What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us.
Dear Diary,
Will had 14 vests in his closet. I like that he has an even number. I had one box for going with him, one box for storage and one box for giving away. He said he wasn't going away forever. He thinks he'll be back. I told him he has to stop with all of that. He's too afraid to admit he's' leaving which is why he asked me to help him pack up his apartment and why we were going through his vests. He hasn't told the kids. He liked how organized I was. It's not that hard to be more organized than a man. I put one of his black vests in the giving away box, but he pulled it back out explaining that he had to keep it because he wore it the first week of Glee Club. I wanted to tease him, so I held up a grey Fair Isle sweater vest and said, 'Did you wear this one the first time you tried the new coffee machine in the teacher's lounge?' His reply almost took my breath away. 'That was the one I was wearing the first time I met you.' He's loved me for so long. I couldn't dwell, one of us had to be pragmatic. 'Well you have to let it all go.' I folded the vest for him and stroked it. 'You're following your dreams,' I said. I handed him the vest. He put it in the 'giving away box'. I stared at it and had this sudden urge to cry.
Dear Diary,
Will asked me if I wanted to go to Sue's sister's funeral with him and the kids. Apparently Kurt and Finn have arranged everything for Sue because she refused to. She is totally devastated. She didn't even insult me when I ran into her in the corridor today. I appreciated Will including me, but if I'd gone, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to stop crying and my tears wouldn't have been tears for Sue's sister. I kind of felt like I had my own funeral to attend anyway; I had to take Will's 'give away' boxes to the Opportunity shop.
Dear Diary,
Will's last day before he leaves for New York. I was losing my dream but I was giving Will the freedom to pursue his and that was more important to me. I put on a happy face. As I walked out of the classroom, I met him in the corridor. He'd just been talking to Terri. I didn't feel any anxiety. I asked him if everything was ok. He said, Yes, finally.' Then he noticed I was wearing his vest, the one he wore when he first met me. I told him I didn't have the heart to throw it away. It's my message to him that I'll never throw him away. He said it wasn't forever. I said, 'I hope it is. You deserve this. You've given so much for so long, it's your turn now.' I had to keep it unemotional for both our sakes. 'Don't be a stranger.' I kissed him lightly on the cheek and walked away before bursting into uncontrollable sobbing.