After the first kiss and in the first embrace...

He engulfed her, rocked her. Anna squeezed him in even closer. She needed to feel his heart beating against hers; there it was, faintly pounding on her breastbone. Anna inhaled him, the faded scents of aftershave and soap and under that, the scent of him, of the man. She wrapped her arms around his back and sighed into his neck as his skin warmed against hers. She closed her eyes and drank him. Years of being next to him without the privilege of touch had made her porous with yearning and now she soaked him up, his scent, his size and the possessive way his hands moved over her back. After a few moments she drew back.

"Mr.-" she stopped, laughed a little, then continued, "Kiss me again,"

He was smiling, cupping her cheek once more. "I will," he said, "But first I want you to say my name,"

Anna's breath rushed, misting little clouds in the cold night air. "Kiss me," she insisted.

"Say my name, Anna,"

"John,"

"Yes?"

"John, kiss me!" He pulled her in. Anna slid her arms around his neck, standing as high as she could on her toes; he bent lower for her. She lost all but him. She became as unselfconscious as a hungry child, her hands on his face, caressing every feature she'd been memorizing for so long. She traced his brows, his nose, his cheeks, his mouth, his temples, following with kisses all over his face. She was ravenous to touch every bit of him, to memorize him, consume him. Her fingertips dipped into the curves of his ears, slid around the back of his neck and into his hair, at last running that heavy silkiness between her fingers. She continued praising him with her hands, down over the luxurious mass of his shoulders, down his back, then up over his chest. She could lay her head on that great chest forever and dream there, find exquisite release there, take refuge there. She kissed him again, opening her mouth more; he slid the very tip of his tongue smoothly and slowly along her lower lip. Anna's body opened as her heart had, with a gasp of astonishment and then a melting sensation all over. She wanted to climb him, pull him down, crawl over him.

Their kisses were more open, hungrier, and finding a rhythm. Anna heard a whine trilling from her own throat. He took her face in his hands and slowed her, holding his mouth on hers for longer time, closing his mouth, gradually calming them both. Anna was shaking. He wrapped her in his arms again and brought her cheek to his as they breathed against each other. Anna began to notice the cold.

He drew back to look at her.

"I love you, Anna," he said.

She smiled at him, still breathless. "Finally," she said.

"Always," he said.

Anna paused in the hallway before entering the dining hall for breakfast the next morning. He had come down early. He was already finishing his first cup of tea and had of course saved her seat - not that anyone would bother to try to sit between them at this point - but Anna's cheeks were burning; she had to stop, and turned around. She almost crashed into Mrs. Hughes.

"Anna?"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Hughes, I've forgotten something,"

Mrs Hughes stared at Anna's high color for a moment, and then came to an unspoken conclusion.

"Well," she whispered, "That happens to busy girls. But do hurry,"

"I will," said Anna, grateful for the excuse she would never have to make. She ran up the stairs, passing Ethel on the way. Anna stood at the top of the stairs for just a few moments, gathering her thoughts. When she returned to the table with her self-composure regained Ethel was sitting next to Mr. Bates and arguing her right to be there.

"You can talk to her anywhere at the table, it's not that far away," Ethel was trying to flirt, "Why does it matter?"

"If it doesn't matter, then I would appreciate your graciousness," said Mr. Bates, his eyes hardening.

"What does that mean?" Ethel huffed.

"It's means we have ways of doing things here and you'd best pay attention," said O'Brien. "Those two are thick as thieves, anyhow. When we tell you to move, you move," Anna was only surprised for a moment. Beyond her fondness for manipulation Miss O'Brien loved one other thing; she loved order.

Ethel looked at Mr. Bates who gave her that firm smile, the smile that commanded.

"Well, you lot are stuck in your ways," Ethel groused, crossing the room. She took a seat next to William. "I like them younger, anyway,"

Anna took the seat next to Mr. Bates.

Ethel looked around the table as they all stared at her in silence.

"What?" she nearly shouted.

Anna bit down on a laugh. She glanced sideways at him, and only she could see the laughter building in his eyes. It helped. Anna was grateful for Ethel's antics. With the attention on Ethyl it was easier to pretend everything was the same this morning, when just last night her whole world had changed.

Anna finished the bedrooms with Ethel, who now claimed she was tired and needed a minute outdoors. Anna was happy to let her go for the moment but also happy that her supervisor just happened to be Mrs. Hughes, who would never allow one maid to increase another's work for laziness. Anna started down the quiet hallway and saw him coming toward her. She knew her smile was wide open, but there was no one to see them.

He was somber. Anna frowned.

"What is it?"

"Last night," he said. He paused, his eyes probing hers, treading the edge of an apology, "I have no regrets...but as I'm not yet divorced..."

The quote came to Anna instantly. He used quotes with her enough, time for her to use one on him. She looked hard at him.

"'Then have my lips the sin that they have took*?'"

His mouth opened. His color rose quickly as his eyes darkened. So this was what desire looked like on him; it was beautiful. He was beautiful. Anna's pulse started roaring in her ears.

His look began with understanding and slid into a pleading gaze, a don't toy with me, it's too cruel, gaze.

Anna folded her arms, to show him she was waiting.

"'O trespass sweetly urged,*'" he said, low and soft.

Anna nodded. She hushed her voice and said slowly, "Give me my sin again,*" then she spun on her heel and went back down the hallway.

John looked back across the table at Ethel in grave annoyance, but Anna smiled. She slipped her fingers into his palm and tilted her head toward the back door.

He went first, shrugging on his coat as he left the dining hall. Ethel shot Anna an insidious glance. Anna smiled calmly at her.

Anna's mother had always had strength and composure to match anyone's. Anna held a distant memory of her father saying, "That woman could face down the Mongol hordes without a single hitch,". Anna was very proud of this and emulated her mother, and as the eldest daughter knew it was upon her to teach her younger sisters-and brothers-the strength that came from a conscience, from knowing oneself, and from the courage of conviction. Anna had fears and doubts like everyone but she knew where she stood. To Anna Ethyl was a minor and often amusing background noise, like a fly in the room.

Still, she waited an interval before rising and heading toward the back door by which time Ethyl was slack-jawed over her magazine.

Anna walked into an empty courtyard. He stepped out from a shadow.

Anna turned to look around them. They were alone.

She went straight to him; she fell into his arms as he enclosed her. They moved together as gracefully as dancers, in perfect synch. Anna tilted her face up and parted her lips. He answered her without hesitation, caressing her mouth with his own. Anna relaxed in his arms, her body glued to his, receiving him and responding to him. It was as natural and nourishing as breathing.

Anna had been kissed before, twice; once walking home from school by an older boy who jumped on her to steal a kiss and who went home with a swollen eye for his trouble. Her second kiss was at a village dance. Both had been rushed, clumsy, soggy affairs that reminded her of being punched with a wet rag.

She had never questioned what kissing John Bates would be like. She had conjured it a hundred times and knew that his gentleness and his maturity would be wonderful things in this situation; they were. He was tender but confident, following her cravings. The more he teased her and the more she opened to him, the more she wanted to take him inside in every possible way, to cradle the little boy in him she had glimpsed at times, to sooth the worried man, to consume him in joy, to keep him safe. By giving herself, even if only with stolen kisses in the back courtyard, she took him in. He was hers.

He left a last tiny kiss on her upper lip, beaming down at her. He was more at ease than she had ever seen him right now, calm and sweet; for a moment she glimpsed the younger John who had not been wounded, who hadn't been manipulated and betrayed. She gave a little sob suddenly and he pulled her close. Anna wanted to see him like this every day. She wanted his fears and hurts to fade. She wanted him content and laughing, knowing that he was loved. She wanted him to come home to her and drop all his guard when he came in the door, to relax in her arms, to expect her kisses. She wanted him happy.

*From Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare