I don't know about you guys, but I love Zetsu.

He's so under appreciated. Him and Kisame.

They deserve more love.

I also think you deserve to know that my posts may be a bit delayed until after Saturday morning.

I have a BPA competition, and since I'm an officer, I have to do really well or my teacher will eat my face.

I don't own Naruto.

Third Person!

Alice instructed Kathryn to get the door from her spot next to Itachi when the pizza guy arrived. Kathryn jumped up at the command and hurriedly answered the door. She smiled at the pizza guy and gave him his money after asking Kisame and Deidara to get the pizzas from him.

Kathryn shut the door after paying the man. Alice had kindly asked Kisame and Deidara to just put the pizzas on the coffee table because she didn't care if they ate in there. She told them they could go into the kitchen to eat if they wanted though.

"Kathryn, find Zetsu's pizza and give it to him please." Alice said calmly. She had her eyes closed and was rubbing her temple with the one hand she could move. She had just pulled it out of Itachi's hand so he could get some food.

"Kay!" She said sweetly, digging through the pizzas to find the meat-lovers. She handed it to Zetsu who took it to the kitchen to eat in peace. Konan and Pein shared the same box while everyone else snatched a pizza box, not even bothering with the paper plates that came with it.

Itachi watched Alice for a moment before getting a plate like Pein and Konan and calmly getting a few pieces of pizza from one of the left over boxes.

Alice's eyes opened and she looked around the room for a minute. "Did someone just say something?"

Everyone paused in their eating to look at her with concern. "No." They said in unison.

"Fuck." Alice swore, resting her head on the back of the couch.

"How many pills did you take?" Sasori questioned with a chuckle.

Alice looked at him with her good eye. "I'm not entirely sure." Then she snorted, fighting a giggle that was trying to escape.

"Yes!" Kathryn cheered. "Giggly Alice!"

A frown stopped Alice's amusement and she looked at Kathryn. "No."

Kathryn pouted. "Meany."

"Alice, you should eat something." Itachi stated. "You haven't eaten at all today."

Alice smiled at him. "Can I eat you instead?" Itachi's eye twitched slightly as Hidan, Kisame, and Deidara snorted with laughter. Kathryn cackled loudly.

"Okay, something is wrong with her." Sasori stated. "She must have overdosed."

Alice's smile faded when she looked at Sasori. "You overdosed." Kathryn burst into a fit of laughter when she paused in her giggles from before to listen.

"I'm pretty sure I didn't." Sasori said in a flat tone. "You're being moody."

"You're moody." Alice retorted. Kathryn, who was starting to calm down, giggled.

Sasori's concerned expression turned into a flat stare. "Nice comeback."

Alice glared at him. "Stupid wannabe puppet…" Cue more laughter from Kathryn.

"I fucking like this Alice." Hidan said with a smirk.

Alice turned to look at him. "I fucking like you too." She smiled before looking back to Itachi. "So, about my food…" She smiled at him suggestively.

Itachi sighed. "Alice, you need to eat pizza." Alice pouted put took the offered piece of pizza from him, muttering about how she wanted to eat the sexy weasel.

"She's high as a fucking kite." Kathryn said, now that she was done laughing.

Alice ignored her and munched on her pizza. She paused halfway through it and looked at Kathryn. "Don't compare me to a druggie."

Hidan paused mid-bite and looked at Alice. "You're a little late with a comeback."

Alice raised her eyebrow at him. "I don't have a clue what you're talking about. I haven't said a damn thing."

Kisame snorted. "Hidan, she's not coherent right now."

Alice looked at Kisame very seriously. "I love you."

"I love you too, Alice." Kisame said with a grin.

Alice nodded with a pleased smile. "I'm loved by a shark." Her eyes found Deidara and she frowned. "It's so yellow…"

"What is, un?" Deidara asked.

"Your hair." Alice told him. "How did it get to be so yellow?" Deidara shrugged and Alice sighed. She rested her head on Itachi's shoulder. "I'm tired."

"You can sleep." Itachi told her.

Alice shook her head. "No I can't. Bad people will get me."

"Who is going to get you?" Sasori questioned.

Alice looked at him with wide eyes. "I can't tell you because Tobi would be mad at me." She shook her head. "Trust me; you're better off not knowing."

"Somehow I think that might be true." Kakuzu stated, looking at Sasori.

Alice threw her empty plate at Kathryn who caught it. "I need to take a shower. I smell like jerk face. Bring the shower here."

"She's fucking out of it." Hidan said with a laugh.

"Alice, I'm pretty sure Kathryn can't carry the shower." Konan said with a small, gentle smile. "Do you need one of us to take you up there?"

Alice looked at Konan. "What are you talking about? Of course Kathryn can't carry the shower. She has to make it come down here. All you have to do is bribe it." She looked at Kathryn. "Take Kakuzu, he's good at bribery."

"How in the hell did I get involved in this?" Kakuzu questioned.

Alice turned her attention to him. "You got involved because you've got brown hair."

"What in the world does that have to do with anything?" Sasori asked.

Alice looked at him. "I have brown hair too. My shower loves brown hair."

"Itachi has dark hair. It's close to brown." Kathryn suggested.

"Well, it looks like Itachi gets to bribe the shower." Alice nodded. "He's sexy anyways. He can just sway the tub of wonders with his body."

Pein looked at Alice. "I don't think she should be left alone while she's in this condition. She'll probably kill herself."

Alice smiled at Pein, hearing his voice. "Hi Pein, how are you?"

He raised one of his eyebrows. "I'm fine, how are you?"

"I'm alright, a bit tired. Hey did you know that boy koalas have forked penises?" She informed him. Kathryn started laughing.

"No… I can't say that I did." He admitted in confusion.

"Fun fact of the day." Alice nodded. "Now, back to the matter at hand…"

"Oh no… What now?" Sasori whispered.

Alice frowned around the room. "I can't see my forehead."

Kisame, Hidan, Deidara, and Kathryn all burst into laughter. Sasori and Kakuzu smacked their foreheads while Pein and Konan looked confused and concerned. Itachi just shook his head.

"Itachi, please just take her to the shower. Maybe the water will wake her up." Kakuzu begged. "I can't deal with this any longer. I miss the old Alice."

"How can you miss me when I haven't gone anywhere?" Alice asked. "Are you okay Kakuzu?" Kakuzu just sighed and ran his palm over his face.

Itachi sighed and grabbed Alice's face. She looked at him curiously. "Alice, let's go upstairs so you can take a shower."

Alice tilted her head at him. "I can't stand silly."

"I'll help you." Itachi assured her.

She thought about this for a moment before shrugging her good shoulder. "Fair enough." Itachi picked her up and carried her up the stairs so he could help her in the shower.

Hidan looked around at the others. "How fucking awkward do you think that's going to be?" He chuckled at the thought. "Oh Jashin, when they fucking come back, that'll be the best."

Kathryn crossed her arms. "You know, I really don't think Alice will be too bothered by it. She does live with Brett and Louis. She suffers more embarrassing things than that on the daily." She smirked. "Itachi will be fun to tease though."

"Itachi is always fun to tease." Kisame told her.

Deidara nodded his head in consideration. "That's true, except for when he's pissed, un."

"I actually think it's more fun when he's pissed." Sasori commented.

"I agree." Kakuzu nodded.

Hidan leaned back in his spot on the couch with an empty pizza box on his lap. "Gah, I'm so fucking bored."

"Well, maybe you guys should get some training in." Kathryn suggested. "It's supposed to snow really bad tonight. If you guys go out there when there's snow all over the place, consider yourselves kitties."

"You have a good point, Kathryn." Pein praised. "Let's go and train, guys." The Akatsuki quickly moved to obey him. They stacked all of their pizza boxes on the table and trooped outside to train, Kathryn tagging along.

"What about Itachi?" Konan asked.

"He can join us when he's finished helping Alice." Pein told her.

First Person Alice!

Itachi carried me back down the stairs since I was still wobbly and lightheaded. I probably could have done it myself if I moved slowly, but he was more than willing to do it, and his overprotective nature also contributed to the outcome.

He set me on the couch. "The others are outside training. I should probably join them." He told me. "Do you want me to get Kathryn so you can stay in here, or do you want to come outside with us?"

"Outside please. Maybe the cold air will help me clear my head." I stated. I grabbed my jacket and pulled it on, raising the hood to keep my still slightly damp hair shielded from the cold. He nodded at me and picked me up once again.

He transported me to the backyard and set me on one of the chairs on the patio. He kissed my forehead before walking over to Kisame who was sparing with Pein while Konan watched from a lawn chair.

Kisame and Pein stopped when he approached them. They looked at me for a moment before looking back to him. Kisame had a toothy grin on his while Pein remained emotionless. He glanced at Konan who stood to train with him while Kisame moved away with Itachi. He was telling Itachi something with pure amusement on his face. Itachi looked unbothered.

"So, you guys didn't do it did you?" Kathryn asked me as she skipped to my side. She had been throwing sticks at Deidara and Sasori while they were fighting each other.

"No Kathryn, Itachi and I didn't do anything. All he did was help me take a shower." I told her. "You should have seen his blush at first though. I almost died. It was adorable." She giggled and took a seat beside me.

"So are you feeling any better?" She asked.

"A bit yeah. The cold air is helping me clear my head." I took the deepest breath I could without causing myself pain because of my ribs. "So how stupid did I act?"

"Pretty damn stupid." She told me with a laugh. "I loved it."

"I bet you did." I sighed. "Apparently I asked if I could eat Itachi with a seductive tone."

She nodded. "You also said that your shower likes people with dark hair so it would love Kakuzu. You were pretty random." She giggled. "My favorite was when you complained about not being able to see your forehead."

I smacked said forehead with my good hand. "Wow, I bet Sasori wanted to kill me."

"Not kill, just maim." He corrected as he dodged a kick from Deidara. They were standing pretty close to the patio so I wasn't surprised they could hear us.

"You're such a sweetheart Sasori." I told him.

Kathryn giggled. "He totally loves you." She whispered. "Not like Itachi of course, but I think you hit a soft spot in Sasori. You should have seen him when we saved you. He was so worried up until you woke up and started joking around."

I gave her a scoff. "Well of course he does. Who else is he supposed to have a sarcasm battle with?" She rolled her eyes. "You're definitely his favorite though. He tolerates your behavior better than I do."

She shrugged. "Maybe so. They're all so much gentler than I expected them to be. Except Pein of course, I expected him to be pretty much the same."

"Itachi's about how I pictured him." I told her. "I think the one who is the most OOC is probably Hidan or Kakuzu."

"What about me and the jackass?" Hidan asked as he walked up to us.

"Nothing." Kathryn stated with a smile. "Are you done?"

Hidan pointed towards the sky. "It's snowing."

I looked up and sure enough, it was indeed snowing, rather hard. "So, are you guys stopping or are you going to just wait until one of you goes furry with whiskers and a tail?"

"I'd not exactly sure." He shrugged. "Whenever Leader-."

"Kitty!" Kathryn exclaimed, running over to Deidara who was indeed a kitten. Sasori was pointing and chortling at him as the little kitten hissed and growled at him. She scooped him up and started snuggling him.

Hidan and I burst out laughing, I had to hold my side because my ribs started to hurt after a minute, but I couldn't stop because of the irony of the situation.

"I think we should head inside before any more of us become kittens." Pein stated, walking towards the door.

"Too late." I laughed, seeing Sasori and Kakuzu both turn into cats. Kathryn squealed again and picked up Sasori who was kitty-glaring at Deidara who was now kitten-giggling. I snorted when Itachi and Kisame both morphed into kittens a few seconds later.

Pein was standing in the doorway to the house with Konan, both of them safe from the massive amounts of snow falling from the sky. Hidan, who had been busy laughing his ass off at Kakuzu also turned into a kitten and was meowing madly at me

Zetsu had phased into the ground just a few moments after Deidara turned into a kitten and was now safely inside. Tobi however, was running towards the house but didn't make it. He turned into a feline in mid-stride.

I was snickering as I slowly got out of my chair, moving like someone who hadn't moved in years. Itachi, now in kitten form, was meowing at me and watching me with his pretty red eyes. I looked down at him and smiled.

"I'd pick you up, Itachi, but I'm pretty sure I'd fall over if I tried." I told him. I looked at Kathryn. "Put Sasori and Deidara down. Get everyone's clothes for me please. All of you kitties get inside out of the cold."

Kathryn put Sasori and Deidara down at my command and scurried around the backyard, collecting the clothing of the kittens. Meanwhile, most of the kittens were running towards the house, eager to get away from the snow.

Itachi walked by my side as I inched towards the house. Kathryn skipped in ahead of me with a mountain of clothes in her arms. She threw them in the drier at my command and turned it on; making sure none of them had gotten wet.

When I finally made it to the living room to see all of the Akatsuki, minus Itachi, were sitting on a couch together. I smiled at this and took a seat on the empty couch. Itachi hopped up there beside me and sat down.

Konan was currently petting a kitten Tobi. Kakuzu and Hidan were hissing at each other. Deidara was pouting in his kitten ways while Sasori looked irritated. Kisame looked indifferent as he sat beside a calm Pein.

Kathryn sat on the recliner after coming back into the room and scooping up Deidara and Sasori. "So, the question is, do we keep them as kittens, or do we turn them back to human?"

A couple of hissing sounded from the cats.

I picked up Itachi with one hand and moved him with me as I lay on my good side across the entire couch. I placed him beside my face and kissed his furry head. He nuzzled my face with his cute kitten face before lying down in his spot.

I looked towards Kisame and patted a vacant spot. He gave me what looked like a kitten smirk before jumping over to my couch and lying down in the vacancy.

"You know, it's a lot quieter with them as cats." I yawned.

Kathryn giggled. "I agree. Plus, they're so much more convenient as cats."

"I really don't want to see them naked." I sighed. "Not to mention, I can't really get up the stairs like this. I'm not changing them in my kitchen." I smiled. "And you know Zetsu's not going to do it."

"You're damn right I'm not." Zetsu told me from the doorway to the kitchen. I believe he secretly eats everything because I swore we had twice the amount of food before I went and bought some the other day. It's either him or Tobi.

It's not that I mind. Zetsu can eat all he wants because I love him and his multiple personalities. I'd just rather not have to go and buy more food because he eats like a cow.

"Well I'm not changing them. I don't need to warp my innocent mind with naked men." Kathryn stated. She looked at Pein. "It looks like it's down to you, Pein. Konan can't do it because nobody wants to see a bunch of naked guys."

Pein sighed. "I'll change them back later. For now, I'm going to enjoy the silence."

It's okay Alice, I can't see my forehead either...

I was listening to the Kuroshitsuji soundtrack as I typed this.

Si Deus Mi Relinquit is my jam.

I might be starting a new fanfiction soon.

This one will, of course, still be updated as it should be until it's finished,

but the one I'm "working on" still needs to be thought out correctly.

And btw, Alice is a modified version of one of my characters from an actual book I wrote. It's not published or anything, but I wrote it for fun out of boredom.

Anyways, TTFN