Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, the setting, the time period, or even the plot that has gone before. Also, I have no money. It will be a pointless effort in malicious spite to sue me over this piece of fan fiction.

Note: I'm not even going to dodge the rotten fruit and sharp objects this time. After over a year's worth of non-updates on this story, I deserve to have slimy cucumbers in my hair and all that. Many, many apologies to you guys, and here's hoping I can make it up to you. It's going to be a busy year in RL, but it's one of my resolutions for 2009 to actually finish this story. (Ironic, given the title, eh?)

Note the Second: I'm re-chaptering this so it's not so confusing anymore. So instead of Chapter One being the second chapter of the fic, it'll be the prologue. Er. I'm sure it will make more sense. Also tweaking some stuff throughout. No huge changes, though. Wording mostly, and some typos.

Note the Third: Thanks to all who have pestered me, and thanks for any tattered shreds of patience you have remaining. I'll shut up now.

Chapter 21

Kenshin found this return trip much easier than the miserable journey earlier in the afternoon. The vertigo had completely faded, and while his stomach wasn't happy with him yet, it wasn't at war with him either. In fact, only the headache remained—every bit as strong as before. He got the feeling it had settled in to stay, and that he'd better adjust for it.

A movement further ahead on the road perked his senses, and Kenshin found himself momentarily debating the merits of melting into the darkness to the side of the road. He shook his head and kept walking. Not many people traveled after dark, but those that did so on a main thoroughfare were rarely dangerous. Generally, they were simply in a hurry to get home or to an inn. Soon, the bubble of warm light from a travel lantern bobbed into view, and Kenshin nodded a greeting to the man who delivered firewood each month.

"You're out late, Himura-san," the man commented, stopping.

Kenshin nodded, plastering a smile across his face. "Aa. Even when this one is off duty, the work never ends."

The wood merchant laughed at that. "Well, real jobs take some getting used to, Himura-san." He began walking again, his steps livelier. "You can't be a carefree wanderer forever, you know," he called over his shoulder as the light faded into the distance with him.

Kenshin watched him go, waiting until the lantern's glow was entirely beyond sight and the moonlight filtered down through the leaves overhead. Real jobs. While it was true that his role as a policeman was an odd fit still, his real job was something he would rather not get used to again. Except that Saitou combined them both into a single job. He shook his head again and kept walking. He'd already been out late enough, and if the wood merchant had come again, he was doubly behind on chopping the firewood.

As he neared the gate, a cloud of worried ki seemed to envelop him. He looked up in time to see Kaoru running toward him, but before he could ask her what was wrong, she'd grabbed his hand and started dragging him to the porch where Megumi and the others were sitting anxiously. Kenshin opened his mouth to attempt his inquiry a second time, but Sano would have none of it.

"Where were you?" The fighter looked half dead from exhaustion, but managed to put quite a lot of irritation into his question nonetheless.

Kenshin frowned, sitting when Kaoru motioned for him to, but still surveying the nervous faces and anxious ki. Even Yahiko looked concerned, and the boy had been giving him the cold shoulder for a while now. Kaoru-dono was the one to deliver the message, though, he thought. Surely she told everyone where I was.

"Well?" Yahiko folded his arms over his chest and glared at him, his expression part challenge and part reluctant relief.

He blinked, and gestured back the way he'd come. "This one has been talking with Saitou at a little shrine just off the main road into town." Kenshin resisted the urge to rub at his temples. Why were people so intent on lecturing him today? "Why are all of you sitting on the porch worrying? There is no need for this," he insisted. "This one is not leaving."

"Oh, Ken-san," Megumi said, her voice trembling. "I'm so sorry. It was my mistake. That wasn't the medicine you were supposed to take, it was—"

"I'd gathered as much," he interrupted, trying to keep his tone light and his face free of a scowl and failing miserably. He forced the expression away and tried again with more success. "That was almost worse than the laughing mushrooms, it was."

Megumi bit her lip, and studied his face. "How are you feeling now?" she asked, picking up a candle from the porch and shining it in his eyes.

He winced and looked away from the light. "This one has a headache, Megumi-dono, and that isn't helping any."

"Well, you don't seem jaundiced," she replied, her expression relieved as she set the candle down again. "I need to ask you some questions, Ken-san, to make sure you're all right."

Kenshin sighed, resigning himself to several minutes of question-answer. He recalled the process well, both from seeing soldiers get questioned after head injuries and from occasionally being on the receiving side of such questioning himself during his training and later while he was with the Ishin Shishi. "Very well," he nodded, trying to remember what color he'd decided on as a favorite the last time he dealt with this. It invariably came up in these sessions and he'd found it was easier to have a ready answer than to like all colors indiscriminately.

"What is your full name?"

"Himura Kenshin," he answered.

Megumi nodded, and continued. "And the year?"

He glanced at Kaoru before answering. "1878."

"Okay. What city do you live in, Ken-san?"

"Tokyo."

Megumi nodded again, starting to lose some of the nervous energy that had been driving her before. "Tell me what happened to Shishio Makoto."

He murdered the woman he loved, Kenshin thought. And the kami struck him down. It was the truth, after all, condensed to its most important elements. But it wasn't an answer that would cut this short. "He fought with this one on Mt Hiei and lost," he finally answered. "Are you satisfied that this one has not yet lost his mind, Megumi-dono?"

She frowned. "I was. But your answers aren't always as quick as they should be. Name someone you work with here in Tokyo," she said.

"Saitou Hajime."

"And in Kyoto?"

"Misao-dono."

Megumi was quiet for a moment. "I meant before, Ken-san. This is to judge your temporal awareness."

Kenshin felt an uneasy shift in Kaoru's and Sano's ki, and wondered just how badly things had gone last night. Yahiko didn't seem to share their sharpened apprehension, so perhaps he'd been asleep by the time Kenshin had returned from the row house. He could only hope circumstances had spared the boy.

"Ken-san?" Megumi prompted.

He shook his head, slowly enough to avoid a faster tempo to the throbbing. "This one worked alone during the Bakumatsu," Kenshin said stiffly.

"You didn't have anyone you'd consider a comrade in arms?" she asked. "Out of all the Imperialist soldiers? Not one?"

Kenshin wondered why she seemed surprised by this. It would have taken a rare breed of man to want to work with a killer as cold and effective as he'd been at his worst. Even after, at Toba Fushimi, there were many in the Ishin Shishi who would risk a few moments in the line of fire to avoid him.

Sano shifted against the wall, and Kenshin realized he'd been quiet too long again. He slipped on a smile and put a hand on the back of his head with a chuckle he didn't feel. "Gomen, Megumi-dono. This one was not easy to get along with back then, he most certainly wasn't." Another truth, in essence. Even Katagai-san had had difficulty interacting with him aside from taking reports and giving orders.

"I…" she trailed off. "Well try to think of someone, Ken-san. In the meantime, your favorite food."

He almost said 'yellow' before hearing the actual question. This was a new one. "Oro?"

Megumi looked over at Kaoru and smiled slyly. "I can see why you wouldn't have much experience with good food lately, Ken-san, but surely you have a favorite from before you came here?" She laughed behind a hand as Kaoru pushed up her sleeves with a scowl.

Kenshin felt the first genuine smile in a long time, and didn't fight it. "Now, now," he said, grateful to return to a simpler role as peacemaker. "This one enjoys Kaoru-dono's cooking, he does."

Kaoru brightened, and stuck her tongue out at Megumi. "Ne, Kenshin? What's your favorite, then? We can have it tomorrow for dinner."

Taking note of Sano's and Yahiko's exchanged grimaces, Kenshin shrugged. "This one's never been too partial, Kaoru-dono. But he does enjoy fish." Hopefully his stomach would be cooperative by dinner time tomorrow, or he'd have a lot of explaining to do. He'd already refused too many meals as it was, and he hated worrying Kaoru and the others.

Megumi let out a deep breath and brushed her hair back over her shoulders. "Well, Ken-san, it seems you'll be fine. That headache shouldn't have lasted this long, but you have been under a lot of stress lately." She looked over at Sano briefly before turning her attention back to him. "And you haven't been sleeping well. It shows." Megumi reached into a sleeve and produced a small cloth pouch, which she placed in Kenshin's hand. "This is what you were supposed to take. After tonight, I want you to take this regularly."

Kenshin regarded the bag in his hand as he would a snake. "But Megumi-dono—"

"No buts," she interrupted. "You can't do your job if you're tired all the time, and with that killer out there you need all your wits about you, Ken-san. Especially on these night patrols. Who knows what could happen if you slip up and Saitou isn't around for backup?"

Kenshin counted his blessings that Megumi didn't know how close to home her words struck. From the apprehension radiating from Sano and Kaoru, though, they had a much better idea about last night's assignment. Perhaps they'd read the papers. No, they'd had Saitou's message, so the wolf had been to the dojo while he slept. How much had Saitou told them?

Megumi stood and covered a yawn with the back of a hand. "Take tomorrow off. You need to try to stay awake tonight so we can be sure the side effects are gone. But starting tomorrow night, half a dose in water. Every night. Understand?" She waited until Kenshin nodded, and then addressed Sano. "You stay home, too, Sanosuke. I need to spend the day restocking the medicines, and you'll be more hindrance than help. Look after Ken-san."

"Sure thing," he mumbled, waving a hand to show he understood, but otherwise not moving from his position slumped against the wall. "I'll watch him." His eyes drifted shut as he finally yielded to exhaustion.

Shaking her head, Megumi raised her eyebrows at Kaoru, who nodded. Satisfied that someone would be looking after Kenshin during the night, she said her goodbyes and closed the gate behind herself.

"Are you hungry, Kenshin?" Kaoru asked, sitting forward with a smile. "We saved some rice balls from dinner…"

He held back a shudder and set the bag of medicine aside and leaned back against one of the support posts to help hide the motion. "It's true this one's feeling a little better, Kaoru-dono, but let's not risk it tonight, okay?" Kenshin watched her face fall, and wished he was feeling up to food just to make her happy again. That made the third meal he'd turned down now, and he could tell it worried her more than it would most.

"Oh," she murmured, her eyes on her hands.

"Some water would be nice, though," Kenshin suggested, watching her closely. "If it isn't too much trouble."

Kaoru looked up again and got to her feet in a hurry. "Right!" she exclaimed, dashing off to the kitchen.

Kenshin smiled and kicked his zori off before pulling his legs up. He wasn't thirsty in the least bit, but seeing her perk up like that was worth drinking the water she'd gone to fetch.

"I was worried," Yahiko said once she was gone, his voice soft but full of accusation.

Kenshin looked over at him. Given Yahiko's reaction on seeing the daisho and the silent treatment he'd given him since, Kenshin hadn't expected much beyond broody glares yet. But Yahiko seemed willing to talk. "You shouldn't worry about this one, Yahiko," he said, grateful for whatever reprieve he'd been granted. "Instead, focus on your training, and on helping the people in town."

Yahiko folded his arms over his chest. "I'm still worried, Kenshin." He glanced at Sano, and kept his voice soft but still firm. "And I still say you're doing the wrong thing."

Kenshin sighed. "I know. This one is glad you have strong convictions, and that you aren't giving them up." Sano must really be asleep, he thought, or he'd have smacked Yahiko for the challenge and me for the 'unworthy talk.'

"Are you even still Kenshin, now that you're killing people again?"

He heard a note of subdued desperation in Yahiko's voice, and fought back another sigh. He'd been doing that too much lately. He needed to stop. "I've made many mistakes in my life, Yahiko," he admitted. "And it's true that this may be another one. But at least you will have this one's mistakes to learn from." It was about all he could offer at the moment, though he wished it weren't so.

"I guess so." Yahiko rubbed his eyes with both fists, clearly fighting off sleep. "But I still don't agree with this."

"Good," Kenshin replied. He didn't fully agree with it, either.

"What can I do to make you stop, Kenshin?"

He shook his head. "Gomen. This one's mind is made up, Yahiko." And even if it weren't, he doubted he'd be allowed to put the killing sword aside again so easily as the last time. "But you're welcome to try," he offered. He pretended not to see the yawn Yahiko tried to hide. "You should get some sleep if you're going to train tomorrow. You'll get more out of your lessons if you're well rested, that you will."

Yahiko got up, using the wall for support, but hesitated before going in. "Are you still going to be at the dojo in the morning?"

"Aa." Kenshin motioned for him to go in. "Goodnight, Yahiko."

"'Night, Kenshin."

Kaoru waited until Yahiko was inside before joining Kenshin on the porch. She handed him a mug of water, and set the pitcher she'd brought down beside herself. "I'm sorry for listening in, Kenshin," she said. "It's just that, well, I was sure Yahiko would storm off if I'd been here. He's been so moody lately."

"Yahiko is at a moody age," Kenshin replied. He took a sip of water, and nodded his thanks. "He's a good kid, Kaoru-dono, and his idealism is very similar to this one's own, once. He won't make the mistakes this one made as a youth." Especially not if he pays close attention to the results. He wondered vaguely whether he'd have listened to Hiko if his warning had come with an example. It hardly mattered at the moment, though. Done was done. And redone.

"Kenshin?"

He looked up from his mug, detecting a hesitation that didn't suit her. "Yes, Kaoru-dono?"

She glanced down for a moment, then back up at him. "Last night…" She took a deep breath. "You didn't recognize me, Kenshin. It's been worrying me."

"Sano said that this one didn't see you the first night, either." He ran a finger along the rim of his mug. "Gomen, Kaoru-dono. That shouldn't have happened." So the introduction earlier had been necessary, at some point. That wasn't a good sign. He had to figure out this anchor business soon.

Kaoru shook her head. "No, Kenshin. I mean you didn't know who I was." She tried to say something, then swallowed. "You called me Tomoe, Kenshin."

He very nearly dropped his water, and only a quick fumble saved the mug from slipping from his fingers entirely. Kenshin watched the surface of the water ripple from the motion as he tried to gather the thoughts that had run off in a thousand directions. He felt pressure on his arm, and looked over to see Kaoru's hand resting on the crook of his elbow. He resisted the urge to shake her away for her own safety, knowing such an action would only hurt her more.

"I'm not upset, Kenshin," Kaoru said, her voice betraying a very different sentiment as it drifted through his mind. "I was at first. But that was just silly."

Kuso, he thought. This means that last night was bad. Worse than I had imagined. He tried to unclench his jaw, to relax his shoulders. It would not do to worry Kaoru unnecessarily, and he got the feeling he was doing just that. She wasn't afraid to touch him, so he couldn't have been violent. The rationalization wasn't helping.

"You're staring again. That's what you did last night, Kenshin. After I shook you out of it."

Kenshin forced himself to take a deep breath as he forced some of his worst nightmare images out of his head. The water was still rippling in his mug, and he realized his hands were shaking. He had never wanted to bring this up. Not with anyone. Especially not with people who had accepted him. Especially not Kaoru. Her words slowly sank in, and the cold ball of unease in his stomach sent feelers up his spine.

"…sh-shook this one out of it?" he whispered. Oh, kami-sama. Visions all that could have gone wrong danced across his mind.

She nodded. "I had to. You were talking about bars and ninjas, and we couldn't get you to understand that you weren't in Kyoto."

He managed to loosen his jaw enough to take a sip of water before starting to speak, but then changed his mind and settled for more water instead. Her hand felt hot on his arm, and he tumbled options around in his head for a moment. It was too much to think about at this exact moment. The important things were clear enough, though.

"This one is very sorry, Kaoru-dono. If…" he paused, forced himself to meet her eyes. "If this one is like that again, it would be better if you didn't… do anything like that." He watched her expression shift from relief to confusion. "It's dangerous, Kaoru-dono," he clarified softly. "I'm dangerous."

She shook her head, her hand tightening its grip on his arm. "You would never hurt me, Kenshin."

Her confidence in this supposed fact was almost more painful than the rest. "Not intentionally," he conceded. He felt exposed, found himself struggling not to look away, not to flip his hair over his eyes as a tangible barrier between them. Instead, he kept his chin up so she could see the emotions he allowed his eyes to convey. "This one would never mean to harm you, Kaoru-dono. But you could get hurt anyway, that you could. Please don't put yourself in danger like that again. Promise me."

He watched her carefully, sat still as she scanned his face. His tone must have gotten at least a little of the danger across, because she nodded slowly, as though considering something.

"I promise, Kenshin." She settled her back against the post at a right angle to him, but didn't release her grip. Her other hand reached over as well, and she threaded her fingers together in the crook of his arm.

Kenshin closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the post. She'd promised. That would have to do for now. At least the other had been dropped for the moment. He doubted he would be lucky enough to escape the conversation indefinitely, though. He'd been lucky to escape it this long, in fact. The only time he'd so much as approached the topic was with Katsura-san before he'd set the fire. Kenshin opened his eyes to stare at the beams above. Even then, the man had learned all the facts by the time he arrived in Otsu and Kenshin hadn't needed to say much.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kaoru's ribbon droop over the pink of his gi as her head settled on his shoulder. He felt bad keeping her awake so late. Her and everyone else. "Kaoru-dono," he whispered, touching the back of her hand.

"Mmph," she murmured, still mostly asleep.

He shifted, getting to his feet and pulling her up by her hands. "You should be getting to bed, that you should. It's very late."

She yawned, and rubbed at one eye. "But if you have to stay up all night, you shouldn't have to do it alone, Kenshin."

"Kaoru-dono must be well rested when teaching tomorrow, that she must." Kenshin gently turned her toward the door. "How would it look for Kamiya Kasshin if the assistant master was yawning through her lessons?"

"Oh, all right." She paused in the doorway, and looked back to ask a question. "Ne, Kenshin?"

"Go to bed, Kaoru-dono," he said. "This one will be here in the morning."

Kaoru looked at him for a moment, then sighed. "Goodnight."