A/N: Okay, everybody. Apparently I'm not trustworthy. And I get it. Why should you trust me? I update sporadically, I told you it was over twice, I brought plot and angst into this story, and I still haven't posted my new one yet even though I said I would. So, yeah, definitely not trustworthy by most people's standards. But I give you my word as Crowley gives his, that the rest of this fic will be nothing but joy and sarcasm. I also got a better idea for another fic...but it's...a little fucked up, so it may not be posted until I finish it completely. Now, shall we begin? -Pyxie
Jess stares at Gabriel, her head tilted to the side, a light smile on her face. "You know...for an archangel...you're awfully short."
Balthazar chuckles and shakes his head. "He's got an amazing amount of energy for such a small guy though. I should know."
"I don't appreciate being called short. Of course you would think so considering you're with Samsquatch over here who's like a million feet tall. And his brother is still like half a million feet tall-"
"Now you're just exaggerating." Cas cuts in.
"But I like to consider myself normal." Gabriel continues as though he hadn't heard Cas. "I'm the perfect height for post-sex cuddling and for other things, but I'm sure you don't want to know. But I'll tell you, if you'd like."
Jess pales. "No, really...it's really okay if you don't tell me."
"Well since you've insisted. In the shower, Balthazar really likes it when I-"
"I just finished the burgers, everybody." Dean walks out into Sam's living room, an apron wrapped around his body. 'Kiss my Cook' it says.
Jess relaxes and skips over to Dean to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "You're a lifesaver, you know that."
"I do now." She smiles and slips into the kitchen as Dean goes over to Cas and wraps his arm around his waist.
"Charlie and Emmy are running a little late." Cas says.
Dean raises his eyebrows. "How? Can't they just poof places?" Cas shrugs. "Well, hey, maybe Charlie got sick of the sparkles."
"Highly unlikely." Cas kisses Dean's neck and snuggles closer to him.
Now that Sam's home is finally moved in to and furnished (with the help of Charlie and Castiel), Sam decided to host a housewarming. Only he hadn't quite expected that more than half of the people in the room weren't human.
"We're here!" Charlie and Emmy appear in the middle of the room, surrounded by sparkling dust. "Sorry we're late. You wouldn't believe how awful traffic is on a Saturday." Jess comes back out of the kitchen and starts setting the table for dinner as Dean goes back into the kitchen to get the food.
"Of course, darling." Balthazar smiles. "I know that the airways are just filled with angels and fairies. I totally understand the tardiness."
Cas rolls his eyes. "So what's the real reason you're late?" And Charlie's blush is the only answer that any of them need.
"Right…" Sam wrings his hands and goes into the kitchen to help out with the serving of the food.
Jess looks at Charlie and Emmy in surprise. "Whoa...that was impossibly glittery."
"I can't help it." Emmy turns and presses her face into Charlie's neck. "I don't mean for it to be so glitzy...I just can't help it."
Charlie rests her hand on Emmy's head and brushes her fingers through her hair.
Jo stares at the two of them, her jaw slack and her eyes wide. "Oh my god...I wasn't drunk that night. You can actually do that…"
"Oh right." Cas laughs. "You were supposed to come by for lunch and you never did. Have you been wondering about them this entire time?"
Jo's silence is answer enough. She walks into the kitchen. "Winchester! You've got some explaining to do."
From the living room with Jo, Dean, and Sam out of sight, the yelling and dropping things and hysterical pleading all sounds ridiculously dramatic. Barely anything between Jo and Dean is heard over Sam's frantic pleading to 'stop destroying the kitchen' and 'that blender is new' and 'where the hell did you get that parsley shredder from'. Et cetera.
Cas blinks and turns to Charlie and Emmy who were staring at the alcove to kitchen in shock. "So. I think that it's fairly obvious that Dean hasn't quite explained the supernatural to Jo yet. Well," Cas looks up at the ceiling as he reconsiders his words. "I assume he is now. Judging on all of the yelling."
Gabriel shakes his head. "Oh when will that lug head learn, Cassie. You should teach your human a few lessons on tardiness."
"He isn't my human. He belongs to himself. I just so happen to share him with himself."
A particularly loud crash in the kitchen causes Jess to start. "Oh geez...and we just finished making everything look nice."
"I'll fix it for you, darling, don't you worry about it." Balthazar slings an arm around Jess' shoulders and gives her a kiss on her temple.
She laughs and swats him away playfully. "You're gonna make Gabe mad and I don't think I can handle a pissed off archangel right now. Especially one so short."
Gabriel pulls out of his conversation with Castiel to glare at Jess. "You know...I have lived for so long and I have killed so many, don't think I'll hesitate to kill you, Jess."
"Well, I know you will because deep down in that heart of yours, you love and your favourite thing to do is pick on people you love. So the more you threaten me, the more you love me. And Balthy here has taken a liking to me, so...your opinion is null."
Gabriel blinks and loses his glare. His expression softens to something understanding and compassionate. "You've known me for an hour, tops, how'd you get that?"
"I'm a nursing student. I know people." Jess hugs Gabriel. "I don't mean to keep making fun of your height. I think you're adorable."
"I can't tell if you're helping your case or not, but this is a very nice hug, so I'll give you a pass. For now. But stop calling me short and we'll be friends forever. Literally forever. I'll come visit you in heaven and everything and I'll make you shortbread cookies and give you snickers bars and stuff."
Balthazar raises an eyebrow. "I scored lucky, didn't I?"
Jo chooses that moment to come out of the kitchen, a carefree smile on her face. Sam comes out next, his face flushed. And Dean never comes out. However, Cas feels a press on their bond and disappears into the kitchen in an instant.
Dean is sitting on the counter, his face expression downcast. There are leafy greens strewn about the room.
"Lettuce talk." Cas says.
Dean looks up from the spot on the floor and gives Cas a confused look. "That was a pun…"
"It was."
"It was uncomfortable." Dean tugs at his fingers.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Cas sits down next to Dean and weaves their fingers together to stop Dean's fidgeting.
With a sigh, Dean nods. "She's just so scary when she's mad...and I know she has a shotgun in her apartment. She'd probably try to shoot me with it."
"What did she do to you?"
"She-" Dean cuts himself off and looks at his lap. "She objectified me."
Cas snorts which earns himself a glare, but he can't stop laughing. "What did she say?"
"I don't wanna talk about this anymore. You're laughing." Dean hops off the counter and goes over to the plate of burgers he'd made.
With a fake pout, Cas becomes the perfectly exemplary person and goes over to Dean. "Oh, you're being such a baby. I'm sure that it wasn't all that bad."
"She told me that she would bend me over the counter and fuck me with a strap-on." Dean murmured and it takes every little bit of self-restraint from Castiel to keep from laughing.
"Yes, that is...very terrifying. So terrifying. I can understand how you can feel so deeply violated from such a situation. It's okay. Just know that I am here for you, Dean."
"Don't be such a dick, Cas." Dean carries the burgers out the to dining room and the entire room erupts in laughter.
"You told them?" Dean all but drops the plate on the table and wheels on Jo.
"Of course I told them." She laughs and wraps her arm around Gabriel's shoulders to keep herself upright.
It seems that everytime they all get together, someone always gets objectified in some way. Even Jess is laughing. And she couldn't possibly think about laughing at her fiancee's brother while he looks so dejected. But my, oh my, this is just wonderful.
"You're like the annoying little sister I've never wanted." Dean runs a hand over his face and retreats towards Cas. "Save me from these assholes."
"No. They're your family. So at least say, 'save me from these insane people'. Then I'll feel more inclined to do something about it."
Dean rolls his eyes and presses his cheek against Cas'. "You're freaking crazy."
"I'm an angel, you ass."
"Mm, you know I like it when you talk dirty." Dean smirks and eyes Cas.
"Okay! Stop!" Jo waves her hands in front her of face. "We'll stop laughing at you, but please, just stop with the...the stuff you're doing." She shudders.
"I don't really mind it all that much." Gabriel drifts his hands down to Balthazar's rear pockets and slips his hand in. "What do you think?"
"I don't think they're as sexy as we are."
Jess pushes herself off the wall and grabs a bottle of wine. "Okay, you crazy kids. How about we just eat dinner and settle on the fact that Sam and I are the best couple in the room?"
"Kids?"
"Crazy?"
"No we aren't!"
Jess turns to Sam with a venomous honeyed smile. "But aren't we, baby."
Sam's face drains. "Yes, yes we are."
"She's got him by the balls." Charlie mumbles to Emmy.
"I'll say!" Gabriel snaps his fingers and confetti comes raining down from the ceiling. "To the newlyweds!"
"We aren't married." Sam raises an eyebrow.
"You will be. Like how Cassie and Dean-O will be." Dean opens his mouth to protest, but Gabe beats him to it. "Just let it happen. You're made for each other. 'And they lived happily ever after' you know. You both kind of deserve it. So!" He snaps his fingers again and everyone has a chocolate bar in hand. "Let's eat!"
They all grab plates and napkins and burgers and form a circle in the middle of the floor. Dean receives praise for how delicious his burgers are. He also gets a bunch of shit for being threatened by a strap on. The jests come mostly from Jo and Gabriel. Balthazar snaps a champagne fountain into existence. And they all get absolutely hammered.
And it's a wonderful evening. Fairies and Angels and Humans gathered together under the roof of a lawyer to be and a doctor to be soon to be husband and wife and then eventually parents.
Dean keeps himself pressed into Cas' side the entire night, just enjoying his presence. Because really, who doesn't want an angel falling from them? But Dean fell first, fast and hard. And Cas he fell too.
They're just a joyous family leaving in greater Seattle. They're all happy and warm and enjoying the new 2014 so far. No apocalypses (except for maybe the heat in Australia and the cold everywhere else). But life is good. At least for now it is.
A/N: One more chapter, everyone. Maybe an epilogue depending on my mood...but yea, there might be a sequel. Not sure yet. And that one won't be nearly so happy. I know this chapter feels like the end, but it isn't. And I'm so sorry that this has taken me so long to update. I love each and every one of you who have stuck through this with me. You all really warm my heart. I'll try to update faster. Love always, E xx