Zoe sat on the edge of the bed while Max stood in the entrance to the en suite. He struggled to pull his jeans off the damp denim clinging to his skin, he left them in a heap on the floor as he pulled his t-shirt off over his head, the material sweeping his hair all in one direction where it stayed, sticking out at one side. She smiled despite herself. He kept his boxers on, although they hung low about his waist. He leaned in to the shower and turned the taps, checking the water before slipping his underwear off and stepping in to the small shower.
She toyed with the ring she wore, twisting it back and forth until the skin under it began to feel sore. The hiss of the shower seemed to merge with the rain outside and the wind rattled the windows in their frames as though it was trying to get inside.
She remembered how different it had been before she had been given the job of clinical lead. She remembered how different she had been. Would Max have found her as attractive then?
Was Tess right, was she still just another conquest?
Her head felt foggy, too full of half thoughts and blurred memories. Even this break, this time out that she had suddenly decided upon hadn't gone to plan.
She thought of Nick. What a different relationship they had had compared to what she had with Max. Could this even be called a relationship? It confused her to think about it, whether or not this was the beginning of something more, or the tail end of nothing. She closed her eyes, she could smell the heat of the shower water, the smell of shower gel. She could faintly see the blurred outline of Max's body behind the glass screen that had misted over. Every now and then his hip or elbow would hit the screen and she'd glimpse flesh before the condensation built up again.
Her head ached and her molars throbbed. She tried to relax her jaw, realising she had been clenching her teeth. She stood up without thinking, knowing she had to do something, had to find the answers to the questions that were clouding her judgement, killing an integral part of her slowly with the poison that doubt breeds.
She unzipped her dress, forcing her arm to bend behind her back as she did so, before wriggling free of the material. She freed the clasp of her bra and placed her dress and underwear on the chest of drawers, taking a steadying breath in before moving into the en suite. She drew the glass divide back slowly, steam billowing into her face, making it momentarily difficult to breathe. Max had his back to her, she stepped in behind him, slipping both arms around his waist as he turned.
She kissed his shoulder blade, he tasted of soap.
The water from the overhead shower wet her hair, skittering over her body and face, her mascara stinging her eyes as it ran.
He turned in her arms to face her, his smile making her stomach ache. She touched it with her fingers, his lips hot and pink, soft against her fingertips.
"Hello grumpy."
He said, sliding his hands across her hips as she laced her fingers around his neck. Her body pressed up against his own.
She shuddered against him, the heat from the shower sending goosebumps across her skin.
"I'm not grumpy."
She ran her fingers into his hair, her nails grazing his scalp.
"Oh...?"
He moved his head so that his forehead rested against her own.
"Can I try to cheer you up anyway?"
He asked, kissing the corners of her mouth as she nodded, smiling against his kisses, feeling his hands traverse her body, slick with soap and warm from the heat of the water.
She caught her breath as he backed her against the wall of the shower, the cold tiles making her gasp and shiver. He laughed into her neck, kissing the length of it, gently allowing his teeth to graze the skin of her collar bone.
She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, the water from the shower head pelted her face, she heard nothing but the water, felt nothing but Max, her right leg lifted, curled tight around his hips, his mouth hot against her neck, her chest... She clung to him as he moved inside her, murmuring something inaudible against her ear. She arched her body further into him, pulling his head against her, the stubble of his jaw scratching against her neck as she tilted her head back further, the water filling her mouth, her nose, stealing her breath as she came against him, with him, crumpling into his arms, breathless and shaking.
They remained like that for several minutes, panting in unison, Max shivering as the water began to run cool against his back. He reached behind himself, twisting the tap to turn the water off.
Their breathing now the only sound in the silence, he released his grip on her thigh, the pink mark of his fingers still pressed into her flesh as she let her leg slide back down, her foot reaching the floor with a splash.
"That was unexpected."
He breathed, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he caught his breath. She smiled in response, swallowing hard, realising she must have swallowed quite a bit of water.
He pushed open the shower door and stepped out, offering his hand to her and steadying her as she stepped out, her legs still wobbling.
"I only got one towel out of the cupboard."
She realised, as he unhooked the towel from the back of the bathroom door.
He wrapped it around his back, holding the corners open.
"You'll have to come here then."
He smiled, wrapping her up against him so that they were both cocooned inside the towel and shuffling with her out into the bedroom.
"Fuck me it's freezing."
He shivered against her, slipping out of the towel and allowing her to curl herself up inside it as she sat on the edge of the bed, watching him, amused to see him standing naked in front of her, holding up the clothes that Charlie had chosen for him.
"If you laugh..."
He warned, pulling on a jumper and blue and white striped pyjama bottoms that seemed to end two or three inches above his ankles.
He looked down at himself.
"Do I look as shit as I feel?"
He asked, trying to lengthen the trousers by lowering them at the waist before realising that was more indecent.
"You look like a twelve year old who's hand a growth spurt."
She concluded, looking him up and down.
"As I feared..."
He looked down at himself again before looking over at her.
"Are you going to get dressed or is Charlie in for a treat?"
He asked, hesitating as he spoke, covering his mouth as he sneezed repeatedly.
"Bless you."
She said once he'd finished.
"Hadn't we better go down?"
He asked, hearing the faint murmur of Charlie's voice below them and the soft higher pitch of Tess's.
"I want to speak to you first..."
She looked down at the ring on her finger.
"Is this a good or bad speaking to?"
He asked, pausing before sitting down next to her.
"Can we lay down? I don't want to look at you while I say it."
She asked, shifting herself to lean back against the headboard.
"I'm not sure whether to be offended or terrified..."
He crawled up the bed next to her.
"Is this because I look like a twelve year old?"
He asked as she lifted his arm and curled herself up against his chest so that she couldn't see his face.
"No, i'm just not very good at this sort of thing. Its easier if I can't see you."
She said, absently picking the fluff from the front of the jumper Charlie had lent him.
"Go on then..."
He nudged her, an uncomfortable feeling resting in the pit of his stomach as he waited to hear what she had to say.
"I did quit because of you."
She said at last, she felt him tense slightly underneath her.
"Sort of."
She added, not that sure herself of what had happened earlier that day.
"I'd spoken to Tess and Connie..."
"What did they say?"
He asked, cutting her off.
"They were voicing their concerns about our..."
She paused, suddenly aware that she was unsure of what 'this' was between them.
"Relationship?"
He asked, watching her chest rising and falling beneath the towel.
"Mmm..."
She murmured, momentarily flustered by the acknowledgement that this might be the beginning of something.
"What did they say?"
He asked, running his fingers over the hem of the towel at her back.
"Oh just...they just mentioned the gap...the age gap..."
She paused.
"The fact that you're a porter and I'm, I was clinical lead."
She paused again, waiting for a reply that didn't come.
"So I quit."
She said, not daring to look up at him.
"You quit because of the age gap, or the status gap?"
He asked eventually.
"Mainly the latter."
She admitted, feeling his fingers regain their motion along the hem of the towel, all to aware that this revelation hinted that she wanted more from their relationship.
"Zoe..."
He said softly, his lips touching her drying hair.
"Hey..."
He nudged her so that she looked up at him, her head now resting against his shoulder.
"I don't want you to lose your job because of me."
He said, looking from her lips to her eyes, he saw for a fleeting moment how vulnerable she really was.
"I don't want to keep my job if it means losing you."
She whispered in return.
Hopefully this will cheer you all up after Zoe leaves in Casualty tonight! :) x