Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar the last Airbender.

(I'm downing! I'm drowning! Someone help me! *gasp*gurgle*gurgle* . . . silence)

That is how I feel right about now. When not even an hour of my day belongs to me, I consider letting myself pass out and stay passed out. They can't say my late work has to be turned in on time when I wasn't even well enough to drag myself to school to turn it in, right?

Apparently not.

On with the story!

I am very sorry about not updating in a while but I've had major writers block on almost all of my stories. That block doesn't seem to extend to getting story ideas, however. So, yah, sorry about the late chapter and I hope that you like it.

Hidden Secrets

Chapter 21

Change in the Wind

Zuko closed his eyes, his hands shaking where they were clutching at the bags on his shoulder.

His entire life he had always been watched in one way or another. He had always had to be on his guard to not let people know what he was really like. Going out as the Blue Spirit had been a break from that, but in the end he had always returned back to the ship, back to his watchers, back to captivity.

He had finally made a decision. He had left to find his own path; he was on his own.

He hadn't realized how lonely he would be.

Taking in a calm breath of the muggy air Zuko opened his eyes again, forcing himself to relax. This was his chance to be himself, to be who he truly was inside, to help people. The road ahead was obscured, yes, but he knew that he had to keep going, he had to do what was right.

The loud hoot of some animal caused Zuko to startle slightly as his eyes flew open and he viewed his surroundings warily. This jungle he was wandering through was nothing to laugh at, and few who went in ever came back out again, but it was his only choice.

Waterbending was a rare art, one that had been slowly fading as the Fire Nation had taken over more and more of the other countries. The only refuges from the 'Purge', as his father – no, the Fire Lord – called it, were in places that the Fire Nation had been unable to breach. The North Pole was a prime example of what the waterbenders were capable of doing when they wanted to. Repelling the entire Fire Navy with only one city of people was no small accomplishment.

This jungle was another refuge, the only one left in the Earth Kingdom and, currently, the only one that Zuko knew he would be able to reach without being slaughtered on sight.

Learning waterbending was something that he had to do, as the Avatar. Air was currently out of his reach, seeing as the last airbenders had been killed off almost a hundred years ago and any knowledge pertaining to the art of airbending had been destroyed by his people. Water, on the other hand, was the opposite of Fire and would be his greatest advantage in fighting another firebender.

Having come to this decision two weeks before he had reached the swamp Zuko had not known just how difficult it would be to find a master to teach him.

Even the fringes of the swamp were rife with danger and Zuko had been forced to be on alert at all times. One slipup and he could end up at the bottom of a bog or in some creature's belly. All in all, it was a fate that he wished to avoid.

While the swamp's secrets were elusive, the people living inside of it were even more so. In the two weeks that Zuko had spent wandering through the bug infested swamp he had begun to wonder if the rumors were even true. He had no doubt that an entire army had been lost here, but the fact that anyone lived here their entire lives was near impossible to imagine.

A shadow passed over him, moving to fast for him to focus on what it was. Zuko crouched down, his hand hovering over his Dao swords. He was hesitant to draw them, having heard some of the stories about those to harmed the forest, and was reluctant to get them wet with swamp water in case they rusted with no way of drying them out.

There was another call, this time to his right, and Zuko barely turned fast enough to catch a glimpse of a shadow. His eyes narrowed as he took in his surroundings and feeling his heart speed up as he felt the eyes watching him in every direction. He was not alone, but whether they were friend or foe he knew not.

He spun again, only to stumble back as thick, rope-like vines burst up from the water, sending droplets all over him. They spiraled and thickened until a tall, vine-monster stood before him, glaring at him with empty eyes.

"Oh Agni..." Zuko muttered as he scrambled back pulling his swords from his back uncaring at the moment if they got water on them. This... was unexpected.

The monster growled and lashed on vine arm toward Zuko who spun and slashed downward, severing the arm. Growling, the monster held up the stub of its arm and he watched with widening eyes as the vines wiggled and re-grew to form a new limb.

"This is bad, this is very, very bad," Zuko muttered. A swamp creature that could regenerate itself faster then he could hack it up? Not good. Not good at all.

The creature lunged again, this time with its entire body, and Zuko let out a surprised yelp as he was forced fall on his back into the water as he tripped on another vine that had snuck up behind him while he wasn't looking.

Momentarily distracted he didn't have time to find his swords as the monster descended on him. Desperately Zuko threw up his hand and, to his surprise and thankfulness, the water under him responded, soaring into a dome and hardening into ice.

The monster hit the dome with crushing force, making Zuko flinch as cracks spiraled throughout the temporary protection. One more hit like that that and his shelter was done for.

Searching frantically through the muddy water for his swords Zuko found them just as another hit shattered his ice dome, sprinkling him with shards of brown ice. He tensed waiting for the next blow to fall on him, but it never came.

Glancing up, Zuko was puzzled to see that the creature was looking at him with puzzlement as it hovered over him. Before he could consider what it could possibly be thinking, however, a hole opened up in the center of it and something came spiraling out, piercing into his shoulder.

Zuko jerked back and clutched at his shoulder as he watched the hole close. For a moment he could have sworn that there had been someone inside of the creature. Pulling his hand back he paled as he realized that the thing he had been struck with was no normal stick.

It was a dart, one specifically designed to send the victim to sleep almost immediately.

Too late, Zuko realized as his vision was fading and his limbs fell heavily into the water, that was no creature of the swamp.

It was a waterbender.

0~o~0

Aang hesitated at the doorway, staring into the room that the general was in. Was he really going to do this? Kuzon's words echoed through his mind again, but they felt hollow and far away, like a memory that had faded through time.

The Fire Nation was bad. He had seen what they had done, he had seen the effects they had on everyone else. This war could not be allowed to continue, even if he had to take out the Fire Nation to enforce that.

For some reason he felt like Kuzon would have been disappointed in him.

"General Fong?" Aang asked, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice as he straightened. Even now the general made him nervous.

Dark eyes turned to him and the smile that never made it to the dark orbs caused Aang to shiver in apprehension. Something didn't seem right, but he couldn't pinpoint what it was.

"Come in, Aang," the general said, beckoning to Aang, "Have you thought about our discussion?"

Aang gulped, his throat suddenly too dry, and nodded even as his hands balled into fists. He had to win this war, and if this was the only way to do it then so be it, "I'm in. I'll fight the Fire Lord."

The general's smile grew more sinister, "I'm glad to hear it, Aang. Meet me here tomorrow and we'll get started."

At the dismissal Aang nodded his head and turned to leave, trying to hold down the sick feeling that was coursing through him with a vengeance.

Distantly he wondered what Lee was doing and what he would say to Aang's decision.

0~o~0

Aang fidgeted as he watched his friends from where he sat on his temporary bed. He hoped that they would approve of his decision, even though he himself did not.

"I told the general I'd help him, by going into the Avatar State..."

It was like some one had jerked a string. Katara sat up and glared at him, "What? Aang, no! This is not the right way!"

Aang winced, not meeting her eyes. It may not be the right way... but it seemed to be the only way he was going to succeed. How could he, a twelve year old Avatar who had not even learned how to bend all four elements, hope to be able to beat the Fire Lord? It just wasn't possible.

Sokka snorted from the other bed, reclining casually, "Why not? Think of what he could do in the Avatar State," Sokka waved his hand through the air, "You heard the general, we could end the war now."

"There's a right way to do this. Practice, study, and discipline!" Katara turned her irritation on her brother, her voice raising with each word she said, "Not... not this!"

Sokka rolled his eyes, "Or just glow it up and story that Fire Lord! Problem solved and we can all go home."

Katara threw up her arms in defeat, though Aang could see indecision in her eyes, as if something that Sokka had said had struck a cord in her. "If you two meat heads want to throw away everything we've worked for, fine, go ahead and glow it up!" she growled, spinning around and marching out of the room.

Aang looked down at the floor, shuffling his feet. The thing was he didn't want to throw away everything that they had worked for. Everyone else wanted him to throw it away for them.

The seed of doubt in his heart grew.

0~o~0

Two weeks later . . .

General Fong growled as he passed back and forth over the rug in his private study. They had tried everything! The Avatar just would not go into the Avatar State!

There had to be another way.

Fong paused as a thought slipped into his head. It was not his own, but he didn't know that.

The boy said that he has only entered the Avatar State when he or his friends were in danger of dieing. So far only superficial things have been tried, but in order to truly get him to react... he needs to feel threatened.

I need to attack him...with the intent to kill, that is the only way. That or his friends.

A dark smile slipped over Fong's face. Yes, that would work. Soon, the Earth Kingdom would have the all powerful Avatar on their side and nothing would stop them.

If they lost the water peasants along the way who was he to care?

Tomorrow, at dawn.

Yes, tomorrow.

From deep within his soul, a dark spirit stirred in satisfaction. It would judge this new avatar. If it was worthy enough, maybe it could serve The Master.

Its power would be a benefit to the Great One.

0~o~0

Two weeks after having told Fong yes Aang was seriously regretting his decision, and it looked like the general was starting to get irritated. So far they had tried chi-enhancing tea (which hadn't turned out so well, judging from the headache he had after he woke up from being knocked out), 'surprises' at random times to shock him (didn't even phase him, though he had to admit that some of them were kind of funny), wearing ceremonial clothing from all four nations and the combining of the four elements (upon which the mixture was then thrown on him; he was never going to get the mud out of his ears after this), and many other ridiculous and annoying things that he wasn't going to bother thinking about. Nothing was working and, frankly, he was getting tired of trying.

With how much time they had spent here he could have found a teacher and started learning earthbending already. This was holding him back more than it was helping, but he was only seeing that now, after the disastrous tries to force him into the Avatar State.

Why had he agreed to this again?

Because I'll never be strong enough to it as me.

Aang wrapped his arms around himself with a shiver. Everyone said that it was his destiny to defeat the Fire Nation and take down the Fire Lord... but to them defeating the Fire Nation was the equivalent to destroying their home and people. And take down the Fire Lord was kill him, kill the man who has cause so much pain.

He... didn't know if he could.

The dream that he'd had that morning came back to him. It had been vague but he could remember the feeling of panic and the red moon hovering, bloated, in the sky. Everything felt wrongwrongwrong and he couldn't waterbend because that peace of him was missing.

One fish floated dead in the water, the other swimming in confusion around it, the balance lost.

In the dream it was as if a haze had come over his mind and his body was no longer his own as he stepped into the pool, suddenly knowing what to do. The water soaked into his pant legs as he stood in the center and a burn spread down his tattoos as they started to glow with a light brighter than they ever had before.

And then the water swallowed him up. He was no longer Aang or The Avatar; he was Tui and Ocean and Anger Sorrow Despair Hopelessness.

This cannot go unpunished.

Water formed around him, swelling, forming, twisting together until it towered above the icy city. A monstrous face, resembling that of a fish and a dragon with spikes running down his back, grew into existence with glowing white eyes and an angry snarl. Light illuminated it and, in the center, Aang stood with the water all around him, his face blank and emotionless.

Fire shall pay for what they have done.

The Ocean Spirit, for that is what he had embodied, swept through the city, killing all in its path that were from the Fire Nation. Even those fleeing were not spared as the ocean rose up to swallow them whole into its freezing depth.

It was when the Spirit reached the ships however, that the true horror began.

Ship after ship was swiftly and efficiently broken and left sinking, killing all those who were on board. Fire could not survive water for long, especially cold water.

Few escaped, and fewer would ever make it to safety before they sank from the damage.

Above them, the moon turned white again.

Aang shook his head, pulling from the memory as he curled up tighter. It didn't happen that way. Lee was there, he saved us. That wasn't me, I... I didn't do that...

But he could have.

The thought was terrifying. In the Avatar State he had no control over what he was doing, no control over his mind or body. Aang couldn't kill, but the Avatar could, and the Avatar did not discriminate.

Aang didn't want to be that kind of person. Not now or ever.

But that meant that he needed to get out. He wanted to help the people, yes, but this wouldn't work.

I would only be helping those who would hurt more people.

The thought surprised Aang as he blinked. Wasn't that what General Fong wanted? The eradication of the entire Fire Nation, men, woman, and children alike? Did he really want to help this kind of people?

The truth was that he was scared. He didn't want to help those people, but he did want to stop the war, stop the killing, and stop the anger.

He just didn't know how.

Kuzon would have known. Kuzon was always so level headed and calm. He was the one who did the planning (much like Sokka did now), he was the one who taught him his best tricks, and he was the one who Aang would have turned to in this situation.

If only he were still there.

Katara and Sokka were both good people... but they were also very bias. Their anger clouded their judgment, Sokka especially. Aang needed to talk to someone who wouldn't tell him to killed everyone in the Fire Nation or kill him on sight.

He needed Lee.

Lee had saved him from the Fire Nation when he had been captured. Lee had listened to him and warned him about the attack at the North Pole. He had also spared the Fire Nation from a horrible death by making them turn back. He gave them a choice, and that is exactly what Aang wanted to do as well, but he needed advise first.

He needed Lee, but where could he find the elusive bender?

"Aang?"

Aang blinked, surfacing from his thoughts with a jerk as he spun around and saw Katara standing nervously in the door way. For the first time he noticed the setting sun and how late it was. He had been perched on the hard stone balcony for several hours without realizing it.

"Oh, um, I was just..." Aang trailed off and shrugged slightly, turning back to look at the setting sun, "I was just thinking."

Katara took a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly as if to prepare herself, "Can we talk about something?"

Aang shrugged as she came to stand by him, "Sure."

A moment of silence passed before Katara sighed and leaned against the railing that he was perched on, "Do you remember when we were at the air temple and you found Monk Gyatso's skeleton?"

Aang's grip tightened on the stones, almost making them creek under his fingers. Tears prickled at the edges of his eyes. He had almost forgotten...

"It must have been so horrible and traumatic for you. I saw you get so upset that you weren't even you anymore." She bowed her head slightly, "I'm not saying the Avatar State doesn't have incredible power... but you have to understand... for the people who love you, watching you be in that much rage and pain is really scary."

Aang paused, blinking back the tears. He couldn't get upset over his old mentor now, not while they were at a critical point.

"I understand."

"I-" Katara cut herself off and blinked for several second, turning her blue eyes to him in surprise as if she had expected him to say something else, "What?"

Aang shrugged, "I understand. I don't like this either, and I don't agree with it," he glanced away, "It has just taken me a while to figure that out, is all."

"So you are going to stop?"

Aang curled up, feeling more and more like a child. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. But he couldn't keep doing this.

"Every day, more and more people die. I'm already one hundred years late, Katara. Everyone keeps saying that defeating the Fire Lord is the only way to stop this war but... I can't. Not as Aang."

"... but you don't want to do it as the Avatar either," Katara's voice was filled with sorrow, understanding, and hurt. The last one stung his a little. This was the first time that he had admitted to her that defeating the Fire Lord was something that he couldn't do, and he could see that she was frustrated. Everything they were working toward, all of their sacrifices, it was to end this war.

But did he have to kill to do so?

"What is going to happen then?" Katara asked, her eyes lowered.

Aang sighed again, his shoulders slumping, "Were leaving tomorrow. I'm going to tell the General in the morning."

It was several moments before Katara nodded, "I'll get our supplies bundled up, then," she said and turned to leave. Aang's voice stopped her, however, as he spoke softly.

"Thank you, Katara."

She blinked for a moment in surprise, "For what?"

Aang smiled at her, "For listening. I'll see you tomorrow."

Katara hesitated before smiling back briefly, "Your welcome, Aang. Goodnight."

Behind her Aang repeated her farewell, turning back to look at the now darkened sky and sparkling stars.

0~o~0

The next morning Aang found himself standing nervously behind the desk of General Fong as the man hurriedly worked through several pages of paperwork. "How are you doing today, Aang?"

"Um, ok, I guess," Aang said, shrugging and looking around apprehensively. For some reason he felt as if there were something... different about the place that he had visited so often during his stay. It almost seemed... darker.

"How is activating that Avatar State going?" the General said, but to Aang it sounded strained, fake.

Undaunted, however, Aang pushed on, taking a deep breath. He had spoken to Sokka not long after Katara and, to his surprise, Sokka had readily agreed with him. It made doing this so much easier having both of his companions on his side, "About that, well, the thing is, I don't think we'll ever be able to trigger it on purpose so... I guess that's it."

The scratching of a feather on paper (unusual that he would use that instead of a brush, but Aang wasn't one to judge) stopped as the General paused and glanced up, his eyes darkening, "You changed your mind?"

Aang shuffled his feet, the nervousness in his soul getting worse the longer that he spoke, "I just... I don't think we are going about this the right way. The Avatar State isn't supposed to be used like this, and I can only reach it when I'm in genuine danger."

The feather was put down with a soft click.

"So you are giving up," the tone used by the General was one that Aang had never heard from the man before, the dark emotions swirling within it made Aang want to back up in fear, "You are going to abandon us to the Fire Nation... just like you did a hundred years ago."

Aang flinched, his face flushing with sudden anger, "That's not what I said! I'm not abandoning you I-"

"I knew this would happen," the emotionless voice and words gave Aang pause.

Seconds later the earth desk had been sent blasting toward him, catching him in the ribs and hurtling him across the room. Hitting the wall with a smack he felt several of his ribs creek under the pressure and the stone crumble around him. If the table had been any thicker it would have killed him.

Aang looked up thought tears and blurry vision as he tried and failed to get up.

The General stood above him, but he no longer seemed like the man Aang had come to know. Dark eyes had become even darker, and the very shadows themselves seemed to swirl around him, ready to do his bidding.

"Genuine danger, you say," a voice, no longer the general's deep baritone, hissed, his eyes flashing, "We'll, lets get started then."

For the first time since coming to the fort Aang felt true, soul wrenching fear.

This wasn't General Fong.

0~o~0

A storm raged over the angry sea as it tossed the small boat mercilessly between its waves. Battered and slightly broken, the small boat didn't look like it would hold much longer.

Onboard Zuko hissed and clung to the makeshift pole in the middle where the mast went. He had already used some rope to secure himself but in this kind of storm the rope would not be enough if he was thrown. His cold, freezing fingers dug into the wood as he attempted to get to the other side of the mast and closer to his supplies.

The storm had come out of nowhere, literally. One moment he had been looking for land, as he was supposed to be close to the continent, and the next dark clouds are rolling over and the waves were tossing him and his boat around like a rag doll. Lightning briefly lit up the darkness every once in a while, after which followed the bone shaking boom of thunder.

In the state he was in, he couldn't even let go of the mast to waterbend for fear that he would go overboard.

Another crackle of Lightning lit up the sky and Zuko gritted his teeth. He had to get to his supplies. It was a miracle that they hadn't gone over yet as it was. Glancing at the rolling waves and judging the distance between the next roll and the boat, Zuko lunged.

"Got it!" he cried victoriously, standing wobbly with his bag which he secured over his shoulder. He should have just enough to time make it back to the mast before a wave broke over him, and he would have, but there was one thing that he had misjudged.

The small boat had not been mean for these waters, and the strain was too much for its frail sides.

With a loud, agonizing groan, the wood in the center of the boat splintered, and then snapped, the boat coming apart at the seams.

Zuko didn't have enough time to shout in surprise before the support under him vanished and he was sent plunging into the cold waters of the ocean.

In the storm tossed waves, it was impossible to see if he had come back up.

0~o~0

How was that for a cliffhanger?

I didn't know that I would end it like that, but I figured that I should make it a little longer.

I hope you are all excited for the next chapter. I also need ideas if any of you have . How do you all want this story to be different from the cartoons? I don't want to continue following the cartoons the entire time. That becomes a little too predictable and I, personally, don't like being predictable. So ideas or thoughts about how where is going will be greatly appreciated.

As for updates, well, don't expect them regularly. I have a busy schedule and lots of stories to write.

I do want to thank you all for the support I have received for this story. Look forward to the next chapter within a month to three. Thank you.