PART XI. "A World of 'Ifs'."
"A world of 'if's, but it would make no difference. …The past was behind me. The best thing now would be to stop looking over my shoulder. It was time to forget the past and look to the present and future."
― Darren Shan.
Aiko.
The smoke didn't sting the same way anymore. It was there, prominent and scraping down my throat, but it was a tired, familiar kind of welcome. I had stopped a while back, toned it down quite a bit, but it was the least unhealthy option I had to indulge in.
"...even listening?" Her voice was soft, partially due to my being so deep in thought—about nothing in particular, white noise—but mostly due to the babbling river water.
"Hm?" I looked over my shoulder. Up the small hill from my perch at the edge of the riverbed, I found Fukui and Ryuunosuke standing. "Oh."
I figured they'd come alone. If they were playing me the way I was playing them, they wouldn't take me out so early. They'd wait until I truly let them into the operation, until they knew who else was involved.
That's why I wouldn't let them meet anyone else. I would be the only one caught. The rest of the girls could live their lives, move on, and someone else could take my place.
"You had to make us drive out to the middle of Bum Fuck Egypt, huh?" Fukui grumbled, looking around the otherwise empty scenery.
The train line to Genkai's ended here. I spent plenty of time over the past few months waiting for the bus that would take me into the mountains. The town was small, quiet. Despite the amount of people living here, it felt like a ghost town. After the few blocks of residential housing, it had one main street that held businesses and the like.
That street diverged into two paths. One connected to the route that led to the farmland, and the other was the bus route that passed through the mountains.
I stood with a gruff. I dusted the dirt and grass from my bottom before heading up the riverbank's hill. Digging in the back of my jean pockets, I pulled out their sleek compacts. Fukui caught her deep navy blue as Ryuunosuke let their cerulean drop into the palm of their hand.
"I'm discussing business. It's easier to tell if I'm being watched out here."
"Less ki," Ryuunosuke noted, adjusting their glasses. "What are these?"
"Communicators," I replied, walking past them and eyeing Ryuunosuke's sleek black sedan. "You can't call anyone but me, but I'm the only one you'll be working with so that doesn't matter much."
A nice car; a newer model. Something a middle-class family would own, surprisingly. One last burning inhale and I dropped the cigarette near the tire.
"It's fine," Ryuunosuke said curtly as they watched me graze the tips of my fingers along the hot black hood. "I know how to get ahold of Botan."
"She just did me a favor." I tried hiding my eagerness to shoot them down as I ground the cigarette butt into the dirt.
Calm. Calm. Stay calm. You're in control here, Aiko. Act like it.
"So I take it we'll never meet who you work with." Ryuunosuke eyed their compact.
"Of course not." I turned on my heels to face the two. "Not only does it not concern you, but I'm sure you can understand why I don't fully trust you."
"If you don't trust us, you shouldn't be working with us—"
"Ryuunosuke," Fukui clipped. "It's fine. I don't blame her, but I'm curious. What use do you think you can make of us when you don't trust us?"
"Ryuunosuke." I turned to them. "You have access to Reikai's files network, right?"
"Yes."
"Do you have access to the network at the dealership?"
They adjusted their thin rimmed glasses. "Give me enough time and I can have access to anything."
"I like that answer." I smiled and looked to Fukui. "You, on the other hand…"
Fukui let a scowl grace her otherwise apathetic face.
"Let's take a walk," I said, nodding over my shoulder, toward the little town. "Alone."
Ryuunosuke's eyes flickered to Fukui briefly before settling on me again. I countered their tense jaw with a faux calm expression.
"It's fine, Ryuu," Fukui said, stepping towards me. "I'll meet you back here in a while."
Turning on my heels, I led the way along the narrow dirt road. She stayed a couple steps behind me, even when I slowed my stride to allow her to keep up.
"Well, what's the plan?" she asked as the dirt road began molding into asphalt as we neared the town.
"You could call it a trust-building exercise," I replied.
"Your jokes are never funny."
"I need you and Ryuunosuke to help me steal a prisoner—alive."
I looked over my shoulder when I heard the scuffling of her shoes stop.
"Just how far do you think you can take this?" Shock covered her face; wide brown eyes stared at me in utter surprise.
I turned away from her, continuing down the relatively busy street.
"As far as I can," I replied, spotting the familiar girl with her trusty dog. "Don't worry about it."
I waved to her with a small smile, and she returned the gesture with a glowing grin.
"I don't want to help if it's useless in the end," Fukui retorted. "I need to know—how far are you planning on taking this? Do you really think you can take down Reikai?"
"I'll do what I need to." I stepped into one of the fruit vendor's shacks and eyed the freshly picked fruit in the boxes.
I could feel her irritation boiling around her as she watched me pick around the mandarins. After picking a few out, I paid at the small cashier desk where the old woman bid me a cheerful goodbye. Her anger was palpable. It was practically shoving me out of the oversized shack to bite my head off without witnesses.
"Give me a straight answer," she said when we were far enough from the shop's entrance. "Just how far are you taking this?"
"All you need to know is that I have someone high enough in the food chain to help me," I replied, digging into the little plastic bag of mandarins. I chose one for myself and handed her one.
She snatched it from me without much thought, surprising herself doing so. She quickly recomposed herself and continued arguing.
"Not high enough," she hissed and began digging at the orange peel. "Not if you're asking me to help."
"His position's a bit... sticky," I replied, starting to head back to the dirt path from whence we came. "So, are you going to help me?"
She pretended to pay more attention to peeling the little orange's skin. It came off with ease, reminding me why I liked them so much.
"What's the actual plan?" she mumbled, a few steps behind me. "Because if it's a stupid plan—"
"No matter how I go about it, it's going to be a stupid plan."
"If it's bound to fail," she corrected herself. "I'm not helping."
"Well, you and I would go down there obviously." I threw the entire mandarin peel into the grass off the side of the road. "I just need one person who knows how bodies are accounted for—which would be you. Then I need someone who can tamper with the cameras on the dealership floor level. That would be Ryuunosuke."
"That's all dandy, except for the fact that there's guards around every corner down there. They don't have to ask questions before they shoot."
"Then it looks like we'll play a fun game of hide and seek," I replied, seeing the girl once more.
"This is stupid," Fukui snapped. "Try another friendship exercise because this isn't going to work."
She stood in front of another vendor that held fresh meats. Her eyes caught mine, and again we waved.
"And who the hell are you waving to?!" she hissed, grabbing my arm and pushing it to my side.
"Her." I moved my wrist under Fukui's iron grip to point at the little girl who was now in the back of the store.
Fukui scanned the open store and scowled. Letting my arm go, she grumbled to herself. "Like I said… your sense of humor is shit."
I looked back to the little girl, who was in plain sight, and then back to Fukui.
"What's wrong with you two?" she snapped. "Ami, what are you talking about?"
I sped up after her, and she turned around in surprise. With each step forward I took, she mirrored one back—away from me.
My strong stride eventually cornered her against a lamppost. "If you can't see her, why can you see everything underneath the dealership?"
"Figured it was a ghost," she spat before turning her gaze towards me. "Because of the damn talismans. Some suck up ki and others expose youki."
The talismans, I remembered, lined the walls. Every wall.
"That's counterproductive," I argued.
"Not really. Exposing them brings out their ki."
"So they're…"
"Slowly dying. Yeah." She shoved me away from her, but I steadied myself after a few shaky steps. "It also makes it so humans who aren't spiritually aware—" She gestured to herself. "—can see them to perform extractions."
"Then is it doing the same to us when we're down there? Is it sucking up our ki?"
"No. I just said it exposes youki. Besides, there's a plethora of different talismans put up." She moved from the lamp post and into the middle of the small street to keep me from cornering her again. "I wouldn't know what they all do. I just know there's a lot."
"Then why can't I feel anything down there if youki is being exposed?"
She shrugged. "I don't know, maybe because the ones that suck up ki work fast enough to make it feel like—"
"There's no net ki," I finished. "So then, every room and hallway down there is like that?"
She nodded.
I wondered whether that would work to our disadvantage. I probably wouldn't be able to use my ki as a weapon…
She glowered at me; a frown crept upon her face as she watched me run through ideas in my head. "You're aware of what happens to people who commit treason, right?"
I looked to her, distracted. "Death."
"And not just yours," she insisted. "Everyone you know, too. Everyone you care for will have their lives ruined if not just ended."
It was something I figured. Something I expected. Hearing it affirmed, though, sent a chill of fear down my back.
I kept my composure, controlling the muscles in my throat to make sure the fear didn't seep out with my words. "Then it looks like we'll have to make sure this doesn't fall through, now won't we?"
The frown rolled into a snarl, and she sucked her tongue before looking away from me.
"Are you in?" I asked. "Or not?"
"I'll ask one last time, and if I don't get a straight answer, I'm out." She kept her gaze down the empty street. "How far are you taking this?"
"Elaborate."
"Wh…" She looked to me, confused, and then her snarl turned hostile. "How far are you planning on taking this? You can't think just taking out this one camp is going to fix everything."
"If Reikai, when presented with what's really going on in this sector, doesn't take action, I'll overthrow them too."
Fukui laughed, loudly—a short, single laugh, but loud nonetheless. "You think you can take down an entire government? Ruled by gods?"
"No, not really," I replied. "But I'll be damned if I don't try."
"This is stupid." She turned on her heels to head back to the path without me. "I'm not helping something that's bound to fail."
A gust of wind brushed past us, kicking up dust from the ground around our feet.
"Be honest, is Natsume aware of my end goal?" I asked, hastily walking after her. "Or Hayashi?"
She stopped, hesitated. "No. Not as far as I know, at least."
"I made it this far. I've exposed enough inconsistencies already. Even if I fail, someone else will come to take my place." I reached for her arm, pulling her back. "You want to help, Fukui. I know you do. Don't be afraid to take the opportunity to do it."
She pried her arm from my grip and grumbled. "What, are you some fucking life coach now?"
"I just want you to know that you have an opportunity, Fukui," I snapped. "You have an opportunity to try fixing something you've fed into ever since you remember. You have a chance for redemption."
"I could overthrow Reikai in its entirety!" she laughed bitterly. "And even that wouldn't change everything I've done."
"But it's better than doing nothing. It's better than walking away from a chance to show your remorse." I watched her hands, at her sides, clench into fists and shake in anger.
I couldn't do this without her help. I couldn't get a live prisoner and get away with it without Ryuunosuke. I waited anxiously for her to respond, worried. If she walked away, Ryuunosuke would too.
"When Akane and Ami are busy," she said suddenly, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as another gust of wind picked up. "When they're busy, we'll release a prisoner."
Shizuru.
Beads of sweat dropped to the wood floor below me. My hot breath bounced off the floor and wafted back up to my face. I wanted to make comments about her weight, but that was crossing a line for her. I wouldn't be bitter about that fact had she not been sitting on me.
"Fifty-two… Fifty-three…" she counted off. "Come on, Shizuru. You have less than a hundred and fifty left now."
"Mention how many I have left one more time, Aiko," I threatened. "I'll—"
"Ah, Miyuki!" She shifted her weight on me and I almost lost what little strength I had left in my arms.
"Aiko, don't move so fast!" Maya chided, practically falling off my lower back as I stabilized myself. "I don't want to fall off."
"Can I borrow your makeup?" she ignored Maya. "I have a date tonight."
"Sure," the ogre replied as she passed by.
My arms were on fire. My shoulders burned. Every movement felt like they were ripping in two. My back was ready to split in half.
"Kurama?" Maya chirped, changing her position. "Oh, is it official?"
"No," she laughed nervously. "I'm just joking."
Maya began bombarding the girl with questions, shaking her by the shoulders. If I lost strength and collapsed I had to start over and I wouldn't have it be from these gossiping hens. I had half a mind to throw them off me, but this was an initiation. If I couldn't deal with them I wasn't fit to help.
And I couldn't throw away this opportunity.
"I don't know how that'd benefit him," Aiko replied. "Putting a label on it, I mean… He seems fine where we're at."
This opportunity… In the end, who did it ultimately benefit?
My breathing deepened. The muscles in my throat strained and burned. My eyelids were heavy.
Was I also in this for myself?
"Ah, Shizuru, your ponytail is falling out," Aiko said. She gently picked up the loose hair from my neck. "I'll fix it."
I paused, arms shaking violently mid-pushup. Aiko's fingers worked my hair carefully, gently pulling out the knots. She didn't mind the drenched strands of sweat.
This benefited Kazuma, but also me. The choice to come here wasn't to make him happy; it was to make me happy too. Why, though? Had I become that unhappy with a quiet life? The safe life?
"All fixed!"
No… It was for the both of us.
A sharp weight knocked the wind out of me. Though I almost fell face first into the hardwood floor, I felt significantly lighter.
"Genkai, stop!" Maya cried from somewhere behind me. A loud crash and heavy thud came next.
"I hate this place…" Aiko groaned. "Do what she asks? Ass whooping. Don't do what she asks? Ass whooping."
"Just because Shizuru's training has begun doesn't mean yours has stopped!" Genkai replied. I felt now was a good time to continue finishing my task. If she looked over and saw me dawdling, I'd be next on her hit list. "Now, draw it out of her."
"From behind, Shizuru!" Aiko called as I felt a flare of heat soaring towards me.
Muscles practically splitting open, I pushed all my weight onto my arms to flip over. I jumped out of the way in time to dodge Aiko's signature flamethrower reiki.
"Don't warn your target," Genkai chastised.
Aiko took a fighting stance with her feet spread apart. Still, she was light, bouncing on the balls of her feet eagerly.
"Try focusing your ki, okay?" she said, lifting her hands up to form half-curled fists. "Let it come out naturally. Don't force anything."
"Am I helping too?" Maya asked, sitting upright and pointing a slender index finger at herself. She looked to Genkai, who seemingly ignored her.
"I don't know if I'm ready for a threesome," I replied, repressing the growing curve of my lips.
Aiko was faster than I last remembered. No wheezing three seconds in, no coughing up a lung. She closed in on me in seconds and sent a right hook my way that rivaled the girl gangs back in my junior high years.
With a slight step to the left, she passed by me. Catching herself mid-stride, she pivoted and sent her foot to my head. Her calf slammed into my forearm as I pushed against it.
She jumped back, landing a couple feet away. "Fight back, Shizuru! That's the only way we're going to draw it out."
She ran at me again, but before she could attack first, I sent a blow her way. She ducked out of the way with ease and aimed for my torso. Gripping her wrist, I spun around and dragged her over my shoulder.
She flew a few feet before landing on the palms of her hands.
It was one thing to have reiki and another thing to use it. It wasn't something I'd ever bothered with, considering I never needed it. If I was going to fight, I likely didn't need it. It was a foreign concept to me, controlling it.
Still, I needed to be of use here. If not, they'd send me back home and pick up Kazuma in my place. I couldn't let that happen.
I'd exerted ki before in intimidation; I'd play off that. It was difficult to focus with Aiko barraging me with attacks, but she soon realized what I was up to. She kept her distance as she reverted to using her comfort attacks.
The heat was bearable so long as I kept my distance. I was able to really focus. My ki wasn't going anywhere until it was too late to dodge the wave of fire Aiko had sent towards me.
I wouldn't dodge it in time. I focused all the ki in my hand outward—I didn't care what it did so long as it stopped that wall of flame from engulfing me.
"Shizuru, move!" Aiko cried as the heat surrounded me…
The fire licked the hairs on my body, but not an inch closer—I opened my eyes. A bright green light blinded my line of vision.
"Woah!" Maya gasped. "A sword. How cool!"
Aiko, now significantly closer to me, slapped her hand to her chest and sighed in relief. "Oh thank god that broke the flames."
I lowered my arm, hand gripped tight around the handle. "A…katana."
"Seems the Kuwabara family are warriors at heart," Genkai said, mainly to herself.
I stared down at the sword as a strange sense of accomplishment washed over me. Goosebumps prickled the skin that had just nearly been kissed by flames. I raised the sword as I felt the accomplishment turn into excitement.
"Now we're talking…" Aiko grinned, returning to her fighting stance.
Kurama.
It was late Sunday night. We'd both recently returned home from our routine weekend obligations. The café was quiet, practically empty. It had a warm, homey atmosphere, but that may have just been because of my company. Trendy, dim lighting gave the establishment a sleepy feel. The walls were lined with decorate, modern art. A soulful piano tune played from the ceiling speakers.
She scribbled on the napkin, absorbed in her thoughts. I watched her from across the table, stirring the sugar in my tea. I asked her to the café, not just for personal time but to give her something. Aside from greeting me, she'd been unusually quiet and pensive. I could only assume the assignment was coming soon. That was why I wanted to give this to her before she made any concrete decisions.
"When is it?" I asked.
"No set date," she replied, pen twirling around her fingers as she stared down at the napkin. "I've talked to Fukui , but I still need to have a plan started."
Her fruit salad, shoved to the side, had gone untouched since the waitress set it there ten minutes ago. I reached across the table and gently pried the napkin from under her fingers.
"Relax." I watched her eyes forlornly follow the paper as I set it aside. "If you don't take breaks, you won't be able to think of all possibilities."
With a heavy inhale, she closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. "I know, but…"
"Your entrance isn't a problem," I reassured her. "It's your exit. Knowing the locations and times of the guard's paths is what matters. After that, it's only about not leaving a trail of suspicion behind you."
Then came the hefty exhale and the slowly opening eyes. "I know…"
"Because you can make a body switch and leave no evidence behind, your only issue is avoiding guards."
A smile crept upon her lips slowly and then she broke into a grin. Pulling the fruit salad in front of her, she leaned on the table. "You're right. So, what's the occasion? It's not like you to ask me on a date."
"It's also not like you to take makeup to Genkai's."
"Oh, it's Miyuki's," she laughed. "She likes purples, if you couldn't tell. But really, what's the occasion? Are things in Makai coming to an end?"
"No," I replied, reaching into my pants pocket. "I have something for you; something for your assignment."
"Oh?" Bright brown eyes widened in surprise. She leaned back in her chair and grabbed the small fork. "What is it?"
Hiding it under my palm, I rested it on the table. She leaned over and placed her hand on mine. Nimble fingers rubbed the back of my hand, and I hesitated in pulling away. Like a slick middleman, it disappeared into her sleeve like it was never on the table to begin with.
"Looks like…" She trailed off as I corrected her.
"It's a powder from a plant exclusive in Makai. One whiff and they're passed out. Short term memories can be erased and false ones planted."
"I was going to say heroin."
"How would you know what looks like?"
She smiled. "I watch movies."
"Right. Well, you make sure they breathe it in," I said. "You could try liquefying it and injecting it in them but that would leave evidence."
"Right, right. I understand." She began pushing around her salad. "How about, for once, we just pretend our lives aren't shit, yeah? Just for the duration of the date."
"That would border roleplaying." I took a sip of the tea. Ah, I'd let it get cold.
"I bet you get off on that."
"Depends on the roles. A nine-to-five office job life. Plus three hours total stuck in rush-hour traffic." I smiled. "That kind of life does sound arousing, though."
"Do I get the stay-at-home wife role or am I a breadwinner too?"
"Considering even your miso soup tastes like backwash…" I ducked out of flying melon slice's way.
"Well, do we have kids?" She shoved a small strawberry in her mouth.
"Could you imagine smaller versions of either of us running around?"
"God, that'd be a nightmare," she laughed. "Speaking of mini-me's running around. Did you see when Nagashito's little brother was waiting for him outside the campus gate the other day? Dead ringer for him, I swear."
Conversations drifted around from classmates to coursework to future plans. I enjoyed the times like this, where the two of us silently agreed to pretend nothing was wrong. We had no obligations, no enemies, and no reason to calculate our every action.
Except it was always one of us who couldn't help but ruin the moment. I was the one who had more tact about doing so, dare I even say it would be done with grace. We left the café, her arm linked around mine. Affectionate to those who paid mind in the crowded night streets, opinions bordering risqué, most eyes turned away quickly.
We blended into the crowd at the corner of the sidewalk, waiting for the light to turn. My hand slid around her waist and I pulled her towards me. Feigning an embrace, my hand reached her arm and my thumb dug into a pressure point. She stiffened, jerking sharply before tensing.
My free hand crept around her neck from behind before resting under her jaw. Another pressure point pressed, and her knees buckled beneath her. My hand released her arm and clamped around her mouth.
The sign across the street flashed a bright white, and the crowd around us began moving. I let her go gently, and she took a deep breath before looking up to me when worried eyes.
I wouldn't be there to walk her through it when she needed to act, and she knew that.
A trembling hand reached to my arm and gripped the fabric of my sleeve with all its strength. I rested my hand atop hers and began walking. Our night was quiet from then on, but the closeness made up for it in its own way.
A/N: Sorry for the long wait and short update. I wanted to have this posted for the third anniversary, but I really struggled with this chapter. It's a set up for the next one, which—if I can ever get to it—will be one hell of a ride. At least, in my opinion.
I still don't know if I'm technically ready to come off hiatus just yet. I guess part of that decision will depend on how this chapter is received.
Thanks so much to ChaoticHarmony1991, BloodLustPrincess, GrisailleDreams, YuYuHakushoObsesser, and two guests for reviewing, though. And thanks to all who followed and faved. Hope you liked this chapter.
I still run my yyh/fanfic blog on tumblr. It's lithiurnflower at tumblr dot comif you want to check it out.