So I am listening to my brilliant writing/painting/sketching playlist while starting with chapter, and I decided to incorporate one of my all time favorite songs into the story. A longer update will follow this one.

Song: The World Has It's Shine (But I Would Drop it on a Dime) by my beloved Cobra Starship

P.S. I tweaked the lyrics a tiny, tiny bit.

(regular/thoughts/song)

EPOV

I gave Bella a small kiss and walked away, my heart beating wildly. Bella made me feel something I had never felt before; never in my 29 years. She knew what, and who, I had done in the past, and was willing to forgive and forget.

This isn't me. I'm not the guy that settles down and has kids, I'm not the kind of guy to get married, or even have a serious relationship. But Bella….she's special.

I'm not one for love songs
the way I'm livin', makes you feel like giving up but you don't
and I want everything for you
the disappointed because you've been left behind and the word has its shine
I would drop it on a dime for you

I had never doubted myself this much. But, then again, I had never been faced with a dilemma quite like this one. Except once. And that something I never thought about unless I absolutely had too. And going through this with Bella....I had been thinking about it a lot, despite how hard I tried to put it behind me.

And whatever it takes
I'm going to make my way home
We can turn our backs on the pasts and start over

I could still see her face in my mind.....Tanya Denali. She was beautiful, we were young, and we were in love with each other. Then, it had all changed with one fucking mistake, just like this one. She got pregnant. And I ran. All these years, I've thought about what I could have had with Tanya if I hadn't acted like such a complete idiot.

Through countless one night stands and lovers, I thought I was hopeless. Afraid of commitment. Happy with skimming through life, not caring who I hurt. And then Bella came, and I had hurt her worse than any of those women. I wanted her in every way, and she was too good for me.

And not long ago
I gave up hope, but you came along
You gave me something I could hold onto
and I want you
more than you can ever know

Bella was like a figment of my imagination. The perfect woman, like she was designed for me, but so much better than I deserved. All those other woman didn't care about me. They cared about my illustrious family, fun loving siblings, good looks, and my ability to turn women to mush. And after I had spent that first night with Bella, I knew she would be impossible to leave. I needed her.

Before I met you I use to dream you up and make you up in my mind
all I ever wanted was to be understood
you've been the only one who could
I could never turn my back on you

I could do this. I would do this, both for Bella and our child. Our pasts didn't matter anymore, it was all about our future together.

And whatever it takes
I'm going to make my way home
We can turn our backs on the pasts and start over

And not long ago
I gave up hope, but you came along and gave me something I could hold onto
and I want you
more than you can ever know (more than you could ever know)
More than you could ever know,
It's true.

I would stay with Bella until the very end.

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Okay, that was just a little explanation of Edward. More explanations will follow in much later chapters, but the next chapter will focus on the story line. So a longer chapter will be later.

Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie