20: Betrayal and forgiveness
The first thing I noticed was that his door was opened just a crack. I heard voices on the other side of the door, and, though I knew I shouldn't, I stopped to eavesdrop.
I wanted to know what she was telling him. I wanted to know what he would say in return. It could be totally innocent, I reminded myself. But in my heart I knew it wasn't.
Not this time.
I got as close to the door as I dared and listened intently.
" . . . It's been awfully hot around here lately, hasn't it? Even for summer." That was Sabrina's voice.
"Yes – the city isn't as warm," I heard Vaughn's voice reply.
I also heard the shuffling of papers. "I really ought to get back to work, Sabrina."
"I know. Have you seen the calendar for this season? There sure are a lot of festivals," she mused, ignoring his request.
"Yes," he said gruffly, "There is."
"My favorite is the Fireworks Festival," she sighed, "They're so pretty. Don't you agree?"
"Not really," he answered honestly, "I usually get bored during that festival. But it might be different this year, since Chelsea will be going with me."
I smiled at the happiness in his voice.
"Yes. I'm sure you'll go. With Chelsea." Sabrina murmured sadly.
Then there was absolute silence. I was frustrated with it after several minutes. I dared to peek in, just enough to see. Luckily, the door did not creak when I moved it slightly. I saw that he was sitting at a desk, which was covered with papers, his back to me.
Sabrina stood in next to him, so I was looking at her profile now. If she happened to look to the right, it was very possible I would be caught. But I bravely – and perhaps stupidly – kept peering in, my heart in my throat.
She was staring wistfully at him, fidgeting with the hem of her sweater. Vaughn continued scribbling something on a piece of paper before he finally looked up at her. He groaned and went back to writing.
"Sabrina, don't bring it up again."
She looked pained. "I haven't. I haven't said anything about it since I got here. But I . . . have you at least thought about it?"
He stood up abruptly and leaned back against the wall, frowning.
I prayed neither of them would look toward the door.
"No. There's nothing to think about. I . . . I know what I want," he almost whispered.
"Do you?" she murmured, stepping forward. "Are you absolutely positive?"
Vaughn paused a second, thinking something over. "Yes," he finally said.
She sighed, and hesitated before speaking softly, almost embarrassed. "We . . . we would be good together, you know. I know that your life hasn't been the best . . . I met you once when we were kids, remember?"
She continued without waiting for his answer, perhaps afraid of what it would be. "I know you worry about money a lot. If we were together, though, you'd never have to worry about it again."
He bit his lip and considered what she was saying for a split second before growing angry. "Money? You're using the money excuse?" he spat.
She shrugged. "It's just a perk," she said, "But I meant it before, when I said we'd be good together. My Father might not like it at first, but . . . but it could work. I really like you, Vaughn." Hesitantly, she approached him further, until they were quite close indeed.
My brain wasn't even making coherent thoughts at this point; I could only listen and wait, and try to remember to breathe.
"Maybe if you gave us a chance," Sabrina continued softly, "You'd see that . . . that we're supposed to be together. I've known it ever since I was eleven."
Vaughn blinked and didn't answer. But he really didn't have the chance to, because Sabrina was leaning in, her intentions clear in her eyes. Vaughn didn't move.
It felt exactly like the pain of falling down the mine and the pain of freezing to death in a numbing blizzard combined when I saw her kiss him. It truly felt like some invisible being had waltzed up to me and had reached into my chest, ripped out my heart and then ran away with it.
For a moment, I felt truly empty.
But then I remembered; I had to watch his reaction. Maybe he would be disgusted. Maybe he would pull away and yell obscene things at her. Maybe he would profess his undying love for me to her so she would know nothing would ever happen with them.
Any of those things sounded wonderful to me.
She kissed him, moving her lips with his, and he didn't push her away. But he didn't really kiss back, either. He just stood there, like a statue, while she did everything. Finally, though, after a minute, he put his hands on her arms and pulled her back, resolve in his eyes.
What the resolve was for, though, I didn't know, because I had seen enough. True, he hadn't actually kissed her. But just the fact that he didn't really put up a fight stabbed into my chest like a brutal knife.
Maybe this was why he'd said he was 'confused'. Maybe he never loved me at all. Maybe I was just an experiment until he found the real thing.
I didn't make any noise at all as I went down the hall, because I still didn't want them to know I was there. They could do whatever they wanted. I didn't care. I was sick and tired of worrying about it.
I wished the Harvest Goddess had never warned me at all. It would have all come crashing down on me at once, but at least I never would have had to suffer the anxiety. Tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes as I walked, and I was unable to stop them, so I didn't even try.
I did try, however, to hide my face from Julia and Mirabelle. I had no such luck. Mirabelle was in the kitchen, so she didn't see, but Julia was right next to the door when I came out, so there was nowhere to hide.
"Chelsea?" Julia asked in concern as I pulled the door open.
I didn't answer her. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. But she followed me outside, and kept following me, calling my name, even when I began walking very fast.
Finally, just I was reaching my land, I whirled and all but snarled at her, "Go away."
I turned and flat-out sprinted to my farmhouse, slamming the door behind me. I sat down on my bed and clutched a pillow. My door opened, and I cursed not having locks. Julia came in with a very bewildered expression.
"Chelsea . . . ? What's wrong? Please tell me," she begged as the tears flowed more freely now.
"I don't want to talk about it," I said dejectedly.
Julia came to sit next to me. "Did something happen while you were talking to Vaughn . . . ? What was it?" She sounded truly worried.
I wasn't sure why I told her everything. Maybe because I'd kept it bottled up for so long that it was just exploding out of me now.
I told her about the Harvest Goddess' warnings, how she'd come to be in dreams, and all about the Harvest Sprites.
I told her that I'd been warned about Sabrina since before she got here, and how I'd been worrying about it for too long.
I finished with the most recent event, and then fell silent.
Julia didn't speak for a long time when I was done. She stared at me, her blue eyes lost in thought. "I normally wouldn't believe this sort of thing," she finally said, "Because . . . . Well, the Harvest Goddess and Harvest Sprites simply don't exist."
"I didn't think they did, either," I mumbled, "But they are. I hope you don't think I'm insane."
"No, I don't think you're crazy. I . . . I believe you. I think you're telling me the truth. I mean, why would you make it up?"
"Why indeed?" My voice was weak.
She put one of her arms over my shoulders comfortingly, and then I turned my head into her shoulder and cried. I'm not sure how long I cried, but Julia never complained; she let me cry without interruption.
But when there weren't any more tears, I pulled back, wiping at my eyes. "Thanks Julia," I said gratefully, "Thank you."
"I can't believe he would do this. Not now . . ." She trailed off.
The tears came again, and my voice came out all squeaky. "I love him, Julia . . . what the hell am I supposed to do with that?" I sobbed.
She looked quite surprised at my declaration.
"You . . . ?" She was suddenly angry. "I'm going to talk to him," she said, "I'm going to tell him what a horrid person he is."
"No," I gasped, "Please don't. He can do whatever he wants. He should be happy. It's best if just end this, and then . . ." I was trying to be strong, to be noble.
I hated it.
"Are you sure, Chelsea . . . ? I mean, maybe this is a complete misunderstanding. Maybe you should hear him out," Julia encouraged.
"Why? So he can hurt me more? No." I shook my head. "But I have to go find him. I have to . . . to end this." I got up and started walking to the door, albeit robotically.
Julia might have asked me to come back, but I wasn't listening. People might have tried to talk to me on my way to the Animal Shop, but I didn't notice.
When I opened the door, Mirabelle was panicking. "Chelsea! Chelsea, what happened? I mean, Julia ran after you when you left the Shop, and Vaughn just stormed out of here a few minutes ago. And where did Sabrina go?" Her voice was thick with concern.
"Everything's fine, Mirabelle. I just need to talk to your nephew," I said.
She must have noticed the pain in my eyes. "Chelsea, what's wrong?" Mirabelle asked.
"Nothing," I murmured, "I just have to do something . . . hard. Where is he?"
"I'm assuming he's either at the beach or the forest."
I turned and left the Shop without so much as a goodbye. I would check the beach first, I decided. I found him, leaning up against the rock that gave me seaweed in the spring. He was staring out at the ocean, the same indifferent expression that was usually on his face.
When he saw me, he smiled slightly and reached for my hand. "Hey," he murmured, pulling me close.
I moved back quickly before he could kiss me, angry. How could he be kissing me as if nothing had happened?
I was so angry, that I wasn't thinking. My hand came up without my conscious permission, and then I slapped him hard across his cheek. He stumbled backward a few feet, his eyes wide and surprised.
"What the - ?" He cursed, rubbing his cheek, which was a little red.
"What was that for?" he snapped angrily.
"You don't have to pretend anymore, Vaughn. Just don't," I said.
He blinked in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
I bit the inside of my cheek. "I went to the Animal Shop this morning . . . and, um, saw an unpleasant thing."
Understanding dawned on him, and he opened his mouth to speak.
I raised up my hand to stop him. "No, don't even. Please. Maybe…maybe this is how it's supposed to be. Maybe you're supposed to be with her. Maybe you want to be. You should be. I don't want this anymore," I told him, "I'm . . . I don't want to see you anymore."
He moved to put his hands on my shoulders, slight panic in his eyes. "I didn't even kiss her," he insisted.
"But you didn't do anything about it. You just stood there," I snapped.
"Well, that's because I was . . . thinking," he muttered.
"What an excellent time to think," I snarled sarcastically, "I'm not able to think when I'm kissing you."
He sighed in frustration. "Will you just listen to me?"
His tone was bordering on desperate, and it hurt my heart to see it, so I mumbled, "Yes. And then I'm going."
He shook his head. "You remember how hard life was before, for me . . . and I admit, for a second, I honestly considered it, because I saw how easy it would be, with her . . ."
I whirled and started walking away, disgusted. If he wanted to tell me that, then surely it was just to be cruel.
He caught my hand, though, and pulled me back. "I'm not finished," he snapped when I tried to go again.
"I don't want to hear it." I tried to push him away, but he wasn't having that.
He turned us so my back was pressed against the seaweed rock, and he stood in front me. I had no way to escape. "Listen," he snapped.
He drew in a deep breath to calm himself, and then he began. "As I was saying, I honestly considered it. If I didn't know you, I know I would have started something with Sabrina, if only for the money. But . . . but I've changed since we've met. You know that I'm . . . happier now, and material things don't mean as much as they once did. All I want now is to be with you, because you're the most important thing. Anything else would just be . . . wrong. I wouldn't care of you lived in a cardboard box and had a penny to your name. I want to be with you. I love you."
Though he struggled for words as he said all this, his eyes burned with sincerity. I stared at him, surprised he was telling me now what I had been waiting to hear for a long time.
"You . . ." I trailed off.
"Yeah – I love you. I'm sorry I didn't see it before. I'm an idiot. But I'm sure." He kissed me then, without waiting for my answer, his lips rough and demanding.
For a second I was frozen, unsure. Screw it, I thought to myself, kissing him back just as urgently. It was inevitable that I would forgive him.
I loved him. And he loved me.
What else mattered?
"Ahem," I heard someone say.
Vaughn pulled away, whirling around to see his cousin standing there, her arms folded over her chest.
"I'm assuming you made up?" She asked.
I nodded and smiled widely.
"Good." Julia grinned. "I wasn't looking forward to murdering my cousin."
"I would have liked to see you try," Vaughn muttered.
Julia made a face at him. And then we all walked back to the Animal Shop.
***
"So what are you going to tell her?" I asked that night as I was brushing my teeth.
"Who?" Vaughn called, from the next room.
I spat into the sink. "Sabrina," I said, my tone implying it should be obvious. I didn't really feel uncomfortable talking about her now, knowing everything was the way it should be now.
He was lying on my bed, his hands behind his head. He sighed deeply. "What I told her in the beginning. That nothing will ever happen with us," he said.
"What exactly did she ask you?" I murmured, curiously, lying down beside me.
"She first talked to me about it sometime in mid-spring. I told her no. She seemed to accept that for a while, and today was the first time she'd said anything else about it," Vaughn muttered unwillingly.
"I do feel a little sorry for her," I told him honestly, "I actually did like her, when she first came here."
Vaughn shrugged. "You can still be friends, if she can get past this."
I nodded. "Yes. Maybe I will."
"Will you talk to her tomorrow?" I asked.
I turned off the light, and darkness was instantly upon us.
"Yes," I heard him say. I snuggled up against him.
"I love you," I murmured.
His reply was the most marvelous in the world. "I love you, too."
***
Vaughn left early the next morning, to do exactly what he said he would. At around noon, I was taking a break from work, and I heard a knock on the door. I opened it, and was surprised to see Regis's daughter standing there, looking shy.
"Hi, Chelsea," she murmured.
"Hey, Sabrina," I said, a bit awkwardly.
"May I come in?"
I nodded and she sat down on my bed, biting her lip nervously. She stared at the floor for a very long time before glancing back up at me.
"So, Vaughn talked to me this morning," she said.
"I know." My tone was brusque.
"Chelsea . . ." Sabrina trailed off.
I sat down beside her and hugged my knees to my chest. "Yes?"
"I . . . I'm sorry. I'm not apologizing for what I did, because I still think I'm right, but I'm sorry for hurting you. I never wanted to do that. I had to try . . ." She sounded terribly sad by the end of her sentence, and pity tugged at my heart.
"It's alright, Sabrina. While I'm not terribly happy with you for your actions, I can understand why you did it."
She smiled slightly at me. "Thank you. I won't . . . interfere anymore. I can see what he wants."
"Thank you."
My first impression of her hand been right. She was a good person.
"I'd really like for us to be friends," I said honestly.
"Yes, I would, too. But I'm going to visit my mother for a few weeks. I'll see you when I get back."
Sabrina stood up and began walking to the door. Just before she closed the door, though, she said one more thing.
"Take care of him."
A/N: I was going to post this Friday, but the nice people persuaded me otherwise. 3