Tales of The Awkward Presents: Seven Burning Questions

1. How long will it take for Ron Stoppable to screw something up... and if he does screw things up, how embarrassing will it get?

2. Can world-defending heroine Kimberly-Anne Possible not see where the up-and-down roller coaster is going to end up... or will she, like a New York Knick 50-loss season, see it coming from a mile away?

3. If said teen heroine and sidekick muster the fortitude to get together, would it be a bigger craze than Bella & Edward, except better written and less predictable?

4. At the end of said date, will Mr. Dr. P. carry out his murderous, yet somewhat virtuous plot and end the lives of all his daughter's potential suitors? And if so, can he plead insanity and somehow get away with cold-blooded homicide?

5. If one really sucked at Guitar Hero, would that make them a Guitar Zero or a Guitar Villain?

6. In the event of S-Chrome's unlikely, yet eventual incapacitation due to men in white coats hauling him off to Creedmoor and/or Arkham, who has the psychological discipline to continue the proud and constantly overdue Tales of The Awkward name? And if so, will they get chapters done in less than 90 days?

7. Who exactly watches the watchmen?

Tales of The Awkward: Date vs. Destiny (The Second Stanza)

...aaaaaand ACTION!

6:18:13

By some miracle, Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable managed to leave the Possible home without further shotgun-related incident. In the late afternoon sun, both teenagers marveled at the fact that a heatwave was still going on in Middleton. Still, for Ron Stoppable, he felt hot underneath the collar for reasons well beyond the blazing temperature.

"Did you see the way he was looking at me? He's so going to kill me when we get back," he groused as he attempted to fan himself by puttering around with the front of his shirt.

"He's not going to kill you, Ron," Kim Possible said to her date.

"You don't understand, Kim," he complained, cutting her off. "I mean, he was practically shooting me in the chest with hate rays."

Hate rays?

"Ron, you're just being paranoid..." She tried to counter but to no avail.

"No-no-no!" He plaintively raised his voice a bit as they continued walking down the quiet block. "I could see it in his eyes, Kim. He probably thinks that I'm just like any other boy," he continued, his eyes darting toward the street. "He's probably waiting on top of the roof of your house, Kim... waiting to pick me off after I drop you off, and..."

That's quite an astute evaluation.

"Ron!" She stopped him and took the boy by the shoulders and shook him silly. "You're being ridiculous... again."

Ron scrunched up his nose at the assessment of his psyche. Surely, he worries about the conclusion of the date was rational and not ridiculous...weren't they?

"First of all, Ron, he's not going to kill you... I won't let him," she flashed him a rather flirtatious grin... maybe a bit too flirtatious for his liking. Still he allowed her continue. "Second, dad can think about you any way he wants, but you'll never be just another ordinary boy to me."

Wait, was that a bad or good thing? No, seriously! He then gazed at the magnanimous expression on her face, and... well, it didn't seem like a slight in any way, and more of an... extremely flattering comment coming from the redhead. His face flushed momentarily as her eyes, seemingly sparkling, set upon his. It really didn't help Ron knowing how attractive his best friend looked in the Autumn sunset until that very moment... his breath quickly ragged and in classic awkward fashion, he sifted a hand through his blond hair.

Despite the warm, and maybe knowing glance of Kim's face, it appeared to Ron that one of those shared moments that came right out of a romantic comedy was taking place right now. Just like that, his nervousness seemed to ebb away and a quiet sense of confidence took over. The time was right, and his date was looking as beautiful as ever... with a smile that could only be described as heavenly. Ever since the entire awkward business began, and especially after their spar sessions, he always wondered what Kim's lips tasted like... and what better time than now to get a spankin' taste test.

As he drew closer, he was delighted to see that her eyes were closing... signaling to him that she was actually expecting this. Boo to the Yah!

Inches. Centimeters. Millimeters. Heaven's Gate... 'bout to open up wide for the Ronster.

And then...

"Beep-Beep-Beep-Beep!"

Both sets of eyes opened and gazed upon that darn apparatus that so callously broke their moment.

The Kimmunicator. Again!?

Score:

Destiny 1, Date 0 (On a gorgeous stop by a known electronic device. 4th & Long for the Date.)

Ron wanted to smack Wade silly. He wanted to scream to the heavens about this close call, among others... if there was any need for the young man to Plaxico² himself, now would be one of those times. It seemed as though every time he and Kim were about to get closer, something or someone would put themselves in between them, and this particular one happened to be the most maddening of them all.

'I mean, damn,' Ron cursed. 'Who writes this stuff, anyway?'

Just then, a young man in his early 20's or so walked past the couple, shrugged his shoulders, and continued his aimless journey.

Naturally, Ron found himself to be far too annoyed and/or cursing his fate to listen into what she and Wade were conversing about. He would have thought that Kim would have turned the Kimmunicator for this night. No such luck. Apparently, saving the world is more important than, well, everything. He was too engrossed in his personal torture to listen in on what information Wade was imparting to Kim.

"Are you sure, Wade? It's just that I'm kinda busy right now."

"You're busy?" He queried as Ron stepped over to Kim's side.

"I'm kind of on a date, Wade."

"You are? Then what's Ron doing there with you?"

BURN!

Ohhhh, if Ron could reach through that communication device and throttle the freaking heck of Wade right now... he could die a happy man. Successful date or not.

Ignoring the red-haired young woman's almost stunned expression, he continued. "Still, it's very urgent that you go ahead with this."

She glanced at him as if her hands were tied. Ron figured if he went along with whatever Kim mission she needed to go through with, it'd go a long way toward brownie points at the end of their date. Speaking of brownies… boy brownies would sound good right about now.

Besides, as his thoughts made the trip back to relevance, given the opportunity, he'd follow her anywhere... kind of like a friendly stalker.

Hm, good thing he didn't say that out loud.

"What are we waiting for, let's go!" He said, grabbing her by the shoulder onto their destination.

Definition of the day:

To Plaxico oneself is to shoot yourself in the foot... or leg, in a metaphorical fashion... or to just actually shoot yourself in the foot or leg. Named after idiot New York Giant receiver decided to be a stereotype and kill what was sure to be a repeat reign as Super Bowl Champions for the aforementioned Giants, and naturally got himself a two-year sentence in the hoosegow.

(Not that S-Chrome is bitter or anything.)

Syn: Chedda-Bobbing, etc...

6:38:19:

The Possible Abode
Middleton, United States of America
Near-sundown

Did you get that thing I sent ya?
Did you get that thing I sent ya?
Did you get that thing I sent ya?

There were a multitude of things that an accomplished brain surgeon like Dr. Anne Possible had to deal with during the course of a normal day. Heck, it kind of came with the territory. But, when she saw her doting husband on the rooftop of her home with a shotgun in his hand with a rather perturbed expression on his face. Still, knowing that the bizarre things that happened within the household, she decided to just take this in stride like she would any situation she would face in the home or at work.

"...Honey? What are you doing up there?"

"Oh, hi, hon," he replied merrily. "I'm just getting some R&R, you know? Just catching a bit of fresh air."

"With a shotgun in your hand?" She asked, an eyebrow cocked.

"Oh, this?" He asked. "While I'm here I may as well as keep watch over the place. You know, a man's home is his castle."

Facepalm in 3... 2... 1...

"All right, who's Kim out with?"

"You're not going to believe it this time..." He began, clutching his shotgun.

6:48: Somewhere Near The Upperton & Middleton Border:

Urgent?

This was urgent?

Foreigner & Lou Gramm were urgent. The need to expose Rod Blagojevich, his corruption, and his infamous rug were urgent. Urgent was the need for Stephanie Meyer to actually attain some basic writing skills. This... this... was the complete opposite of urgent.

Rescuing cats from trees were not Ron Stoppable's vision of urgency... especially when he had to do the rescuing. Of course, Kim was far more athletically inclined to rescue a cat, but something about wearing dresses and climbing trees or something or the other. Sure, she looked good in it... well, really good... well... kind of smoking hot. As he climbed from branch to branch, he had a distinct notion that someone, most likely the youngest member of Team Possible, was trying to sabotage this whole 'Kim 'n her faithful buddy Ron on a date' thing.

The cat screeched as the blond reached for it. Ron soon screeched as well for he'd been scratched by said cat. Badly.

As he pulled back his forearm, which was most likely bleeding due to said cat scratching the ever-loving heck out of it, he found it ironic that in the future, the first time meeting the pre-teen computer genius known as Wade, would likely be the last time.

Meanwhile, at the very same time, in a dimly lit room that doubled as everything technological that you could think of, a certain computer genius watched Ron struggle to get the cat out of tree with much enjoyment.

Yeah, he was quite the stinker, wasn't he?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch... rather the tree. The feline's owner thanked Ron for saving her fur-ball with steak-knife sharp claws. And, with that said and done, scratched-up sidekick and teen heroine continued their date... going to.. that place that they were going to. By the time that they reached the sixth block away from said scratching incident

"Um, Ron? Where are we going exactly?"

"I thought you had everything planned out," he countered.

Emerald-green eyes rolled toward the setting sky above her. Wow, did he expect her to take charge of everything? Not that there was anything wrong with that... well, there was a little bit. Theoretically, they were on a date, and they literally had no idea of where they were going. He was the one who asked her out last week... and he didn't make any plans between then and now?

In short, it seemed like something Ron would do.

"So... eh, how about a movie... or something?" He questioned.

"Sorry, no can do," she replied... hoping that Ron wouldn't question as to why not.

"Why not?"

Oh, well... inquisitive minds usually wanted to know. Unless it involved a certain steroid user

"Remember that Friday night?" She asked him. She felt as if she something or someone wasn't going to let her forget about all the misdeeds she committed that night...

(And as long as S-Chrome was the sole author of this fic, she definitely would not.)

Ron nodded, not quite eager to hear another one of his date's stalking-related follies.

"Yeaaah, I kinda got banned from the Multiplex, excessive noise," she explained, shamefaced. "Ninety days."

"Dang, KP. What was going through your head that night?"

She sighed. She figured she had to bare all about what was going through her gourd that night; every last sordid, and somewhat twisted detail.

"Ron, have you ever been afraid of losing something that's important to you?"

"Well, yeah... kind of," Ron answered in earnest. "I mean, I don't know what I'd do if I lost Rufus, or.."

"That's kind of how I felt when you went on a date with Tara," she quickly said. "I mean, what if you two really hit it off? I know we've been friends forever, but I just thought… maybe… " She turned away from him, feeling as vulnerable as ever. "I'd lose you, Ron."

See, while others blame it on the a-a-a-a-al-alcohol, Kim blames it on an irrational fear of losing her best friend. Now where are the naysayers who think the truth doesn't set one free as a bird?

Perhaps sensing her susceptibility, but still not exactly sure of himself, he faced Kim.

"Aw, come on, K.P. How long has it been, eleven years?"

"Twelve years," she corrected.

"Ah, yeah, twelve. Heh, heh," he shook his head. "What I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter if this," he gulped. "d-date thing works out or not, or who's dating who, and what happens after tonight, you'll never lose me, Kim."

She smiled. "Never?"

With a voice as reassuring as Danny Tanner, had he not been such a vile-talking comedian, he answered without hesitation. "Yeah. Well, unless the Naco takes a human form."

It was her turn to shake her head. Only Ron could convince her that her head was in the wrong place, reassure her that everything was going to be all right, and think about greasy fast-food taking on a human form in one breath. Taking Ron's hand, they continued to walk together down the quiet block, the immediate future they knew not what, but it was guaranteed to be at the very least a rather interest night.

"So, K.P.? Where are we going?" Ron asked.

Even more interesting once they knew where they were going.

End of Part 2

Many things have changed for S-Chrome since the last installment of these Tales of Awkward. For one, recently my dear old dad, the somewhat well-known artist, Mr. H-Chrome passed away early last month. He always wanted to me write as much as possible, so this part is dedicated to him.

Secondly, I declared war on college for the second time, so he hasn't found many oodles of time to update his fics. I'm thinking there's somewhat of a lynch mob waiting for this update, and if those two guys didn't get a timely update, they were going to burn me alive. Writing under pressure in the best thing ever, wouldn't you say?

Question? Comments? Complaints that the New York Yankees won the World Series?

Hang on, let me gloat a little bit…

HA!

Ah, anyway, hit that small, green review button and whatnot, and hang on for the final chapter of the overlong Tales of The Awkward, coming… whenever it's coming.

S-C