Chapter Twenty One: Afraid to Fly
Fly away, fly away,
Let me find my wings.
Let me be the girl
I want to be!
I'm afraid to fly away,
For all I have is here.
The Girls of the Night, Wildhorn's Jekyll and Hyde Musical
xxXxx
Haru watched with depression as Baron moved his white queen into an unsuspected move.
"Checkmate," he announced with a feline grin, tipping her black king onto its side. "But you did put up a worthy fight."
"Not worthy enough," she muttered under her breath. 'I should have practiced chess longer before letting him make a stake like that.' But she sighed, and held her hands up in surrender. "I'll start raiding Mom's wardrobe tomorrow."
His next grin could have rivaled a Chesire Cat's. "I thought you'd see things my way soon enough."
A weak smile crossed her lips as she gave a brief body stretch in her chair. "Stop gloating so hard; you're giving up grey for the month, remember?"
"Yes, yes; of course," he assured her while refilling their teacups. "All it means is that the neglected bits of my wardrobe will be receiving some attention in the near future. Care for another round?"
She laughed lightly, and started gathering her forces back from Baron's side of the table. "Why not?"
He smiled at her as she handed him back the few pieces she had managed to take off the board.
His gloved fingers accidentally brushed against hers as they set up their pieces, which made her belly flip uncertainly.
'Cut that out!' she yelled at it mentally, keeping her eyes on the board. "Hey, Baron?"
"Yes, Haru?" he asked, casually taking a sip of tea.
She took one of her own before asking her question. "I've come clean about why I like black; why do you like grey so much?"
Baron stiffened, and his eyes became misty. He took another sip of tea, and sighed softly as his feline ears fell a bit. "It was Lucy's favorite color on me."
Haru's throat tightened painfully. "She had good taste," she managed to say after a whole minute of silence.
Baron nodded; his gaze long and distant. "Very good taste," he whispered, his voice wavering a bit.
Haru reached across the small table between them and squeezed his hand; never mind the belly flips. "You don't have to give up grey, if you don't want to."
He glanced up at her, and smiled wanly while squeezing her hand back. "No, I made a promise. It's fine, really."
"You're sure?" she asked, still concerned.
He gave her a warmer smile, and squeezed her hand while bringing it closer to him.
But then he inexplicably hesitated, looking at her gloved hand as if it were a strange puzzle.
"Is something wrong?" she asked worriedly, since it wasn't her scarred one.
But then Baron shook his head as though to clear it. He gave her another smile, and kissed her hand before releasing it. "No. Nothing at all."
ooOoo
Haru's stomach was still queasy the next day, but she blamed that on her current circumstances. At least Yuki was spared this indignity, thanks to a surprise visit from Lune. Haru could only hope that she was having a good time today.
Her mother was smiling in a wickedly satisfied manner, as she pushed Haru into the first store Tara had pulled up to.
"You're being too enthusiastic about this," Haru hissed at her, pushing the door aside with one hand so that Tommy wouldn't get slammed against it.
The little boy had a vice-like grip on her sweater again, and was gurgling happily against her shoulder. When he wasn't trying to grab her mask, at least. He had developed a fascination for trying to tear it off her face.
"Oh, no I'm not," Naoko said in a singsong voice as she started raiding through one of the clothing racks. "It's been years since I got you to wear something with no black involved. Even your school uniforms had black!"
"If it mattered that much to you, why didn't you just get her pastels when we went shopping the first time?" Tara asked as she and Tanya followed them into the store.
Haru smiled wickedly as she removed Tommy's hand from her mask again. "Never underestimate my dyeing abilities."
Her mother had learned not to.
Tara paled. "Haru!" she scolded sharply. "Don't talk about death like that!"
"She meant dyeing clothes," Naoko explained through a giggle, holding up a lavender dress to her daughter. "Ever since she started making paints, she'd dye anything in her wardrobe that looked too cheerful black. This time, I've got a guarantee she won't dye anything."
"But you're still being too enthusiastic," Haru muttered, watching her mother's arms disappear underneath a pile of pastels.
"May I help you, ladies?" one teenage employee asked nervously as she approached.
"Yes, may we use a dressing room?" Naoko asked with a grin. "My daughter lost a bet, and I'm milking it for all it's worth."
The employee gave Haru a terrified glance, but nodded. "Right this way, but I'm afraid she can only take five items at a time."
"Ooh, try this one on first!" Tanya pleaded, pulling on a long cream skirt in Naoko's arms.
"All of you are enjoying this way too much," Haru grumbled, reluctantly giving up Tommy for the skirt and a green top.
"Nonsense; all that black doesn't suit you, anyway," Tara informed her before Naoko pushed her into a recently opened dressing room.
"I just wanted to raid Mom's wardrobe," Haru grumbled, but changed into the light-colored clothes. "A trip into town was completely unnecessary."
The next few hours were dedicated to modeling outfit after outfit. Tanya and Tommy liked each one, but Tara and Naoko proved to be more selective. After all, she wouldn't need a different outfit for each day of the month sentence.
"Why all the skirts?" Haru groaned as Tanya presented her with yet another one.
"You've always looked good in skirts, honey," her mother gushed smugly. "Besides, there's nothing wrong with dressing feminine."
"There is if I'll need to do something drastic in a hurry again," Haru muttered under her breath, shaking her head at Tanya as she waved around an airy blouse. "No pink, remember? I still need some dignity."
Tanya pouted. "But you like pink flowers, and Yuki wears a pink ribbon!"
"Pink's all right to look at; I just hate wearing it," Haru countered with a stiff smile, affectionately messing with the girl's black hair. "Come on; what about that grey one over there?"
Her mother sighed and fetched it for her. "At least it's a lighter shade than usual," she said mournfully.
"Yes. It's the same shade Humbert's so fond of," Tara said thoughtfully, giving Haru a strange look.
Haru flinched from that gaze, and quietly retreated to the tiny dressing room again.
Thankfully, a new subject had turned up by the time Haru returned. But she wasn't certain that she liked it any better than the last one.
"Seriously? That's all you two did for Halloween?" Tara asked with horror.
"Well, some stupid boys loved to prank us every year, so Haru and I would spend the time after the movie to clean up the yard and such," Naoko said uneasily before looking at Haru. She immediately brightened. "Well! Looks like that grey suits you, after all!"
"I like it," Haru said before Tanya grabbed her legs in horror.
"That's not true, is it?" the little girl asked in a panic. "Did you really just watch a movie on Halloween at my age? No costumes or trick or treating?"
Haru laughed at the little girl's horror, and bent down to give her a comforting hug. "I got picked on a lot by some jerks in my class; it was safer for me to stay home. Besides, there's not much point to wearing a costume if you can't show it off."
Tanya stared at her in astonishment. "If they were picking on you, why didn't you beat them up?"
"Who says I didn't?" Haru countered with an evil grin. 'Never mind the fact that they would overwhelm me with sheer numbers on a regular basis. Stupid cowards could never face me on even ground.'
"It's complicated, sweetie," Naoko swiftly intervened, giving Haru a glance that conveyed so much of her regret and guilt.
Haru shook her head subtly, and gave her a smile that was full of love. "Are we about done in here? I'm starting to get a bit hungry."
"One more thing, actually," Tara said before Naoko could. "Haru, I'd like very much to pick your Halloween costume for this year."
Haru stared at her blankly. "Um, beg pardon?"
"Ditto?" her mother asked in the same bewildered tone.
Tanya giggled as Tommy seemed to do the same in his sleep. "We always have a party on Halloween. There are lots of games, prizes, and dancing; it's so much fun!"
"I can't dance," Haru protested. "I don't even like parties, and it's still a good month until Hallowee-"
Her mother suddenly pulled on one arm to drag her ear within whispering distance. "Haru, things are different now," Naoko hissed in Japanese. "Kamui's not going to come and ruin everything anymore, and I'm not going to let you lock yourself in your room or studio again. You need to learn how to cope with the real world at some point."
Haru gave her mother a startled look before turning her gaze to a confused Tara and Tanya. She stared between them for a whole minute before finally accepting her fate. "… It won't have pink, will it?" she sighed in resignation.
"Oh no, dear," Tara quickly assured her with a troubled smile. "It's a neutral color."
"All right, then," Haru surrendered while throwing up her hands. "But I still can't dance."
"Why don't you ask Uncle Humbert for help?" Tanya asked curiously. "He's got a degree."
"Wait, in dancing?" Haru asked incredulously.
"Yes. He's never been one to merely skim a subject," Tara informed her with a smile.
Naoko shook her head in amazement. "I didn't think that a degree existed for dancing!"
"Ditto," Haru said numbly, returning to the dressing room to put on her regular clothes. "But it figures that he'd have one."
"What do you mean?" her mother asked curiously.
Haru looked at her in surprise, one hand resting on the doorframe. "Well, Baron always seems to have a few surprises up his sleeve. I wouldn't be shocked if he spoke five languages."
"Just three, actually," Tara interrupted with an embarrassed cough. "Unless you count sign language, then it's four."
"Wait, he can sign too?" Naoko demanded. "Why didn't you say anything about that earlier, honey?"
"I rest my case," Haru giggled, becoming distracted by a pair of long white gloves. 'Those could come in handy…'
By the time she returned, wearing her regular clothes, she decided that she liked the next conversation even less.
"Oh, Haru would look beautiful in something like that," Naoko said dreamily. "But will it fit her?"
"I'm pretty sure it will. She looks the right size for it, and we can probably adjust it if it isn't," Tara assured her with a wide smile.
"What are you two planning?" Haru asked suspiciously.
"It's a surprise," Tanya giggled, attaching herself to her legs again.
Haru quirked an eyebrow at Naoko and Tara, but they only grinned wickedly as they hauled the chosen clothes to the register.
"You'll see around Halloween," her mother smirked.
Haru sighed, and managed to get to the white gloves so she could place them in the pile on the counter. "As long as there's no pink, I don't care."
"But we will need to pick up one or two things for that particular costume," Tara said thoughtfully. "Darling, could you keep Haru occupied for a few minutes when we're done here?"
"Okay, Mommy!" Tanya chirruped happily before jumping into Haru's surprised arms.
"That was subtle," Haru said dryly, after the less terrified clerk handed Naoko her receipt.
"It wasn't supposed to be," Tara replied as they started hauling the bags to the car.
Once the bags were safely deposited, Naoko handed her daughter a bit of money. "Go look at the stores for a bit. We'll meet you outside that café right there in half an hour."
"Yes, ma'am," Haru replied, letting Tanya tug on her hand until they were walking down the street.
"Which one should we go in first?" the little girl asked excitedly.
"It doesn't matter to me. You pick one."
Tanya beamed up at her, and immediately chose a store that was dominantly pink.
'Me and my big mouth,' Haru inwardly groaned as Tanya expertly moved through the little aisles.
"This store always has neat things," the little girl chattered, showing Haru an exquisite little snow globe that had a mountain cottage in it.
"Hey, that is pretty cool," Haru commented, more or less allowing Tanya to steer her around the store to show her random things.
But then something specific caught her eye. Picking up Tanya to balance her on one hip, she walked over to a rack devoted to hair accessories, and grabbed a package full of satin hair ribbons. The package had seven pastel colors, making her flip it to the back to check the length on them.
"Oh, those are nice. But your hair isn't long enough," Tanya commented.
Haru smiled thinly, thinking about her beloved moon pendant. Most of her recently purchased wardrobe wouldn't allow her to hide it, and she was pretty certain that the black ribbon it rested on wasn't part of the enchantment. If she changed out the ribbon to openly suit whatever she wore, people would think that she had bought the pendant in town. Explanations would be needless. She grabbed another package in jewel tones, for after the sentence was over.
"Who says I'm going to use them for my hair? Yes, they're long enough," she whispered in satisfaction, turning away from the rack. "Say, is there a book store around here?"
"Uh, huh. You want to see that next?"
Haru only nodded, and made for the register. Within seconds, she had her ribbons in a tiny bag, and Tanya was dragging her down the street once more.
"Miss Moon? Ah, Miss Moon!"
Haru wheeled around at the unfamiliar voice, a bit surprised as a slim man in his mid-thirties approached her; weary eyes turning alight.
"Can… I help you?" Haru asked hesitantly, pulling Tanya behind her protectively.
"I most certainly hope so; I've been trying to get an appointment with you for two months now," he panted in an Irish brogue, a wide smile on his face as he frantically searched his pockets. At last, he produced a small card and offered it to her. "My name is Seamus Smith, and I'm a talent scout for Dublin University."
Haru hesitantly took the card and looked at it. "Oh, um, nice to meet you."
"Why do you want to talk to Haru?" Tanya asked curiously.
The tall man grinned at her before turning his attention to the brunette. "Because we received a video of what she can do in an urban setting, and-"
"What?" Haru interrupted in a low, flat voice.
Seamus gave her a startled look. "We received a long movie of you running, climbing up buildings, jumping from one to another, and an entire section of you playing with gymnast equipment. I have never seen anything as impressive as-"
Haru handed his card back with a shaking hand and stuffed her ribbon bag into one pocket of her long black coat. "I'm not interested in whatever you want, have a nice day," she said in a rush, sweeping Tanya into her arms.
"Now see here-" he tried to say, but he was too slow.
Haru took off down the street, dodging people and venders with ease. A few of the people made startled sounds as she rushed by, but she paid no attention to them.
"Why are you running away from that man?" Tanya asked curiously, keeping her arms around her neck.
But Haru didn't answer her until they had rounded a corner, and she was leaning against a wall to catch her breath. Her entire body was shaking, and her body was coated in cold sweat. 'No! The Jirashi clan is at it again!'
She should have expected this. There was no way Kamui would let the largest continent on the planet come between them. On top of that, he probably had recorded all her old tricks for his amusement. No one else would have bothered.
"Haru? What's wrong?" Tanya asked again, touching her cheek softly. "You look scared."
At last, Haru took a deep breath. "Tanya, will you do me a favor?"
"What?"
"Don't tell anyone about that man."
Tanya looked at her incredulously. "Why? It sounded like he wanted you to go to Dublin."
Haru squeezed her warmly before setting her down. "He probably did, but…"
How was she supposed to explain this to a child without scaring her?
Suddenly, Tanya brightened. "Oh, I know! You want to go to Oxford instead!"
Haru looked down at her. "I beg your pardon?"
Tanya shrugged happily. "Daddy's been talking about it with your parents for months. There are a lot of colleges that want you to go study with them, but your mom and dad have been saying no a lot. I don't know why, though."
Haru's eyes narrowed angrily. "I do. Tanya, whatever you do, don't leave my side until we get back home, all right?"
Tanya gave her another confused look.
Haru sighed, and kneeled down to kiss her forehead. "Please? It's important." 'I will not take chances with your safety.'
"Okay," the girl said softly, inserting her tiny hand into Haru's gloved one.
Haru held on tightly, refusing to let go, no matter what.
ooOoo
Haru scrubbed the large pot in front of her with a vengeance, sending a glare at her father every time he passed her with the broom.
Finally, he sighed. "I'm sorry, Chicky. We didn't want to worry you," he apologized in Japanese. They were the only ones in the kitchen, and it wasn't really anyone else's business.
"I'm a lot more worried about the others than me, Dad," she nearly snapped at him in the same tongue. "I'm out of practice, and there's no telling who else in the village has been recruited. Why didn't you and Mom warn me about the movie, or at least what it implies?"
Her father flinched, sighing again. "Haru, you've been living in fear for at least eleven years. I thought you deserved to live without fear for once, and Tara has my number on speed dial. Your mom will too, after I give her a cell phone for her birthday. But don't tell!"
She gave him a sad look while nodding, nibbling on her lip. "Did you get to see that video, Dad?"
"Nah. I'd like to, I won't deny it, but… I'm not sure I could handle watching you get chased like your mom described," he said uncomfortably.
Haru gave an indelicate snort before returning to the dishes. "Considering Mr. Smith's attitude concerning the video, it's been carefully edited to look like I'm an adrenaline junkie. If another guy from a university approaches you, see if you can get your hands on a copy. If it's anything like I think it is, that movie sums up most of my life, and you know little enough as things are."
He looked over at her with shock, sweeping the dust and food crumbs into a dustpan. "You're not angry about the lost opportunities?"
"Opportunities for what; going back to being a chew toy?" Haru shook her head as she violently scrubbed at another pan. "Whatever I turn into, and how I turn into it, I don't want the Jirashi family to take credit for any of it. Even if it means getting an online degree and never leaving the manor." 'Not that it would be such a terrible fate. Everything I have ever wanted is here.'
"Aren't you supposed to be as bad with technology as me?" he asked with a proud smile.
"It's still preferable to Kamui's companionship, Dad. Anything's preferable to being near that slime bag."
He laughed proudly, and wrapped her in a bear hug. "That's my girl."