his head, he saw that they still seemed to be under the restful effects of REM sleep.
It had been a long day for them all. Not particularly stressful in itself, but with everything that hung over them, that didn't mean much. They'd left Sunnydale after breakfast, arriving at San Francisco in the afternoon. The trip itself was quite enjoyable. It was as if they'd all decided to have fun on the road trip. Whether that was done to avoid thinking about what was coming, or simply because they all enjoyed each other's company, Xander couldn't be sure. He thought it was probably a bit of both. The trip was full of talk about old times, jokes about past mistakes and spirited singing when a well known song came across whatever radio station they were listening to. During those times Xander realised that for all her tries at Caritas, Cordelia's singing was still an acquired taste, Tara had the most wonderful voice, and beyond anything else, he could have listened to both of them for hours. The whole atmosphere was warm and friendly and showed him, not that he needed reminding, just how good of friends they all had been, and still could be in the future. While Tara and he had become very close friends over the last few months, he knew that he had not shared that closeness with Willow for a number of years. But there was a bond that they shared that allowed them to improve on that if they wanted. And he was certain that she, like him, wanted that. Next to him was Cordelia. He still remembered clearly that promise made to her in the future. Don't be a stranger had been the basic idea. It didn't pass his thoughts that even though he'd spent a couple of years in LA, a lot of that time was away from Cordelia and the rest of them. Now that he remembered, it would be something that he would make sure to rectify later.
The mood had flattened off as they hit the outlying areas of the Bay City. Arriving at their intended destination brought everything to the fore, and as much as they each tried to keep the conversation light, there was a cloud that seemed to settle over them, even as the afternoon sunlight broke through the ones in the sky. When they had arrived at the motel, it didn't take too long to realise that it wasn't the Marriott. In fact it was closer to a no-tell motel in appearance, but there was reasons why it was chosen and they all understood them. Their stay in San Francisco could become open ended. As much as they were hopeful for success, the reality of it was, they may be in here for months. They had limited finances for what could turn out to be a protracted stay. That was one of the reasons for the motel that was chosen, the price. The other was its proximity to the area they would be staging the operation from.
The rest of the day had been taken up with mainly mundane activities. Getting settled in, shopping for food and other supplies. He knew that Giles, Buffy and Wesley had spent a good amount of time catching up with Angel, concerning the local situation since they'd been here for a few days already. No one had much of a chance to be by themselves, there always seemed to be something that needed attending to.
Dinner came and went, and before he even thought about it, someone mentioned that they should all turn in. It was only then that Xander even realised it was after midnight.
That was over three hours ago now, and Xander felt no more tired now then he did then. He knew his difficulties in falling asleep had nothing to do with whom he was sharing the room with. When it was first suggested, he'd said no on impulse. It wasn't that he was embarrassed to be sharing a room with Willow and Tara. All of them had shared rooms and for that matter, mattresses over the last decade and they were all past the point of feeling self conscious about that. He just felt like he might be intruding on them as they were a couple.
However letting the couples have a room to themselves was not feasible. Their finances had dictated them only renting three rooms, each of them fitted out with one queen size bed, one single and a fold-away. And, because Giles had probably thought it would save any arguments, they simply kept to the car assignments when working out who would be staying in each room.
Turning his head slightly he noticed, with quite a deal of envy, that they were still all soundly asleep. Next to him, Cordelia seemed to be picture of contentment, even though she was sleeping on a rickety fold-away. As much as he knew Cordelia had changed over the years, and even with his experiences of the future very current in his head, Xander still felt a little off kilter when Cordelia volunteered for what has to have been the worst bed in the room. Her reasoning that Xander was taller, and bigger, and there for would be better off with the single didn't lessen that feeling.
Tara and Willow had naturally taken the queen size bed and in the quick glance Xander through their way he could tell that if there was any lumps in the mattress they had, they were serenely oblivious to them.
No, Xander knew why he couldn't fall asleep. It wasn't hard for him to work out. His mind was full with thoughts and worries. Some of them were on the coming battle. Others were on the still fractured relationship with some of the team, including Buffy. Although he knew in her case, that seemed to be more of not having had a chance to talk then any lasting bitterness between the two of them. But most of all, and he did feel more than just a little guilt at this fact, he was running over and over in his mind what the next say would entail. All because Dawn and he would be spending a good deal of the day together.
He had tried to find time to talk to Buffy, Dawn and Giles all day. But there was always other people around, and in reality more important things to attend to, so they never got the chance. He hadn't realised till later that Dawn had been trying to find time for them to talk as well, but had been just as unsuccessful. He only found this out later in the night, after she'd spoken to both Giles and Buffy, and getting the okay to disappear for a few hours, Dawn had come to him with the suggestion that they get away from the group, and really have a chance to talk.
He'd agreed quickly thinking only about the chance of spending some time with her, but now in the hours following midnight, but not yet seeing the morning sun's glare, his mind was running over all his fears.
For another quarter of an hour Xander lay there counting the little cracks that frequented the aging masonry work on the walls and ceilings in their motel room, before he couldn't take it anymore. Shucking the sheets and blanket off him, and pulling on a pair of jeans he'd laid next to his bed, and then an overcoat, before he quietly walked over the door. Gently he pulled on the latch, and opened the heavy weighted door, sliding through, then letting it close but bracing the force a little so it didn't slam, as it clicked into place.
The two things he noticed straight away were the coolness in the air, and the over-riding smell of salt. Of course he knew both of these conditions had a lot to do with the fact that he could see part of the bay from the verandah he stood now on. Not a glorious panoramic view, that really would've burst what budget they had, but a little bit in the left hand corner of his sight. Close enough to know it's there, and more importantly close enough to where they had to be in a few nights time.
He closed his eyes, letting the chill hit his cheeks, enjoying the simple pleasure of the cold. He'd hardly believed that it was summer, but this was a totally different place to Sunnydale.
"Hey"
He heard the slight voice to his left, and immediately opened his eyes to see who'd addressed him. The voice was small, and if Xander hadn't just seen who'd said it, he would have thought it sounded almost frightened. To his left sitting on one of the chairs that were stationed outside all the rooms, was Buffy. She'd brought her legs up, so that her feet were resting on the chair, and she had her arms wrapped around them, hugging her legs to her body.
"Hey Buff," Xander responded.
Noticing that Buffy didn't look at him when he did, he took a few steps towards her. As he did, he saw that her face still showed the signs of recent tears, and he wondered just how long she'd been out here by her self.
It didn't matter that they hadn't talked since that night in the clearing a couple of days ago. At this point, all Xander wanted was to soothe whatever ill Buffy was feeling. He hesitantly reached over and offered her his hand, which she studied for a second before grasping it tightly for a few seconds and then letting go.
Xander didn't say anything. For some reason he felt that it was her place to talk. She was in some pain, that was obvious, and he felt that it was his place to be there if she needed him.
"I'm not angry with you," she told him, after a few seconds.
"I'm glad," Xander replied nodding his head as he did.
Then there was silence again for a few more minutes, before Buffy's voice broke the quiet. "I'm scared, Xander," she told him.
It wasn't her voice that conveyed the true depth of her fear to him, though it was obvious in her tone that she was. No, it was when Xander looked into her eyes, and swore that the eyes looking back at him were that of a frightened child. If there was any doubt to Buffy's mindset over the past week, Xander no longer had any such queries. He could see it so clearly etched in the deepest part of her pupils the reality that she didn't think she was going to survive.
"You're going to make it, Buffy. We all are," he told her firmly, grabbing her hand again as he did.
"You can't be sure of that," Buffy countered.
"No, but we are all going to make sure it turns out to be true," Xander replied as confidently as he could. He knew the risks, but he couldn't entertain the thought of her not surviving. Her living through this was the glue that was holding him together, making all that he'd been through almost worth it.
"It's strange you know?" Buffy said, gazing out into the distance at the lights that illuminated the streets leading down to the bay.
"What?"
"You'd think I wouldn't be scared of death. I mean I've died twice already," she told him as her face turned to look at him.
"It's not going to happen. We've stopped prophecy before."
Xander's words didn't stop her thoughts. "This isn't a prophecy, it's reality. You lived it, Xander. We're trying to stop history. You lived in a future where I died." Buffy took a breath before adding, "and it was apparently a good place."
Fighting the crushing feeling he was experiencing inside, Xander put aside that hurt, and tried to tell her what it was like. "It was. There was no demons, no vampires. At least that we knew about. And you know why?" He didn't wait for Buffy to answer before continuing. "Because you'd stopped them, Buffy."
"And died in the process," Buffy added.
Xander nodded. "Yes, you did. But we've been given a second chance to rectify that."
Buffy seemed to take in these words for a moment before asking her next question. "You and Dawn were very happy there weren't you?"
The sudden change in topic caught Xander off guard a little and because of that he couldn't mask his pain at the memory. He didn't want Buffy to feel any guilt over what happened to him. It was none of her doing. But seeing the look on her face as he replied, he could tell that she was.
"We were very happy." Seeing that Buffy didn't have a response to that, except to look away, Xander wanted to continue, but didn't know where to start. Before he gathered his thoughts enough to put them into words, Buffy said the one thing he was trying to avoid her saying.
"I'm sorry," she told him, her voice if anything sounding smaller while her face looked away from him.
"No!" Xander told her adamantly. "Don't be sorry. This wasn't your fault, Buffy." He reached over touched her shoulder, lightly coaxed her around to look at him. "And please don't think that I'm sorry to have this chance to save your life."
"But you didn't want to come back," Buffy asked him.
"No, I didn't. But," Xander searched his thoughts quickly, knowing that he had to say this just right. "It wasn't as simple as just coming back in time, Buffy. There was no guarantee I'd get here, no guarantee on what I'd remember. But more than that, I didn't think I had the right. I could've screwed so much up if I'd come back. What if me coming back had resulted in the Hellmouth not closing?"
Buffy nodded, getting what Xander was saying.
Xander knew the next part may hurt him to admit to Buffy face to face, but it was the truth. And even if Buffy was one of his best friends, he had to admit it to her. "But Dawn and I had also decided that we didn't want to risk losing each other. We'd both lost so much, and we didn't want to lose what we had. And in the end, that was the deciding factor for me."
Buffy had watched Xander closely as he told her all of this, seeing how some of the words were difficult for him to get out, knowing what the implication of it was. "It's strange to think of you and Dawn," she told him softly with out any malice or hurt at his words.
Xander had to smile a little at the little curve he saw on the ends of Buffy's lips. "I can understand that."
Buffy couldn't help but think of her sister, sleeping in the room just a little down the balcony. "Does she know any of this?"
Xander shook his head.
"What are you going to tell her?"
Xander shrugged. "I really don't know. We're going out tomorrow to talk."
Buffy nodded, remembering when Dawn had asked her. She looked out over the streets again, thinking about what Xander had told her.
"Buffy," Xander called softly, when his friend hadn't said anything else after a few moments. He could tell that she accepted what he'd said. The reality of what was coming was so much of a burden on her thoughts, Xander's motives, or lack there of, for his return from the future, seemed as they had passed into insignificance.
Buffy turned to face him.
"I once told you that you were my hero," he said.
Buffy nodded, remembering that day that was so long ago when she started university.
"But you are so much more than that to me. You are my friend and I love you and nothing is going to take away a future where you can kick my ass for all the dopey things that I tend to do."
The last part may have added a humorous tone to his words, along with one of his trademark grins, but Buffy could tell it was just to hide the little bit of un-camouflaged honesty that he'd just laid bare to her. She reached over to him and enveloped Xander in a hug, knowing that it was as much for her own benefit as well as his when she did this.
"I love you too," she told him.
They held each other for a few moments, before letting go.
"Are you okay?" he asked her.
"Yeah, I will be."
Xander smiled, just a little, before getting up and stretching his back after sitting for that time. "I'm going to get some sleep," he told her, although thinking to himself, that he was going to try and get some sleep.
Buffy nodded, knowing that she should as well, but not moving herself, yet.
Xander cast her one last look and then turned to walk back the few short feet to his room. He had almost reached the door, when Buffy called softly to him.
"Thank-you."
This time the smile on Xander's face was not small, and he did noting to hide it, as he gave a little wave to her, before walking back into his room. He saw that the others were still asleep, so he walked across the room as quietly as possible, slipping out of his overcoat and jeans, before lying back down in his bed, and pulling the sheet up over his chest.
A few minutes later he was once again looking at the ceiling, but unlike the last time, he only felt warm and happy.
*************
It may not have been a 'date' but both Dawn and Xander had more than their fair share of nerves as each of them got ready for what was, to both of them, a very important day.
It had taken Dawn a few different attempts before she was happy with what she was wearing. A job made more difficult with the coolness of the morning, and the knowledge that it would probably be warmer later in the day. She also couldn't fail to notice the occasional wry glance from her sister that told her Buffy was finding a little too much enjoyment in her sister's predicament. Not that Dawn wasn't use to that. Buffy had seemed to take much delight in Dawn's social life. And seeing as though this was one of her best friends, she could imagine Buffy would have miles and miles of smirking half glances and little comments to come. And more than any of that, Buffy seemed in a lighter mood than she had been for the last few days, and if this was the pay off for that Dawn would handle it.
Two rooms down, Xander's nerves weren't so much on what to wear. His fashion sense may have improved somewhat since High School, and with Cordelia in the room with him, there was no way she would let him out of there with anything that didn't look at the very least, okay. His worries were more centred on what to tell Dawn. Beyond anything else he wanted the barriers that stood between them to be torn down, and he knew that might mean telling her all of his time in the future. And that wasn't the easiest thing to contemplate. He would much rather be spending the time getting re-aquatinted with her. They'd spent so little time together in the last few years, he realised that what he knew about Dawn was mainly through observation and hearsay. That and his memories from a future that no longer existed. He didn't know where their relationship could go from here.
His thoughts were broken by light knocking on his door, and one look at Cordelia, Willow and Tara, and the grins that were on their faces was enough to tell him it was showtime. Taking a deep breath, he walked over and opened the door, telling himself not to get too worked up.
When he did, he could tell by the look of apprehension on Dawn's face, that she was just as nervous as he was about today. And in a way it gave him strength, that she was just as serious about getting their friendship back on some sort of track.
"Hey," she greeted him, smiling nervously.
"Hi," Xander replied, then adding, "you look nice," hoping the compliment hadn't over-stepped any boundary.
"Thanks," Dawn replied with a smile. "You too."
Xander grinned, silently thanking Cordy for her stubbornness in picking what he should wear. "Shall we go?" Xander asked, picking up his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.
"Yeah," Dawn replied, waving to the others in the room as Xander walked out of the doorway and out onto the balcony. He closed the door behind him, after silently saying goodbye to the others. Then they both walked down the verandah, out onto the street and down to where the cable car stop was located. Although he didn't know exactly where they were going, Dawn had told him they would head further around to where the waterfront piers were. He'd heard enough horror stories about parking in the city area that they didn't even consider taking his car. He didn't have any great love affair with public transport, so he was pleasantly surprised when the Cable car turned up after only a short waiting time. He guessed that Dawn had planned their timing very well.
Their trip into the downtown area was punctuated with long periods of silence, as both of them were wary of what to say, especially in the crowded car. As they passed different landmarks, it gave a perfect opportunity to break the silence and they took advantage of it, till gradually by the time they'd reached their intended destination they were merrily chatting about all things touristy in San Francisco. It was a shield, a cover to what they had to talk about and they both knew it. But it also was warm and friendly, something they both enjoyed.
They'd come right down to the waterfront, and as the hour approached midday, Xander could tell that the sky was clearing, letting them both see out across the water.
"Pier 39," Dawn told him, as they looked at the structure. "You want to get some brunch?"
Xander nodded, "sounds good."
They walked together towards the pier, staying close as the crowds got larger, and looking out for some place that looked inviting to eat, as well as giving them a little bit or privacy that they both wanted. "How about we grab something to go, and find a place in the park outside?" Xander asked, after it looked like their search would be unsuccessful inside.
Dawn agreed, and now that they weren't worried about finding acceptable seating inside they quickly found some acceptable food, and headed back out to the one of the parks, where Xander opened his duffel bag and pulled out a blanket for them to sit on, surprising Dawn.
"Now I know why your bag looked so full," she told him as he straightened the blanket out on the grass.
"Trying to be prepared," he told her back.
They had picked a place overlooking the water, but with a little break from the wind which had picked up a little. It wasn't cold, but both of them were glad they'd brought coats as it kept the little chill off them. They could just make out the sounds of seals, barking at people at one of the piers, something that both of them found amusing.
"We should check them out later?" Xander said, as they both smiled at the sound of one particularly loud roar.
Dawn nodded. "We can go for a look after."
They both acknowledged that they were both stalling; something that was working till they both finished their snacks. As if they both realised that now was the time, they looked at each other and laughed nervously.
"I've missed this," Dawn told him. Even with the unspoken words between themselves, they'd both enjoyed the day so far, even if it had only been for an hour or so.
"I know, me too," Xander replied.
"Did..." Dawn started to say, before biting her lip and stopping herself.
"What?" Xander asked. When he saw the look of apprehension on her face, he added, "ask me anything Dawn, you can you know?"
Dawn nodded. "Did you and I do this in the future?"
She could tell that he wasn't expecting that, by the way he looked totally stumped for a few seconds. Then almost as if he was happy she'd asked, he replied. "Yeah we did."
"We were a couple then?" she asked.
Xander nodded. "Yeah we were," he replied quietly, taking in the glazed look in Dawn's eyes. "When did you work that out?"
"Probably when you kissed me," she told him, with a little smile. Looking back on it, it was sort of funny to her. Not in the laugh out loud sort of way, but she found it hard to think of Xander kissing her as a bad thing. "But I didn't acknowledge it till I started putting things together."
"I shouldn't have done that," he told her.
"It's okay," she replied. "It's just, well strange."
"I get that," he told her.
"I can ask you anything?" Dawn said, making Xander nervous. He would tell her the truth, he'd promised her that, but there were things that he really didn't want to talk about with her. It would be just too weird.
"Yeah," he replied, hoping that she wouldn't ask about one of those things.
"What do you feel for me?"
It wasn't one of the questions that Xander feared, but there wasn't a simple answer either. However he had sworn to tell her the truth. "I love you,"
As much as she tried not to, her heart did flutter a little at that. But there was another question she needed to ask. Something that had been knawing away at her mind since she'd worked out that Xander had been involved with a future version of herself, something that took more than a little to get her mind around. "Do you love me, or the other Dawn?"
Xander didn't know exactly how to answer that. He loved the person in front of him with all his heart. But where did that come from? Was it all from the Dawn he left behind when he went back in time?
"I don't know," he told her honestly. Looking at Dawn as he said those words, he was sure of one other thing. "But I can tell you without any doubt that I do love you."
"I'm not the same person, Xander" Dawn told him.
"You told me something, in the future. You said that the feelings you had for me were always there," he said, hoping that it was still a fact. He hadn't even considered that Dawn may have not thought of him that way, with the differences in this timeline.
"I said that, huh?" she asked, blushing a little at the truth in those words, before sobering up to the reality of them. "I think you knew that I had a crush on you when I was a young kid, but that was years ago."
"I know," Xander replied.
"And after that..." Dawn paused, not wanting to turn any of her words into an accusation. "I know it wasn't your fault, Xander, but you missed a huge part of my life over the last few years. I mean, do you really know me anymore?"
"Maybe I don't," Xander admitted.
"And how much do I know you anymore? To be honest, I'm not sure if what I feel for you is just from my memories, or something else?" Dawn told him.
"It's ironic that in the future, the I wished that I hadn't missed you growing into the woman you became." Xander could see that woman, clearly in Dawn now. Not exactly the same, but it was there. "And I missed it all again."
"That hurt me so much, Xander," Dawn said softly. "I'm not blaming..."
Xander stopped with a wave of her hand, knowing what she was going to say. "It's all screwed up, isn't it?" Xander said. The talk had not gone how he had hoped, but maybe that was the reality he had to face.
"Well, yeah it is," Dawn replied, wishing she could escape the feeling that they'd managed to bring down one barrier, only to erect a sturdier one between them.
Xander thought about it for a moment, before answering. "Well stuff it!"
"Xander!" Dawn replied, not understanding what he was saying. and more than a little surprised at Xander's words.
"There isn't any law saying we had to work everything out today is there?" Xander asked her, trying to focus on the fact that they'd spent a very enjoyable time together if you set aside the awkwardness of some of the questions.
"No I don't think there is." Dawn replied.
"Well there you go. That means we can have more days like this," Xander replied, not missing the fact that he was basically suggesting more non-dates.
"Yeah, we can," Dawn answered with a smile, showing that she had no problem with that suggestion.
Softening his tone, he continued. "I love you, and that means wanting you to be happy, no matter what."
"I want the same for you," Dawn replied.
"So we can work on this later on, tomorrow, next week, next month, whenever."
Dawn nodded agreeing with that.
"I'm just..." Xander started to say, his voice showing the slightest tinge of how happy was he was. "I'm just so happy to be talking to you again. Spending time with you. I want to be able to talk to you about everything, and I think we can now, can't we?" Xander asked.
"Yes, always," Dawn replied.
"Well then, lets take a look around the rest of this place. I'm sure there's some noisy seals that have peaked my interest at least," he told her with a grin. As he went to stand up, he felt his hand being grabbed. Looking back he saw that Dawn had hold of it, and she simply was staring at him. Pulling her up, he wasn't all that surprised and not unhappy in the slightest when she enveloped him in a hug. It felt so right, so correct; he didn't hesitate in the slightest in returning it.
"I've missed you," Dawn told him, though Xander had to listen hard as her voice was muffled in his chest.
He lightly caressed her back with his hand till they broke apart. When he did he smiled at her, and gave her hand a squeeze before letting go. "No matter what, we'll always be friends," he told her.
**************
Looking around the assembled people, Giles could tell that the worry and tiredness was starting too weigh heavy on all of them. They had been in San Francisco for five nights now, and each night one or both of their groups had come under attack while patrolling. With only twenty-four hours till the deadline they all knew couldn't be moved, that only meant one thing. They were expected, and they would be hopelessly outnumbered. After explaining all this to the group Giles continued.
"Which is why, we've come up with a change in plans," Giles stated to them all.
Some of the group was caught off guard by this. Changing plans this late in the game was never the most prudent idea. Especially since everyone seemed to know the roles they were to play tomorrow night.
"Are you sure, Giles?" Buffy asked.
"I don't think we have any choice," Giles replied. "Believe me when I say I wouldn't suggest it, if there were any other way."
"Giles is right," Angel added. "If not, we won't last ten minutes."
Looking around and only seeing the odd nod from others, and no dissention, Giles continued. "We could be expecting a force of hundred's, maybe even more."
"There's no way we can fight that," Cordelia said, breaking into Giles's words.
"Well, yes quite," Giles answered, giving her a very stern look for interrupting. "Which is why we need to find a way to keep them all away from us till it's over."
A couple of the group seemed to grasp the idea straight away, including the one person that Giles hoped would.
"A barrier," Tara said.
"Yes, a barrier. We've used them before, of course, but this time it will need to be bigger, and stronger."
Tara nodded, turning to look at Willow, as the enormity of the power she would need to tap became obvious to her. "I'll have to start work on it now."
"And it may need to be mobile," Giles added, saying each word carefully, so that no-one could mistake his tone being anything other than seriousness.
"Mobile?" Willow asked, glancing at Tara, who seemed to be thinking about it still.
"Well, whether we are successful or not, we are going to have to get out of an area which will presumably still be crowded with vampires and other demons."
Willow simply nodded, and seeing that Tara was doing the same, said nothing more. It was just another hurdle to jump over. And even if it was a little higher that they had previously thought, they weren't going to give up now.
"Well, everything else is pretty much unchanged. The only difference is that it will be up to Wesley and myself to say the spells necessary to power up the Staff and the right time. But that shouldn't be a problem," he replied, throwing Wesley a quick glance to see if he agreed.
"It's actually not that powerful, magically speaking. It gets its power from what lies between dimensions. So we should have no problem with that," Wesley added.
"And then Angel has to shatter the staff at the exact time?" Buffy asked.
"Yes, but we may have caught a break there. We think there will be around thirty seconds for Angel to do that," Wesley answered. "I know it's not an eternity, but it gives us a little leeway."
"And the rest of us will, what, hopefully not be fighting anything?" Gunn queried.
"If it all goes to plan than that's right," Giles answered. "But lets just say experience has taught us all to prepare for it not working out like that."
"Gotcha," Buffy answered. "We keep the bad guys off Tara, Giles and Wesley, till it's time for Angel to shatter the staff." She thought about it for a moment, then added with a bit of laughter. "It sounds almost ridiculously easy."
"Which is why it won't be," Angel responded solemnly.
"Which is why we will still be preparing over the next 24 hours as well," Wesley added.
Giles looked upon all the people he considered his charges as Wesley spoke, and it became very clear to him that one person seemed almost too silent on the issues. He hadn't had a chance to talk to Xander yet, apart from the impersonal greeting in a group or such, and it was eating away inside of him. The problem he faced was the fear that Xander's silence on some issues may cost them in the long run. And as much as he wanted to take his word, not to mention Buffy's as well, that Xander wasn't keeping anything from them, that fear still reigned inside of him.
The other's were all getting up to leave. Some of them seemed to be getting ready to go on another patrol, though Giles felt it unnecessary, Angel didn't want to leave that chance un-taken. Tara, Giles was sure was going to be in contact with some of the local witches for any help she could get to perform the barrier spell. And as Xander and Dawn got up to follow, it was clear to Giles that apart from the two of them being on much friendlier terms, they were going to be accompanying Tara and Willow on their travels. He knew that now was the best, and maybe only time that he would have a chance to have the talk, he needed to have.
"Xander could I speak to you for a moment?" Giles called out to him, just as he was about to walk off with the others.
Xander looked over at Dawn, knowing that he had to have this talk with Giles, even if they had both hoped to spend some more time getting to know each other again. He could tell however that she seemed to understand perfectly.
"I'll see you later on after we get back," she told him, obviously planning to go with Tara and Willow.
Xander gave a slight nod to Dawn, letting her know he'd see her then, and then waved goodbye to the others, before turning back around to face someone who in all intensive purposes was a father figure, if not more to him.
"I don't like that things aren't right between us, Xander," Giles told him when he saw they were alone.
"I don't either," Xander told him.
"But I know that you've kept things from us, and I can't understand why you would, with what we're facing."
Xander felt like tearing his hair out. He couldn't understand why Giles couldn't grasp the simple concept that some things were private. "Giles, have you told us everything about your childhood?"
"No, of course not," Giles responded.
"But what if there is something there that may help us with what's coming up?' Xander asked, knowing that he was stretching the credibility a little in asking such a question.
"Why would there be, and if there was I'd tell..." Giles broke off realising what he'd been led into saying. "It's not the same, Xander and you know it."
"No it isn't, but unlike me, you are refusing to accept that I can tell if something would help us. What I haven't told you involves me and the people I've told, that's all," Xander told him forcibly.
Giles reached up and grabbed hold of his glasses, taking them off his head, and wiping the frames with a cloth he kept in his pocket. He knew this was going no where. For whatever reason, unlike Buffy it seemed, Xander didn't have that one bit of future knowledge that he could say to convince him. It was up to him to decide now, and he knew it. He took a breath, fixing Xander in his gaze, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "And that's that then," he said.
"Yes it is," Xander said firmly.
Giles seemed to think about it for a second before he held his hand out. "Okay."
Looking down at the outstretched hand, Xander didn't know what exactly to do. He didn't feel as though he'd settled anything, yet by Giles's action he was sure the Englishmen had decided it was over. He reached out and shook his hand, "Are we okay?"
Giles nodded. "Yeah."
Still not sure of how it had all been sorted out, Xander knew however that now was not the time to look a gift horse in the mouth. He hadn't planned on letting anyone know about what he decided. Part of him inside was still yelling, saying that it was a mistake to let Giles in on that confidence. But maybe it was that Giles had taken a leap of trust, or maybe it was just to get some assuredness, but as far as he was concerned it was the right time to talk to Giles about it.
"Umm, listen I need to discuss something with you," Xander asked a little nervously.
"Hmmm?" Giles responded.
The look on Xander's face, as he opened his mouth to speak, did little to quell both Giles's curiosity and apprehension at just what Xander had to tell him.
End Part 21