Chapter 20: Bella, Bella, Bella

Jacob pulled the bike to a stop in the driveway and I gazed at the big white house before me. The last few visits here had been unpleasant, and I had a feeling today was going to be the same. The only difference—Jacob would be joining me. Last time, he followed me. The time before that, he triggered my visit. This time, however, we were going in together, to face whatever harsh reality lay beyond the large double doors.

Jacob cut the engine and remained seated. Glancing at him, I recognized the concentration etched into his features. He was listening. His eyebrows furrowed and he swallowed before motioning for me to stand. Once he was on his feet, he took my hand and led me to the porch, where he lifted his free hand to knock.

The door opened before his fist made contact. Carlisle stood in the doorway, golden eyes that were usually filled with such sincerity now solemn.

"Hello, Jacob. Sarah," he greeted us lowly, his voice much too calm for the look in his eyes. "How are you?"

"We caught wind that Bella made it back," Jacob replied, skipping the small talk. "Alive."

"…It's not really the best time for friendly visits," Carlisle tried. I gazed past him to see into the house, but I couldn't spot anyone or anything out of the ordinary. "Perhaps you could stop by some other time?"

Jacob suddenly gripped my hand more tightly, attracting my attention. His eyes focused past Carlisle and on the action happening inside, action I couldn't hear or see. Clearly he was the opposite.

"Jacob," came Bella's voice. It cracked, like her throat was rough. Maybe she was sick. "Come in, please."

Jacob muttered an "excuse me" to Carlisle and stepped past him, pulling me inside. I glanced over my shoulder at the doctor who slowly shut the door behind us. His movements were rigid, like he was ready to spring at any time. What was going on? What had the doctor—the calm one in crises—so uptight?

Jacob led the way through the house, stiff as a board, while I clung to his hand. This house wasn't welcoming like past visits; now it felt like I was stepping onto sacred ground, like spirits that guarded the land would attack me at any moment.

Rounding a corner, I realized the Cullens were those spirits. They stood around the living room, as still as statues. My eyes automatically focused on the vampire I hadn't seen since the wedding. His skin seemed paler—if that were possible—his hair a mess, eyes that were usually golden now dark and wild, hands like claws at his sides. He was like an animal.

Jacob's grasp on my hand tightened considerably and upon following Edward's gaze, I knew why.

Bella sat on the sofa, arms around her knees, seemingly relaxed. But when she looked at us, I gasped softly, eyes widening. Her long brown hair was thrown up in a messy bun on her head, a few pieces sticking to her face from obvious sweat; her eyes had grey bags underneath them, her skin tinged green from her illness. Her cheekbones jutted out of her face and I briefly feared them tearing through her skin.

Rosalie suddenly appeared next to Bella, surprisingly hospitable. To see the vampire in such a caring manner confused me, but that was when Bella suddenly got sick in a basin Rosalie offered her. Edward lowered himself to his knees next to her, but Rosalie warned him to keep his distance.

This was weird.

"Bella…?" Jacob called softly. I lifted my free hand to gently hold his arm.

"Jake," she called hoarsely. "I'm so glad you came." Edward groaned into the blanket covering her, and she placed a hand atop his head as her sickly eyes found me. "You too, Sarah."

I didn't know how to reply. The anger I felt for her got washed away by the overwhelming concern I suddenly had for her safety. The vibe I sensed from the boy at my side was similar.

"What's going on, Bella?" Jacob asked. She didn't answer him right away, instead asking the blonde vampire still hovering nearby to help her to her feet.

"D-don't get up," I found myself stuttering.

"I'm answering Jake's question," she hissed, making me flinch at the iciness to her tone. I'd never heard her speak so coldly before.

It was when she finally stood that Jacob and I's hold on each other's hands suddenly went slack. My jaw dropped and Jacob grunted, as if holding back vomit. Bella had been gone a month—only one month—and yet her belly was swollen, the sweatshirt that swallowed her shoulders and arms stretched tight around her stomach. Her hands rested delicately on the grown part of her body and the pieces connected.

"…Pregnant," I whispered in disbelief.

A hint of a moment passed before Edward was suddenly on his feet, in a split second in front of me and Jacob. Jacob forced me to stand behind him instantly, one hand gripping my arm as he held me there. I looked past him and noticed Edward's eyes weren't only black—they were complimented by purple bags underneath.

"Outside, Jacob," he practically growled.

A low rumble came from Jacob and I clutched his hand on my arm. "Jake…"

"Stop," Bella begged, stumbling forward to grasp Edward. He turned to her and stroked her face with tenderness, as if afraid she would crumble beneath his touch.

"I just want to speak with him. Don't strain yourself, Bella," he pleaded. "Rest. We'll be back in a few minutes."

A second passed before she weakly nodded and moved toward the couch, Rosalie at her side. I pulled on Jacob's arm, attracting his attention.

"Outside?" I asked quietly, even though all ears—save for Bella's—could hear me. He was going to leave me in here?

His dark eyes hardened and traveled the room, lingering on Alice and Esme. I looked too, and upon meeting my gaze, they both smiled softly.

"It'll only be a few minutes," Jacob insisted, lifting a hand and tucking back some of my hair. "I'll be right back, I promise."

I hesitated, but the look in Jacob's eyes stopped me from protesting. I trusted him. He placed a kiss to my forehead and followed Edward out, leaving me to stand awkwardly in the middle of the room. Surprisingly, Bella called my name, however frail and gravelly her voice was.

"Come here," she requested with a faint smile. "Come sit."

I did as she asked, not seeing another option, and warily eyed Rosalie as she hovered at Bella's side. Her eyes were cold, daggers prickling at my skin, but I seated myself anyway. Bella gazed at me for a moment, a sickly smile resting on her chapped lips. My first instinct was to ask how she was doing, but that would clearly be the wrong question at a time like this.

Her smile suddenly disappeared. "Oh, your arm…" she said, and I naturally gazed at it too.

"Um…it's a long story," I told her. With her condition, I guess no one got around to mentioning the last month's visitors.

The Bella I barely knew resurfaced when pieces began to connect, her dark eyes becoming fiery, alight with sudden anger and recognition. "…I've seen a mark like that before," she muttered. "On Emily." She frowned. "One of the wolves phased near you?"

I shifted. "Um…"

She froze suddenly, fear overcoming her sharper features. "No…not Jake," she said with a shake of her head. "Please tell me Jake didn't…"

I swallowed before nodding, covering as much of my scar with my hand as I could.

Bella lifted a frail hand to cover her eyes as she sighed in disappointment. "He knows better," she voiced. "That…idiot."

"Like I said," I tried again, "it's a long story."

Bella gazed down at her swollen stomach for a moment, rubbing it absently. "Knowing Jake, I'm sure he feels awful about it."

"He does. Every day."

"As much as I hate to say this, Sarah," she began, eyebrows furrowing, "I don't think he'll ever completely forgive himself for it. He cares deeply for you. Given the connection between a pack member and an imprint, the severity of that guilt is probably greater. Right?"

Unfortunately, I could only nod. She was right. Bella knew some about imprinting, both from what she said and what Jacob surely told her, but she would never understand being on the receiving end. Everything was heightened—emotions, attraction, the pull towards one another at all times. It was difficult for me to handle sometimes, but I believed myself to be strong, and with Jacob by my side, stronger. That meant I could—and would—overcome this obstacle in my and Jacob's relationship.

"Is it…" I started, hoping I wouldn't get my throat ripped out for this question. "…Is it the same with Edward?"

A stillness seemed to flood the room, and I glanced up from my lap to see every Cullen staring at objects in the area, or even air. Sadness and disappointment were two of the many emotions flickering over their beautiful faces, as were despair and fear.

Bella smiled sadly, and I once again feared her skin tearing with the expression. "I think so," she admitted softly. "Without the imprinting of course, but…yeah, I think it might be the same. I look into Edward's eyes and I see nothing but agony or hatred, but…that won't convince me."

"Convince you of what?"

"To get rid of this baby."

. . . . . . . . . .

Jacob

"You really have lost your damn mind," I snarled, glaring at Edward as he cowered on the ground near my feet. Not from me, per se, but the situation at hand. Not only did he hate himself enough to allow Bella to mother a child from someone else, so long as she lived, he was willing to offer that position to me.

Me.

This vampire had lost his sanity completely. I was a happy man—happier at least, considering all of my recent mess-ups—because I could kiss and hold the one girl I loved for the rest of my life, a girl that could one day be my wife, healthy and glowing, round with my child, the mother of my children.

And yet this parasite had the nerve to ask me to give that life to Bella?

"It will keep her alive," Edward stressed, moaning with anguish.

"I don't see other girls' faces anymore," I declared strictly. "I hardly see Bella's anymore. I only see Sarah's. You can't seriously ask me to do this."

"I realize how wrong it is, what position it puts you in," he said. "But if she agrees, it'll keep her alive. She loves you."

"As a brother. You're practically encouraging incest."

Edward looked up at me with black eyes, crazy with self-loathing. "Jacob, I will never forgive myself for this. If she dies because of it…"

"What exactly is it?"

"We don't know, but it's already stronger than her."

Bella's body being ripped open suddenly filled my mind, the monster within her tearing her from the inside out. The picture had Edward scraping at his marble skin.

"You have to help me. Help me change her mind."

"How? By shacking up with your wife?" Just the image of Bella and me had me flinching. It was wrong. The only person I could see in my arms or sighing my name was Sarah. Even if Bella's life was at risk, that amount of betrayal would kill me. I could never. "You're a sick bastard, you know that?"

"Just try, Jacob. There's nothing to lose."

"Nothing to lose?" I bellowed, glaring at his beaten form. "I could lose Sarah! I could lose my life! I should kill you for even saying something so stupid!"

"You can't," he muttered. "Not now, not yet. My death would destroy Bella, justified or not. If she listens to you and refuses, you might get your chance. The second she leaves this world I'll be begging you to kill me, Jacob."

"You're saying that like I'll even consider the option."

His eyes became ablaze with sudden hostility. "Do you want to lose her forever?"

"No," I snarled. "But if you think for one second that losing Bella could hurt worse than losing Sarah then you're wrong. You're desperate, I get it, but there is no way in hell I'd do that to Sarah. She deserves better."

"Mention the possibility, at least," Edward begged. "With someone else. Perhaps one of her friends from school. Make her question her choices."

"Whatever."

. . . . . . . . . .

Sarah

Silence had settled over the living room for some time now. After hearing Bella's decision—or lack of consideration—everyone was silent. Bella threw up again in the bin Rosalie held for her, but other than that, nothing. Every Cullen was quiet. Not even Alice spoke to me. It wasn't the right time for small talk.

I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and realized Edward and Jacob were back. Edward's shoulders were stiff as he approached Bella's side. Jacob, on the other hand, looked incredibly pissed off. The second his eyes met mine guilt seeped into the cracks of that anger.

"Jacob and Bella are going to speak privately," Edward suddenly announced.

"Over my pile of ashes," Rosalie spat, one hand resting gently on Bella's cheek.

Edward didn't respond, ignoring Rosalie completely as he said Bella's name. His tone was cold, defeated, empty. "Jacob wants to speak with you. Are you comfortable being alone with him?"

I glanced from Jacob to Bella in confusion. She sported the same expression, though much weaker, and turned to the blonde vampire lingering near her head.

"Go, Rose," she insisted. "He won't hurt us."

Us. She was speaking of the baby, like it wasn't a monster destroying her from the inside out.

"Rosalie," Edward called, a spike of anger to his tone, "Carlisle and I will always be in your sight. She's afraid of us, not Jacob."

"No…" Bella's eyes glistened with sudden tears. "Edward, I'm not…"

He shook his head faintly, a smile on his face. The expression looked out of place, almost difficult, as if Edward hadn't smiled in years. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm fine, Bella. Don't worry about me." With a stiff wave of his hand, he spoke to the rest of us. "Everyone, please."

I looked from Edward to the family, who made their way out of the room. My eyes then found Jacob, who had been silent this entire time, which was unlike him. What had he and Edward discussed outside?

"Sarah stays," Jacob ordered, voice low.

Edward turned his head, dark eyes moving from Jacob to me. I tried not to flinch under his gaze. His soul was in agony over this. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

A hint of a smile appeared on his face at my thoughts, Edward's lips twitching before he nodded his consent and disappeared, Rosalie refusing to leave until he went out the door first. The living room now only consisted of Jacob, Bella, and me. Apart from the predicament, this was slightly awkward. Not that Bella caught on.

I kept my place beside Bella on the sofa while Jacob crossed the room and sat in front of her, taking her hands in his and rubbing them together. She sighed in relief.

"That feels good. Thank you, Jake."

"Bella, I've gotta be honest," he said, forcing a smile. "You look awful."

She grimaced. "I know. I'm scary-looking."

"Thing-from-the-swamp scary."

A part of me was revolted at the sight of him holding her hands so tenderly, but I couldn't truly be mad. Jacob was being a good friend, a good brother, even if Bella didn't deserve it after all she did. Now, though, I couldn't even think of telling him to stop. She was sick, she was dying. She needed the comfort he so easily provided.

"Did Edward ask you to yell at me?" she wondered.

"Kinda," Jacob said. "I don't know why he even bothered, though. You never listened to me before." Her sigh had him frowning. "Look, I told you—"

"I recently discovered that 'I told you so' has a brother, Jacob." She glared at him. "He goes by 'Shut the hell up.'"

I smiled slightly, as did Jacob. His eyes darted to me, though his expression quickly revealed his true feelings—he was scared.

"Also," she continued, "I just found out today that you're an idiot."

"What?"

I bit my lip and moved my hand to cover my arm. I knew exactly where this was going.

Bella's eyebrows furrowed as she glared at Jacob with disapproval. "You can be stupid sometimes, Jacob, but this one takes the cake. Phasing right in front of her? Are you crazy?"

Jacob's eyes found mine instantly and his confusion melted into a puddle of guilt. I reached forward and placed my hand on his arm, rubbing my thumb over his hot skin. One of his hands left Bella's to sit on top of mine. "That's a hurdle we're still getting over," he explained.

"I wouldn't expect you to get over it so easily. If you did, you're a jackass."

"Bella," I said quietly, turning my head to meet her gaze.

She closed her eyes and exhaled. "I'm sorry. I'm just…not myself these days."

"…That's because you're not anymore," I whispered. She was losing herself to the baby, and quickly.

She rubbed her belly in the short silence that followed, as if soothing the baby from the wounds my words dealt. As if that was possible. "It's gonna be okay. It'll work out," she insisted. "I truly do believe that."

"Now you're the one that's crazy," Jacob suddenly snapped. His grasp on both of our hands tightened. I squeezed his arm, hoping he was careful with Bella's fragile bones. She couldn't take much.

"Maybe I am," she admitted. "I mean, it won't be easy. But after all I've seen and lived through, how could I not believe in magic now?"

"Magic?"

"I believe in it when I look at you," Bella declared softly, voice growing rougher the more she spoke. She gently retrieved her hand from Jacob's hold and placed it on top of his and mine. "Both of you. Edward told me what imprinting was like—like A Midsummer Night's Dream. It's magical, beautiful. I can see it firsthand when I look at you guys." She smiled. "Think about it. Doesn't all of this make sense now?"

Jacob blinked, as if trying to form a coherent sentence. I shook my head faintly. "Bella, how does imprinting make sense of any of this?" I asked. I couldn't piece anything together.

She shrugged faintly, and I could see a bone underneath her sweater. "I'm not really sure, but I just have this…feeling. In the end, things will be good. Maybe the right word for it is faith."

Jacob's body began a faint tremble. "You're dying for nothing, Bella. Nothing!"

"I'm not going to die." She spoke through clenched teeth, but I could tell she had spoken these words before, as if repeating them to herself would make them true. "I'm going to live. I'm going to live through this."

"It doesn't look like you will to me," Jacob admitted, and rather harshly. "I hope you have a back-up plan. You're gonna need it."

She nodded faintly and looked between the two of us. "Did you know that Esme jumped off a cliff when she was human? She was so close to death that they took her straight to the morgue, but her heart was still beating when Carlisle found her."

Jacob and I shared a look and we finally understood.

"…You plan on dying," I said, voice shaking. "And then coming back, don't you?"

"Emergency vampirization," Jacob added with disgust.

"It worked for them—for Esme and Rosalie and Emmett and Edward," Bella said in her defense. "Carlisle only changed them because it was either that or death. That's the only reason he changes anyone. He doesn't end his patients' lives, he saves them."

"Bells." Jacob practically pleaded her name. "Don't do it like this. Don't take a chance at it when it's too late, okay? You know what he's going to do once you die. Do you want him going back to that cult?"

I physically tried to separate myself from this conversation at the mention of the Volturi. I took my hand out from underneath Bella's and Jacob's, staring at my lap instead. I wasn't supposed to be here in case one of the Volturi was lingering nearby. That was part of Jacob's argument in not letting me come here, but I couldn't keep him from seeing Bella. That was why I made him take me. My one condition could cost me my life. I suddenly didn't want to be in this house anymore.

"And what about after the fight with Victoria?" Jacob continued after a worried glance in my direction. "When I was messed up because of the newborns, what did you say?"

I closed my eyes and controlled my breathing. Another ugly picture. I didn't want to think about Jacob being bedridden or hurting. I had been so scared for him, and I still was. I never wanted to lose him.

"You told me to listen to Carlisle," Jacob answered when Bella didn't. "And I did. It was the right thing to do."

"It's not the same this time," she declared. She rubbed her stomach gently. "I won't kill him."

I blinked. "What?"

"Guess we missed the great news. A bouncing baby boy, Bella? What do you know, Sarah, we forgot the blue balloons."

"Jacob," I scolded.

Bella shrugged faintly. "I don't know if the baby's a boy, but I just keep seeing a boy in my head. The ultrasound wouldn't work. The membrane around him is too hard, like a vampire's skin."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "There isn't a pretty baby in there, Bella."

"We'll see." Despite her condition, she was arrogant.

"Not all of us."

Bella sighed. "Jeez, Jake, you're so pessimistic. There's a good chance that I could make it through this."

At Jacob's silence, I moved to the floor to sit beside him. I wrapped my arm around his broad shoulders and wordlessly started running my fingers through his hair. He set a hand on my knee, squeezing it gently in gratitude.

"…Why are you so positive about this?" I suddenly asked, hating that she acted like this was some joke. "He's not being pessimistic, he's being realistic. Why are you acting like your life means nothing?" I nearly rolled my eyes, but I was so driven by anger I couldn't control my mouth. "You were so set on being with a vampire. You have him, and now you're just throwing him away? When was being a mother so important to you? If being a mother was all you wanted out of this, then why did you marry a vampire?"

Bella frowned. "It's not about having a baby. I didn't even consider the possibility because I didn't think it was possible. But now it's not just about having a baby. It's about having this baby."

"It's a killer, Bella," Jacob growled. "Look at you."

"It's not him," she insisted. "It's me. I'm just a human. I'm weak. I can do this, you guys—"

"Shut up, Bella! You're not going to make it and you know it," Jacob barked from beside me. I squeezed his shoulder, encouraging him to breathe deeply beside me.

"I don't know it. I worry about it…"

"Whatever," Jacob mumbled.

Bella gasped suddenly and the both of us looked up to see her feeling her stomach. "I'm okay," she panted. "I'm fine." She pulled the fabric of her sweater up and exposed her stomach, and I fought the urge to gag. I covered my mouth as I stared at the bruises that covered her stomach. When she recognized Jacob and I were gawking, she quickly pulled the sweater back over her skin. "He's strong, that's all."

"Bella," Jacob suddenly said, and I could detect the change in his voice. "Bella, don't do this. Don't give up yet, okay? What if this worked out?"

"That's what I'm saying—"

"No, that's not it. What if you listened to Carlisle? What if you listened to him and lived through it?"

"Listening to Carlisle means killing the baby, Jacob!"

"But if you live you can try again! Start over, try having a baby with someone else!"

The idea made sense. It could very well work out, and even Bella seemed to toss the idea around, asking herself questions about Edward and the baby.

"A-any baby would—"

"Any baby of his would be the same," Jacob confirmed.

"What do you—no, no. Artificial insemination? Ugh, please," she said in disgust. As if that was any worse than this! "Why would I want some stranger's baby as opposed to Edward's? What, any baby will do as long as it isn't his?"

"Not a stranger's," Jacob clarified.

It took a moment, but I quickly caught on to what Jacob was really saying. I froze at the realization, my heart beating painfully against my chest. Him? He was offering to father her baby? No…no, he couldn't. He was smarter than that. He would never betray me like that, never.

Would he?

I took my arm back from Jacob's shoulders and turned my head, looking at him in disbelief. He met my gaze and his eyes widened, but I shook my head. "You can't be serious," I said, trying to convince myself he was wrong. That he would never offer himself up like this.

"Wait—"

"But it's her, right?" I suddenly snapped. "It's Bella, so of course you would, even with me around. The love of your freaking life." I pushed his shoulder, causing him to catch himself with his hand. I rose to my feet, my glare finding Bella, who seemed to catch on to the implications. "You don't deserve him, after all you've done," I hissed. "After all you've put him through—and me, after all I've suffered because of you!"

"Sarah, stop!" Jacob ordered, getting to his feet.

"No, you stop!" I screamed. "You're always playing her hero, but what about me, Jake? What happens when I'm the one who needs saving? Are you going to be with me or be next to her, like you always are? Offering to father her freaking child, Jake, really? You're disgusting! As if I would actually be okay with this!"

"Would you stop?" he hollered, reaching for my hand. I tugged it away before he could touch me.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," I chanted. "It's always about Bella when your sun—" I pushed his chest as hard as I could. "—your oxygen—" Another shove. "—your gravity is standing right here!"

"Sarah, please," Bella tried, voice hoarse as she strained to yell above me.

The Cullens were suddenly in the room, Rosalie and Edward protectively standing next to Bella before I could even blink. Carlisle approached us, though he made sure to keep his distance.

"What is going on here?" he demanded. The yelling must have triggered anxiousness in all of them, since they stood alert for the first time in hours.

I looked from the doctor to Bella and Edward, the former blinking away tears. It shocked me out of my anger, but only for a moment. Upon looking at Jacob, that fury returned.

"Nothing," I hissed. "I was just leaving."

I stepped past Jacob, Emmett and Alice parting so I could get through them and reach the door. Once outside, I found my vision blurred and head spinning. I hurried off the porch and passed Jacob's bike down the drive. Running my fingers through my hair, I let out a throaty cry of fury, tears slipping down my cheeks.

I had to have been suffering from the most twisted form of an imprinting ever. Embry would never do this to Hayley, that I could already tell. Quil wouldn't even think about doing it to Claire, even if he had to go years without dating anyone until she was ready. Sam with Emily… Jared with Kim… None of the wolves would do this to their imprints.

So why would mine?

A/N: I apologize for the late update. My most recent job is full-time and taking up my life and I have never been so stressed, ever. Someone help me. :(

On the plus side, I got engaged two weekends ago! Whoa! And the ring is beautiful. I wish I could show pictures...

Anyway, thanks so much for standing by this story. Please leave your thoughts on the chapter, I'd love to hear them. Take care!