Episode 5: Comedy of Arrows part 1

EDIT: 2017

Disclaimer: read chapter 1

In the Underworld, a flower bloomed from the ground.

Hades noticed, "Oh, look. A flower. Nature's cheerful reminders, why I DESPISE SPRING!" He burned the flowers to ashes.

"Pain, did you take the body image quiz?" Panic asked, reading his results from a magazine quiz.

"Uh-huh," Pain responded, "I'm a pear shape."

"Every year, it's the same," Hades began in frustration, "Temperatures go UP, and my numbers go DOWN!"

Pain and Panic were not paying attention to Hades. "Would you wear that?" Pain asked while showing a picture to Panic.

"Not after Titan Smiteton day," Panic answered.

Hades threw a fireball at their direction. The imps yelped when they felt the heat and watched the magazine burn. Pain was trying to blow the fire out, but no avail.

Hades put his hands on the imps shoulders, "Here's how it works, I talk, you listen." He bonked the imps' heads against each other. "GOT IT?!"

The imps shook their heads, recovering the abused, nodding their heads, "Uh-huh!"

"Good. Now, I just wanna know why every spring this place is well DEAD?!"

"Ooh! I know this one!" Pain spoke up as he got out the half burnt magazine, blowing the fire out, "Page 26. It says here, spring love means long lives."

"LOVE?!" Hades said with disgust, "Blech!"

"It says right here," Panic began reading, "Study shows that people in lasting relationships live long."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it! Love is bad for business. So... so," Hades smirked, "Let's make it our business, to be bad for love. Yeah!"

"Yeah!" The imps cried happily, flying in the air.

"Um... could you do the evil thing you were thinking?" Panic asked.

"Like could you give us a hint?" Pain asked.

Hades rolled his eyes, and flicked them away from him. He face palmed, "Oy! Minions."

~000~000~000~

In the cafeterium, Hercules and I sat on one table, and again Cassandra didn't sit with us. I knew who she's sitting next to, Melampus. It seemed like everyone was in love except for me and Hercules. I'm actually fine with it, because I am not into the Valentine's thing. Today for me was Singles Day. Nothing wrong with treating myself with some shopping, having a nice Deep Tissue massage, or stuffing my face with clams and grape juice.

If only the cafeterium showed the same love spirit with their food. Mystery Meat with a shape of a heart. How sentimental.

"Where could Cassandra and Icarus be?" Hercules asked.

"Well, I know Cassandra is right over there," I pointed at her table. Hercules looked over, and saw Cassandra and Melampus making googly eyes at each other.

"Icarus?"

"No, Herc, that's Melampus, Cassandra's new boyfriend."

"Whose new boyfriend?" Icarus asked while sitting next to Herc.

Hercules and I glared at Icarus, "Um... uh!"

"Oh, come on now, who are you talking about?"

"Well," Hercules turned to me, "Should we tell him?"

I shrugged, plucking a grape in my mouth, "Why not, he has to find out sooner or later."

"Tell me what?" Icarus asked eagerly.

"Well, we're talking about Cassandra-" Hercules's words were cut off.

"Yes! The love of my life! What about her?"

"Well, we're talking about her new boyfriend and-" My words were cut off.

"Boyfriend?" Icarus cut me off, "BOYFRIEND?! I'm her boyfriend! She could never cheat on me!"

"Think again, Icarus," I pointed at her table, "Meet Melampus. The love of Cassandra's life."

Icarus was shocked at this sight, "Oh, Melampus?! Ooh, what could the love of my life possibly like about Melampus?"

At Cassandra's table, we could hear them talking.

"Oh, Melampus," Cassandra began, "I like everything about you."

"And I you, my vivacious visionary." Melampus cooed, "My cutsie-wootsie Cassandra-wandra."

Cassandra giggled, "Oh, Mel, stop." Cassandra was in her better mood. The last time I've seen her mood like that, was when she was working in the info booth at the Agora.

I turned to Icarus, "Does that answer your question?"

"Oh! That's DISGUSTING!" Icarus grabbed Hercules's hand, and bit his fingers.

"OW!" Hercules pulled away.

"For once, Icarus," I said, "I agree with you. I wish I had a trash can with me. Nobody should do this while I'm eating. Blech!"

"Maybe you're wrong about Melampus, Nattie," Hercules said.

"Am I?"

"Yeah, I'm sure she- she's just being nice, you know? The- the- there's no reason to be jealous, Icarus."

"HA!" Icarus scoffed, ""Me? Jealous of Melampus?" I looked over my shoulder and saw Melampus was doing the same movements as Icarus was doing. "Look at him! A cloud cuckoo case! I'm not jealous of-" He stopped when he heard Cassandra giggling, and saw her and Melampus holding hands. Icarus let out a cry in agony.

"So you think she's being nice, Herc?" I asked.

"Um," Hercules was trying to think, "Well, maybe she was just... batting a fly away from his hand."

"And is she also batting a fly away from his lips with her lips?"

"WHAT?!" Icarus nearly fainted, watching the love his life - Cassandra - and the girl thief - Melampus kissing.

"Oh." Hercules now knew they're an item.

"OH!" Icarus cried, "How much torture shall I endure?!" He hit his face against the table, and the jumped over from our table to Cassandra's.

"Icarus! Wait!" Hercules tried to stop him, but it was too late.

I smirked and snickered, "This should be good."

"Why are you enjoying this, Natalie?" Hercules asked.

"Come on, Herc, this soap opera drama is entertaining. Besides I want to thank Icarus for he shall stop the PDA from happening. A girl has to eat while keeping her stomach intact."

"But you're not seeing them doing anything! Your back is turned."

"So? That don't mean that my ears are doing the same thing."

"Hey, hey, hey now!" Icarus pushed Melampus away, and sat next to Cassandra, who's giving him death glares. "Cassandra, baby. I saw that 'save me' glance you gave me and-"

"Get lost!" Cassandra snapped.

Icarus turned to Melampus, "You heard the lady."

Melampus smiled, "Her every word, her every sigh, every sneeze means 'hello, love'!" Melampus was making weird animal noises that caused Cassandra to giggle.

"All right. All right! Intervention time." Icarus pushed Melampus away, "How can you stand this guy? Ooh, look at him!" He climbed on top of their table, "The cheesy declarations of love, the pathetic adoration, the bad hairdo!"

"And he's Icarus's doppleganger," I muttered.

Cassandra walked pass Icarus to stand next to Melampus, "Melampus is unique, funny, and totally devoted to me."

Icarus rolled his eyes and scoffed at her remark, "You mean a wimp who would do anything you say if you-"

"Icarus, could you stand over there for the rest of lunch?"

Icarus immediately jumped off the table, "Of course my sweet!" He started jumping from table to table, until he reached our table, "How about here?"

"Perfect! Thanks!" Cassandra left the cafeterium with Melampus.

"Oh."

"That went well," Hercules said sarcastically.

"You two just watch. By the end of the day, Cassandra will be dancing The Icarurator-on Melampus-BROKEN-HEART BABY!

"Huh?" I raised a brow, clearly didn't understand what he just said.

"Uh, Icarus, if Cassandra likes the guy, there's nothing you could do about it," Hercules said, "You can't control love."

"Yeah, Icarus," I put his arm around him, "Ever heard the old saying: When you love someone set it free!"

"NO! No! NO! NO!" Icarus snapped, pushing my arm away, "I will not let Cassandra go! And I may not control love, BUT we all know who can! See ya!" He immediately left our table.

"Okay," I began, "I bet my money that he's gonna to try and do something stupid."

"Really. How much?" Hercules asked.

I face palmed, "It's an expression, Herc."

"Oh."