"Gale I just beat that rug!" I say when he steps inside of the house with his dirty work boots. They're covered in coal dust and slush from the snow that fell last night but didn't stick to the ground. I collapse into my chair at the dining room and cover my face with my hands.
Gale chuckles and I hear the distinct sound of his boots hitting the hardwood floor as he kicks them off and then his pickaxe being placed in its spot next to the couch. He walks quietly over to me and I try to count his footsteps, he was great at sneaking up on me, something that he's been doing often. I'll be washing dishes, doing laundry, or scrubbing the floors in the bathroom and as long as my back is turned he'll just walk up and surprise me by wrapping his arms gently around my waist or placing his hands on my shoulders.
I lift my head up before he can surprise me but I still jump because he's hovering over me, a concerned look in his eyes. "Hard day at work?" He asks and I nod my head, yawning and then groaning a little bit when he gives my shoulders a squeeze.
"Yes." I say and Gale sits next to me, taking my hand into his even though it still has traces of soot on it I don't mind.
"Wait," Gale says as he looks at the clock and then back at me, "Norah why aren't you at the bakery?"
"Mrs. Mellark told me that she wouldn't need me for the winter because work is slow and that I should be worrying about other things anyways." I say and Gale rests his head dramatically onto the table, much like I had when he walked into the house with his messy boots. "I can come back in the spring if I need to though." I add but he doesn't respond.
I break apart our hands and instead run my fingers gently through his hair, it's soft but underneath I can feel the scars from when he was jumped. They're sickening but I can find every single one, they're etched into my brain forever and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I like to trace them though and Gale allows me to, he trusts me.
"Gale we need to-" I begin to say but Gale just sighs, sitting up straighter and then looks at me, cutting me off with a cold glance.
"Do not start this with me again. I know we need to take this seriously. I know that the month is going to be up soon. You don't need to keep reminding me."
"I obviously do Gale because we're not doing anything about it." I say and Gale gets up from his chair, walking to the kitchen counter where I laid out leftovers.
He piles food onto a plate and I watch him timidly, his back muscles are tensed giving me the sign that he's angry and I shouldn't keep pressing the subject, but I'm more scared of the Capitol than I am of Gale.
"Do you just not want to have sex with me?" I ask after a few minutes of silence. My voice is quiet and shaky, because I'm scared of the answer. "Am I still just the girl you had to marry?"
"Norah." Gale says and I almost look down at my shoes but I stand strong, facing him and waiting for the answer. "Why do you still think that?" He asks and I bite my lip, my eyes meeting his as he crosses the kitchen towards me.
"How can I not Gale? I know you care about me but I don't think you love me or maybe you do love me but it's just as a friend or even a sister I don't know but I don't think you love me, not like you did or do Katniss." I say and Gale's brows crinkle at my words. He doesn't say anything so instead I just try to slip past him, I'm successful and I start to walk away from him, deciding just to go to bed. I'm not that hungry anyways, but Gale moves quickly and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me back towards him.
"Gale, come on." I say but he presses me up against the wall, his arms on either side of me so that I can't walk away from him again. "Gale just please let me go."
"No." Gale says lightly and I bite my lip, "Listen to me, if I had the choice of choosing who I got to marry, I hope that I would still get the choice of marrying you. I love you Norah and I know I don't show that at all but I do. I just want to make sure that you're comfortable and that everything plays out the way it should and the moment is perfect for you."
"Gale you can't make everything perfect. I know you want to, that you want to ensure that the people you care about are taken care of but you are trying too hard with this. I don't want it to be this huge perfect moment; I just want to share this with you, here in our home. You don't have to worry about me so much, I'm happy here with you."
Gale stays quiet for a few moments. The silence between us is comforting in a way, we aren't pressured to say anything because we've finally layed it all on the table for each other. He loves me and I admitted that I'm happy, even if my words didn't ring as much truth as his do. "Do you realize that this is the first time you've ever called this place home?" Gale says and I laugh, nodding my head. "And said that you're happy here."
"I love you." I reply ibstantly trying to change the subject, just in case i slip and he realizes that I'm not really happy. Gale smiles, showing his teeth a tiny bit before he rests his head against my shoulder, his body is radiating with heat and I feel my stomach explode with butterflies. I wrap my arms around his neck and he slowly begins to press a trail of kisses against my collarbone. I sigh and close my eyes as Gale's kisses make their way up to my lips.
I didn't lie when I told Gale I loved but I did lie a bit when I said I was happy. I don't think I'll ever be fully happy here but as long as Gale believes I am, at least I'll feel safer. The Capitol will be off our backs soon enough.
Gale lifts me up, continuing the kiss as he carries me into our bedroom, closing the door behind him with his foot. I'm more nervous than I want to be but this has to happen if Gale and I want to make the deadline. I relax myself as best as I can as Gale lays me gently on the bed, the kissing becoming more heated as he unbuttons my blouse.
I shut my eyes and bite my lip as I let my husband take me, forcing the guilt of the little white lie out of my mind.
"So you lied?" Bristle says after I tell her what happened between Gale and me. I don't give any details about our night, because it's private to me. I did enjoy it, the tender kisses, how gentle Gale is regardless of the fact that he's a coal miner and hunter and that he probably shouldn't be that incredibly gentle, but he is. Gale treated me like I was a fine fragile piece of glass. I felt safe with him and comfortable and I did indeed love him, but I'm still not as happy as I should be.
"I did but only because I wanted him to sleep with me." I say and Bristle laughs. She tries to keep her laughs quiet so that she doesn't wake her daughter whose sleeping in a cradle in the living room but Bristle can't contain it. I smile because I realize that I could have worded that sentence better, "Oh, you- you know what I meant." I say and Bristle nods her head, smiling at me.
"Norah, you did what you had to do. I would have done the same thing with Thom alright; you want to make this deadline. You don't want the same thing to happen to you that happened to me and Thom, we didn't make the deadline and the Capitol just kept checking up on us. They would show up and question us and run tests to see if there was something actually wrong with us, they would shoot me with fertility shots and did everything absolutely possible to get me pregnant. And now they're running all these tests on Tula, ensuring that she's our baby. Like I would lie about my pregnancy, lie about my daughter." Bristle says through clenched teeth and before I can ask her why they didn't make the deadline, she adds, "I just didn't want to sleep with him. I was hoping that the Capitol would realize they made a mistake with matching us or that they would think something was indeed wrong with me and maybe I would be sent home."
"Oh, Bristle." I say but she holds her hand up.
"I obviously wasn't very smart." Bristle says with a pitying laugh for her actions, "I was doing my best not to fall in love with Thom, but he still slipped into my heart somehow and now I never want to lose him and I feel like such an idiot for putting him through that. I didn't protect him and he did so much to make sure I was safe."
"Bristle, Thom loves you so much. You shouldn't feel guilty because you guys are fine now, you have a lot of time to make up for this. You two have a lot of years with each other." I say and Bristle smiles at me.
"I know we do." She says before standing up and checking on the tightly swaddled baby in the cradle. Bristle brushes her hand gently against her daughters forehead and she beams proudly watching the tiny baby sleep.
"I really love Gale, you know that right?" I ask and Bristle looks up at me.
"Of course Norah, you'd have to be blind to not see it." She says and I feel my cheeks heat in a blush.
"I didn't want to lie to him. It just, the Capitol makes me nervous and I just wanted to keep us safe. He's always so wrapped up in keeping everyone he cares about safe and I wanted to protect him this time instead." I say and Bristel sits back down in front of me, a smile still on her face.
"You don't have to explain this to me. We would all do absolutely anything to keep those we love safe."
Which is very true. Anyone would do anything to make sure the people we love are protected. I would and will protect each of the Hawthorne's like I would my family back in District Four, even the two Everdeen girls. I know that Gale feels that it's his job to do it but I can't give him the entire burden of worrying about all of us. If I can make anything easier for our life in the Seam, I will. I just can't let him know about it because I know how he is with a bruised ego.
"So what's it like being a mom?" I ask when my eyes land on the cradle again.
"It's tiring and a lot of work but I love it. She's so perfect, Norah." Bristle says, her finger is running lightly over the rim of her mug that I assume now has cold tea inside of it. She looks upset and I don't know why, she was in such a good mood a moment ago.
"What's wrong?" I question and she sighs, running a hand through her thick brown hair.
"How am I supposed to have three more children and fall in love with all of them like this? How am I supposed to wake up every day for the next eighteen years and know that three of my babies are going to be taken away from me?" Bristle sighs and rests her head into her hands, "How am I supposed to pick one of my children to stay here with me? It's like telling the other three that I love this one more than them."
"They're not going to think that." I say and Bristle lets out a small sob, "They're not, they're going to understand why, they will. They'll know how much you and Thom love them."
"Oh come on Norah, you're telling me you never thought that? That you're parents favored one of your siblings and that's why you're here and that one sibling is there." Bristle asks harshly and I shake my head.
"I never thought that. See in my family there's three girls and one boy and I guess I just always knew my parents would keep my brother there. I know they loved me but I just accepted it like my two sisters, we knew our home wouldn't be our home for very long." I tell her and Bristle sighs, meeting my eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get rude but I just I know that the reason I'm here is because I was never the favorite for long. See I have three sisters, two older ones and a younger half-sister. My mom died when I was really small and I always just considered my step-mother, Tula, my real mom. When my dad and Tula had the fourth child in the family, I was seven and the way my step-mother looked at her I just knew that I was gone. They favorited her, she got everything for being the youngest and for being the only child of my step-mom. I knew she loved me too but not the way she loved my sister and I've always resented her for that." Bristle says and I look down at my teacup, not knowing how to respond, "I just don't want my children to resent me the same way I resent her for it."
"But you still love her Bristle. You named your daughter after her, sure you're upset over the fact that she sent you and your two older sisters away but she's your mother and you love her and if she had the choice I bet all of you would still be at home with her. You can't deny it and your children will still love you the same way you love her. They would never hate you for something that's out of your control." I say and Bristle smiles sadly at me.
"I guess, but I'm just scared that they might turn out like my older sister Joanna. She was so bitter as a teenager and angry at my parents for everything that happened, that she didn't even want us at the train station to say goodbye." Bristle says and I reach across the table to take her hand, squeezing it gently.
"She had a reason to be bitter, she remembered her real mother. Your kids won't have a reason to be bitter like that." I say firmly and Bristle looks ghostly over at her daughter.
"Hopefully not." Bristle says before smiling halfheartedly at me and sipping on her tea.
I decide to cook a fresh dinner for Gale, since the leftovers are starting to get old anyways. While I'm putting some fresh vegetables into a stew there's a soft knocking on the front door. I sigh and stand up, walking away from the warm fire that is heating the entire front of the house.
"Oh, hello Primrose." I say when I find her standing on the porch, there's a small amount of tears in her eyes, "Come inside, before you catch a cold." I say pulling her by the collar of her coat inside the house and sitting her down at the dining table.
"Do you want some tea?" I ask and she nods her head sniffling and wiping the tears from her eyes. "What's the matter Primrose?" I ask as I set the hot mint tea in front of us.
"M-my mom and Hay-Haymitch are fighting. He's really drunk and Katniss isn't home, she stayed late at school for extra help before her te-test." Prim manages to choke out and I move into the seat next to her. I wrap my arm around her and she lets out another sob, "Haymitch is terrifying when he's drunk and I didn't want to st-stay there anymore."
"It's ok." I say, rubbing her back in slow circles, "You can stay here until Gale comes home and then I'll send him back out to fetch Katniss and check on your mother ok."
She takes a deep quivering breath and calms down a bit to drink some of her tea, "I was going to go find Katniss but it's really dark out from the incoming storm and mom always tells me to never go far when it's dark and your house was the closest."
"Primrose, it's fine. You're welcome here anytime you want." I say and she nods her head, "Do you want to help me bake some bread?" I ask and she nods, getting up the table and joining me in the kitchen.
There's not a doubt in my mind that Primrose will be the perfect wife. At eleven she already knows how to bake, cook, and is telling me about how she was able to sew her own doll. She's quite amazing and very modest about herself. She's so goodhearted and clever. I like spending this time with her, I've never had the chance to talk with her one on one with her like this.
The front door swings open and the first thing I say to Gale is, "Shoes." He chuckles and Prim smiles halfheartedly, looking over her shoulder to watch Gale take his dirty work boots off.
He walks over to me and presses a kiss to my cheek before reaching over and grabbing a few carrots that I didn't put into the stew. "Hey Prim, where's your sister?"
"At the school." Prim answers before looking at me pleadingly to ask Gale to go check on her mother.
"Gale could you do Primrose a favor and go tell Katniss that she's here and then check Mrs. Everdeen? Haymitch and Mrs. Everdeen were fighting and Primrose decided to come here since her sister wasn't around." I say and Gale nods his head, before winking at Prim.
"Of course I can. You two eat, ok. I'll be back soon." He says before pressing a light kiss to my cheek again and heading back out.
"Do you think my mom's ok? Haymitch has never hurt her but it still worries me." Prim says, she's starting to get choked up again and I put my arm around her, leading her back to the dining table.
I start to fix her a bowl of stew and say, "I'm sure your mom's fine. I don't know Haymitch but he doesn't seem like the kind of man to hurt a woman, let alone his wife." I say and Primrose nods her head. She begins to eat her stew and I smile at her.
"You know Haymitch isn't my real dad, right?" She asks and I nod my head, sipping on the stew that I poured for myself. "My dad died in a mining accident, the same one Mr. Hawthorne died in. About a week or so before that, Haymitch's wife died of the measles, it was one of the first outbreaks that hit the District. It wasn't as bad as the one that hit a few years back but a few people died from it. Haymitch took to drinking after that and when my mom was forced to remarry him she became the primary caretaker for us and my step-brothers. He thinks my mom turned his sons against him and that's why they both wanted to leave District Twelve. Haymitch always figured that one of his sons would stay here with him but they really just wanted to get away from him. They hated the way he treated my mother and how much he drank. That's why he's so angry at my mom all the time because he figures it's her fault that they're gone."
"Oh," I say because I don't know what else to say to her, "I don't think he really wants to hurt your mom though. He's just a sad person and when people are sad like that they don't know how to help themselves feel better so they try to make the people around them miserable as well." I say and Prim shrugs her tiny shoulders.
"I don't want to talk about it anymore." She says and I nod me head, "Can you tell me what District Four is like? I've always wanted to see the ocean."
As I tell Prim about the life I left behind in District Four she helps me clean up the kitchen. She asks me questions about my sisters and Finnick and asks what it's like to leave them. I tell her the half-truth because I don't want her to know how absolutely heartbreaking it is to lose the people your closest to. Katniss would be leaving her in a year and a half. Thinking about Katniss leaving Prim makes me think about me leaving Persi and how absolutely heartbroken my little sister was.
When Gale and Katniss finally walk back into the house it's almost District curfew. I sigh in relief when I see him worried that the two wouldn't make it back here in time. I stare at him quizzically because he has an old dirty knitted cap, that I've seen before, pulled over his eyebrows but he smiles crookedly at me still and winks.
"How's mom?" Primrose asks right away and Katniss smiles.
"She's fine Prim." Katniss says before pulling her into a hug.
"Are you hungry Katniss?" I ask, forgetting about Gale for the moment, and she nods her head. I point to the pot of stew and she smiles at me.
"Thanks Norah." She says before grabbing a bowl off the counter.
I nod my head and go to turn towards Gale but he's no longer in the room. I walk down the hall to the bathroom where the sink water is running, I knock twice and call his name. Gale opens the door quickly and pulls me inside. His face is bleeding from a cut above his eyebrow and I gasp.
"What happened?" I ask, pushing Gale to sit down on the toilet so that I can clean his new cut.
"Haymitch cut me." Gale says and I give him a look waiting for him to continue the story as I press a wet cloth to his eyebrow. "It was an accident, he was asleep on the porch and I forgot he likes to sleep with a knife. He took a good swipe and luckily only hit my eyebrow."
"Luckily." I say in an annoyed voice and Gale smiles at me. "I hope you don't get an infection." I say as I wipe the cut, which is more like a gash about his eyebrow again a few inches lower and Gale would probably be blind in his right eye.
"I'm fine Norah." He says before pulling me down to kiss me. "I think they're going to stay on the couch since we'll be out after curfew if I walk them back now."
"That's too bad." I say before kissing him again and Gale groans trying to keep me close to him. His hand slips down to my waist and I smile.
"Gale we have guests." I say as I break the kiss.
"Never mind I can walk them home." Gale says getting up and I laugh kissing his cheek.
"No, I'll make up the couch for them." I say as I lean against the bathroom door before leaving, "Besides, we have all day tomorrow. It's Sunday." I say before lifting my eyebrows at him making him chuckle.
"I look forward to it."
This chapter wasn't beta'd yet. I got impatient waiting and just decided to post it. I'll re-post the chapter when it's all fixed up.
Let me know what you guys think!