Once we got to my house I was a puddle of tears. There was literally a huge wet spot on the front of my shirt where the tears had run down my cheeks onto my shirt. And it was only partly because of Shawn that all of these tears had come out. The real reason, was Oliver. It was if I had given up everything for him, and yet... it still wasn't enough. I was in love with him, yet here we were, sitting in his car, in front of my house, saying nothing to one another.

I was shivering, shaking, with the tears still rolling down my face. The sound of my crying was so loud I wouldn't have been surprised if people walking by could hear me. That's when I felt a warm hand touch my shoulder. "Lilly?" I could hear Oliver's soft voice say to me.

"What?" I roughly said back, making sure my hair was covering my face so that he wouldn't see me with black running all down my cheeks. I had cried in front of Oliver, and I had cried like this about Oliver, but never before had I cried like this in front of Oliver.

"Do you want to talk?" I quickly shrugged, not really wanting to say anything. "Come on Lilly. If you want to talk about it we can."

"I do want to talk about it. But what will it fucking matter? It'll just mean nothing in the end, just like it always does. Nothing I ever say means anything to you."

"That's not true." He said, sounding hurt for once.

"Then why the fuck don't you act like it does!" I scream at him, turning my face to him. I don't care anymore that he gets to see me at my absolute red-in-the-face, makeup streaked face. I was shaking so violently that I felt as if medically something was wrong with me. And I just wanted to yell at him.

He looked at me, shocked. And it wasn't because of the way my face looked. It was because of the fact that I had now officially screamed at him. It was because he could tell I was at the end of my rope. And that I was finally breaking. His hand slid off my shoulder. "I do act like it..." He blankly said, having no idea what else could possibly come out of his mouth.

"Really Oliver? Tell me how. Please. I'd love to hear this one."

He looked at me very seriously. "You're the only person I'd ever have sex with. Or ever even thought of having it with."

I stuck my tongue out at him and created a farting noise. "Bullshit. You were only willing to have sex with me because you knew I would have it with you. You knew that you mean so much to me that the instant you kissed me Shawn would instantly be out of my mind. You were so excited to finally have sex that you just came straight after weeks of not seeing each other to have sex with me."

His eyebrows almost turned into one as he looked at me. "You really think I think of you that way? Lilly..." He took a second to look away, then looked back up at me. "You're my best friend. I swear to you on that one. And I missed you. I was not planning on having sex with you that day. I swear to you that one. I really just missed my best friend. We hadn't talked in a month, and I was craving your silly jokes that don't make sense. Or the way no sound comes out of your mouth when you first start laughing, but then a high squeal comes out seconds later. Or the way you look at me. I just wanted to see my best friend."

"Why would you say that?" I said, looking at my legs wrapped indian side in the seat, more tears falling out of my eyes.

"Why would I say what?" He asked.

I looked back up at him. "Why would you describe things like that about me? It just makes me think you're..." I shook my head. "Never mind. Forget it. That could never be it."

"That I'm what?" He asked, looking at me.

"Nothing Oliver. Ok? Forget I said it."

He leaned closer to me. "Please... tell me."

I looked up, barely able to contain the tears... not that I had been doing too job of it beforehand anyway. "No. I don't want to say, then be wrong. I don't want to have to look at your face and be confirmed of what I already know, just because for one second it seemed like..."

"Like...?"

"...like you love me back."

His mouth opened. No words coming out. "Lilly... I'm dating Jamie."

I could just imagine the look on my face at that moment, turning a brighter red than it had ever been before. "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU'RE DATING JAMIE! YOU SHOULDN'T BE! YOU CHEATED ON HER... WITH ME! SHE ISN'T RIGHT FOR YOU ANYWAY! SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU LIKE I DO! SHE DOESN'T SMILE LIKE I DO WHEN I SEE YOU! SHE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU LOVE TO PLAY WITH LEGOS AND ARE ADDICTED TO STAR WARS! YET I'LL LISTEN TO YOU TALK ABOUT THE SUBJECTS FOR HOURS! SHE PROBABLY GETS ANNOYED THAT YOU WATCH POKEMON WHILE TALKING ON THE PHONE, BUT I THINK IT'S ADORABLE! HER HEART DOESN'T BEAT FASTER WHEN SHE LOOKS AT YOU! SHE DOESN'T BECOME LOST FOR WORDS WHEN SHE TALKS ABOUT YOU! SHE DOESN'T LOSE HER BREATH WHEN YOU LOOK AT HER! SHE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT... HONESTLY OLIVER... SHE PROBABLY JUST WANTED A FUCK OUT OF YOU. BUT WITHOUT EVEN TRYING I'M THE ONE WHO GOT IT! AND SHE HATES ME! ALWAYS HAS! SO YEAH... YOU TWO... ARE NOT GOING TO LAST MUCH LONGER! SHE'LL PROBABLY END IT NEXT TIME YOU SEE HER! I'D BET YOU MONEY!"

"I don't believe you..."

"Oliver. I've known her for six years. Trust me... she's going to break up with you at some point or another... just because you won't do sexual things with her. And especially since you did them with me... oh... she's not happy."

"I don't believe you." He said again.

"Fine. Fuck. Live through it yourself. Don't listen to me... just like always."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. I'm sorry. But I'm not saying it to trick you into breaking up with her or anything. I wouldn't do that shit to you. I care too deeply about you to hurt you, unless it's for your own good. Have I ever lied to you before?"

He looked at me, my eyes still filling up. "No. No you haven't."

At that moment, I was done talking about Jamie. "So... do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Never mind. If you can't even remember what it was I asked... I don't even want the answer."

"I'm not answering because I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"Hurting you."

I let out a slight chuckle. "Don't you think you're a little past that?" I asked, wiping away my tears.

"I know I have." He said, leaning over, and started to wipe away my black makeup stains. "That's why I don't want to do it anymore."

"Is that your way of saying no?"

"It's my way of telling you I don't have an answer for you."

"I'm pretty sure you've got one."

"No. I don't. I'm mixed up right now Lilly."

"No, you have one. It may be hidden in there. But it isn't hidden very far, because I can see it as clearly as you could imagine."

"What do you mean?"

I sighed. "I mean, I can read your emotions. I can tell how you feel about me just by the way you act around me."

"How?" He asked, looking at me suspiciously.

"First off..." I started. "You do realize you stare at me when everyone else is talking, right? Sometimes I'll sneak a peek at you when we're with a group of people, to find you already looking at me." He looked at me confused. Or shocked... I couldn't tell which one it was. "Shall I continue? I have more." All he could do was plainly shrug at me, so I continued. "When the group starts laughing at something that was said, you watch me laugh. Whenever a sexual joke comes up, you look at me, or you direct it towards me. Your eyes... they sparkle when you look at me. You support my writings, more than anyone else I know... including best friends. When you see me, you're more excited than when other people walk up to you. When we're in your car, you make sure to turn it to music I know so we can sing along together. You sit on the phone with me for hours, even if most of the conversation contains breathing. You always hug me more than once. It's the way that when you kiss me, you let yourself go completely. When we were having sex... you kept looking at me in the eyes and smiling widely. When you first saw me naked, you had the biggest smile I had ever seen on your face. And not the nasty perverted kind. The kind that said, 'Oh my God. She's beautiful.' When you talk to me, I can tell that you are beyond happy. A look of relief washes over your face when you see me. It's because you defend me whenever people start being rude to me. It's because you followed me just to make sure I made it home safe, then saved me from a possible rapist... no matter how mad we were at each other beforehand. You run your fingers through my hair because you think my hair is soft. It's because when something's wrong with me, you're always the first, and sometimes only one, to ask what's wrong, and then try to make me feel better. It's because, even though you told me you loved me when you were a Freshman, two and a half years later, you look at me in a more loving way, and you just seem to enjoy to be around me even more than you did before. It's because, when I tell you I love you, you just look happy. And, I know you noticed when you were talking to Shawn, that you said people just naturally protect the people they love, and then you turned your head around to look at me."

After I finished my speech, he just looked at me, like his heart had just stopped. "Oliver." I said, and he just nodded his head to show me that he had heard me, because he couldn't find the words. "You love me back."

"Lilly..." He finally said, still barely being able to speak.

"Yes Oliver?" I asked, my heart pumping, nervous for what he was about to possibly tell me.

"I don't know if I do love you..." He looked at the steering wheel in his hands.

"What?" The tears were beginning to build up in my eyes once again.

"I don't know if I love you. I mean... I don't know what I fucking mean..."

"Are you serious right now Oliver? I just gave you a huge list of signs that you love me. I can see it. Why can't you?"

"BECAUSE..." He accidentally yelled, then looked at me. He let his hands hit the wheel. "...you're my best friend. And yes, I admit now... I did have sex with you because I was comfortable enough with you to lose my virginity to you. But that was just part of it. The other part was that I wanted to make love to you. And I do admit, you are beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. And I do have very strong feelings for you. I just don't know if it's love. And if it isn't... I don't want to hurt you, because of how much you love me. It fucking scares the shit out of me how much you love me."

"It scares me too..."

"See. If it scares the both of us... how good could this really turn out if I don't know if I love you or not? I don't want to start dating you, then realize I don't love you, and completely break your heart."

"That's how you figure out that you love someone. You date them. You give them a chance."

"I can't hurt you again."

"I don't give a shit if you hurt me. I just want to know that you at least tired to give me a chance."

"I give a shit if I hurt you." He looked at me, more concerned about me than I had ever seen him before.

"See... there's another sign that you do indeed love me."

He slightly smiles, and runs his fingers under my eyes again, trying to get the black gone. He rubs it off on his pants. "Lilly... look at what I've done to you..."

The feeling in my nose, the one that appears when you're about to cry, started to flow into my nostrils. "Please. At least admit you care about me. And make it seem like you actually mean it."

He smiled, his hands on my face again. "I care about you."

I grabbed his face back. "I care about you too."

Then I pulled his face towards mine, and gave him a huge kiss. I let my lips slowly move with his, and tried my hardest to keep my crying at the non-level it was right in that moment. I could feel my heart racing as I began to feel his breath on mine. I moved one of my hands down to his chest to feel that his heart was also racing just like mine. Probably not realizing why I had done it, Oliver also moved his hand down to my chest, feeling my own heart. He almost jumped up because of how fast it was racing.

I slowly ripped my lips from his and looked into his eyes. "See..."

He gulped loudly, looking right into my eyes. Looking at me in the very way I had spoken of only minutes before. "Yeah. I do."

"So?"

"So what?"

"Do you love me?"

He looked lost again. "Can I please think about it for a little bit."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah..."

"Ok... I tell you all the reasons I think you love me. Then I kissed you, and prove that our hearts are beating the same rate. What the hell else do you need?"

"This is a whole lot to process Lilly. You have no idea how confused I am right now."

"I didn't want you to be confused. I wanted you to just know."

"I'm sorry." He said quietly, then kissed me on the cheek.

"Are you going to stay with Jamie?" I asked, not being able to look at him.

"I don't know yet." He shrugged, not being to look at me either.

"I'm going to go inside." I said, not being able to think of much else to say to him.

"Yeah. Ok. I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Yeah. See you then."

I grabbed onto the door handle, but was stopped by Oliver grabbing onto my wrist. "Wait..." He said, pulling me towards him. He gave me a huge hug. Then whispered in my ear, "I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you."

I sighed. "You realize you can make it all up, right?" I whispered back.

"Yeah... yeah I know." He normally said, then loosened the hug, and gave me one more kiss on the cheek, before letting me go completely. Then I got out of the car and took one last look at him. "I'm going to go see Jamie." He said to me.

I smiled at him before closing the door and walking up to my house. I had nothing left to say, the rest was now up to him.

(When I originally planned out the story this was supposed to be the last chapter. But in writing the story further I decided it needed to be at least a little bit longer. I don't know how much longer it'll be really... but there will definitely be more than just this one. And I for one am really really super proud of this chapter, and the length of it. I was worried it wouldn't be long enough. So please... reviews would be lovely, lovely.)