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Ch 21
"There's my girl" I say as Lizzy comes running into the room.
"Mama" she says as Logan lifts her up on the bed so I can hug her.
"Oh I missed you my girl" I say hugging and kissing her. Logan called Mom about an hour after I woke up; they were stopping at Finn's to get Lizzy.
"You sleep long time" Lizzy scolds me and I laugh.
"I know, I'm sorry" I states.
"No more sleeping" she states and I kiss her cheek.
"Whatever you say Lizzy" I tell her hugging her again.
"You scared us kid" Mom says walking in with Luke.
"Sorry" I state.
"You're banned from doing that again do you hear me" she scolds me and hugging me to death.
"Lor, ease up on her" Luke says and I see a To Go bag from Luke.
"Please tell me that there's coffee in there" I states and they all laugh.
"Silly mommy, the coffee's in there" Lizzy tells me points out the two big thermoses on the table.
"Oh" I say. We have lunch and I can barely eat anything. Logan said that the doctor said my appetite could be off for a few days. Lizzy was drawing pictures for her brothers as the three of us just talked about what happens next, with the babies, the house, moving everything.
"Ace, do you want to go now" Logan questions as the door opens and a nurse come in with a wheel chair. "Hospital policy Ace" he smirks.
"I knew that would come back to haunt me someday" I laugh as he helps me out of bed for the first time since coming in three days ago and into the wheelchair. The nurse clips the IV bag on the chair before pushing me out of the room and to the NICU.
"Listen to me, they look different than Lizzy did when she was born, but remember you we're only 32 weeks Ace. The boys are getting stronger and gaining weight rapidly. The doctors are all positive that they will be fine" Logan says kneeing down next to the wheelchair in scrubs. We had to wear them still in the NICU.
"I know all that Logan, I just want to see my boys" I say intertwining our hands and he nods to the nurse. We get in there and the nurse and Logan help me stand up so I can see them. They are so small and delicate and I blame myself for this. They don't deserve this for my selfishness. What kind of mother does this to her own children? "I want to go back to my room" I state firmly and the nurse helps sits me down.
"Ace" Logan says confused.
"No, I just want to go back" I say crying and I nurse takes me leaving Logan there.
Logan POV
I just watch Ace get wheeled out and I'm confused. She was so eager to see them and she could barely look at them. "She's blaming herself" the NICU nurse says checking the twins.
"But it's not her fault" I say.
"Most mothers of premature babies like this do. It's quite normal" she says.
"Will it pass" I question touching baby A with my hand through the incubator hole.
"Sometimes quickly or other times it can continue throughout their life time" she says and I nod.
"Just give her some time" she says smiling at me and I stay with the babies for a while.
"Ace" I say about an hour later and see the room dark. Lorelai must have taken Lizzy somewhere. "Ace" I try again as I walk around the bed to see her on her side crying. "Hey, what's wrong" I say kneeing down next to the bed to be face to face with her.
"Why don't you hate me" she says and I'm thrown back by that.
"Why would I hate you" I question trying to understand her thinking. "But I did that to our boys. If I wasn't so selfish, they wouldn't be like that" she says crying.
I reach up to wipe the tears, "But if you weren't selfish, we weren't have them. So what if they are small now, they will grow and be crazy manic Huntzberger boys in no time" I smirk at her. "And I could never hate you, I love you Rory. You're my heart and soul" I say wiping the remaining of the tears away.
"Maybe you're right" she says and I smile.
"Did you just say I was right, how much pain meds do they have you on" I joke and she rolls her eyes at me.
"Funny" she says sarcastically.
"See, why are blaming yourself, they will be fine Rory" I say and she moves over on the bed.
"Can you hold me" she questions and I smile.
"Don't have to ask me twice" I say laying down next to her and she snuggles into my side. It's only been three days and if feels like a lifetime since I held her like this.