No one's POV
Luna is freaking crazy! The little hag is kissing up on Harry, and he's too scared (though he swears he's being nice!) to do anything about it! And what's worse? Fenrir knows about the relationship but he doesn't know that Harry is more or less, unwilling. Poor guy.
And is our dark sided friend, the death eater taking pity on any of Voldemorts victims? *shrugs* the hell if I know.
Snape's POV
At this point, there is no way in hell my suspicions are just objects of paranoia. Late into the night, my gut acted up again. This time I just knew that a dark evil presence was right outside the fence of Hogwarts, looking in. As soon as I was aware of this, I didn't hesitate to throw a fistful of glittering blue powder into my dwindling fire, sticking my head through. Though my body was sitting on my heels in my office, my head was suddenly in the Order's head quarters. Remus, Tonks and Mrs, Weasley were the only ones in at the moment.
"We have trouble." I warned. I pray that I am wrong.
Death eater's POV
Crabbe gripped my hand tightly. I winced at his nervous strength, sure that I would have bruises for the next few days. Lucius's touch on the other hand, was feather light. If he didn't twitch every 20 seconds or so, I would have forgotten he was there. I didn't have to look up to know about the extra 12 people flanking their sides as well. It seemed as if our bodies breathed as one single organism. All holding that one lung-full of air, unable to let it go. This is a suicide mission for all of us. I don't think there is a single person doing this out of loyalty.
"Is everybody ready?" My shaking voice asked one last time. I remember a Japanese horror movie my squib sister always liked. In the first five minutes of the movie, a bunch of high school girls lined up at a subway train and launched themselves onto the tracks before the train showed up. That movie gave me nightmares for months. It was almost ironic to be thinking of it now.
I heard a chorus of fearful grunts. The breath we all held seemed to tighten in our guts like corkscrews. If it were possible, I think we all forced it out and raised one foot, about to hop off our brooms and into the blackness of the forbidden forest. Due to the charms cast over all of us (though only one person was necessary) we couldn't fall to our deaths. Instead, we'd only resist gravity just enough to be about as light as a piece of paper. We would just float to the ground slowly, were the charm would wear off.
"1...2...3!" We jumped. And fell. And heard nothing. But we all knew that around 20 miles to the east, several Hogwarts Professors are leaping out of their beds, covering their ears to the wailing alarms ringing in the castle. Hundreds of children are probably doing the same, but staying under the covers, shaking and crying. The idea of it, standing here, is pleasing to me. But if I were witnessing it, I would be completely torn.
Without a word, we split. Crabbe, Lucius and I ran for cover, following the fence. The other 12 death eaters launched themselves in the direction of Hogwarts. This way, the teachers will think this was an insane attempt on the school, born mostly out of frustration.
About two hours later, the battle cries finally died down. The other two men and I were curled up on the inside of a rotten log. Lucius didn't grumble audibly but we could tell he was extremely pissed to be here. Since he was such a great wizard (technically speaking) it was either this or risk death/Azkaban. There was no stay behind option.
Somewhere, behind the wall of black, wet bracken, a howl echoed into the night.
Fenrir's POV
I felt too sick to run anymore. The pain of Harry's new relationship was too much to bear. I bit myself to keep from howling but I couldn't keep them back forever. Every single second was plagued by images of my Harry prancing around with some mystery woman. I felt cheated even though we didn't technically have anything going between us. Was I hoping that my depressing confession would keep other suitors at bay?
Perhaps I shouldn't have assumed that Harry was going to wait around for me forever. Plus, given the situation, it was never going to happen. With the silver simply growing inside his body, at some point it would be deadly just to kiss him each day. While the kiss we shared was hardly anything more then a soft brush of the lips, it was etched into my memory so well, as if it was much, much more then just that.
I puked up stomach acid and bit my lips until they bled. My wolf body dry heaved silent sobs while I tried, fruitlessly to contain the agony swelling. As much as I didn't want to, I had to think 'what now?' There's no way I could possibly face anyone again. Not Bill, not Harry. Nobody. I wish I could apologize to my innocent Beta. He doesn't deserve the hell I've put him through.
Fighting to at least ignore the sobs, I gazed over the lake surface. I don't remember finding it's shores at all, but I don't care anymore. The moon reflected over the water. Giving black ink a smooth silvery touch. It looked so beautiful. For a moment I thought about throwing myself into it's depths. I imagined what it would be like. To see light disappear, to muffle my own thoughts with a lack of air. To completely let myself sink into the cold and allow it to drown me.
But even as I considered all this, I knew that it wasn't the way. As tempted as I was to try my hand at drowning, I knew. Somehow I knew that black waves would just spit me out again. Reject my soul as if I wasn't even worthy of death. Only for this lasting, living agony. I suppose I might just stay here. It's impossible to return with Harry to the pack. Bill would only reject me if I tried.
So what should I do now?
Harry's POV
The students of Hogwarts are in love with gossip. I didn't need their proof to know that. Luna left me outside the Gryffindor entrance. I told her I was tired from the Quidditch match and wanted to go to bed early. I was there before anyone else, thankfully. I needed some time alone. To think.
And of course, I would not be granted that. As soon as I sunk into my bed, ready to breath and organize my thoughts, the door burst open. Ron glared at me before even a greeting was shared. A faint roar of sound followed on his heels. Like there was a screaming crowd in the hallway leading to the Gryffindor entrance. But it was still too far away to be very loud.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Ron demanded as the door swung shut with a startling slam. I flinched at the sound and sat back up again, grabbing my robe. With that crowd quickly approaching I honestly don't want to be here. Ron didn't care about this though. He stood so close to me, it would be impossible to move away without touching him. Keeping me trapped until I answered.
"I don't know what you're-"
"Yes you do! You know exactly what I'm talking about, Harry!" He was right. I did know what he was talking about. But I couldn't explain myself. I stared at the floor and tried desperately to scrape up an excuse. Ron decided I was taking too long answered and sighed deeply. I looked at him again. He stood with his feet spread, hands on his hips, leaning on one leg and tapping a foot silently. I almost laughed, instantly recalling images of his mother.
"You've been like this for too long you know." He said, meeting my eyes. His tapping foot stopped. I forced a blank face, as if I had something to hide. But I was sure, at the time, I felt nothing.
"Ever since that Greyback kidnapped you-" He paused. Not because I said anything. The name stung me, to hear it being said like that. Ron must have seen something change on my face drastically. Otherwise I made no change.
"Listen, Harry. I don't want to have to be the one to bust your balls about this. I have no idea what happened with Greyback and I doubt I'll ever know. But if this thing with Luna is some stupid recovery rebound, then as your best friend, I won't let you continue with it." He was completely serious. For a moment, I noted the crowd getting steadily louder. I got anxious, wringing my hands together, trying to come up with something to say to Ron so I could leave. For that crucial five seconds, Ron did the most surprising thing ever. He walked to my chest at the foot of my bed, took out my invisibility cloak and offered it to me.
"Get out of here before they show up" The crowd. "I want you to think about Luna, Harry. If you're serious about it, then I'll back off. But when you come back you better get yourself right again."
I couldn't even begin to thank Ron enough. For more then the okay-go he just gave me. I couldn't hesitate though. I grabbed the cloak and wrapped it around myself, then rushed down the Gryffindor before the common room could get too crowded for me to just walk out. I met with the head of the crowd, seeing it led by Fred and George cheering about the win. Having no idea where to go, I just turned and rushed as quietly as possible in the other direction.
I refused to stop as well. I found many places that would be fine for me to just sit and think but somehow, I couldn't do it. The castle felt crapped and hot. Like suddenly the air was pressurize. I couldn't breath. But each step held a little relief in it. Soon I could smell fresh air. It beaconed me. I found that I was near the open entrance under the clock tower. The one that opened to the path leading down to Hagrids hut.
The path technically forked into two directions. The more obvious one, to Hagrids was more used since he took over the care of magical creatures class four years ago. But the other one was still there. Not many kids liked using it because it's very close to the forbidden forest and it only leads to the lake. Two places most of the population didn't want to be associated with.
As of now, I didn't care. It's not there's anything in either place that was going to hurt me. The most dangerous things that could possibly lurk in these places were so far in, if I was near the edge, the creatures wouldn't know. I am sure about this, because I've been in the depths of both. So without too much hesitation, I took the lake path, pulling my cloak tighter around me. The night was mildly cool with a light breeze, making it a little colder then comfortable. It was simple to ignore though.
The lake wasn't far away. A quarter mile at most really. When I first saw the water, I paused. It was a flattop of black ink. The moon reflected off it so perfectly, it was like a replica had been painted on the surface of the water. If not for the occasional ripple in the water, for a moment, I might have thought someone did paint the moon on the lake. Finding a large log, fallen several yards from the waters edge, I leaned against it, letting the hood of my cloak fall off. A light breeze rolling off the lake and ruffled my hair a bit.
It was a good place to sit and just think. First I recalled my feelings for Luna. It's very true, as Ron obviously thought, I didn't love Luna like that. The only way I might ever be able to love her is as a good friend. And that's on a good day. But now, I'm not so sure if I want to consider her a good friend. Doesn't she know that I don't love her? Wouldn't most girls want some sort of input from their boyfriends anyway? So why hasn't she noticed that I haven't been pushing her away because I have been too stupid to notice?
Plus, why am I letting her? I know it's not my lack of sense that keeps me from really pushing her away. So why? Ron mentioned it before. Greyback. Fenrir. Just thinking the name made my breathing hitch. It's hard to even think about him. I kind of blame myself. For the whole silver thing. I was too stupid to be able to stop the death eaters from turning my body into a werewolf death bomb. And I've always been able to think myself out of bad situations before. Why wasn't the silver any different? Why couldn't I have found a way to save the pack all that pain and still be with them?
And Fenrir. Not seconds after I accepted the slightly bizarre feelings, I had to tear myself away. I'm not sure how truly powerful those feelings were but I wasn't selfish enough to force him through it. Just remembering all these things, reminded me of the torn pitiful depression I was stuck in for the few hours it took for me to walk to Order Headquarters.
I guess that was ultimately why I didn't push Luna away. I didn't care enough. Sure I fought not to think about Fenrir all the time. I mean, images and thoughts of him suffering because of me was excruciating. Most times, I would have preferred never meeting Fenrir if it meant I could save him all the pain I cause. And not just the physical. The emotional pain as well.
Somewhere behind me, I heard a twig snap. I jumped out of my skin and let out a loud gasp. Instantly, I was on my feet, pulling the invisibility cloak back over my head, disappearing into darkness. I stared at the trees of the forbidden forest, waiting for the noise-maker to appear. Whatever it was, it didn't make another noise. I couldn't have been sure if it left or froze upon hearing it's own footstep. I decided I spent enough time here. It might have not been anymore then 20 or 30 minutes, but out here? Where anything could attack me while I'm not paying attention? It might as well have been a couple hours.
I made my way back up to the castle quickly. It was most likely my imagination, but I thought I heard whimpering somewhere along the way.
Let me start off by saying that I am so so sorry! I hit huge writers block and couldn't continue for such a long time. Mostly because for a minute there I had the story headed in a terrible direction and I had to adjust it. I hope you can forgive me!
A.N.