The beginning of the end

Hands shooting out to strike the cold floor and catch himself, Hakkai feels air rushing into his lungs as if he has been breathing shallow for hours. There is sweat on his skin, making his shirt cling to him uncomfortably, but he feels cold, chilled to the bone. He is shaking. His hands barely support him, even with his knees planted firmly on the floor as well. He has fallen from a minor height but he barely remembers waking.

Had he really been asleep? Had his nightmare…really been just a dream?

"Hakkai…?"

A gasp rips from Hakkai's throat. That voice. Is he imagining it? In the dream…the dream…he had held the owner of this voice in his arms as it spoke for the last time. The last words he heard from it had been so final, so disturbingly real and painful. Kill me, it had said. Kill me…

"Hakkai!"

A hand grips Hakkai's shoulder hard, shaking him, shaking him roughly to bring him back to his senses. Pulled to the sound of that voice, Hakkai lifts his head, but still does he find it a miracle when the dearest object of his affection comes into view. "Gojyo…"

The hanyou has crouched down beside Hakkai, just as shaken and damp with sweat as the brunette. Besides being obviously fatigued, Gojyo appears everything like his normal self, with every one of his accessories. Hakkai realizes then that he too has everything that belongs on his person, from his sash and monocle to his headband. It seems they had simply been plucked from the ground in their unconsciousness and placed in the large machine behind them. And yet now, somehow, they are free from it.

For a moment Hakkai and Gojyo look away from one another to stare at the large machine that had held them prisoner. It is indescribably large, covered with tubes and monitors that are projecting stilled images of the last things any of them saw while dreaming. Hakkai does not quite understand the image of youkai Gojyo standing in the kitchen, which is projected over an empty space he images Gojyo must have fallen from. Next to that he can see what is undoubtedly his own monitor, for Gonou's hands are still grasping the knife that is now plunged into youkai Gojyo's throat.

Hakkai shudders. It had been a dream, a nightmare, completely false in every way, and yet even with Gojyo next to him and with the hanyou's hand still gripping his shoulder, Hakkai is filled with such overwhelming fear. The emotions he knew only moments ago in the dreamworld are still with him, clinging to his spirit like a virus. Each breath he takes only makes the pain worsen.

"Hakkai…hey." Gojyo calls, his voice soft and tender. He has looked away from the monitors, though he understands what Hakkai must have gone through and knows his friend must be having some very unfair déjà vu.

Losing something is one thing. Losing something and getting it back only to lose it again is pure hell.

"Hey…look at me, huh? I'm fine. I'm right here." Gojyo says, shaking Hakkai's shoulder as he had before, only gentler now. "Please…look at me, not that bullshit up there. It wasn't real. It was some sick joke and evil as hell, but it wasn't real. Hakkai." Gojyo really doesn't want to have to slap Hakkai to get his lover's attention, and thankfully, with the final stress on Hakkai's name, the brunette turns to Gojyo and his emeralds start to focus.

"A…dream." Hakkai repeats. "Yes…yes, Gojyo, I know it was just a dream. And if that was a dream then you're…real, aren't you?" A tentative hand reaches out to grip Gojyo's arm, squeezing it a little harder than Hakkai means to if only to be sure the redhead is indeed tangible.

Emerald and crimson meet, and Hakkai, having confirmed the kappa's solid form, holds their gaze only a moment before getting up more full onto his knees and embracing Gojyo with every ounce of worn strength in him. Hakkai breathes out Gojyo's name several times, a few dry sobs cracking the air, and holds firm, not wanting to let go.

The dream had been too real, too close to memories from the past, and with such a horrific twist. Hakkai will always blame himself for failing Kanan, but he cannot imagine how it might have been to find her half-dead and to have been the one to deal that final blow. Somehow, having to do so to Gojyo had been even more wrenching than watching Kanan take her own life. Instead of being helpless he had been active in the process. Active in Gojyo's…death.

Hakkai's sobs remain dry but his hold on Gojyo tightens.

Gojyo says nothing for some time. He knows that holding Hakkai right now is better than any fumbled words. He speaks soothing tones that isn't words at all and somehow knows the gentle rising and falling of his voice, even if he isn't really saying anything, is all the comfort Hakkai's needs other than a warm embrace.

At long last Hakkai is willing to part from Gojyo and pulls back, face pained but smiling now. It wasn't real, and as hard as the images were, the experiences were, he is back in reality now with Gojyo right beside him.

"Hakkai…?" Gojyo says, his voice still very dim.

"Yes, Gojyo?"

Gojyo pauses a moment before finally asking, "You wouldn't ever really sleep with droopy-eyes, right?"

"…excuse me?"

The complete shock and slight grimace that accompanies Hakkai's question is all the answer Gojyo needs. "Nothing. Just checking."

Hakkai decides it may be best not to ask.

Helping one another up from the floor, the pair takes another few moments to check over the machinery, studying more closely the remaining two monitors. They can very easily guess which monitor is Sanzo's because the blonde is frozen on his knees with Seiten Taisei on his lap and a revolver pressed to his temple, the trigger being pulled though the moment of impact has been stalled. The other they realize is Goku's then, although both Koryuu and Seiten Taisei are also in this one. Koryuu is in the background while Seiten Taisei clutches his crownless head. They aren't entirely sure what that is supposed to mean.

Turning to better survey the rest of the large room, at least on this side since there does seem to be more of the room on the other side of the machine, Hakkai is the first of the two to notice Sanzo. The monk is standing only a few yards from them.

Hakkai is about to call out to the man when he recognizes the look of sheer horror on Sanzo's face. Before Gojyo can speak in Hakkai's stead, the healer holds out his arm to still any possible words and follows Sanzo's frightened gaze. Gojyo, understanding, does the same, and neither man can quite bring themselves to move after what they see.

Sanzo's voice braves the quiet. "No…" he breathes, perhaps not even aware of Hakkai and Gojyo's presence. Why must his be the nightmare that comes true? Why does it always have to come down to this?

Seiten Taisei is about the same distance from Sanzo as Gojyo and Hakkai are, only further from the machine. Thinking more clearly now, it is obvious that the damage done to the machine was caused by frantic, unknowledgeable strikes. More than likely…strikes by claws. Though they can only guess that Seiten Taisei attacked the machine in anger, or possibly to ensure his prey would be conscious when he played with them, they are not at all feeling like the beast is their rescuer. His expression is too hungry for that, they think. Hungry for something, though they are unsure what.

"No…" Sanzo breathes again, even while he is reaching into his robes for his gun.

He does not question why it is still neatly tucked where it always is, or why the fan and various other things he keeps in his sleeves are still with him. Perhaps later he will wonder at the arrogance of Ukoku, or the negligence, but now he is most definitely thinking of the cruel irony considering the nightmare he had been forced to live.

Pointing the gun steadily at the still but always unpredictable creature before him, Sanzo does not even try to mask his expression. He can aim and he can fire, but he will not lie to himself any longer. If he pulls the trigger, the bullet that follows will be for himself, and his face betrays that. His face shows every last bit of his sorrow.

And yet Sanzo still aims, still readies the weapon, and waits for Seiten Taisei to move. He should pull the trigger now, and he knows it, for the beast is stronger than him, faster than he can shoot. But no, Sanzo will wait. If Seiten Taisei moves, he will fire. He knows now…he has no other choice.

As Sanzo expects, Seiten Taisei does indeed move, but not quickly, not challengingly. Still looking hungry for something even Sanzo cannot quite identify, the beast takes a single, slow step forward. Sanzo cocks the gun, his violets locked on gold, locked on…gold…

Sanzo hesitates. His finger ready on the trigger, he hesitates. What did the nightmare understand that he is forgetting? What have his own nightmares shown him, long before Ukoku built that dreamworld prison?

Seiten Taisei for his part is fascinated. The blonde creature looks more alive and brilliant than he remembers, perhaps due to the abundance of emotion on a face that is so often walled off like stone. He had happily gone for Konzen, quickly realizing the machine holding them was tightly connected and that he had to destroy it if he was going to awaken them.

Them. Seiten Taisei had noticed the others and had made certain they were freed too. He freed them all because of the great hunger in him to do so, compiling with so many other hungers he never used to care about. He can only vaguely recall the awful dream he was having. He remembers Konzen looking very weak and frightened. He remembers being angry, but he remembers that the Konzen he was angry with was not really Konzen. No, Konzen is the creature before him now, pointing that small weapon but unable to use it.

Konzen. Konzen…

Konzen is the one that haunts him, the one that is always there. Konzen rejected him, refused to submit to him, but…Konzen speaks soothingly to him and tries to explain things, to comfort him and understand him. He was angry with Konzen in that strange dream place because…because he wanted it to be Konzen but it wasn't. He…wants Konzen. He is…hungry for Konzen, but…but…he is hungry for more than what he has been hungry for in the past. He is hungry for something he never understood before now.

He is hungry for Sanzo.

He remembers Sanzo. Yes, the golden creature before him is not Konzen, not…Koryuu. He is Sanzo, and Sanzo does not want to trap Seiten Taisei or trick him. Sanzo wants to be with Seiten Taisei and make everything better. Sanzo wants to feed every last one of Seiten Taisei's hungers.

Suddenly, the beast is acutely aware of those many hungers. But he has picked up on a scent, on one not coming from the three men in front of him. It is a scent he understands, though he could not sense the man it belongs too. But it does not matter if he cannot sense what that strange man is; he can smell him. And if he can smell him then he can find him. And he thinks—no, somehow he knows—that Konzen…Sanzo…wants him to find that man. Seiten Taisei is hungry, yes, and one thing he is hungry for is to finally be what Sanzo wants him to be, because now he understands that Sanzo…is Konzen, and Konzen is Sanzo. He doesn't understand why he didn't realize this before, but he looks hard at Sanzo now and grins.

Sanzo gasps. Buried beneath the slit eyes and all that fierce, more brilliant gold, Seiten Taisei is hungry indeed. He is hungry for food, Sanzo realizes, which tickles the monk's throat with laughter he does not release. The beast is hungry for laughter, too, he thinks, and for games that have nothing to do with hurting his friends. He is hungry for all the things Goku is so often hungry for. Because…

…he is Goku.

Sanzo lowers the gun. There is not a doubt in his mind. Goku may not be wholly in control, Seiten Taisei may not be wholly aware of everything, but Goku is looking out through those eyes and Sanzo is no longer afraid. "Go." He says, their mutual understanding solidified by a single word imbued with complete trust.

Seiten Taisei blinks out of existence, having moved so fast he simply evaporated. Hakkai and Gojyo, not part of the exchange that just occurred, ready their weapons—Gojyo summoning shakujou and Hakkai gathering chi. They wait, poised, assuming Seiten Taisei is about to attack.

No attack comes.

Sanzo, ignoring the others, checks his gun. It is loaded and ready. And so is he. Without looking at his companions he says, "Let's go," and starts heading for the exit on the far wall where he knows Seiten Taisei exited moments before.

"What?" Gojyo asks, weapon still ready. He regards Sanzo as if the monk has finally lost his ever-loving mind. "Hello, did you notice fang-boy on the loose or has Mr. Pissy finally gone psycho?"

Hakkai is slightly more tactful. "Sanzo?" he says, leaving it at that. A prompt.

Sanzo stops, halfway to the exit, and stares at his readied gun before finally looking to his companions. "He's gone on ahead. We don't have much time. He'll clear the way for us to wherever Ukoku has gone. I'm betting that bastard hasn't run for it. He's still in the castle and Goku knows how to find him. He'll wait for us, but we better get moving." Without another word, Sanzo turns from them, continuing towards the exit.

"Hey!" Gojyo calls, lowering shakujou but not feeling entirely comforted right now. "Just how the hell do you know all that!"

Once again Sanzo stops, the door just in front of him now. He does not turn back to address Gojyo and his voice though loud enough to carry is dim. "…I don't know." He says.

He is being as honest as he can. He does not know. He does not know how or why Goku is suddenly more prominent in Seiten Taisei's personality. Maybe the truth is, Goku isn't. Maybe Seiten Taisei just sees the benefit of helping. Whatever the change in the beast, Sanzo is convinced of what he knows, of what he understood when looking into golden eyes. It doesn't have to make sense.

With Sanzo holding still by the exit and Hakkai and Gojyo back by the machine, nothing but the sounds of broken beeps and rising steam echoes in the room. The voice that finally breaks the quiet is Gojyo's.

"Well…that's good enough for me." He says. He holds shakujou at his side, ready but not too ready.

Hakkai, next to Gojyo, smiles and nods in agreement, though Sanzo is still turned from them and cannot see it. Words are not always necessary, though, especially in this group, and Sanzo understands they will follow him and believe even when there is no explanation.

Taking the first few steps towards Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo feel about as ready as they could ever hope to for the oncoming battle, but before they reach the monk, Hakkai has a sudden feeling of unease. He excuses himself and dashes quickly to the other side of the machine. Sanzo and Gojyo wait—a little anxiously—for Hakkai to reappear. They hear him call out rather than catch him in their sights again.

"I was right!" the healer cries. "Kougaiji, Dokugakuji, and Miss Yaone are over here, hooked up to this side of the machine as we had been! But…I don't see any sign of Lirin!"

"We don't have time for this!" Sanzo yells back. He believes Goku will wait for them, that Goku as Seiten Taisei is out there clearing them a path, but he is still worried.

"Sanzo, they are still hooked up! We can't leave them!"

"Find a switch and shut the damn thing off then! We have to go! Now!"

"Yes, Sanzo!"

Gojyo scoffs a little at Sanzo's impatience—and at Hakkai's acquiescence—though deep down he is just as nervous to get things moving. He remains silent next to Sanzo as they wait for Hakkai to find some way of shutting the remaining part of the machine down.

It is only a few minutes before they hear more staggered beeps join the rest and see new streams of steam emitting from the other side of the room. Hakkai appears moments later, alone.

"They are free but still unconscious. Lirin was not with them, however, and that disturbs me. Perhaps--"

"They can worry about the brat when they wake up. We're leaving." Sanzo cuts in, spinning on his heals.

Hakkai wishes to protest but understands Sanzo's urgency. He decides in the end not to question the choice of leaving the Kougaiji-tachi behind.

Instead, it is Gojyo who speaks.

"Wait. We're forgetting something."

It takes all of Sanzo's strength not to snarl at yet another distraction. "Damn you, kappa, we can't afford to wait for them. They can take care of themselves and so can we."

"Hey, I know that." Gojyo replies, the strangest little grin hanging on his lips. He turns to Hakkai then and makes a small but very obvious gesture at the brunette's left ear.

Hakkai's eyes widen. "Gojyo…"

"It's pretty damn likely this is the be-all, end-all, right? Gotta be at our best."

"But I…"

Gojyo continues grinning, but his eyes take on a serious darkness, reminiscent of Hakkai's most damning and frightful expression. It is a look that warns. Gojyo really is sick of Hakkai always beating himself up and not believing in himself. He knows Hakkai can handle being without his limiters if he has something to focus on. Well, ripping this Ukoku guy to shreds sounds like plenty of motivation to stay focused.

After a few moments of locked eyes—and after Sanzo has huffed and stamped his foot in annoyance with the pair, not caring either way what Hakkai does just so long as it doesn't become more of a nuisance than a help—Hakkai starts to see thing from Gojyo's perspective. He has proven a mild amount of restraint and control, and after all, if ever he needed a reason to use his full powers, now would be it.

"If you would be so kind, Gojyo…" Hakkai says, plucking the limiters off in a single swipe of his hand and handing them to Gojyo for safekeeping.

Gojyo takes them gladly and pockets them, not hiding his pleasure at seeing the incredibly swift change of Hakkai into his smooth and amazingly sexy youkai form. Hakkai shudders and breathes heavily as his ears become pointed, as the vines grow and so much of him turns sharp, but it is easier than before and is soon over.

When iridescent green eyes look up, slit like Seiten Taisei but with even more understandable determination, there is no hesitance from anyone in the group. They turn for the exit with Sanzo leading the way, and the simple phrase, "Let's go," carries them out into the hallway.

-----

The world around them is surreal. Hallway after hallway seems never-ending. There is no elevator they can find but several short staircases they travel up at different ends of different corridors. They are slowly climbing Houtou Castle towards Ukoku who lies in wait at the top.

But what makes the journey most surreal, most stomach-turning and otherworldly, is the picked-apart bodies and sprays of blood leaving them a trail to follow. Seiten Taisei has been clearing them a path, all right, a path lined with bodies that may or may not have been their enemy. Perhaps some of the youkai strewn about would have aided them for the sake of Kougaiji. But there is no point in wondering about that now. They must focus instead on not worrying over their choice to consider Seiten Taisei a companion. If they show hesitation there is always the chance the beast might start looking at them as he did the rest of his prey.

Sanzo tells himself it means nothing, the many bodies, the pools and streaks of blood. Goku does not have to know. The important thing is that they reach the top, and that Seiten Taisei will be there to help them defeat the final villain.

"What about the broad?" Gojyo had asked after several footfalls and a few flights of stairs. "She's Lirin's mom, right? She has loyalists. She's in the castle somewhere. What about her?"

Before now Sanzo had given Gyokumen Koushu very little thought. They have known of her, but thought more of Kougaiji as the villain they knew and faced, thought of Gyumaou as the one they might have to fight if the resurrection succeeds. But now, if they defeat Ukoku, the resurrection, not yet ready—at least they hope it is not yet ready, despite knowing the scriptures are gathered—will fair very poorly without the doctor Nii to carry things out.

So Sanzo had merely grunted at Gojyo's comment and it became understood that Gyokumen Koushu would hardly be a challenge if they survive Ukoku. Besides, Sanzo is almost certain Kougaiji will have already dealt with her, or will at the very least desire to be the one to deal with her. And Sanzo will not object. He wants very little right now—to collect his master's scriptures, to collect the other scriptures the castle may have gathered, and to kill Ukoku with his own hands. Anything else is complete beyond his realm of thought.

Sanzo hisses, absently reaching for his left wrist. His gun is being held in his right so he can do little but touch his good wrist to the injured one and gently rub. Friction, motion, it does not dull the pain lingering in his wrist, but it is a subconscious desire. Touch. Even Sanzo has the unconscious need of touch. The medication he had taken before they left the inn has long since worn off. He could care less, he tells himself, but he really wishes it would stop throbbing. He cannot afford to be handicapped.

"Yo, Sanzo?" comes Gojyo's voice suddenly, and a large hand falls to rest on Sanzo's shoulder.

The monk's immediate reaction is to pull away but he is too preoccupied with all that lies before them to care. "What?" he asks, his tone as biting as ever even while he is allowing Gojyo's touch.

"You really think we can trust Goku?" Gojyo asks, and Sanzo is pleased the kappa has not instead asked if the monk is all right. "I wanna trust him, but…just looking around…it's hard to believe he's thinking clearly."

Sanzo dismisses Gojyo's concern. "He would have killed us back in that damn room if that's what he was planning. I know he's not tame. He's not…completely Goku. But we can trust him to fight with us."

Mildly pacified, Gojyo nods. He wants to believe as Sanzo believes, but there are doubts he cannot shake. They have all received beating by Seiten Taisei—Gojyo has been bitten by the little bastard on several occasions—so trusting him now is not an easy task.

Removing his hand from Sanzo's shoulder, Gojyo looks back at Hakkai trailing behind them. The green-eyed youkai is prowling. Sniffing the air, investigating bodies. He looks very much like an animal and Gojyo feels slightly hypocritical about his words to Sanzo. He does not have the slightest doubts in Hakkai. Without legitimate reason Gojyo trusts Hakkai explicitly, even as a beast.

He stops doubting Goku, even if the brat is Seiten Taisei just now.

"Here."

Gojyo looks up at the sound of Sanzo's voice and comes to a quick stop, a few inches only from walking headlong into the priest's back. He steps around Sanzo to stand beside him. Hakkai appears next to Gojyo a moment later, alert and curious, though silent like his friends.

In front of them at last is a set of large double doors. There are no windows along this high corridor, but they imagine they are near the top if not inside the very peak of the castle tower. There are fewer bodies in this hallway, making it even more plausible that Ukoku is beyond these doors. After all, why would he need bodyguards or allow them? The bodies they passed were probably just foolish youkai hoping to outrun the beast chasing after them.

A low growl escapes Hakkai, his claws twitching, his eyes darting over the corridor as he sniffs the air, alert to something Gojyo and Sanzo are not attuned enough to catch. The next moment has the double doors partially blocked from view as Seiten Taisei drops down in front of them. Even Sanzo finds it difficult not to flinch.

The beast is splattered with blood, none of which is his own, and his clothing is slightly torn from overexcitement. He cocks his head at the trio before him, looking longest at the new youkai amongst the party's ranks. Sniffing the air by youkai Hakkai, Seiten Taisei appears satisfied that he knows the scent. He knows all of these…men. He remembers Konzen, Kenren, and Tenpou, but he knows that now he is looking at Sanzo, Gojyo, and Hakkai. He is not entirely certain as to why he knows this or the reasons for why it is true, but he has come to accept the strange feelings that are pushing through to the surface. There was a time he may have felt threatened by such invading thoughts, but allowing their presence is easy now for he knows it is all still part of who he is.

Sanzo steps up next to Seiten Taisei, nodding his head to the beast and then turning to face the door again. In likeness, Seiten Taisei turns to the door as well. Gojyo and Hakkai are quick to follow, and though it feels strange—especially for Gojyo who now has youkai Hakkai on one side of him and Seiten Taisei on the other as they stand before the door—there are no longer any doubts or apprehensions.

Now is the time for payback.

"This is it." Sanzo says.

Seiten Taisei growls in pleased agreement.

Hakkai, fangs barred and claws flexed, growls as well. His anger has overridden any desire to speak intelligibly, despite his ability.

Gojyo, in the presence of power he doesn't even want to fully understand, gives a short, humorless chuckle.

It does not need to be asked if everyone is ready. Those that need focus to stay in control have their focus. Those that do not need it have focus anyway. The scripture will be regained…and Ukoku is going to pay.

Sanzo reaches for the doors but they open on their own before he can touch the handles. Well, if they are being invited in the least they can do is oblige. Like an immovable, impenetrable wall, the four hellions—finally West—step through the doors that have opened and allow those doors to close tight behind them.

tbc...

A/N: So short! Sorry, but that's just how this chapter came out. Anyway, things get a little complicated now. One, I have 4 performances this weekend, which makes writing complicated. I'm in Cabaret as the German Prostitute, Fraulein Kost for community theatre. It is an awesome show. I don't have any pictures yet, but when I do I will actually go and update my webpage, which right now still says I'm in England. Oh well. Things get complicated for the boys too, though. I better post this, though, because my roommate is between registering for our other roommates since they are both in Japan right now, and she needs something to read. I had meant to respond to more reviews but I have been sick. Yet more proof how much I love you all. Okay, hope you enjoyed. Keep letting me know. :-)

Crim