A/N: This week has been a rotten week. I've been sick, had a bunch of projects and stuff due, and have been trying to move back home since the semester's over.
In short, the chapter was severely late. I hope it has enough to make up for this.
Anyway, in other news, I did something really cool for the first time last weekend. I completed my first AMV! Now, while I love writing, I also love directing, so making an AMV was a lot of fun for me.
If you like Tsubasa, don't mind spoilers and wanna see the AMV, then the link is here: http : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v (equals sign here) Spg-1tUH5PM
Why yes, I do like tragedy in my stories and AMVs. :D
Chapter 21: Regret
The sliver of the jewel spun once more, like the needle of a compass, until at last, it stopped. Finally, a location was pointed out, yet it was no location they could reach. Once again, the last piece of the jewel was sailing upon the sea, sure to be somewhere else when they reached the location.
The last piece of the Jewel of the Sea would not be found so easily.
"We're in the same situation as before," Miroku pointed out, rolling up the map on the table. "The last piece isn't accessible as long as we know nothing of who has it."
Playing with the large piece of the jewel around his neck, Captain Inuyasha spoke, "We know something. Miss Hopewell said that someone named 'Naraku' took the last piece from Kikyou."
The first mate was silent for a moment. "Ah, I see. Miss Kagome told you that, did she?"
The captain returned with a glare. "Yes, she did. There is only one solution to this; next time we stop in ports, find out all we can about this 'Naraku'."
"I suppose such a thing wouldn't be that hard to pull off, but…" Now, his friend came to loo at him suspiciously. "I have to wonder, Captain, what exactly transpired between you and Miss Kagome for you to end up the other half of the jewel and this useful information in the end."
The captain said nothing, and didn't even look back at his first mate at that.
"Was there…an argument between you and Miss Kagome?"
"No…not that sort of thing…"
"You know she went down and slept in the cargo hold last night."
Inuyasha paused, "I know. But if that wench decides she wants to sleep somewhere else for the night, well, it's not my problem, is it?"
"You do know that seeing you two apart might give the crew…ideas."
Amber eyes glared back at him. "What sort of ideas?"
"You know what I mean. Ideas."
"I don't know what you mean," he growled, standing up to meet his eye. Clenching his fists, he spoke through clenched teeth, "Why don't you tell me?"
"Don't play this game with me, Inuyasha," Miroku glared back. "You know that some of the more…adventurous of the crew might see this separation of you an indication that she is a free woman of the ship and take advantage of her. Thank God, you've scared them all so that she's not in any danger at this point."
"Are you saying I've put her in danger?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying!" his first mate roared, slamming his hands down upon the table. "What did you do to her to make her—!"
"I did nothing! I did nothing more than what I should have done!"
Indigo eyes narrowed back. "So you don't even feel the least bit guilty?"
"Hmph," Inuyasha folded his arms and turned away. "What should I feel guilty for? She didn't tell me she had this," he gestured to the jewel around his neck. "And she knew I searched for it."
"Did you take it against her will?"
"Keh! She didn't stop me."
"Answer me, Inuyasha."
For a moment, the hanyou pirate paused, and then glared back at his first mate. "I am a pirate, Miroku. What else do I do but steal things?"
But his first mate couldn't let that sit. "And you don't even care that Miss Kagome—!"
The hanyou turned away, sure to hide his clenched fist from his first mate. "Like I said, it doesn't mean a damn thing to me." Eyes closing for a brief moment, he said, "I don't need any attachments to the girl anyway."
Miroku could stay no longer. "Of course," he muttered. "You wouldn't be you if you did." And with that, he turned promptly on his heel and left, the door slamming shut after him.
Left alone, Inuyasha could bear it no longer. Slamming his fist into the wall, causing the wood to crack beneath his knuckles, he growled to himself, "It doesn't matter to me. Not at all."
But there was someone else who had heard the conversation, who also heard his small outburst. Kagome had been standing outside of the door for the longest time, only moving when she heard Miroku coming her way. Now, leaning up against the outer wall, she tried to blink the tears out of her eyes.
I see, Captain Inuyasha…and I understand you perfectly.
She had been a fool to give into this, she knew. And this, was what she got, for falling for a pirate and believing he was capable of returning her feelings.
Grasping at her chest, where the jewel her father gave her once hung, she thought, I hope Kouga catches up soon…it hurts too much to be around him any longer.
Dull golden eyes watched as the waves lapped upon the shore. The sea continued to call, beckoning to him, but he could not answer.
He could never answer again.
As he sat there, on that far-away beach, he thought of his life. His poor upbringing, his years as a slave of the Navy, and then those years he was lost…and now, to this.
How could he have allowed himself to become this? This…monster?
One only fit for death, nothing more.
It was befitting that it was here, that he should live out the rest of his days. Alone, on this small island, separated from the sea that he loved. It was what he deserved, for what he had done.
This was all he ever deserved, he knew.
And if only some people would just let him die in peace… "What are you doing here?" Inuyasha asked, hearing the close footsteps upon the sand.
"I came for a small visit."
"And how did you find me here, then?"
"Please, Inuyasha," the old man said, as he came around towards him. "You know I do not need a ship to travel."
The hanyou growled, "Go away, Toutousai; you're wasting your time."
"Then tell m,e Inuyasha, what are you doing here, in a remote place like this?"
"Shut up."
"Just how long to you plan to live like this? A hermit on an island somewhere on these godforsaken seas, when what you really love is being out there, and free?"
Unable to take it any longer, Inuyasha faced him and roared, "Just shut up, you old man!"
Toutousai huffed, "You're as stubborn as your father."
"My father has nothing to do with this."
"Really? Your father was a great sailor you know, sailing all over the map and back even before you were born. Don't you think he would be a little disappointed to learn his son has intended to give up sailing altogether?"
Standing up, Inuyasha yelled, "I don't have to listen to this—" and began to walk away.
But Toutousai's words stopped him, "It makes no sense, you know. Why Inuyasha, the pirate who evaded navy capture for so long already to suddenly go into solitude. If you're anything like your father, then you know you're stronger than this…unless something happened…"
It was a long moment, before Inuyasha, fists clenched at his sides, spoke, "I've got too much blood on my hands already, Toutousai…don't make yourself another victim."
"A little blood is nothing to worry about—"
"Are you really so stupid?" The hanyou whirled around, "Don't you get it, old man? I'm nothing but a monster! A devil sent upon this earth! I can still see them—those first two men I killed, and then all the others…I'm not a hanyou—I'm just a murderer!"
Toutousai sighed, "If you choose this life, you'll have to kill when necessary—"
"Believe me, if I was that weak, Toutousai, I would have hung myself already."
"Then what's the problem? If a man is your enemy, you kill them. It is the way life is. You didn't seem to care about sparing life last time I heard about you…what's happened?"
It took the hanyou a long time to answer, and when he did, he couldn't look his father's old friend in the eye. "I killed…a woman. I didn't…I didn't mean to, but I…we…we argued, she threatened me…she said something about Mother and then I lost it! I didn't realize what happened until she fell and…Oh God, Toutousai, when she died, I saw her! When I killed that woman, it was as if I had killed Mother!"
"And so you came here," Toutousai sighed.
The hanyou slumped back down onto the beach, resting his forehead in his hands. "I felt the power of the youkai and…I lost control. I became…just like them. In the end, I'm no better than those men that killed Mother. I let her down…"
"To be a free man on these bloody seas, bloodshed is required."
"At the cost of losing myself?"
Toutousai was silent for a long time, staring out across the horizon. "There is a way you could sail the seas as a free man, without any master, and not have to see those memories that haunt you any longer. If you seek for it, then perhaps you may find what will secure your happiness."
Slowly, the hanyou turned to look up at his father's old friend. "How?"
Toutousai looked back at him. "The Jewel of the Sea. But, in order to get it, you would need to walk the bloody path of a pirate once more. But once it is in your hands, you could live without regrets, and be free of all that haunts you now."
The hanyou stood up to face him, a new determination in his eyes. "This jewel…where is it?"
"If I told you where it is, would you be prepared? Prepared to go back to that life you fear so now?"
Inuyasha looked away, eyes on the lapping waves before him. "You're wrong, Toutousai. Even if I have to become a pirate again…I will never return to the monster I was."
That is true, Inuyasha thought, as he remembered that day a few years ago. I will never become what I once was.
Remembering his father's old friend, Inuyasha thought, Hmph. Haven't seen him since then…I suppose Father told the old man to keep an eye on me…but…
If it hadn't been for him that day…what would have happened to me?
That wasn't something to be worried about now. Whether he would have survived or given in…it was not a subject to be thought of for long. He had survived, that was all that mattered.
And this…He held the large piece of the jewel in his hand, At last, I found it…only one more half to find, and then all this will be over…I don't have to do this anymore, I can just sail wherever I like, free of everything.
I won't have to keep remembering these things I want to forget.
I can be "happy"…
His eyes drifted over to that armchair that Kagome usually curled up in at night. He hadn't seen her the entire day…or at all since…that happened. Why was she so determined to avoid him? It's not like he cared about what happened between them before…
After everything that occurred between them, it was inevitable that it would all burst at some moment, but…
What? Why did he care about it? She was a woman, and an attractive one at that. Being a man, it was logical that he might come to desire her at some point, but…
Ugh, what was he thinking now? She was just a hostage he had taken on a whim. Even if she was beautiful, and had captured his fancy for a moment, it was all over now. Yes, with that, it had all blown over. He could have no more feelings for her; whether she still hung on to them was her problem, not his.
But if that was true…then why did he feel a small bit of guilt when he looked at that empty chair?
With a sigh, he stood up, taking his coat off the chair and wrapping it around himself as he went out into the cold night air. Where would she have gone? The ship wasn't that big…
Miroku said something about the cargo hold… Heading below decks at once, wandering past the large crew berth, he found his way down into the bowels of the ship. Thankfully, his hanyou eyes were enough to see into the darkness as he searched…and finally found her.
Miss Kagome was curled up between two large crates, half leaning on a coil of rope as she slept. She seemed to be in too deep of sleep to even notice him kneeling down next to her, regret in his amber eyes.
She shivered; he wanted to reach out and keep her warm from the cold. He wanted to take her in his arms, bring her back up to his room, where she belonged, and to keep watch over her during the night. More than that, he wanted to wake her up and talk to her, but…what could he say?
Her father's gift hung around his neck. And after what happened in his room…she was determined to avoid him. Right now, she probably wanted nothing more than to be left at the nearest port and to forget all about him.
But he couldn't allow that. He would not leave her to he found and taken by another man. He would not give her back to her fiancé, or anyone else. He did not know where these feelings came from, but at that moment, he knew;
She could be no one else's. She was his, and his alone!
He had known since the night of the storm, that she was his. He had known it all this time, and yet…he had treated her horribly.
It was his fault that she slept down here now, and the idea that she would easily forgive him was laughable.
There was a choice to be made, between Kagome and the Jewel. He had made his choice, and this was what he had lost.
She shivered in her sleep once more. There was no hesitation; Inuyasha whipped off his coat and wrapped it around her. She stopped shivering at once.
I want…no, I need the Jewel, but…
With a sigh, he stood up. There was nothing more to be done; he hardly deserved this time with her now. Without another look back, he turned, and left the cargo hold…while someone else watched him leave.
Kagome's eyes slowly opened as he left, pulling his heavy coat up to her chin with a confused look. I don't understand…all he wants is the Jewel, he said so himself.
Why did he have to come down here and do this, then?
As the thought, the lone hanyou stood upon the deck of the Wound of the Wind, the half the Jewel of the Sea in his hands. "You bastard, Toutousai," he murmured, eyes at the stars above.