Undisclosed Desires

Chapter 21

-HPOV-

I watched absently how the plane took off, regarding with no vivid interest the collision of colours, visions, variations.

"You ok?"

I turned my head from the window and smiled at the passenger next to me. "Yes."

Finn frowned. "Are you sure? Last night, Marina and -"

"I'm fine."

He sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair, then propped his chin on his index finger. He was mad, probably. Not at me, in particular, but he was mad. I hadn't changed more than two-three words with him since last night, and Finn had always hated it when I closed up.

I just didn't know exactly what was it to talk about. I wasn't sure what had happened, either. I hadn't experienced anything like that before, maybe it had been too much for me, all those bad, rotten memories, fights, I got dazzled.

Jess had tried to apologize, but, honestly, it was ok. Probably Finn went too hard on Jess. I knew he was mad at her, he blamed her on everything - I had heard them fight. She had seemed apologetic, ashamed even, but Finn... he wasn't so accepting.

I, for the matter, was the one to feel ashamed. Ashamed and weak and I wasn't going to share this with Finn, As he had gone too far last night; he even wanted to cancel this whole thing. I didn't get him, I knew how much he wanted to leave, too.

Last summer, we fell in love and this summer, we were changing ourselves, entangling together in what was probably going to be a huge mess of a big step in both of our lives.

He had made this "proposal" to me three months ago, in my spring break and I was scared. Scared of the unknown, and that, maybe, he'd get tired of me there. Scared that he'd find a prettier girl and settle down with her, while I'd be left alone in the big city lights.

But I trusted him. I trusted him enough to make my parents understand, to register and to be accepted the university that seemed to fit me well, to leave all I had known for him, only one month after finishing high-school.

Talking about big steps, huh?

Despite my insecurities, every time I looked at him, I felt no regret. It was the right thing to do for me, for him, for my career, my future, our futures, for us.

I watched the sunlight cross through clouds and even through the plane's window which I sat next to, warming my right cheek with hope and goals of a new start.

"Can I sleep in your lap?", I asked Finn quietly.

"Sure.", he smiled, his tone was softer than earlier. I rested my head on his knew; it was a little uncomfortable because of the seats, and the plane, and my anxiety, but it would do.

He started playing with my hair, caressing my back the way he knew I loved, gazing on the window, lost in his thoughts.

'We're just kids in love.' I thought, rubbing my nose affectionately against his thigh, and slowly drifting to sleep.

"Wake up.", Finn murmured in my ear. "We're here."

I yawned and stretched, rising from his lap. "That was a nice flight." I grinned as I made my way in between the row of chairs.

His hand brushed my backside, hurrying me. "Don't hurry me, Odair. I need to take my time." I said, stubbornly, amused.

He didn't answer and I started to worry and wanted to turn, and then his slap hit my ass hard, causing me to yelp quietly. "Now, hurry." he blew me a kiss and smugged at me.

We took a taxi to our new place. It was raining so I snuggled into Finn, smiling at the droplets of water that whipped the air and the window glass.

"Why so smiley, Mellark?"

"Because I can."

Finn pinched my cheek and I flashed a big, excited grin at him and laid my head back in his lap. "It's beautiful here." I whispered dazzled by all this traffic, those blinding lights, the beauty of fresh rain and streets that burst with hurried people, protected by their enormous umbrellas. Images for commercials everywhere, for TVs, laptops, camera, and some technologies that I had never heard of before. Overwhelmed?

Yes, please.

It was so different from quiet District 12 or sunny District 4, or all the other Ds of Panem, or even Panem itself. It was so different that it was attractive and scary, at the same time.

It was peculiar, it was overwhelming, it was a little too much. I hid my face in Finn's shirt because it was the only familiarity that I had there.

His warmth.

He gave me a light squeeze, telling we that we arrived. I rubbed my eyes and opened the taxi door. Finn paid the driver and picked our bags and luggage.

"You go first." he smiled to me.

I was nervous and I was sure he could tell, my breathing was ragged and the malicious sound of rain distraught me. Shakily, I smiled back, somehow realizing the myriad of the choice we had made.

My gaze shifted from his ridiculously handsome figure to the grey building we were about to tie our lives to. I shivered, it didn't exactly seem too welcoming to me. It induced me hesitance, stillness, a pause.

But that was how the places there were, weren't they? Distant, but that kind of distance which caused admiration, wonder, a fairness of beauty.

This wasn't the cold black cloud which was coming down. Despite the grey-ness, despite my fears for less, I had a feeling of fulfilment. It was right, it was soul-like, it was search and gain, it even had a hint of that poetic 'bullshit' we all had, but tried to hide.

Who cared?

This, this whole thing, it felt romantic, that was what my common sense whispered sheepishly to me. It was crazy, we both knew it, we had no assurance that it would work out and that it wouldn't go to hell, as it usually did. It was us against the world; you could have said that we had just so many dragons to fight, so many battles to win, so many prizes to conquer.

You could have also said that just being kids in love would no longer work as an excuse anymore, that our relationship clearly was just starting to develop and it was still fragile, but…

But it was alright. We all had the right to be a little stupid and contagious, a little crazy from time to time, didn't we?

I took Finn's hand in mine and enjoyed our light electricity, heading towards the front door of our new home-to-be block of flats which was where our apartment was.

We fit.

That was all I knew.

We fit, and I knew that, just as cheesy as it sounded, if this was meant to be a mistake, it was going to be my favourite.

Aaww, you guys, I'm sorry if this chapter is a little shitty, but I had the famous 'class banquet' couple of days ago and it was just so overwhelming and I was busy preparing and aahh. Departure & tears & shit. I hope you like it, though, and to the last reviewers: I'm sorry that I can't update faster, have to take my exams this year and school is ending and I'm just so busy and now I am rambling. Sorry again, love y'all so much! xx ~snuff.