sooooo...here, is chapter twenty one. I know, I know, Ive been remiss in my pdating, Im a horrible, horrible person adn author, I know. I guess, I just didnt want to submit a crappy chapter for you. but I know, Im horrible anyway...SORRY!

but hopefully this will make up for my not posting something for so long...

I don't know if Esme launched herself as the woman or the other way round, but whatever way it happened, they collided in a mass of snarls and movement I couldn't quite follow. There was so much noise and action that my senses struggled to keep up with it all. But no matter how I tried to focus my eyes on them I could never quite get it.

What I did know was that the living room was destroyed, the chairs were broken, the little table smashed and something went flying through the picture window, that something being the woman who had intruded in the house. I was about to say something to Esme but she turned and looked at me over her shoulder. She spoke to me but I didn't get it all, she was speaking entirely too fast for me to understand. I strained to hear her and understand. All I heard was "Go…out…Edward…stay." and before I could ask her to slow down or repeat herself she had gone through the window, right after the woman.

I didn't know what to do, but I caught enough from her blurred, rapid speech that she wanted me out of the living room. So I ran up the stairs, sprinting up them two at a time, ignoring for the moment the miracle of my own stealth. I went into the room I occupied, the one Edward had lived in years before and closed the door behind me, looking about desperately to find something to push under the door. But when a moment passed and I couldn't think of anything it occurred to me that it wouldn't matter. If there were a vampire trying to get in the room, obviously putting a chair under the door wouldn't stop them. They would rip it right off its hinges. I found myself cursing my being a human once again, as it seemed to create so many more issues than necessary. If I was a vampire, I wouldn't need to be protected, hell, I wouldn't even be a target. Edward might have argued that I at least had my soul, but at this point having my soul didn't seem to compete with having my life.

I could hear dull thuds outside the house, feel the ground shaking every once in a while. It made me nervous. Hearing and not seeing, knowing that any moment now something could happen and I could do nothing to stop it. I sat huddled in a corner of the room, wincing each time I heard some crash or thump, praying it was Esme who was on the upper hand of this fight. And then there was a long silence, a pause in the noise and commotion. I was not worried to begin with, but then the pause was too long altogether. And although I was terrified of what was happening outside of my tiny room, I was too afraid not to see what was happening. So with more caution than I had ever used in my life, except maybe sneaking back home after seeing Edward that first night, I opened the door very slowly and peeked out.

There was no one standing on the other side of the door, nor was there anything amiss this side of the stairs. So I crept out of the room slowly, being as quiet as possible. Which of course, being a human, was not as silent as I wished I could have been. Every squeak of the floorboards made me cringe. I stood at the top of the stairs, looking down them cautiously, seeing only the destruction I had witnessed before going up to my room and nothing more. Still there was no sign of what was happening or either Esme or our intruder.

I descended the stairs one by one, pausing at large intervals each time, too afraid to move very fast. The rational part of me knew better than to call out in case the woman was still there looking for me and it was only that shred of logic that kept me from calling for Esme then.

At the base of the stairs I paused again, looking around. Still nothing. I snuck into the kitchen and rested my head against the wall with a long, slow sigh. With a shaky breath I reached over and opened a drawer, pulling out a long knife. The utensils had been here from when Edward was human and hadn't moved since they all left to live with the sisters and Carmen and Eleazar. I didn't know if it would be of any particular use in protecting myself, of course I knew that I would be able to do no such thing against a vampire, but I could only think that it would be helpful to have something. I clutched at the handle and my shaking hands steadied some.

With my small and mostly completely useless weapon I stepped back out of the kitchen. The destruction in the living room seemed worse than before and far more real. The table had been old and wooden, and so when it had been broken the wood broke into many small, splintering pieces. They covered the floor and mixed with the shards of glass that littered the ground both in and outside the house. The chairs were broken in pieces, cracked into something that did not even look like chairs anymore. My mind recognized this as the living room and knew this as the destruction caused by Esme and the home intruder fighting, but somehow it seemed utterly surreal.

I looked out the broken window and didn't see much there either, in the dimming light. I took another long breath and went to the door, opening it slowly. Still there was no one standing there, not Esme or anyone bent on my death. I took a step outside, clutching my knife with fervor. The soft ground beneath my feet was treacherously covered with sharp glass and I was thankful I was still wearing my shoes. I glanced around me, trying to find my bearings. When I looked to the right, I noticed a trail of smoke from around the corner of the house. I took another step toward the direction of what must have been a fire and took a breath. The air was acrid. Whatever was burning was not agreeing well with the air and the smell was almost acidic.

When I saw Esme standing over a fire I was both relieved and confused. She had her back to me, her hands on her hips. She of course heard my approaching footsteps and turned to me. She looked mostly the same, but her clothes were torn and she was favoring her right leg a bit.

"I'm fine, Bella, don't worry, I will be back to normal in a few minutes. As for this bitch," she said, gesturing to the pile of what I realized what body parts she had set ablaze. I was taken aback at her language and her deeds. It didn't occur to me that Esme could not only fight a woman who looked as feral as she, but call her a bitch. She called Emmett on his language all the time, to hear her use profanity was so strange.

"Is this…the only way to―"

"Make sure she is dead? Yes. I had to pull her apart and burn her, which I was more than happy to do. No one threatens my family."

For that moment the look was back in Esme's eyes that had been there before, the same predatory look, and I thought surely she was the most fearsome of the entire bunch. Emmett might have been the biggest of them but even he shrank under Esme's stern voice when she reprimanded him.

But then her face softened and she was my Esme once again. She glanced at me, looking me over to make sure I was all right.

"Are you hurt?" she asked. I shook my head. She nodded and said nothing, glancing down at the knife in my quivering hands. A smile twitched on her face and tried to hide it for a moment before laughing a bit.

"Bella, what exactly were you planning on doing with that?" she asked me, amusement in her voice. I too glanced down at the knife and realized how ridiculous it was that I was carrying it with me. I just shrugged, unable to really explain it in any sort of logical manner. I thought she would pat me on the shoulder and give me that, 'no worries, dear' look she had, but instead she burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry, dear," she murmured between peals of laughter, "its only that you must know that having a knife like that would do you absolutely no good at all, and the look on your face when I asked you about it was so utterly perplexed…" she trailed off and said nothing else as she got her laughter under control. I thought about it and knew it was ridiculous that I had grabbed the kitchen knife. I wasn't sure how much use I would have been against a human, let alone a vampire. I began laughing with her a little, which only made her even more hysterical.

When our laughter subsided we were both left staring at the fiery mass before us.

"How did you kill her?" I asked.

"Awfully morbid question, Bella," she replied. I realized she didn't want to discuss and I didn't pry further. But neither of us moved from that spot until the fire had burned down and the pile was nothing more than ashes. Esme said she wasn't going to take any chances and I thought that was a wise choice. Impossible as it would have been for her to come back after the first few minutes, I still took heart in watching her reduced to a literal nothing, just to be sure.

After she was nothing but smoking ashes Esme and I went back inside to try and put the living room back together in some sort of order. We swept the glass and splinters of wood up and dumped them into the trash. I could have sworn I heard Esme muttering about 'that bitch' breaking the table, but I blocked it out and refused to believe it. Esme never swore in her entire existence and that's the way I chose to continue thinking of her.

When the family and the pack returned to us the only thing out of place was the lack of furniture and the broken window. They all came in the house and glanced around the room nervously.

"What happened here?" Carlisle asked with a quirked eyebrow. Esme gave a hurried explanation of what had gone on, simple and missing their entire dialogue and how she had managed to kill her. The missing dialogue was likely for Edward's sake, the way she killed her for mine. Edward of course had come directly to my side as soon as he stepped in the house and captured me in his arms as though he had been afraid he would never see me again. The more I thought about it the more I figured that might actually have been a legitimate fear of his. If he had heard the woman thinking about coming after me and hadn't been able to stop her he might have actually thought I might die. I understood where that fear came from; I knew it as soon as the woman threatened my life. While I was cowering in the bedroom upstairs I had been unconsciously twisting the engagement ring on my finger over and over again, trying not to think about the what ifs and if I never saw him again and if he never knew how much I loved him.

But I was reminded of the fact that I did not have to worry about that as soon as he gathered me in his arms and covered my face in kisses. The confusion and fear I had experienced seemed to pale in comparison to the relief and harmony that followed after it.

"What about your end? How did that go?" I asked, still being held in Edward's arms. I had the feeling he was going to refuse to let me go unless absolutely necessary.

"We found them, of course. It wasn't finding them we were worried about; it was keeping track of them. I'm sure you wondered about my leaving Esme in charge of keeping you safe all by herself, but I'm sure you understand now that there was no reason to worry," Carlisle said. I glanced over at Esme again and she smiled at me, but I remembered the look in her eyes, the feral, protective predator she had been. I had no doubts now about her ability to hold her own.

"We used our numbers and Alice's ability to see their moves ahead of time and Edward's telepathy to keep track of their movements and predict where they were going. The pack's mind sharing capabilities were particularly useful. They were able to coordinate their attacks incredibly well," he went on, giving credit where credit was due. Jake smiled wanly and the rest of the pack gave a grin, all except Sam, who remained stoic. I glanced at Carlisle, who was looking at Sam. The look in his eyes was one of respect and pity. I had no doubts that Sam took great pleasure in ripping at least one of them apart. But I could see it still did not ease the ache in his heart. She was still just as gone as she had been before. And Sam was still just as empty.

"The pack took care of one of the males, and we took out the other. The female got away from us while we were killing the males and of course we noticed, but we figured we would be able to find her after we appropriately disposed of the males. That was until Edward read one of the male's mind—his name was James if I recall correctly—and his thoughts betrayed that the female, whom he called Victoria, was coming after you. Of course Edward wanted to leave right then, and he did leave before the rest of us, but I managed to persuade him to stay and finish what we had started. I knew you were in good hands, but he was not satisfied unless they were his hands."

I felt Edward smile as he pressed his lips against my hair at the top of my head. I smiled a bit myself and sighed, satisfied with the story Carlisle produced. There were likely more gory details to be told if he was being completely forthcoming, but I was content knowing the most basic of versions.

"It seems, then, that all this is ended. The threat is over and we can be done with all of this," Jasper stated. He must have been feeling something because as he said it, his face contorted slightly. I looked from him to Jake to Sam, watching the severity of the expression grow, from Jasper's diluted version of pain, to Jake's shaken looking introspection to Sam's obvious ache. This would never be done; I think we all realized it then. Life had been taken, and though revenge had been exacted it did not make any bit of difference in the way of Emily's death.

Emily. The beautiful Emily, always so full of life, she was sarcastic and witty at times, but always loving and gentle. She was the closest thing I had to a sister. And now she was dead. I was glad that the ones who murdered her had been killed and that they would never hurt another living being, particularly seeing as they had some intention of coming after me, but it stall made me feel a sick sort of pain when I thought about her.

But I don't think this is the last time I will see you.

I would never have been happier to be proved wrong.

Jake and the pack left soon after that, telling us before they did that they were going to bury Emily the next day and that I was welcome to attend the burial. They did not mention how welcome anyone else would be, but of course I knew better than to bring anyone along. Even if I wanted to for comfort, it would feel like an affront to the pack if I disrespected something so intimate and private. I told them of course I would be there.

When the pack left there was almost an audible, tangible sigh of relief. My family wasn't ungrateful for their contributions to them and of course neither was I, but it was obvious to anyone in the room that the tension between the two groups was growing. They needed to be separated before the undeniable, incontrollable strain turned into something far worse.

"I'm glad you're okay," I confessed quietly, meaning it only to be heard by Edward, but realizing it would be heard by all. It didn't matter, I supposed, it was true of all of them. I shifted a bit closer and Edward shuddered and stiffened. I remembered the way his eyes had been darkening and when I slowly extricated myself from his hold—moving slowly as he had asked me to whenever he was thirsty—I saw his eyes had shifted to a pure black. He smiled at me still, and kissed the back of my hand.

"You're very thirsty," I commented casually. He nodded. "Then how did you manage that?" I asked, referencing our physical contact. He never allowed himself to get that thirsty around me, but when his eyes got darker he made sure that our physical contact was more limited than normal. It was hard for him usually to touch me, doing it when he was thirsty was like torture.

"You didn't see the things that woman was planning on doing to you. I had to touch you to make sure I wasn't dreaming and you were there and whole right in front of me," he explained. I smiled and I heard Emmett snigger at the blatant sappy quality of his words. I was sure any other day it would have caused a growl or at least a frown on Edward's perfect face, but this day he only had eyes for me. As impossible as it was, I wasn't sure that he even heard Emmett at all.

That night passed relatively quickly. After the commotion had worn down Esme made me dinner, which at first I felt no desire for, and then suddenly discovered I was ravenous. Edward explained to me that the adrenaline rush made my blood sugar plummet, and I needed to eat and keep myself from passing out. I felt Edward watching me as I ate the pasta Esme had cooked for me, his eyes dancing lightly across my face, as his fingers had been known to do. After I ate I was reasonably stuffed and wanted nothing more than to pass out in a bed and sleep. The yawning and sleepy smiles must have clued Edward in because he immediately lifted me from my chair into his arms and carried me upstairs. I would have protest but I could not think of a reasonable argument other than that he was thirsty and I didn't want him pushing himself beyond what he was capable of. But I knew that he would only smile at me in that 'silly Bella' way he did and keep right on going.

He pulled back the covers on his old bed and laid me down, pulling them up to my chin before lying next to me. He grinned that ridiculous, content grin he had perfected in these past years and brushed my hair out of my eyes. He sighed.

"Have I told you that I love you yet today?" he asked me. I smiled back at him sleepily.

"I think you may have mentioned it," I mumbled. He kissed my forehead softly and whispered for me to sleep, which I did without argument.

"You know how I feel about this," Edward told me as I stood in the woods with him, less than a ten minutes walk from the pack and the funeral service they were putting on for Emily. The idea of my being alone with the pack always made him nervous, no matter what the circumstances.

"Edward, I know that. But you and I both know that I am going to this funeral. Take the time to go hunt. I'll be home this afternoon and you can cease your perpetual worry. I promise I will be fine," I assured him.

"You can't know that."

"And you can't know that anything bad will happen."

"Bella―" I held my fingers to his lips, which he quickly removed, but then moved them back to his mouth to kiss them.

"Edward, please, you know how important this is to me."

"I understand. And I would never ask you not to go, that would be so beyond appropriate. But please, let me come with you," he entreated. I shook my head.

"I wont put them in a position to feel tense and uncomfortable while burying her. It isn't fair. He's burying his wife today, Edward."

He looked at me for a moment and then nodded. He remained silent, only kissed my forehead and let me go. I felt him watching me as I walked away. I tried not to think about how close we had come to serious danger and death the day before, or how worried he had been about me and still was. I knew that he only wanted to make sure I was okay and that I remained that way, but he didn't have much longer to worry. I was going to be a vampire soon enough, and when I was, he wouldn't have to protect me anymore, not that I thought he would ever truly stop.

When I broke through the trees at the edge of the forest, into the clearing in which the house sat, Jacob was already waiting for me. He greeted me with a solemn hello and we walked together in silence. We went into the house and the rest of the pack was already gathered in the foyer, waiting. Each of them as dressed in black and congregated around Sam, who sat in silence.

As thought cued by something completely unbeknownst to me, Sam rose and we all headed outside without speaking. There was a deep grave dug by the edge of the woods on the border of the trees at the outskirts of the garden. Emily always did love being in the garden. There was a large wooden box already in the grave and it was so strange knowing that Emily was in there and not being able to see her. She was dead and lying in the ground. The knowledge gave me chills.

The priest from the church in the nearby town was there and preformed a service, talking about the kingdom of heaven and eternal glory and everlasting happiness and light in the heavens. But even as he spoke and blessed her and spoke in Latin, which I obviously did not understand, it didn't seem real. I watched Sam, as he stood in stoicism, seemingly so unmoved if you couldn't read the expression on his face. He was trying not to cry. He was fighting against tears harder than he would ever fight anything else in his life, I knew, and all because sadistic beasts of vampires had killed his wife. He had scarred her and she stood by him, and they fought and disagreed but she never stopped loving him, even for a single moment. I wondered if he knew that. Or if she knew that he never stopped loving her either.

When the priest stopped speaking and closed his bible there was a moment of silence. Sam then stepped forward and reached his hand down, picking up a handful of dirt and dropping it down on the casket that was in the ground. It hit the wood with a dull, empty thud and I winced at the sound, thinking of poor Emily inside that box. Sam said nothing and turned to leave. He walked away and after a moment Jake went after him. The rest of the pack dispersed then too, all going inside to avoid the rain that seemed to be coming in the dark gray sky.

But I stayed there by her graveside. I couldn't bring myself to move. And there I sat for a long while, until Jake came and sat himself down beside me.

"Do you think Sam will ever recover?" I asked. Jake was silent for a moment, and his silence was more telling than his words could have been. Of courser he would never recover. He had bonded to Emily so completely there was nothing and no one else for him. Love like that didn't end with death.

"When are you leaving?" Jacob asked back. I sighed slowly.

"Soon. Probably tonight if it isn't raining, maybe tomorrow."

"I want to see you again before you go," he stated.

"I thought you said you were going to listen to me when I told you not to think of me," I reminded him. He tried to smile but the expression died on his face.

"I told you I had every intention of trying. I already failed, what could the harm be in failing as thoroughly as humanly possible?"

"Well first, you're not human, so you might be able to fail a bit more extremely than any human I know is capable, and second―"

"Second…Edward, correct?"

I said nothing and he nodded and sighed.

"Bella, we are friends, right?" he asked. I nodded immediately. He had loved me—and if I wasn't too far off base he still did in a way—but I hadn't loved him, and regardless of this he was still a friend, almost a brother.

"So if we are friends, and after today you plan on going away, is it so wrong of me to want to see you one more time to properly say goodbye when we are not graveside of a woman I loved like my sister?"

I looked down at the grave we were sitting next to and closed my eyes a moment. He was right. It was not proper for us to say goodbye this way. Emily deserved more than that, and so did Jacob.

"Fine. When?" I asked quietly.

"Don't sound so enthused, Bella. And it all depends on when you plan on leaving. We will be here. Whenever you want to come, I will see you. You can collect your things as well, if you still want them."

"And after that do you promise to do as I asked?" I inquired. There was a long pause. I could see him thinking it over, whether or not he was ready or willing to make that kind of promise. But he nodded slowly.

"I promise. Now go home to your fiancé so you can come back tomorrow. I know you're going to have to argue all night so you may as well get started early," he said, and this time a small smile did grace his face. I hadn't seen him smile in so long. Strange that it occurred at Emily's funeral.

I nodded. He was probably right; Edward wouldn't like the idea of me coming back here, even if it was only to say goodbye and collect my things from the house. If I had to use that as my excuse I would, and from what I knew of Edward I would need all the reasons and logic I could get.

"Tomorrow," I said. And then I rose to my feet and looked down again in the ground, watching the dark glisten of the oak inside which my dear Emily lay. I reached down and grabbed a handful of dirt and let it drop in the grave, making the same heavy thudding sound as Sam's had. I mouthed goodbye and sighed and then stepped away from her grave and from Jacob.

"Let me get this straight…you want to go back there…again?" Edward asked, bitter disbelief coloring his melodic voice. I nodded. His face was a mix of disgust and incredulity, making his features no less beautiful.

"If we are leaving, which I assume we are, to go back home to the sisters and Carmen and Eleazar, and if you're going to change me, which you told me you were, then I hardly think I will ever see Jacob or Sam or any of the pack again. And it isn't as though the funeral of a family member is exactly the best time for a goodbye to everyone. So I can just go back tomorrow and say goodbye get some of my things and then we wont ever see them again."

"Bella, I hardly think that it's safe," he protested.

"I was there today and nothing catastrophic occurred. I promise, Edward, I'll be―"

"Fine, yes, I know, so we both keep saying. But as you so aptly pointed out, that particular expression hasn't exactly led us down a positive road, so regardless of the truth of that, can we please not utter that phrase?"

"Agreed. But regardless, I'm going back there tomorrow and then we can go home, okay?"

"Fine." Edward's fingers laced in mine and pulled me slowly forward until my face was but a few inches from his. My thoughts swirled into a dark whole of forgetfulness. I couldn't think further than a few words at a time and even those were hopelessly jumbled.

"That's not fair," I breathed. Edward grinned.

"I don't have the slightest clue what you are talking about," he murmured. I opened my mouth to tell him that I knew her certainly did know what I meant and he should stop dazzling me immediately. But as soon as my lips parted my mind lost all concentration. Edward's own lips touched my forehead.

"Its just that…if anything were to happen to you, Bella, I'm not sure what I would do," he confessed.

"Well you don't have to worry, because nothing is going to happen to me. Now go do something while I change into something to sleep in, Edward."

"As you wish. Although I can't figure why you seem to insist that I leave, its not like I haven't seen you naked," he argued. I blushed horribly, my cheeks flushing a deep crimson.

"I know you only say things like that to make me blush," I accused him, shoving him playfully toward the door. He grinned and didn't budge an inch.

"Guilty as charged. Now go change, you look tired. You should sleep, my love."

"Maybe I don't want to go to sleep," I argued.

"Bella, there are plenty of sleepless nights in your future, enjoy slumber while its still physically possible," he advised. I rolled my eyes but nodded and smiled, before he disappeared so I could put on a nightgown and slip into bed.

That night, I had the nightmares again.