Disclaimer:

Naruto is the creative property of Masashi Kishimoto, who created this wonderful anime/manga series. Anything not attributed to Kishimoto-san belongs to their respective owners, such as references to, for example, Cowboy Bebop (the Swordfish II) that is a creation of Sunrise and Shinichiro Watanabe, xxxHOLiC is a creation of CLAMP, and vice-versa. This story is written purely just for fun, guys; please for God's sake, don't sue me! I'm just a college student with too much free time on his hands! On the other hand, any specific author created characters I created for this fic (despite how unoriginal they may be at times) are mine. So without further adieu, let's get on with the show!

The Surgeon General's Warning:

Read at your own risk.

The Idiot's Guide to Nindo

Ore wa KAKOOI datteba yo! Ja ne/ I am so COOL! Ain't I?

Chapter 21:

From Bad to Worse

A Naruto AU fanfic by James "Ray" Edwards

"Naruto Ninpouchou: Ougi --- ARU-PHA SPAAAAAAAAARRRRRR-KU!"

Once more, chains of lighting exploded from the Raijin, acting as an improvised shield to intercept the oncoming ice needles. Alas, he did not foresee the bundle of explosive kunai coming right behind the wave needles through the settling flame, which his chains of lightning naturally leapt at will to strike drawn by the conductive nature of metal. The startling explosion at near pointblank rocked his world, consumed in smoke and fire, flinging him from his feet, and nearly jarring loose the Raijin from his grasp as well.

Unable to control his momentum, Naruto bounced off the unforgiving pavement and rolled into a heap. Pain and bewilderment was the order of the day as he struggled to regain his bearings in the disturbed hazy gloom of the mist. However, a sudden chill that cut straight to his courage brought the world into sharp focus when Haku shouted his death sentence:

"It's a shame, but your story ends here, Uzumaki Naruto. Hijutsu --- Makyou Hyou Shou!"

The mist thickened and the temperature fell to near sub-zero levels as Naruto came to realize the trap that had been sprung upon him. Mirrors of ice surrounded him, caging him in a frosty hell where there was only himself stuck between a rock and a hard place while the masked boy presided over his coming execution. Haku was everywhere, his unnerving mask gazing balefully from the reflection of each and every mirror.

"And now, I shall show you my true speed!"

And then, it started to rain needles.

Breathe.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Good.

Just gotta keep breathing, and I'll figure some way out of this almost hopeless mess, Naruto reminded himself wryly between ragged breaths.

Even after all the ridiculous training he had done, which he imagined dramatically increased his chakra reserves, one fact had not changed: his chakra control still sucked and chakra was, ultimately, finite. Whatever the hell crazy technique Haku had going for him was way more efficient and powerful than the trash Naruto could muster, and quite frankly, the entire time he had been defending only. All defense and no offense equals: a very nasty situation wherefore the masked boy had reduced his chakra levels down to the red, judging by the occasional "hesitant" flicker in the Raijin's blade, and the fact he was getting --- tired.

Oh yeah, Naruto hated to admit it, but he was getting his butt handed to him by a "girly man" and only because the guy had better smoke-and-mirror tricks than him. Thanks to his stupid mirrors, which he apparently had the ability to phase in and out at inhuman speeds and direct all-range attacks from, Haku had systematically worn him down in a very patient game of "Hey! It's raining needles, yo!" Something had to give and it had to happen fast, in the hyperactive genin's favor of course.

The question is: what were his options at this point of the game? Thanks to his priority on defense and "spamming" Alpha Spark the entire time, he had managed to avoid taking any physical damage at all. Unfortunately, the reason "Alpha Spark" was "Alpha Spark" was because he could not control it yet; therefore, it was actually a defensive jutsu with close to zero offensive capability. He had a few other moves he could try but it would mean having to defeat these stupid ice mirrors first and getting Haku out into the open.

He could try using the Raijin's howl; however, Naruto had his own private reservations about using it, as that particular technique had grown exponentially stronger and presumably out of his control. Anything related to kagebunshin was out because Haku would turn him into a porcupine before he had a chance to go through the hand seals, and even then, the shadow clones would be little better than meat shields. And no, he sure as hell was not going to make the blow up...

Wait a minute, he had two ways of detonating kagebunshin, did he not? He had a tried and true method for the high explosives technique, but he had also pulled off a smoke screen version before by --- well --- fluke, granted smoke bombs in this situation would be a whole lot cheaper.

Note to self: buy some smoke bombs when I get home, thought Naruto grudgingly.

Anyways, using the smoke kagebunshin and chakra boost movement, he should be able to escape from the mirrors. After all, there was no way Haku could hit something he could not see, and it would probably take a great deal of effort to move these mirrors to catch Naruto again, right? Of course, this was a whole lot of wishful thinking, and now for the next problem.

How the hell was he going to perform the hand seals for kagebunshin and figure out the smoke shadow clones on the fly when he needed one of his hands to continue shielding himself?

Damn, back to square one again...but judging by the roar of those explosions some ways off, at least No Eyebrows Freak is having some fun.

Suddenly, the rain of senbon stopped, and to say Naruto was stunned would be an understatement, he was freaking confused. What the heck was Haku thinking? Was the sudden stop in the rain a feint designed for him to let his guard down long enough for the masked boy to sneak in a critical hit?

"Enough of that useless jutsu," Haku told him blandly over the constant chatter of crackling lightning. "I have seen enough, and it is clear as ice to me that you cannot hope to defeat me."

Sparks of anger threatened his cool, demanding swift vengeance upon the masked nin, but reason managed to prevail in the duel of contradictory wills. Naruto grinned, accenting the whisker marks on his cheeks that gave off an unsettling sinister air, as he cut off his chakra to his shield, "Hey-hey, that's pretty harsh words coming from you, Mr. Boku. Couldn't you've at least tried a few euphemisms just to make it sound nicer?"

"I have little time to play games; however, I wish to speak with you for a little bit before we end this charade."

"Ow. So it's a game now, huh? Well: shoot-dattebayo."

"Omae... You... Do you have someone precious to you?

"Someone precious, huh? ...hmph, who knows?"

"Hm?"

"I think there are people I like but whether they're precious to me or not --- is a different story altogether. Hell, I think I've probably forgotten --- and in a way, I don't think I deserve to have precious people: a sinner like me."

"I see; in that case, you have never had a chance of defeating me in the beginning. When a person has something precious to protect that's when they can become truly strong."

Naruto's grin widened into a toothy smile, "Are you sure about that, Haku?"

"Absolutely," Haku's resolution boomed from the many mirrors simultaneously. "Becoming a true shinobi is difficult for me. If possible, despite your insolence, I do not want to have to kill you, nor want you to have to kill me. But you have become an obstacle to me and That Man."

"Che..."

"I must destroy my kind heart with a terrible blade --- and become a true shinobi, a tool for murder just like you said. This bridge is the place where we fight to connect to our dreams. I, for my dream, and you, for your dream. Please, don't hate me. I want to protect someone precious to me, to work for that person, to fight for that person, and to make that person's dreams come true."

"Oh, really now?"

"That is my dream. For that, I can become a shinobi: I will kill you, Uzumaki Naruto!"

"That's it?" Naruto spat on the ground, his blue eyes blazing in fury, "You wasted five minutes of my life just to pour out your doubts to me? Weak."

Though he wore a mask, there was no mistake that Haku flinched at the bitter sting of the genin's words:

"Wh-What...what did you-?"

"You're no better than that sissy, crybaby Inari! Che, don't screw with me; I can't give two s---s for a weakling's doubts: worthless trash that can only justify themselves in their own self-gratifying, masochistic misery. Hell, I'd say you're a f---ing pervert, clinging to life pitifully by someone else's boot leather."

"H-How...how dare you-!"

"I dare because I can still stand up on my own too feet. I know I'm lost right now, but even if none of this had ever happened to me --- Yuuko-san, hitsuzen, Shion, Maru and Moro, and Mana --- I believe I would've still plunged head on. I don't want to cry anymore. If people hate me, then I'll make them love me, acknowledge me for what I truly am. If there no heroes in this world, then I'd become a damned superhero-dattebayo!"

"Keh..."

"Heh, too bad that's a dream for a different lifetime. I can't follow that path anymore, but even so, I won't cry, I won't give up, and I sure as hell am not going to lose to a pervert-yarou like you. I still have things I need to do: so bring it on!"

Looking back at such a poignant declaration, it made perfect sense why hitsuzen probably stepped in at that precise moment to totally make him look the part of the fool. Haku, apparently, did have a limited supply of senbon, but the ice needles formed from his own chakra were nearly infinite, and the ones that did not get vaporized by Naruto's "shield" melted on the pavement into puddles of water. Not looking where he was going, Konoha's Number One slipped and fell flat on his face, which was a good thing too...

Getting hit by a wall of lead, namely 7.62 x 51mm NATO, being spewed out from a linked trio of furious miniguns was not a good way to end the day.

Some minutes before his entire day went to hell, Momochi Zabuza had just been minding his own damned business, wondering if the bloody blonde-haired brat had tricked yet again. He had played the kid's game and tried to hunt down Tazuna, spending the better part of fifteen minutes dodging explosions and jumping at shadows to no avail. If the act here was meant to be a diversion, it had worked splendidly. The brat had likely not wanted to fight both him and Haku at once; hence, the ploy but he had to wonder...

Could the brat have been waiting for someone or something?

As soon as that thought came to mind, a black silhouette revealed itself amidst the mist. He was about sixty yards away from Haku's position, so it would be pointless to inform his subordinate of this sudden development. The question was: who was this person? A mercenary? Tazuna himself? A friend of the Uzumaki brat? Or was it that damned girl from two weeks ago sticking her nose where it did not belong again?

Alas, his hopes of fighting that girl again were dashed when the figure spoke, a young, cultured feminine voice, her tone strangely submissive as if she were a maid. Yes, she was completely different from the "gunslinger" who had been a beast of blood herself, but little did he know that fighting her would be just as bad:

"O honored guest, are you not the one they call Momochi Zabuza, the Demon of the Hidden Mist? He who was responsible for the slaughter of his entire genin class that changed the Hidden Mist's academy, and ultimately, took it upon himself to change the Village of the Hidden Mist through a coup d'etat?"

Zabuza blinked, "Eh, what's this supposed to be? Some kind of interview, Missy?"

"Are you he who has fallen from grace, stooping as low as to work for a parasite? Do you not understand that Tazuna-dono is the heart and spirit of this land, and the bridge he is building is this land's hope?"

"Hmph, do I look I care about little details like that? One death is a tragedy and a million lives is just a statistic, so what's one more going to hurt?"

"You are willing to sacrifice so much, just to advance your own ambitions?"

"Bah, spare me the useless talk. I'm fighting for my own ideals, and I'm not going to stop."

When he heard the whining shriek of machinery spinning up to speed, the jounin instantly knew something bad was about to happen. Unfortunately, the mist served as his only cover but at the same time it was a hindrance for he could not gauge what sort of attack his opponent was going to make, nor could he get a proper estimation of the girl's capabilities. Surely, she had no intention of using ranged attacks against him when he could only make out a silhouette of herself, the same of which would apply to her hampered field of vision. The question is: should he make the first move now with what little initiative he had left or...

Alas, the girl made that decision for him.

"Understood, then your future is death. Type-ChaChaMaru/CCM Prototype D1, Code: SHION...battle mode program initializing. Range: thirty meters... Target confirmed: ID Momochi Zabuza, missing-nin, formerly of the Hidden Mist's Seven Shinobi Swordsmen, threat level A-class...all weapons green. Commencing the termination of the target: Engage."

Suddenly, the shadow burst into motion, a blatant movement that his eyes caught easily driving his hands through a quick series of hand seals. He had discovered this jutsu by mistake early on in his "illustrious" career when he had been attempting to produce large teams of mizu bunshin more efficiently to make up for their lack of power. Alas, he did not succeed but the venture was not a complete failure either because for the cost of chakra he would spend normally for a squad of water clones he could create a small army's worth of regular bunshin easy. They were throwaway toys perfect for feeling out an opponent's strength and tactics:

"Tajuu Bunshin no Jutsu!"

On cue, a mass of bunshin materialized upon the spot, masking his presence from his opponent. However, nothing in all of his years could have prepared him as an eerie electric buzz reached his sensitive ears, while he went through the motions of yet another jutsu. Intangible yet visible "threads of red" probed outwards from the silhouette's outstretched arm and from it came the Wailing Doom: light, flame, and death.

Transported high above by his instant body technique, he saw the mist disintegrate away from the girl's fury, much in the same fashion as his clones who fell like flies. His hands flowing through hand seals yet again, it was then Zabuza also noticed for the first time what she held: a trio of miniature "cannons" that were spinning rapidly, saturating the air with invisible "bullets" and visible brightly burning "bullets." A pile of empty "shells" had already accumulated in a matter of moments but most terrifying of all was the simple fact that she could handle such a weapon at all as the tremendous recoil and weight should have been beyond normal human limits.

Is she some kind of monster? Bah, no matter; she needs both of her hands to use those automatic cannons, thought Zabuza dismissively as he began to fall. And, look, she's already out of ammunition. Perfect.

Whrrr-click-click...!

"Mizu Shunshin no Jutsu!"

A back attack: simple yet elegant in its own right as a device to test an opponent's reflexes and speed, not to mention to weed out the weaklings from the strong...

WHOOSH.

The scream of metal protesting was both blessing and a curse: he had just met somebody who could fight back. Zabuza grunted as he followed through with the eviscerating slash that would have cut the wench in twine, but his eyes failed utterly to keep up with the girl's movement. A flash of neon green and black was all he saw for she abandoned the splitting cannons and spun into his weak side, whirling about as if in a dance, miraculously avoiding the empty shells on the pavement that could have fouled her graceful steps.

The humiliating kick to his backside nearly sent him toppling to ground but he held fast with a snarl, stumbling forwards as he spun about with a wild slash in reprisal. Kubikiri Houchou sang and met nothing but air, and for his troubles, he was offered a brief look at the girl's face, before her elbow smashed into his guts powerfully, sending a terrible shock rippling through him as he skidded back several yards. The concealing cowl fallen onto her shoulders, this "Shion" was young and pretty, her face fit for a princess, yet the telltale frilly white headpiece identified her as a maid of some sort. More strange, attached to the headpiece forming a headband of sorts were metal elfin-like antennae that sprouted outwards covering her ears.

Oh, and did he forget to mention she had matching neon green hair (which extended well past her shoulders though he could determine its true length thanks to that bloody black cloak of hers) and eyes? Just making sure he was not seeing things.

"Ehe-hehe, another pretty face to carve up, huh?" Zabuza coughed darkly, as he gathered his wits about him in the brief stand off. "First, it was that dark rainbow-eyed bitch, and now, I've got to deal with a high-class maid girl? Che, somebody somewhere must be having a good laugh at my expense."

The girl's pretty face expressed her displeasure at him openly in a frown, "It would be unwise to underestimate myself, Momochi-dono."

"Good manners and customs, huh? Hah! I'll admit that slick kick was pretty good but enough with the bluffs: you're finished, girl. Without that repeating cannon, your chances of beating me just went up in smoke."

"It is regrettable that this body is only a prototype, but the Professor and Assistant Scott have put their hearts and souls into making my --- no --- our distant dream a reality. Everything is riding on this battle and I will not cower in fear. I stand for Justice, and with the power of love and courage: Evil shall not triumph!"

What a conceited child! He did not think there was anybody at all around these days could spout such a righteous litany without hesitation, her neon green eyes sparkling crystal clear. Well, it would make crushing her to dust all the more satisfying for this was reality and "justice" was nothing more but a convenient label for the ambitious to impose their will upon those weaker than themselves.

With a bombastic battle cry she charged at him headlong, her hair and cloak billowing in her furious wake. Perhaps, the girl was lacking in common sense, but at least she had plenty of guts to make up for it: charging a superior opponent head on? What a joke, as if she were actually stronger than him!

Pumping chakra into his legs for a mighty leap back to clear some room, Zabuza threw a volley of shuriken as a deadly diversion, his hands moving through hand seals. Aimed true, the shuriken whistled through the air, drawing not even a flinch from the girl to private chagrin. Not even bothering to slow down, her right arm shot out, twirling the folds of the cloak about her arm violently in sudden whiplash motion, before she batted aside the shuriken like they were toys.

Interesting, looks like that cloak is heavier than I thought, not to mention her reflexes, thought the jounin with a scowl. "Let's see how you handle this: GO --- Mizu Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Coalescing out from the mist, five water clones in his likeness appeared to intercept the maid girl, yet undaunted she surged forwards with a courageous cry:

"Amai-de arimasu... Those kind of half-hearted attacks cannot stop me!"

The first mizu bunshin to reach her loosed a horizontal slash, intent on cutting her in two...

"Musou Eiyuuryu - Ougi --- DYNAMIKU KIIIIII-ICKU!"

...but with simply inhuman grace, she reacted, leaping over the deadly arc into a fullfledged dragon kick to the face, cracking the water clone's neck painfully backwards. Instantly, the doppelganger exploded into water, splashing the pavement into a slick surface that would surely foul her landing as its partner came rushing in. The girl had to be daredevil for she slid into a reverse sweep kick, ducking underneath the turbulent slash that sent her hair billowing.

Her attack struck home, sending the water clone spinning about in mid-air with a helpless yelp whilst she continued sliding underneath him. He came crashing down a heartbeat later, splattering all over the pavement in a messy puddle of water, and the maid of justice had yet to stop. Rising out of her slide and throwing her momentum forwards, she pounced into a roll, shooting past the second duo of clones as the swung their blades. Rather comically, they ended up carving each other up instead in an effort to compensate for the greenish black blur.

Four down and one to go, and the last doppelganger thrust out his great sword boldly at her, hoping to stun her with the flat-head before cleaving her in twine. But she was faster, much faster than that pale imitation of Momochi Zabuza could ever hope to be at just one-tenth of his power, and she gracefully swayed aside, hammering into him with a clothesline. The pitiful clone was yanked clean off his feet, a pained gurgle escaping his throat before he smashed into the pavement, exploding into a pool of water.

"DIE!" a scream blasted her suddenly.

A flash of silver, gleaming like the sickle moon.

Crunch.

Zabuza stared, his jaw going slack...

...and he stared some more.

The pavement had cratered beneath her feet, cracks splintering outwards like spider webs. Every inch of her straining body trembled as she bared her teeth openly in a defiant snarl, the deadly edge of the Kubikiri Houchou smiling at her face, hovering just inches away. Between her hands she had done the impossible, catching his zanbatou by the flat of its blade, an act of martial prowess that was the stuff of fairy tales and here he was witnessing it come to life!

"I-I...to-told you...ugh, o-once be-fore," the girl growled tersely at him, "there's...o-only --- wha-what?"

It was hard to say what happened exactly, but he had seen something --- impossible --- reflected in the girl's quivering eyes. His mist had suddenly receded, and like glass shattering, the sky as he knew it had cracked, streams of infinite light and boundless darkness slipping through. An immense pressure was radiating from the sky, twisting and churning, as the cracks grew wider, and the unseen force literally began to rip off chunks from the bridge. A psychedelic kaleidoscope of colors exploded across the sky as the fissure in the fabric of reality grew and grew...

And then the most funny thing happened: his arms shattered.

Thud.

"A-A Hyper Resonance Cascade! Th-That's im-impossible, how... My Master...! I must...Naruto-sama..."

Damn, she's gone.

Why is...

...dark.

The answer to how and why things came to this moment completely failed to come to mind for he was again caught in an extraordinary situation that he had no control over, and worse, no hope of escaping. Naturally, the whole mess had just started a few minutes ago when the "gunfire" had died down, Naruto had kicked up to his feet to find that he was free of Haku's icy prison. He supposed he would have to thank Mana later for coming to his rescue but that could wait until later as he spotted his opponent slowly standing up with a noticeable limp in his normally graceful gait. Dazed and battered, Haku had avoided the worse of the barrage by some miracle, yet he had not escaped unscathed judging by the numerous nicks and cuts from near-fatal hits.

The kid was a mess and in no real condition to fight; however, this was not a fight: this was war. Looking back, it was an incredibly cruel thing for him to do, and just thinking about it made him sick, but Naruto swiftly pounced on the poor boy from behind. He was not going to take any chances, and if he was going to end this skirmish here decisively, no questions asked. What ensued here after was rather brutal beatdown: plain and simple, a gruesome feat his bloodied fists could attest. Hell, it was not even a fight really, with him straddling Haku, pummeling away at the defenseless kid, like a madman. The kid barely even managed to put up a fight, and at some point, the blonde-haired nin imagined he must have shattered Haku's white almost porcelain-like mask too, but he did not stop.

Oh, no.

Something inside his head had snapped during that sudden grip of madness: the rush of power, the desire to dominate, and he literally saw red. Naruto did not stop; he went on and on and on, until the thing inside him was sated, and the results horrified him to say the least. What made him nearly puke was the fact that at some point his "mystic eyes" had regained their powers and were now showing him the "grim reality" of his actions: an angel with ash grey wings, his scattered feathers drifting through the air, and his dark hair billowing out like a funeral veil. The symbolism, the metaphors, the hundred of possible meanings screamed through his head at a million miles per minutes: Holy Zen! What have I done?

Naruto was getting out of here, he was running away, and he would have gotten away too, if it were not for the damned "angel", still clinging pitifully to life, grabbing his bloodied hand with his own pale sinuous hands. Just like that, a split-second of skin to skin contact, he was seemingly blessed by some higher power with a brief spark of clairvoyance long enough to know this poor sucker's life inside out: his likes, his dislikes, his aspirations, his whole pathethic sob story of his life, the next words that were going to come out of his mouth, and worse yet --- the damaned wish he was going to make. Oh yeah, to top it off, he was also going to totally disregard any hope of salvation even when it was biting him right where it hurts because he really was not alone as he thought he was...

...the pitiful ass had a sister he did not even know about!

The next second later, the words Naruto did not want to hear came out the big idiot's mouth:

"P-Pl...ease, k-kill me."

The phrase "Hell no, you freak!" was what he would have liked to say. In fact, he had instinctively torn Haku's hand away from his as if it were diseased, and was about let loose a string of curses when he suddenly everything had gone really quiet. The mist was gone. The blasted angst-ridden kid was gone. And from out of nowhere, it hit like a jackhammer...

KRAK.

Never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined that the human body could double as a porcelain doll; hell, he did even think the human body could crack open like glass! To the best of his knowledge, he was the only human being to ever experience this type of phenomenom, a notion that would eventually disproved over the years by other companions he met in his travels. Something --- specifically --- somebody had so kindly shoved his straight through him, a strange black arm that seemed to attract light, glowing eerily, as visions of the distant cosmos unknown swirled freely within.

Clutched in the hand, whose fingers tips ended in sharp points liken to claws, was something even more amazing: a miniature golden star, blazing brightly with crimson flames, as it floated in a nexus of orbitting particles. The ethereal object was analogous to an atom by design, yet it was so much more; the truth, he would learn in years to come. He could have sworn he heard the Kyuubi screaming something at him in his head, but her voice was distant, faded, a buzzing sound akin to white nose.

All paled before the owner of the Black Hand himself. It was hard to say how big he was: he seemed to be everywhere and nowhere, all-encompassing and nothing at once; a living contradiction. If he could, Naruto would have tried to get a glimpse of the bugger but such intentions as he found himself face to face with a pair of massive blue eyes, the same shade as his own:

Glistening white teeth drawn back in a smile.

Mad tears of red.

A face.

Me.

His own voice beckoning...

"Finally... Finally...! After aeons of searching... The last Original...mine. Kukukukuku! No more a shadow, no more deathless, no more The-One-Who-Remembers; the end of Chaos; a return to the Origin...Order."

His own thoughts echoing...

Time flows backwards. It is no longer necessary for you to suffer. You shall return to nothing!

And then Naruto really did shatter...

...just like glass.

Infinite time stopped beating its heart,

And humans burnt away without making any noise.

Not one person notices as the world becomes dislocated and is covered in the flames...

To be continued...

Author's Notes:

Well, there you have it. Chapter 21 in all of its glory and the end of Volume One. Thoughts, feelings, questions: hey, fire away, fellas.

Thank you all for tuning in and remember, I always encourage each and everyone of you to feel free to comment, review, and/or discuss the story. Your comments can really make a difference, I assure you, and if you're up to it, feel free to ring me up on AIM, or even send me an e-mail (although you really don't need to boost my ego too often). You know how to get in touch with the maestro here.

Tsudzuku!