AN: Okay this one was a hard one to write. I was literally editing up until 5 minutes ago, lol. So hopefully I didn't overwork this chapter. It's got alot of stuff in it, heavy emotional stuff. I hope I dont offend anyone, but the things these characters are going through are very real and true to life, so just keep that in mind. Also I apologize, I wanted to get to the paternity issue in this chapter, but it just didn't have room. Im going to aim for the next chapter, which is going to be very challenging since I have to orchestrate a criminal trial, lol. Anyhow, I hope you still like it and stay tuned. Thanks to everyone for the awesome reviews, you guys keep me going, I wouldnt be doing this without your support, so I want you to know I appreciate it. Also, I made a banner for this story. You can get the official link on my profile page if this link doesnt come through. Part of it was taken from a wonderful ES manip I found on google images, but I dont know who the artist is, so if this belongs to you, credit goes to the artist for the wonderful Sookie/Eric embrace. ;) Thanks again and hope you enjoy the story. Oh and heres the link to the banner...
http:/i18(dot)photobucket(dot)com/albums/b135/barn0164/true%20blood/thebirthofeve(dot)jpg
Chapter 21-Somewhere Over the Rainbow
SPOV
I knew there was no way Eric could not have heard that, not when I had just witnessed the color drain from his face from forehead to chin.
Fuck.
"I think I'm going to leave you two kids alone, Ill cover for you out on the floor." Tara replied to me, backing away cautiously as if she was trying to get out of a room holding a ticking time bomb, mouthing an 'I'm sorry' to me before she snuck out past Eric.
I met his gaze sadly and he just stared at me for what seemed like forever in disbelief. I didn't dare move feeling all my hairs stand on end, along with pits sinking in my stomach making me feel nausea once again. But I had to face this, I had to face the truth, as much as I wanted to run and hide right now, I knew I needed to deal with this.
Say something. I begged him silently with my eyes and finally he spoke calmly…
"You're pregnant?"
I swallowed as if I were downing a vial of poison, his lethal words processing through my mind and I nodded my head, hoping that his lack of anger was a good sign I whispered hoping he wouldn't freak out about this like I had…
"Yes."
But unfortunately, I had presumed too soon. He approached me, his tall body looming over mine in challenge, his eyes intense and dark…
"When were you going to tell me this? How long have you known?"
"Eric, I…"
"And it's Compton's?"
He wasn't giving me a chance to reply the questions firing on, I shook my head and replied truthfully, fearfully…
"I don't know, I just found out yesterday, but it could be."
He met my gaze with pain filled eyes and I confessed…
"Eric, it was an accident, I never meant, I mean, I don't, I…"
I didn't know what I wanted to say, maybe that I was just as surprised as he was, but it was coming out wrong.
Eric looked back at me annoyed as if I was just some stupid pesky fly swarming around his head and he cut me off sharply…
"I think under the circumstances you should just go home tonight, Ill call Pam and ask her to pick you up after your shift."
Now I was starting to get angry, first off, I didn't need to be treated like a child, I could find my own ride home, and secondly, what happened to last night? It's not like I planned this and I cut him off as he began to head back towards the door…
"You promised me nothing would come between us!" I proclaimed feeling hurt by his words, growing frustrated and he bit back…
"That was before you neglected to tell me you were knocked up!"
"Knocked up? Knocked up? It takes two to make a baby you know?"
He snorted and remarked sarcastically…
"Yeah, trust me I know, the question is do you?"
He made my blood boil and skin blister in anger.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? You make it sound like having a girlfriend who's knocked up would put a kink in your agenda!"
He glared back at me and he asked me sharply…
"What agenda?"
"The one where you try to butter me up so Ill testify for you at your trial."
I knew it was wrong before the words came out of my mouth, but I couldn't hold them back. I saw the sharp sting as it registered across Eric's face and he growled…
"You are unbelievable!"
His words sliced me. I flinched refusing to back down, I knew I had dug my trench but I'd only look worse if I retreated now, holding my ground I held my head up high and then he concluded sharply…
"Is it really that hard to admit the truth Sookie? If I meant something to you, you wouldn't care about protecting HIM so much. This is so hard for you to do isn't it? To reach out to me when you're all out of options? You were just using me because you needed someone to help you pick up the pieces weren't you? You'd be fine letting me rot in prison if you didn't need a father for that baby, one who wasn't a rapist!"
Now I was the one with my head spinning. I couldn't believe he was saying this, after all we had been through together. After he knew how long it had taken me to get to a point where I was willing to speak up for him. How could he think me even capable of using him like that? How could he hurt me like this? I felt the tears well in my eyes and I shouted at him…
"GET OUT!"
I didn't want to see him anymore, it was too painful.
He looked like he was about to say something, but I wasn't about to take any more of his hurtful words and I shouted…
"GET THE FUCK OUT!"
To my embarrassment, Sam came in moments later with Tara behind him, her arms folded and Eric turned around to look at them.
"Is everything alright?" Sam asked, standing up straighter protectively when he saw Eric looming there.
He seemed too steamed to say anything else, casting me a simmering glance, the hurt apparent behind his eyes, but I was sure my pain was far worse. I waited for him to say something.
"Yes, I was just leaving, Ill see myself out."
Eric replied sending me another one of those torturous glares before turning on his heel and storming out.
Sam was about to come to me, but I felt like a grenade about to go off at the moment, not wanting to deal with any questions from him. Luckily Tara noticed this and she ordered him…
"Sam, give us a minute will ya?"
Tara sent him a warning glare. Sam looked back at me one more time for confirmation and I replied, not trusting my own voice…
"It's okay, I'm fine Sam."
I knew I was far from fine, but this wasn't his problem, it was mine and I just wanted to get rid of every reminder of that problem so I could find some goddamn peace for once!
Sam nodded and then he closed the door behind him.
xxxxx
EPOV
I was in no mood for talking. I knew if I went to see Pam, she'd find some way to drag it out of me. I couldn't believe Sookie. I had no idea she was capable of manipulation on that kind of scale. I guess I underestimated her. I kept going over last night in my mind over and over again, thinking back to if I remembered her even giving a moments pause to tell me that she was pregnant. But I couldn't think of anything. As I retraced my memory back to this morning, I remember hearing the shower run once, and then again shortly after, and her breath tasted like mint.
I wondered if she had tried to cover up her morning sickness or something. It made me angry and gave me heartache at the same time. I didn't know what Id do if that baby really did turn out to be mine. Or worse yet, that bastard Bill's.
Talk about being fucked. What was I supposed to do now? I was about to get carted off to prison, my entire life was crumbling to shit faster than I could find the Lysol to cover up the stink, I just couldn't deal with this too, everything was getting so out of control…
I saw a pair of metal litter bins off to the side and I smashed my leg through them knocking each cylinder over, as the contents spilled out of the side. I thought while looking down at all the garbage before me that this is what had become of my life and then I heard someone yell from behind me…
"Hey!"
I looked back and saw Sookie's boss standing there with his arms crossed, looking angry. Just add him to the list of people who wanted to see me taken out back and shot and quartered, I thought bitterly.
"I'll pay for the damage."
I replied dryly taking my wallet out and handing him two $50's, knowing where this was headed. He'd now ask me to go on my way and never come back. I looked back at him waiting for it, but instead he refused the cash and replied looking out at the disaster I made…
"I don't think there's any monetary damage, but you could clean up the mess you just made."
I looked back at him in question. Sam took a seated position on the curb as a gesture that he wanted to talk to me, not understanding why he didn't just take the money and let me leave, I had no other choice but to go out and pick up what I could from the spilled bags of trash, while he sat and waited. I looked back at him resentfully because I was in no mood for chit chat right now, wanting to know what this was really about.
Maybe he got off on humiliating people and I asked him in challenge…
"Don't you have a business to run?"
Sam simply sighed and gestured to the empty space next to him…
"Have a seat."
I scoffed in disbelief, asking him…
"You're not actually serious?"
Wondering if he was kidding because it seriously looked like he wanted to give me the big brother talk and I was miles away from caring about that at the moment, I had far worse things to think about, like how I was going to spend my last day of freedom because it was very likely that tomorrow I was going to be locked away for a very long time. But his gaze was unwavering and finally, I surrendered to the pressure tossing away the last scrap of garbage hesitantly, I took the spot next to him on the concrete slab and looked back at him again in question.
Sam took a breath of fresh air, looking out at his parking lot and then he replied…
"I know what it's like to feel like an outsider…I just moved here myself about a year ago, before that I was in Amarillo, before that in Macon. Never really found a place to fit in, till I moved here and realized what I sacrificed back in Amarillo."
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked him, thinking of all the things I could be doing right now, closing up my condo, talking to the bank…
"Because I can see this train wreck coming for miles."
I snorted again wondering if he was for real. This guy had never even actually spoken with me until now. The only contact I really remember having with him was when I was glaring daggers at him while he took Sookie away on that date. Thinking about that night only made me angrier and Sam replied…
"I realize we barely know each other, I don't know why I'm telling you, I could watch you go away and fuck this up and probably fuck up everything else too and I wouldn't think twice about watching you drive away like a bat out of hell and never looking back, but we have one thing in common."
I glanced back at him wondering if he was going to tell me we were both blonde because this was getting 'that' ridiculous and finally Sam concluded…
"I care about her too…And for some crazy reason she seems to be happier since you got here."
I realized he was talking about Sookie and my face fell in grief. Doubtfully, I replied…
"I think I can honestly say, if she's happy, than I am the poster boy for abstinence."
Sam smirked and shook his head, and he replied with mirth in his eyes…
"Yeah, you got yourself into quite the situation dincha?"
I looked back at him wondering how much he had heard and Sam gestured back towards the restaurant with his head…
"Place is solid as a brick house, but my office wall is as thin as paper…Congratulations by the way."
I looked back at him in discomfort not feeling really at this point as if Congratulations were in order, and then Sam replied folding his hands…
"Sookie's a good girl Eric."
"I really don't think that…" I was about to tell him to butt out when he somehow read my mind and stood, concluding sharply…
"She's not the kind of girl to take for granted."
He sent me a glare and then turned around and walked back into his restaurant.
I was just as miffed by the start of this conversation as I was by the end.
xxxxx
SPOV
"So now I suppose everyone knows." I replied collapsing down on Sam's couch and burying my face in my hands, wishing I could just fade away into air. I think I was all out of tears by this point. I was done crying for that asshole. He had hurt me for the last time, I thought angrily.
"Nah, don't think anyone else knows, Bill asked me if I was expecting when I ran into him. I told him first off, it wasn't his fuckin business, and secondly, unless I had somehow immaculately conceived, he must be smoking something."
She moved towards Sam's desk and continued…
"After I blew him off, I turned back to my shopping. A little later when I was out in the parking lot with my bags, he chased after me and handed me this (she gestured to the bag next to her on Sam's desk, sitting right next to my red phone, my eyes locked in on a large fingerprint mark on the surface that must have been Eric's and the pain churned inside causing my nostrils to flare still angry…) He nearly escaped a black eye, charging after me like that but I figure must have put two and two together. I told him he was crazy to think you were pregnant, but then he told me what happened when he ran into you the other day."
I shook my head, taking a deep breath knowing it was only a matter of time before my whole world shattered and Sookie Stackhouse would not only be known as the town freak, but the town freak who had been attacked, refused a marriage proposal by the only man who ever truly loved her, and rejected by the man she loved.
I stood up and began to pace the floor, in an attempt to blink it all away, even though I knew that was hopeless. Tara must have noticed my distraught and she assured me…
"Despite the fact that I think he's a Motherfuckingdickhead, he did seem genuinely concerned about you, I don't think he's going to sing it from the rooftops. But then again, I've been crossed by men before, who knows what they are capable of."
I looked up at her with blotchy eyes and I shook my head again and I wiped the tear stains off my cheeks replying resentfully…
"Just when you think you have one figured out the turn around and dump you on the nearest curb."
Tara went over to Sam's mini fridge. She pulled out a can of beer and replied still holding it in her hand…
"Id offer you one of these but I don't think that would be good for the baby."
She some how found a can of Minute Maid orange juice and brought it over to me along with her beer.
I looked back at her through tear stained eyes and I shook my head remarking bitterly half serious, needing to address one of the many absurd and dark thoughts that had been plaguing my mind as of late, just needing to get something out...
"I don't know, maybe..."
My voice trailed off as I thought about the painful subject of ending this pregnancy and Tara asked me for clarification...
"Maybe what?"
I looked up at her and added trying to get the frog out of my throat, trying to be brave...
"Maybe, it wouldn't be such a bad idea..."
"Are you talkin about what I think you're talkin about?"
I met her gaze with dread and she shook her head and replied...
"I never thought Id become one of those girls, but..."
"Before you say what I think you're going to say, take a seat!"
Tara looked back at me sternly pointing me towards the couch curtly and I wondered suddenly why this was bugging her so much, it was my baby, my problem. She shoved the can of orange juice in my hand and sat down next to me.
Tara didn't seem to care as she took a long hard swig from her beer bottle, then set it down, sighed and met my gaze head on as if in challenge. She had me baffled and I had no other choice but to wait, when Tara finally began...
"You know that guy I was dating about a year and a half ago? Eggs?"
"Yeah, that musician, I remember him, what ever happened to him? You two seemed so happy."
Tara proceeded to glare at me and I was about to put a stop to this right now because she wasn't the one with her head on the chopping block right now, and that's when she proceeded to shove her shoe in my mouth and stun me...
"Happiness is easy to pretend."
She sent me another glare and concluded bluntly...
"He got me pregnant Sookie."
I gasped in shock shaking my head because this was the first I had heard about this. Tara looked down at her hands sadly and explained...
"I thought we would be one big happy family after that, but when I told him he took off with his band and I never heard from him again."
My heart went out to Tara and I put my hand on hers, but her face remained hard and she concluded...
"I had an abortion about 2 months after I realized he wasn't comin back..."
My hand flew up to my mouth in dismay. I had no idea.
"But, I think they did some damage down there and now I'm pretty sure I can't have kids...Not like I ever deserved any."
She looked back at me her nostrils flaring slightly and I could tell she was angry, but Tara just shook her head and added...
"So you see I'm one of 'those girls."
I felt a tight pressure in my chest and moved over to put my arms around Tara.
"I'm so sorry." I replied as the gloom washed over me feeling sadness for my friend, what she went through, sadness for that baby that missed out on a beautiful life with a beautiful person, sad for this baby growing inside of me because I didn't want to admit that I was lost to someone so completely and totally dependant on me.
Finally, Tara broke down. I felt a pang of distress tear inside of me and I held her tighter. For the moment we were just two lost souls who had managed to find ourselves on our wayward journeys through life. The irony, as scary as it all was, as horrible as it was, I strangely felt comfort in this, knowing even if we were two very screwed up people, we weren't alone. So I held her as she cried in my arms.
After what seemed like eternity we finally loosened our grips and I whispered...
"You would have been an awesome mother."
Tara looked back at me, it felt like in these last few moments she had aged 10 years and she shook her head and replied, with a small smile...
"No I wouldn't, but I appreciate the vote of confidence."
She moved over to take another swig of her beer, wiping away her tears and pulling herself together she added...
"But Id hate to lose my chance at becoming an Antie." Tara replied looking at me sideways.
I confessed truthfully...
"I don't know what I'm going to do. I honestly don't know...I've never felt this scared before..."
Tara took a deep breath, and then her gaze met mine and she answered earnestly…
"Think about all your options, even the ugly ones, but remember, some choices we make can't be undone…"
I looked back at her sadly and nodded my head, confessing…
"I just don't know if I can do this alone."
"Well you could start by figuring out who this kids daddy is, then at least you'll know who to kick in the nuts." Tara suggested.
I smiled softly thankful for her humor because it took some of the edge off and I explained…
"I just don't think I could go back to Bill if it were his…It's just…"
"No one's askin you to. Id personally slap you if you even considered it. (She looked back at me curtly.) Hell look at how many kids Arlene's got? Look how many baby daddies? She could probably set a world record, yet one redneck seems to love them just as much as the next. Why should you sacrifice your happiness just because of DNA?"
"And Eric…"
My voice trailed off as I thought heart achingly about him, my chest still throbbing in pain. Wondering if he had just left me, the same way Eggs had walked out on Tara, that knife in my heart digging deeper
"Yeah, he's got legal troubles, that much I put together." Tara proclaimed.
"He's been charged with murder, tomorrow is his trial."
Tara whistled lowly and then she remarked with empathy…
"Yeah Sugar, you take the cake for the worst shit storm." She took another swig of her beer and looked back at me through the sides of her eyes replying…
"And you sure he's got no interest in this kid?"
I shook my head and closed my eyes, feeling the pain travel from within up into my stinging eyes….
"I don't know, he's got a lot on his mind right now, but I think it's safe to say I'm not his first priority."
"Well none of that matters anyway, what matters right now is you, just concentrate on getting your own shit together, and if they can't man up and support you, then at least you found out now versus 5 or 10 years from now…You got lots of support here from everyone, and I'll be first in line to help with the little caca machine when you need a break and feel like pulling all your hair out or blowing something up."
I forced a smile for Tara just so she knew I appreciated her support. One thing I always liked about Tara is she gave it to me straight, none of that sugar coating crap, but I couldn't hide the pang of disappointment the thought of doing this without Eric gave me.
I wouldn't cry, Tara had seen enough of my tears today and I had to get it together. I didn't want her to think she had failed me. So I turned away from her, took a deep breath in attempt to pull myself together and announced with a small encouraging smile that we both needed to get back to work.
Tara looked back at me reluctantly, but I assured her I was fine. Sam ran into us in the hallway and told me I could go home if I wanted, but in truth, I needed a distraction right now. I had a lot to think about.
But if I was hoping for a break from all the chaos or even a moments peace while at work, I was sorely mistaken.
I had just come from delivering a pitcher of beer to Detective Bellefleur questioning whether he should actually be drinking that much on his own when Lafayette asked me if I could deliver Arlene's order while she was gabbing away on the phone. I rolled my eyes hoping Arlene would make it snappy because I had my own tables to get to as well, and we were busy.
I grabbed the ketchup and mustard setting it on my tray along with the plate of burgers and fries and then brought it to her customers when I noticed someone else was now seated in her section.
I questioned whether or not I should yank Arlene away from her phone call, but I could see the customers tapping foot under the table and figured I could take her drink order and then bitch Arlene out. I walked over and spoke to her…
"Hi welcome to Merlottes, my name is Sookie, can I start you off with…"
But my voice dropped off when the customer set down the large menu and I recognized her instantly.
"Hello darling." She smiled smugly.
It was Pam. My face fell, and she quickly replied…
"Yes about my order, I was wondering if we could have a little chat before you took it?"
"Pam, I'm busy now, I really don't have time for this, you can call me tonight."
I answered looking back to make sure no one was flagging me down and she grabbed my wrist and yanked me down to sit next to her.
"Take a seat, your feet must be sore by now, I insist." Pam replied with a smooth cool smile, but her voice was sharp. I landed with a hmpff, and glared back at her in challenge and then Pam replied…
"Don't worry, Eric told me to back off and leave you alone if I ever want him to speak to me again"
"So what are you doing right now?" I challenged her knowing full well what she was trying to do, and Pam replied looking back to study her menu…
"I'm having dinner of course, a girl has to eat."
I rolled my eyes recognizing a bullshit artist when I saw one, and began to slide away from her knowing this wouldn't get me anywhere and I replied…
"And I'm going to go back to waiting my tables so you can do that. Ill tell Arlene to check back with you in a few minutes."
I had almost made it out when I heard her voice drop to a serious tone causing me to cease my quick escape…
"Sookie, wait!"
I met her gaze in question, but I could see something more behind her blue eyes, not only worry, but a desperation. I stood up wanting to have the upper hand should I need to make a bee line for the back and I asked her from the edge of the table…
"What is it?"
Pam sighed frustratedly, looked down at her menu miserably and she replied…
"When this is all over, I'm officially retiring from meddling in your affairs."
"I think that's a good idea." I replied with a curt smile, but it was clear she wasn't done…
"But…"
"But?" I asked looking at her curiously, and Pam explained…
"Eric wont tell me what happened. In fact I only spoke to him for 5 minutes via the phone. He told me you both need your space right now, but if this is just some stupid lovers quarrel, then I can help, I know you both are too stubborn to ask for it, which makes my blood boil, but I cant just sit here and do nothing and watch him march away to his imprisonment tomorrow when I think I could possibly do something about it."
I looked back at her feeling my heart sink again. Sighing because this was a painful subject for me too I explained calmly…
"It's not some stupid lovers quarrel Pam, it's bigger."
She returned my gaze earnestly and Pam replied…
"Is it something I can talk to him about, just say the word and Ill do whatever you want."
I sighed again, this time due to frustration, but also it was hard to watch Pam try to help when I knew she couldn't do anything, because I felt the same earlier, and I replied…
"No Pam, I'm sorry, there's nothing you can do, but I appreciate the offer."
I tried to sound grateful because in a way I was, I knew Pam wanted to help, but I meant what I said. She looked down at her hands as if she was searching for her next words and I assured her…
"Don't worry, Ill be there tomorrow."
Pam looked up at me hopefully and I explained not wanting her to get the wrong idea because I was sure Eric was already moving on. The idea that I could be pregnant with Bills baby was too much for him and I couldn't say I blamed him. Although I was disappointed. I thought we were more than this, but like Tara said, it's better to find out now. I was going to need to make a list of the people I could count on, especially over the next year. I couldn't deny however, that it did make me distressed to know Eric was not on that list.
"As a friend, I owe him that much."
She creased her brows in disappointment and I explained putting my hand on her shoulder…
"We don't always get to have our cake and eat it too, but we can make the best out of what we do still have and celebrate the good things, like freedom…I'm sure he's going to get off, they don't put innocent people in jail."
I assured her trying desperately to see the silver lining in all of this, because that was a very hard thing to do for me at the moment.
She looked back at me sadly and for some reason I felt the urge to run away. It caused too much pain to be in this small space with Pam right now, she reminded me too much of him. I felt like I would break down if I stayed so I nodded my head and replied with a simple smile…
"Ill send Arlene over in a minute to take your order."
When I came back out from the restroom, Pam was gone. I sighed again and wondered if I had made the right move. It's not like I had much choice in the matter. If Eric was going to walk out on me before he even knew if he was partially responsible for creating this little being, how was he going to handle taking care of it.
I wondered if this afternoon was the last time Id really get to talk to him. There was the trial of course, but I imagined he would be too busy dealing with his lawyer and everything else.
I just wished it would stop aching so much. I felt this emptiness that just wouldn't go away, especially after Pam had come and gone. But I had no choice, I needed the money, I needed the job, so I shook it off as best I could and kept my head held high. I kept thinking about what this baby would look like, and tried to concentrate on the good things as the time passed. One good thing is kids loved unconditionally, so my baby could never break my heart. And even if we weren't a traditional family, he or she would still have love around them. I would never settle for any less.
Those thoughts got me through the rest of the day and before I knew it, my shift was over. Sam was short a bartender and asked Tara if she could stay so she could get some overtime. Luckily, Jason happened to swing by Merlottes for a burger with Hoyt and I asked him if he could give me a ride home.
I told Tara she was off the hook and she reminded me to go see a doctor as soon as I could, she assured me it would make me feel better knowing what I was up against. I gave her a hug thanking her and assuring her I would be okay and then left with Jason.
On the ride home Jason told me about this great bar called "Freyja" in Shreveport he went to last night, insisting that I had to go out there sometime soon, because it was the coolest bar he'd ever seen. I didn't bother to tell him, I wouldn't be drinking for awhile, for at least 9 months.
His mention of Shreveport took me back to thinking about Eric. I had spent all afternoon and evening trying to put him in the back of my mind but with one word it all came flooding back. I wondered if this would ever stop hurting. But before I could think any more that nausea came swimming back up to the surface and I had to ask Jason to pull over.
"We're almost home."
He argued, and literally we had just turned into the long winding driveway, but I couldn't hold it and I begged him…
"Pull over, now!"
"Okay, okay!"
Jason did as I asked and within seconds I had pulled off my seatbelt, opened the car door, and ran into the woodlands as the contents of my stomach hurled out in front of me I crouched over in exhaustion and pain. Somehow I knew my body had been holding this in, ever since work, but I could no longer contain it. I realized that morning sickness wasn't necessarily always in the morning. Something I had to ask the doctor about because I wasn't sure if this was normal.
"Geez, Sook are you okay?" Jason slammed his door shut and ran over to help me up.
I spit the last of the bitterness out of my mouth and then stood up and looked at him for a moment and then Jason replied patting my back…
"You musta got the flu or somethin, I'm sure Gran will know what to do." He offered to take my hand.
Before I gave it to him, I needed to know positioning my words carefully as if to not give anything away…
"Jason?" I turned to face him.
"Yeah Sook?"
"If you, if you had a girlfriend who you got pregnant by accident, but it scared you and you weren't sure if you had enough money to support her and a baby and you weren't ready to commit to her, would you leave her alone?"
Jason's face colored white and he asked me stiffening up…
"Why are you askin me this, did someone tell you I knocked them up? Was it Dawn? Cause this is the first I heard any of that I swear!"
I could see Jason was freaking out and I assured him taking his hand and trying to calm him down…
"No sweetie, this is hypothetically…"
"Hypo what?"
"You know, it's pretend. But would you leave her?"
Jason shook his head and he looked at me straight in the eye his face hard and full of pride and he answered…
"No, Id do right by her, Id ask her to move in with me and then we'd go from there."
I smiled faintly. In that moment I felt a sudden wave of emotion wash over me knowing Jason was one of the good guys helped me immensely. Throughout the course of the day I was starting to wonder if there were any good men left. I was happy to have my big brother here with me to support and protect me I leaned in and gave him a hug.
After a moment of silence, Jason proclaimed…
"Sook, this is nice and all, but maybe you aughtta get to bed or somethin if you're not feeling well."
I smiled adoring his gullible nature in this moment, I leaned over to kiss his cheek and then agreed.
"Okay."
He insisted I get back in the truck and he drive me the rest of the way even if it was just a couple hundred feet.
I made a mental note to bury that mess in the morning, and then did my best to assure my Gran that everything was alright after Jason worriedly brought me inside.
I told her I had a headache, which I did, and just wanted to go to bed early. I had experienced enough stress for today, having to relive it all right now was not something I wanted. Gran kissed me on the forehead said she would bring me up some chicken soup and then they pretty much left me alone. I pretended to be asleep when my Gran came up later to check on me with the soup, but ravished it hungrily after she left. I knew I had to face her too, tell both she and Jason what was happening, but I wanted to at least see the doctor first so they wouldn't think me some common street whore who didn't know who the father of her child was, even if I already knew it was practically true.
xxxxx
In the morning I got up early. Not early enough to avoid my Gran who I spotted from my bedroom window already out in the yard working on her garden.
I didn't know how I was going to talk to her and reasoned that I would try my best to make a quick beeline past her and to my car. I had some errands to run before I drove to Shreveport.
I took a shower, feeling a little better, but the having to pee thing was starting to bug me. I must have gotten up at least 3 times during the night, and I hadn't remembered drinking that much. I kept a mental notepad of all the things I needed to ask the doctor. I just didn't know if I could handle anything else going wrong. I was doing everything I could just to hold it together right now.
I slipped on my best baby blue dress, and opted for flats to wear with it. I needed to look nice and presentable. I wasn't quite sure what the lawyers would ask me, but I hoped they would just keep the subject to Eric's whereabouts and his motive during those first few days he had lived here.
I put on a white dressy knit cardigan over my dress and added a string of pearls for good luck. They had been a high school graduation gift from my Gran and meant a lot to me.
I pinned my hair up in a twist and then I called the clinic. They said the OBGYN did not have an opening till 11:30. Which left me with some extra time, possibly too much extra time, which meant I had to get out of here unless I wanted to face the firing squad.
So I grabbed my purse, took a slice of toast to go, along with a small swig of coffee and then I was out the door. I waved goodbye to my Gran successfully dodging her, and told her from across the yard that I would see her this afternoon. She told me to give Eric a hug for her and I said I would, although I wasn't so sure how Eric would receive a hug from me at this point.
Nevertheless, I had some time to kill, and a very nervous churning stomach so I got in my car and started to drive.
I was surprised when 15 minutes later I was sitting in the parking lot of Bon Temps one and only church.
I knew I needed all the spiritual guidance I could get right now and although it was a Monday and Id probably get reprimanded for missing the last months of Sunday services should anyone catch me here, I found a desire to go inside and just sit in one of the pews for a few minutes.
My emotional wounds from yesterday weren't throbbing but they were still numb. I looked up at the altar and the large cross standing there reminding us all what this was for. I thought about Bill and Eric, and what happened between us. I went over in my mind how it was possible that Bill was ready to jump into this feet first with me while Eric turned away from me. Yes it was complicated, but did that really matter in the grand scheme of things?
I needed a sign because I was lost and needed to find my way home. I got down on my knees and prayed for the first time in a really long time. I asked God for guidance, I prayed that I could make it through this, that the life inside me could make it through this. I prayed for Eric and his freedom. I prayed for Bill and hoped he could find the redemption he so desperately sought. I prayed and asked that some day I could be happy again, that this child would make me happy, and most importantly, I prayed that I could give this baby a better future than I ever dreamed of.
I prayed for it all. When I was done and I rose to leave turning around I saw the blinding white lights of the day waiting for me behind the massive arch doors.
I felt a wave of pressure lift from me as I went from the inside of the church to the outside and knew the rest of this was up to me now, no more waiting around for things to happen. So when I got to the parking lot, I was finally ready to face this pregnancy. I had gone through so much in my young life, I knew I could do this too. I could do it because I was strong and capable and was never going to be a victim again.
I took a deep breath when I finally got to the clinic. Gearing myself up and start this long road that was now set out ahead of me.
I closed my eyes, took one more deep breath for good measure putting on a brave face and then walked towards the door.
I had only taken 10 steps when I heard my phone ring inside my purse. I moved my purse to my other arm as I dug around for the phone with my right and then felt the small red object heat up in my palm. I pulled it out and looked down at the screen. My pulse began to race nervously when I saw the name that popped up on my caller id.
It was Eric.
My rings were almost up, I only had it set to 5, so I didn't have much time for shock once the 4th ring came around, I quickly turned it on and croaked out a…
"Hello?"
"Sookie?"
His honey coated voice caused my body to light up like a switchboard and I answered not trusting my emotions, yet still surprised…
"Hey."
I heard a short breath on the other end, my mind spinning as I attempted to conjure up a reason for his call, and he confessed after a few moments pause…
"I wanted to hear your voice…"
"You did?" I asked him still confused but I couldn't deny the quickening speed of my now rapidly beating heart. I felt like I was looking at myself from above and he replied with a swallow…
"Yeah….um how are you feeling?"
"You mean aside from being bloated, sore, and having to pee every 10 minutes?" I answered truthfully, wondering where my etiquette sensor had gone, although despite my poor manners it broke the ice a little. I thought I heard him smile from the other end and he replied…
"I could have helped you with some of that if you hadn't tossed me out."
My jaw dropped in shock that he was blaming me for yesterday and I shot back, knowing he was trying to get a rise out of me but falling for it nevertheless…
"I tossed you out? I seem to recall you telling me you were going to have Pam take me home or did I hallucinate that?"
I heard him sigh and he answered earnestly…
"I'm sorry Sookie, I was in shock, it came as a surprise."
"Well imagine how I took it." I retorted.
There was another moment of silence and I found myself yearning for him to speak again.
"She didn't bother you did she? Pam?"
He asked.
"No…I spoke to her briefly but she kept it pretty clean."
I confessed sugar coating things for Pam's sake because I didn't want Eric to be mad at her. I wondered if he was just trying to protect himself by threatening Pam to stay away, although at the time, I found the gesture relieving.
"Yeah, Pam making anything brief is pretty much a myth." Eric mused lightly and I found myself smiling faintly, yet still left yearning for more from him as the torrent of emotions swirled inside me. I wanted him to tell me more about why he made this call, why he missed my voice, why we were doing this now? Was this just a game to him? I toyed with the edge of the phone holding my breath in suspense and Eric finally got to the point and explained…
"I know, I know this wasn't your fault, I wish you would have told me earlier, but I know you are just as freaked out as me."
I felt the pits in my abdomen dissolve into stomach clenching hope and I listened on silently…
"I don't care Sookie, I don't care who the father is, I just want us to work. I want to know you want the same thing."
I felt my eyes tear up in that moment. My knees weakened and I collapsed down on a bench outside the clinic. I needed a moment to pull myself together and this bundle of nerves I had turned into and finally I asked him in almost a whisper…
"You don't care? Not even if it's Bill's?"
There was a slight pause but then I heard him reply quietly…
"Things are complicated right now, but the one thing I do know is that. I didn't sleep all night because I was worried I wouldn't be able to tell you…I…I don't know what's going to happen and under the circumstances, Ill understand if you're not ready, but I just wanted you to know that I still love you."
I felt a churning in my chest as the nervous tension turned into joy. Was he saying he was okay with this? That he would accept this baby and me? Had those words Id been yearning to hear for so long finally come out?
One tear filled eye finally gave way, spilling salt water out to one cheek. I gulped, wondering if this was a dream and I confessed with a shake of my head…
"I want what you want."
I wondered how the fates could be so cruel to twist my heart up the way it was at this moment.
Up until now I hadn't fully realized how much I missed him. This rollercoaster ride we were on was a challenge but I could have kicked myself for not stopping him from leaving yesterday. The tears ran down my cheeks because it finally hit me that I could lose him.
But what if this baby was Bills? Maybe Eric could live with it, but could I? What if this baby was Eric's but he was sent away to prison for the next 50 years?
"Sookie, I'm sorry Mr. Cataliades is calling me, I have to go." Eric replied interrupting my thoughts.
"Okay." I answered with a small exhale in an attempt to reign in my emotion and he answered gently…
"Goodbye Sookie, I'll see you later."
I breathed wanting to say so much but I didn't have time, my mind and body a tumbling ball of feelings and I finally replied…
"Bye Eric."
I paused for a moment and then there was silence and I was afraid he had already left and I called him with urgency….
"Eric?"
There was a beat of silence and I began to fear I had lost the signal when he replied…
"Yeah?"
Another tear ran down my cheek and I confessed with heart wrenching relief hoping against hope that I hadn't lost him yet, it wasn't too late for us, that I would have good news to give him when I left this clinic today because I wanted it to be his …
"I love you too."