Love from jealousy – part 21

By Fishiexy

Kyle's thoughts in italics

Lori jumped backwards in surprise as Kyle suddenly shot up from the bath, wiping water from his eyes and brushing his hair off his forehead. He then quickly brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He looked both embarrassed and scared to have found her watching him.

'Kyle? Are you ok?' She asked him concerned.

'Why are you here?' He spluttered breathlessly.

'I came to see you!'

'But I'm in the bath!' He squeaked out.

'Well if you didn't want anyone to come in you should have made sure you shut the door then…' Lori told him sarcastically.

'Oh!'

'What are you doing in here anyway? You normally take a shower… In the morning!'

'I needed to think!'

'And you couldn't do that at your desk or in your own tub?'

'It was important and I needed water. It relaxes me.'

'What were you thinking about that was so important that you had to lie under the water for and make me nearly have a heart attack because I thought that you had drowned?'

'You!' He answered without hesitation.

'Me?' She asked surprised.

Kyle had been lying in the bath with a hard-on thinking about her? Wow! She felt her face break into a grin. She couldn't help it because all of a sudden she just felt so happy. She took a step towards him…

'Kyle…'

'Do you want to have sex with me?' He blurted out wide-eyed.

Jesus! Lori's mouth dropped open in shock and for a second she was speechless! Had Kyle just made the joke of the century or was he really asking what she had secretly been longing to hear?

'What now? Here in the bath?' She asked, her voice dead-pan.' We should at least take it somewhere a bit more comfortable, like say, my bed!' She said dryly.

Lori watched as Kyle's eyes almost popped out of his head as he stared at her incredulously, a look of utter disbelief on his face. The whole situation would have been quite comical if Lori hadn't known with absolute certainty that Kyle believed every word that she had just said, just as he had when Josh had told him he was going upstairs to stick pins in his eyes, when they were about to watch the Wizard of Oz. Was he ever going to get the hang of humor?

'Kyle, I'm joking…'

She looked over at him hoping to see the sheepish smile and the relief in his eyes that usually happened after he realized she had just been teasing him, but her attempt to lighten the mood and reassure him like she had done so many times in the past failed dismally as he continued to stare at her aghast.

Oh God! He totally believed she was coming on to him, that she was accepting his proposition and by the look on his face just the mere thought of sleeping with her obviously horrified him. Would having sex with her really be that bad? Declan had seemed to like it but what if he had been lying? What if he had actually thought that it was awful?

'Kyle! Don't be silly! Of course I'm not going to have sex with you. That would be like totally incestuous.' She said indignantly as if it was the most stupid thing that he'd ever suggested.

'Incest is illegal!' Kyle blurted out again.

'I know.' She replied frowning.

'We broke the law!' He told her frantically.

'What?'

'We were incestuous…'

'What are you talking about? We didn't have sex!'

'You kissed me and touched me!'

'So?'

'It was wrong.' He said sounding panic-stricken.

As Kyle's frenetic words slammed home Lori felt a terrible sense of dread start to well up inside her and for a moment she thought she was going to be sick.

'Kissing me was wrong?' She asked in a strained voice.

Now she knew what Kyle must have had felt like last night when he had uttered the very same words to her, when he'd thought that she didn't want him, when she'd told him that kissing him had been a mistake… Then she felt a sense of sorrow descend over her that was so acute it was almost physical in its intensity as she finally understood that her feelings towards him were not and had never been reciprocated.

Lori saw Kyle's whole demeanor change instantly in front of her. He was no longer frantic and frightened; he was now worried, anxious and guilty because he knew that what he had said had just wounded her deeply.

'Lori…'

He put his hands on the side of the tub and started to get out before remembering that he was wet and naked and still erect. He sank back down quickly, forehead wrinkling, teeth worrying at his bottom lip.

Lori felt tears pricking at the back of her eyes. Disappointment, devastation and despair overwhelmed her as she now realized that Kyle didn't want her! She had thought he enjoyed her company and spending time with her because he was always smiling at her and holding her and hugging her but had that all just been a lie or had she been reading things into the situation and seeing things that weren't really there?

'I'm sorry.' Kyle said anxiously.

He was sorry? Sorry for making her believe that he cared? Sorry for making her believe that he wanted her? Sorry for making her feel that she had finally found someone that she could be happy with and that she had thought was perfect? Or was he sorry for experimenting with her and using her so that he could get off? God! She felt so embarrassed and so stupid! Had she been that desperate for male company and physical affection since Declan left that she had actually convinced herself that she had fallen in love with Kyle? Kyle for God's sake! What had she been thinking?

Then suddenly she was furious. How dare Kyle come over all holier-than-thou when he had looked at her with such need and longing and desire in his eyes? He had been on fire last night! He had looked so beautiful, his face so expressive, his body so responsive and she'd never seen anyone appear so turned-on in her life. Was he honestly trying to tell her that he hadn't felt a thing? That she meant nothing to him? She might have been the one that initiated things but he wasn't so innocent or as pure as he was trying to make out.

'Well, you should have thought about that last night because I didn't hear you telling me to stop!' She hissed angrily at him.

'I couldn't…'

'Are you saying you didn't like it?' She asked incredulously.

'No, but…'

'Because your body sure as Hell seemed to know what it wanted, in fact it looked very much like it does right now…' She spat out, breathing heavily, trying to get her emotions back under control.

She watched as Kyle's eyes widened once more and two spots of color blossomed over his cheekbones. It seemed the crude meaning of her hurtful comment was not lost on him and now he appeared embarrassed and self-conscious. Well, welcome to my world she thought spitefully!

'I tried to stop it happening because I know it's an intimate and private thing but you were kissing me and I couldn't help it! And then you took my clothes off and it wouldn't go down and I was dizzy and I couldn't think properly! But when you started touching my… um… touching me down there, I knew that something was going to happen that I wouldn't be able to control and I wanted to tell you to stop, but I couldn't move and then I couldn't breathe and I was so scared…'

Lori remembered how she had told Hillary that Kyle was off limits and that she would never touch him, never hurt him yet here she was not only having physically abused him, but now trying to pin the blame on him for her lack of control and make him feel embarrassed and guilty because that's how she was feeling. He'd tried to explain and make sense of what had happened to him last night but he just seemed to be overwhelmed by the sensations coming from his body, the sensations that she had evoked in him and that he was probably experiencing for the first time ever.

She had accused him of not stopping her and therefore encouraging her actions but Kyle hadn't responded to her because she had scared him to the extent that he had been physically unable to move. It was not surprising that he had felt out of control, because if he hadn't have collapsed at her feet when he did she was sure that he would have climaxed just a few seconds later and if kissing and touching your brother to orgasm wasn't inappropriate, incestuous and totally and utterly wrong she didn't know what was.

I had wanted to help Lori and make her feel better but it seemed that all I had done was cause her more pain and that once again I was responsible for hurting the people that I cared for the most. I had made both Lori and Amanda upset and angry by saying the wrong thing and not acting when I should have done. I had tried to make Lori understand what had happened last night but my explanation just seemed to make her even more distressed and now she was looking at me like I was a freak. Lori had said that I hadn't stopped her so did that make all this my fault? Was I the one being incestuous and breaking the law?

'Lori?' Kyle said in a small voice.

'What?'

'I want to get out of the bath!'

'Well, get out then! What's stopping you?' She snapped at him still reeling from the shock of his confession, at just how scared she had made him, of how she had potentially damaged him psychologically and emotionally and of how guilty and angry she felt at herself.

'Um…I haven't got any clothes on!' He said looking embarrassed.

Lori snorted.

'Well, it's not like I haven't seen you naked before is it?'

Kyle frowned and bit his lip.

'I,I don't feel comfortable…' He stuttered.

Lori didn't know it was possible to feel any worse than she already did until she heard Kyle utter those words. She thought back to his explanation of what had happened. He said that he had wanted to tell her to stop but she had frightened him to the extent that he couldn't speak. The sense of dread was back as she realized that she had effectively touched Kyle against his will. She looked over at him still sitting at one end of the bath, arms wrapped around his legs, hugging his knees to his chest like he was trying to comfort and protect himself. He just looked so small and vulnerable. God! She hated herself. How could she have done this to him?

'Oh for fuck's sake, Kyle, just get out of the bath!' She shouted, angry and irritated at herself but taking it out on him for making her feel that way.

'Lori?'

Nicole's voice called out from the landing.

'Are you in the bathroom? With Kyle?'

Nicole pushed open the bathroom door to see both her daughter and her foster-son turn their heads to look at her wide-eyed, with identical expressions of fear and guilt on their faces. What was Lori doing in here while Kyle was taking a bath? Her worry over her daughter's potentially inappropriate behaviour turned to worry of a different kind when she suddenly noticed Kyle's bruised jaw.

'Oh my God! Kyle! What on Earth happened to your face?' She cried, rushing over and bending down beside him.

Lori watched Kyle shrink away from Nicole's touch as she turned his head gently from side to side surveying the damage incurred to the skin overlying his jaw and cheek.

'Kyle what happened?' She asked again, looking at him concerned.

He hugged his legs even closer to his chest and put his chin on his knees. It was as though he seemed to think that if he made himself as small as possible, he would become invisible and wouldn't have to answer any more awkward questions.

'I fell over.' He whispered.

Although that was technically true, I knew it was still a lie of omission and I couldn't look at Nicole because I felt guilty not telling her the whole truth and like Lori last night, she too didn't believe my story.

'Kyle…'

Lori recognized her mother's 'do you really expect me to believe that?' tone of voice. Both her and Josh had been on the receiving end of it more times than she could remember, but she never thought that she would hear her mom using it on Kyle.

'I, I did fall over…' He stuttered weakly.

'But that's not all that happened is it?' She said frowning.

Lori noticed the guilty and worried look spread over Kyle's face as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment at having being caught out not telling the truth. God! He was such a crappy liar! Did he think that they were both stupid or something?

Nicole swung round to face Lori.

'Did you know about this?' She asked angrily.

Lori's eyes widened in surprise as she was suddenly caught off guard and accused of being Kyle's co-conspirator, a crime of which for once, she was completely innocent of. She glanced quickly over at Kyle looking for clues as to how he wanted to play this, but he seemed to be so stricken with guilt and anxiety that he wasn't able to move, let alone signal to her what he wanted her to do. Shit! What had really happened to him and why was he so determined not to tell anyone about it? She hadn't been kidding when she had told him that her mom would lose the plot if she found out about this.

'Answer me!' Nicole demanded furiously.

Lori took an involuntary step backwards at the intensity of Nicole's anger. She didn't want to land Kyle in it, but she also didn't want to be blamed for his deception when she had tried to get him to tell her parents last night. And on another purely selfish note…She didn't want to be grounded yet again. She swallowed nervously.

'I didn't exactly know…'

'I can't believe you Lori!' Her mother launched into an angry tirade.

Lori realized she needn't have worried about trying to think of what to say to her mom, because Nicole had already made up her mind that she was involved and it seemed that she wasn't in the mood to listen to any more lies from either of them.

'How could you not tell me about something as serious as this? Look at him! Bruising that severe means a significant amount of blood must have been released into his skin from ruptured veins and the only way that could have happened would be blunt trauma to his face. So either Kyle was in a road traffic accident which seems unlikely given that my car doesn't have a scratch on it or he was hit in the head.'

When her mom put it like that, explained it in such medical detail, it just sounded so awful.

'So what happened?'

'I don't know.' Lori said anxiously.

'Lori, you're supposed to be the mature one here, you're supposed to be looking out for Kyle, taking care of him, not letting him get hurt.'

The logical and rational part of Lori's mind understood that Nicole must have been really shocked and scared over suddenly seeing Kyle like that, after all she hadn't had a day to get used it and that she was probably transferring her worry and fear into anger to stop her having to face the horrendous possibility that Kyle could have been much more seriously injured, maybe even permanently. But the selfish and childish part of her didn't think it was fair that her mom was blaming her for not protecting Kyle, after all how could she have when she hadn't even been there, where ever there was?

And suddenly it wasn't about Kyle's physical injuries any more; it was about the emotional impact of what she had done to him last night. It was like her mother knew what had happened between them and was telling her just how badly and irresponsibly she had behaved. Nicole was right. She was supposed to be the mature one in this 'relationship'. She should have known better. Kyle was the innocent, the child who didn't know what to expect, who didn't know what was happening to him. She was supposed to be taking care of him, protecting him and instead she had hurt him just as much as if she had hit him in the face herself.

She looked over at Kyle sitting motionless in the bath, anguish written all over his face. She felt her throat start to close up and tears prick the back of her eyes once more.

'I'm sorry…'

And she wasn't quite sure who she was apologizing to; her mom or Kyle or both of them.

'So what happened?' Nicole pushed again.

'I really don't know. I just found him like that.' Lori said tearfully.

'And you didn't take him to the nurse?' Nicole asked in disbelief. 'And nobody in school thought it was important to let his parents know that he had been injured? Lori, why didn't you phone me?'

I knew that Nicole was cross and upset but I didn't understand why she was angry with Lori. This was all my fault, yet Lori was taking the blame. She could have easily denied knowing anything about what had happened to me yet she was covering for me, protecting me and lying for me.

'It's not Lori's fault and nobody in school knew about it.' Kyle blurted out, suddenly breaking his silence.

'What?'

'I covered my face up this morning.'

'This morning? You mean this didn't happen today in school?'

'Just tell her, Kyle, she's going to find out anyway.' Lori said to him.

'Tell me what?'

'Kyle please…' Lori implored as she saw him start to clam up.

'Tell me what?' Nicole asked again, but this time there was fear in her voice.

'I fell over yesterday evening and Lori helped me disguise my face before school. She painted over the bruises and I wore a scarf and put my hood up.'

'I thought you were at the library last night. You missed dinner because you said you had an assignment…'

It was like Nicole didn't care about the details, her mind was working through more important points in their deception: She was frowning and then her eyes widened.

'Did you hit your head when you 'fell over'?'

'Yes.' Kyle said quietly. There didn't seem much point in denying it now.

'Were you knocked unconscious?'

Kyle hesitated before answering.

'Yes.' He whispered.

'For how long?'

'I don't know.' Kyle answered honestly now looking at Nicole who was once more bent down next to him and touching his head. But this time she was running her hands through his hair, feeling the back of his scalp and Lori knew she had found what she was looking for when Kyle winced.

'What time did you get in?'

'About ten.'

'Ten? You called to tell me you would be late hours before. Why didn't you come straight home?'

Lori had been right when she said that Nicole would be worried if she saw my face, but she was asking very logical, valid and sensible questions despite being angry and upset and I didn't know how to answer them without telling them both what had really happened to me, something that I knew I couldn't do.

'Um…'

Nicole suddenly turned to her daughter.

'Did you put him up to this? Did you tell him to stay away and then sneak him into the house last night?'

'No!' Lori denied vehemently.

It was like her mother couldn't possibly believe that Kyle could do anything duplicitous on his own. But then Nicole had always protected Kyle, looked out for him, believed in him, encouraged him, helped him, loved him and in her eyes her amazing and special son could do no wrong.

'I'm alright, Nicole!' Kyle's voice rang out, uneasily.

I tried to reassure her and direct her attention to me rather than have her focus on Lori as I could see they were both angry and upset and the situation was fast getting out of control. This was my mess and I didn't want to get Lori into any further trouble or make Nicole any more anxious than she already was.

'But you might not have been and you've been trying to hide things from me and Lori's been helping you, lying for you.'

Nicole's anger had been replaced by something infinitely more powerful, Lori realized, at least that's how it would appear to Kyle. Nicole was disappointed in him and she knew that that would affect him much more acutely than shouting at him ever would. And sure enough she saw the guilt appear on Kyle's face that meant he desperately wanted to confess but it was also mixed with the anguish of wanting to keep his secret safe, for whatever his reasons and whatever that secret was. It looked like guilt was going to win as Kyle opened his mouth to speak but not if she intervened and protected him like she should have done before.

'It wasn't like that Mom! Kyle wasn't deliberately hiding things from you, but he didn't want to worry or upset you last night. He knew you would fuss over him and blame yourself for letting him get hurt and then this morning, he wanted to tell you but I persuaded him not to.'

'You persuaded him not to?' Nicole said indignantly. 'Well for that serious lack in judgement on your part you're grounded!'

'No, Nicole that's not fair.' Kyle said frantically, the water sloshing against the sides of the bath as Kyle suddenly shifted and put his hands on the side of tub as if wanting to stand up.

'Lori pleaded with me last night to tell you about what had happened but I didn't want you to get worried. I was the one who persuaded her not to tell. Lori didn't know anything about this and she didn't sneak me into the house last night, I did that myself. If you're going to ground anyone it should be me! Nicole, the reason I missed dinner was because I was so dizzy I couldn't stand up!'

There was a moment of silence as both Lori and Nicole looked aghast at his admission.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Lori finally whispered.

'I couldn't.' Kyle said apologetically.

'But you just told my mom.'

'I had to. This was my fault and you shouldn't be blamed. It was wrong.'

It was wrong? There were those words again. What she had done to Kyle was wrong. But here he was standing up for her once more, protecting her, like he always did. She didn't deserve to have him as a friend. She had betrayed him and his trust in her and she just felt so awful, so embarrassed and so guilty that all she wanted to do was run away from him and hide. Yet he was staring at her and there was something in his eyes that made her unable to look away, unable to move…

'Well at least tell me that you went to the hospital to get yourself checked out, to make sure that you didn't have any internal bleeding.'

Kyle's shocked expression told Nicole that he hadn't even thought about that possibility.

'Well for that serious lack of judgement, you're grounded too!' Nicole told him firmly.