If asked about the morning they'd just witnessed, most of the agents present would've shaken their heads and asked to be referred for a mental checkup. The reason for that, they explained, was simply because they couldn't possibly have seen what they'd just witnessed. It was impossible. Not that Andrew was complaining, though. He got an elevated number of patients, his paycheck was higher...it was a perfect win-win situation.

Although he would've liked to know just what was causing such trauma...

POOF.

"That's another one," Natasha grinned as she extended a hand to May, who was lying on the mat after having been dealt a series of particularly nasty blows to the stomach. "What's the score now, five-one? Oh, wait." She pulled May to her feet in one smooth yank. "That was when you fought Morse. It's five-zero,"

May scowled. She wasn't the best for nothing. "One more."

Natasha shrugged cheerfully, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Whatever you say, May. Although, you know the result's going to be the same, right? I'm pretty sure the shock value's worn off by now." She looked almost excited to beat her up, May noted. If she hadn't sworn allegiance to SHIELD, the chances of her wreaking destruction on the entire agency were very high.

"I'm pretty sure all of the agents watching walked out thinking they were hallucinating," Bobbi called from her spot over by the bench outside the sparring ring. Natasha had taken her out almost an hour ago, sending the taller agent to the ground with a puff of smoke. "It's gonna be hard to get into therapy."

"Andrew loves you three," May grunted as she swung a roundhouse kick at Natasha's head. The other woman ducked, jabbing at May's stomach like she had so many times before. This was followed up by her own version of a roundhouse, which involved swinging her other leg over May's head, her S.O ducking to nearly avoid being kicked in the head. Natasha pivoted gracefully and weaved just in time to avoid a punch. "I'm sure he'll make room just - for - you - oof!" One of Natasha's kicks caught her in the chin, and May was sent toppling to the floor once again.

"Give in yet, May?" Bobbi would never figure out how Natasha had beaten her, Maria, and May into the ground multiple times without turning a single hair out of place. It was maddening. "I'm not sure your old ass can handle meeting the ground many more times."

May's glare was positively chilling. "Call me old one more time, Morse."

"Did I say old?" Suddenly, Bobbi was edging towards the door, a nervous look on her face as she shiftily hid her hands behind her back. "I didn't mean old. Of course not." She glanced furtively around the room, as if something in the training room would come to her aid. "You're young and sprightly, May. Yeah. Practically a spring chicken. I'm going to go get you some tea!" If the current scene had been a cartoon, there would've been a shadow left in the space Bobbi had fled so quickly.

May shook her head, pulling herself up with the hand Natasha had offered her once more. "You're good, I'll give you that," she acknowledged, rolling her eyes when her trainee bowed. "But you've only fought people with similar fighting styles. Myself. Hill. Morse. We need to see how you do against different fighting styles."

Natasha grinned, rolling the cricks out of her neck. "Bring it on. Who's first?"

"I'll bring you a list after lunch. Until then, relax. Go pull a prank or something. I hear Hand's office needs redecorating." Secretly, May thought, the contest wasn't just to expand Natasha's range. If Natasha beat everyone on her list without breaking a sweat, not only was her reputation in danger, she wasn't sure if she would ever recover from the hit it would deal her pride. She could already hear the rumors. Taken down by a level one agent. Yeah, Melinda May. I saw it with my own two eyes. Since when the hell had Natasha gotten better than her? She'd been beating her (albeit narrowly) just before they'd left!

She had a list to make.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the greatest battle on Earth!" Maria was standing outside the training room, waving a large sign. "Come one, come all, come see the world-famous Natasha Romanoff take on SHIELD's best fighters!" As agents started to approach the doorway, she held out her hand. "Price of admission is five dollars, first come, first served. Bring your own drinks."

Natasha gave her a deadpan look. "Five dollars? When I'd gladly beat up some of these assholes for free? Come on, Maria." It was true. She'd taken a look at the list May had presented her some time earlier, noting with vindictive pleasure some of the names written. "I'm definitely going to get a kick out of wrecking Mathers today."

Bobbi raised an eyebrow. "He's on the list?"

Natasha shrugged. "It wasn't more he was on the list than I had someone go and flatter him into thinking he was one of the best agents so he would fight me..." Maria snorted, nearly dropping the money an agent was begrudgingly pressing into her hand.

"Jesus, Barbara. You maim a man once, and Romanoff goes after him for you for the rest of our lives. He's not even one of your exes."

Now it was Natasha's turn. "That another list of people I need to beat the shit out of?"

"Natasha," Bobbi was thoroughly embarrassed. Since when had she been the one to get motherhenned? She ducked her head, cheeks burning. "You don't have to defend me, you know." Below her, Natasha and Maria simply roared with laughter.

"Alright, here we go!" May produced a gong seemingly out of nowhere and rang it, its reverberations silencing every spectator in the room. The three women jumped, Natasha scurrying off towards the ring. "You all know what you came for. In this corner, we have, weighing in at 120 and five feet four inches, Persephone Putinnnnnn!"

As the crowd cheered, Bobbi and Maria both took one look at each other before bursting into gales of laughter, the latter needing to grab onto Bobbi's shoulder for support so she wouldn't fall to the ground. From their position, they could easily see that Natasha's face was easily as red as her hair, and had Maria been looking, Bobbi was sure the glare Natasha was beaming the both of them would have struck her dead.

"And in the other corner, our first competitor, weighing in at 5'7" and 160, all muscle, Agent Mathers!" As she spoke, May caught Coulson's eye in the crowd, nodding minutely. Agent Mathers leapt cockily into the ring, trying to hype the crowd up in his support. They cheered willingly, while Natasha simply rolled her eyes and punched the air a few times to warm up.

"Now, remember, this is a fair fight," May said once the two of them were standing in the middle of the ring. Was it Natasha's imagination, or was the last part of that remark directed towards her? "This means I don't want to see any weapons or diversions. Are we clear?"

"Yes, Agent May." "Yes, buzzkill." Bobbi snorted.

"Then let the games begin." May backed out with a flourish. Mathers and Natasha circled each other, the watchful stares of the crowd blurring into the background. Natasha raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to make a move. The room was so silent one could hear a drop of sweat hit the floor.

A single shriek split the silence, and Mathers sent a punch straight for Natasha's chin. He was mildly surprised when his fist met thin air, throwing off his balance and sending him reeling to the floor. The silent crowd erupted into cheers as Natasha took that as an opening, taking advantage of his forward momentum to flip him to the floor with a thud.

"Yeah, Nat!" Bobbi's voice could be heard among the cheers. "Kick his ass!"

"Kick his misogynistic, kiss-up, wrinkled ass!" Maria echoed just as loudly just as Mathers tried to push himself up, and Natasha sent him back to the floor with a single foot. The crowd was stunned into silence at the same time as her exclamation, causing heads to turn to her. "It's true!"

"1, 2, 3!" May counted off rapidly, grabbing Natasha's wrist while the crowd revamped its noise level. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! Persephone Putin!"

The majority of the list went about the same way.

No matter what agent stepped up to try and best her, Natasha would always take them out in one or two moves. Sometimes, if she was feeling generous, she'd be a little less ferocious about how hard she flipped them to the ground.

Like Coulson, for example. He'd managed to get a punch to the stomach (which she'd totally allowed him) before he was bounced off of the ropes and sent to the mat. He gave her a brief thumbs up as May peeled him off of the floor, patting his back comfortingly.

Other agents, like those falling in line with Mathers, weren't as so lucky. One had the audacity to tell her that he hoped he fell on her chest when he went down - Natasha nearly flung him against the far wall. (If May said she didn't shove him out of the ring, she'd be lying.) Victoria Hand had to be taken down hard by necessity, and Natasha was actually smiling as she helped the agent up.

"Don't tell May, but you fight better than she does," she whispered, the both of them casting glances over to where May was picking out the next competitor. "She'll kill me if she figures out that anyone's better than she is."

"Are you ready for your last competitor?" May yelled to the crowd, and a loud roar went up. Having seen all of the competitors defeated easily, the crowd was restless and eager for revenge. "Give it up for the one, the only, Agent Barton!"

You're kidding.

Natasha barely restrained herself from rolling her eyes as Clint stepped onto the mat, looking every bit as cocky as Mathers had earlier that day. Frowning, she sized him up. Small for his size. Slight. Good build in the arms - she'd have to aim for the legs, there was no way she'd be able to disable him up top...was May smirking?

Instinctively, her eyes sought out Bobbi's in the crowd, and her best friend gave her a small nod. Take his cocky ass down. She stepped in towards the middle, stubbornly meeting Clint's resolute expression.

"I trust you two won't kill each other," May deadpanned. "Try not to maim each other, either. I need both of you on missions soon."

"Yes, mom," As soon as it left their mouths, Clint and Natasha glared at each other.

"Line stealer."

"Asshole."

That earned her a smirk. "Of course I'm an asshole. How do you think I get dates?" And with that, he launched into a tackle, nearly sending Natasha to the ground. She was only saved by quick momentum that sent him to the ground instead - but not for long.

Clint landed with one palm splayed on the floor, pushing himself back into a crouched position while at the same time pushing Natasha backwards. She stared at him, bewildered as to how someone had managed to defeat her signature flip. Then, she launched at him like a rabid cat, determined to win the fight by any means possible.

No one could figure out who had the upper hand at all during the fight. Whenever it seemed like Natasha had the drop, Clint would land a hit with deadly accuracy; when he had the upper hand, Natasha would pull out a move no one had ever seen, stunning Clint for a good three seconds.

Clint was breathing hard as he rebounded off of the ropes, the crowd roaring in his ears. This noise definitely wouldn't do. Frowning, he touched his ear quickly, smiling to himself as the sound faded to silence. Perfect. Just how he liked it.

Natasha frowned as Clint touched his ear. What was he doing? She narrowed her eyes at him, waiting for some sort of surprise move. With the way he'd been in his relationship with Bobbi, she didn't expect him to throw all of his moves on the table. She watched as he straightened up, put his arms into the air, and began to flip towards her. Natasha tensed. If she caught his feet at the right time, she'd be able to slam him into the ground...

As soon as his feet were straight up in the air, she grabbed for them, leaving Clint to be slung over her shoulder. To her surprise, he didn't put up a fight. In fact, he almost seemed to be reaching down as low as possible instead of trying to get himself back up. It made it a little harder for Natasha to slam him into the ground, but May had said not to maim him...

He was almost there. Clint strained to stretch as far as he could down the petite's redhead's back, and by the way she was holding loosely onto his ankles, it wasn't too hard. Now, he just had to wait for the right momentum...

SNAP!

"FUCK!" Natasha grabbed her behind at the searing pain that inexplicably raced through her, dropping Clint off of her side. He rolled over and popped back onto his feet grinningly, sweeping her off of her feet while he had the chance. Shocked green eyes met laughing brown ones. "You bit me in the ass!"

"No one said it wasn't allowed." God, there was that stupid-ass smirk again. She wanted to do nothing more than slug it off of his face. Permanently. "May said to fight fair. She never said anything about fighting dirty."

"1...2..." It was clear May was trying to give Natasha the benefit of the doubt as she counted, but when she showed no sign of getting up - clearly, she was still in shock at having been bitten in the ass - she sighed. "3. Barton wins." It was no surprise that all of the men erupted into cheers, their patriarchal hierarchy still in place. In the crowd, Bobbi and Maria just rolled their eyes, the former making a mental list of how much toilet paper they'd need to decorate all of their bunks.

"Still a good fight." Ever the gentleman, Clint offered Natasha his hand to pull her up, looking surprised when she slapped it away, a disgusted look on her face. "Wow. They told me you were cold, but I didn't think you were Russian cold."

Natasha got to her feet on her own, still scowling at Clint. "What were you expecting, Barton? A blonde bimbo who'd fall into your bed?" Clint flinched. "Good luck with that, asshole."

"Barton. Romanoff." The entire crowd turned to see Fury standing in the doorway, all of them falling silent at the sight of their hulking director. Maria hastily hid the wad of cash she was holding behind her back, a guilty look on her face. "Hill, you can stop hiding the cash. I paid the cover charge." Blushing, the wad was made visible once more. "That was quite a fight."

"He bit me in the ass, sir." Natasha was still bitter, sourly rubbing her backside. "Hardly fair."

"Still, you two are the best we've got. I think you've got things to learn from each other. I want to see you two training together. Learning together. I want you to know what the other eats, drinks, how they sleep. Know 'em like the back of your hand." A grim smile graced his face. "Do that, and I think you'll have some real potential the next time we send you out."

As he left amidst mutters, Natasha bounded out of the ring towards Bobbi and Maria, horror on her face. "Tell me he didn't just say what I think he said."

Bobbi nodded, her expression identical. "He did."