So Special (But It Hasn't Happened Yet)

After the Dark Lord's unmourned demise he spent the rest of the autumn helping Minerva sort out the school and giving testimonies to the Aurors for the Death Eater trials. He got off lightly himself as the great Chosen One Harry Potter and his ilk confirmed that he had been working with them all along. Kingsley had talked very fast to get Lucius, Remus and Severus off the hooks for killing Bellatrix, Wormtail, Selwyn and Macnair just before the final battle, but since they were all confirmed Death Eaters the Wizengamot hadn't objected too much. As far as he could tell, all the important Death Eaters had been killed or caught either at the Ministry or in their own homes during the next few days after the Dark Lord's demise, which gave him a strangely empty feeling that he much later identified as relief at not having to look over his shoulder quite as frequently anymore.

As for Hogwarts, he often found Minerva buried in paperwork, swearing in Scottish over the mess Albus had left behind. She had started to implement some much needed changes and despite her previously blatant Gryffindor bias Severus found that she was more impartial as a Headmistress than Albus had ever been, which admittedly was not a very difficult achievement. Remus took over as Head of Gryffindor, and actually managed to keep his cubs well in line. Severus had resumed brewing Wolfsbane for him once the war ended, claiming it made more sense for him to do it rather than to ask Hermione in London when both Remus and Severus were at Hogwarts. Andromeda and Ted Tonks were taking over History of Magic and the newly instated Cultural Studies, replacing Muggle Studies with modules both on Wizarding and Muggle culture, and which would be made mandatory already after the Christmas break for the first and second year students. Professor Binns still taught in his usual classroom and didn't seem to notice that there were no students present anymore. For breakfast and lunch the Great Hall now housed smaller tables where students from all Houses were encouraged to mingle, although dinner was still served at the long House tables. She was also talking about starting up some extracurricular clubs but he had pointedly made himself scarce when she was looking around the staff room for volunteers.

With Draco's return to Hogwarts and to life, the small cottage he had resided in was left untended and Winky returned to Hogwarts. For some inexplicable reason the elf latched on to him as her new potential master and scared the other Hogwarts elves off from serving him. He indulged her somewhat by allowing her to clean the Potions classroom or the ingredient storeroom occasionally, and whenever she claimed to need punishment he told her to lay off the Butterbeer for a while.

He'd reluctantly agreed to spend Christmas with the Malfoys, but at least there was no Dark Lord to force festivities on them anymore and the whole family seemed happier. Narcissa and Draco had redecorated all areas that had suffered from the presence of the Death Eaters, even going so far as to completely vanish a few of the most tainted rooms. Hermione had been at the Burrow, he assumed, and he had spent the rest of the holidays at Hogwarts, burying himself in his private laboratory for as long as he dared without incurring Minerva's wrath over not socialising.

For some inexplicable reason, the end of the war also brought fame to his door in the form of sensationalist articles in the Daily Prophet about his supposedly tragic and dashing figure, and Minerva had laughed herself silly when he started receiving fan mail. He'd even gone on a few dates, most reluctantly on Lucius' insistence, but found virtually all witches to be either too stupid to talk to, only lusting after his fame and war hero status, or both. A few of the witches had even kissed him and heavily hinted at going further, but he just found himself repulsed by them and declined their advances.

At first he was simply astonished to find himself alive and free from both his masters. Gradually he found that he was able to relax, to find a new equilibrium, and also that he absolutely loathed teaching, to perhaps no one's surprise. Some long and rather wine-soaked discussions with Lucius coupled with some late poker nights with Minerva and a bottle of her best whisky eventually led to a decision. For perhaps the first time in his life he was actually in charge of his own future, his own life; and it was about time that he take advantage of it. Minerva was elated to hear of his plans to quit and start up a potions brewing and research company, but still complained about having to recruit another teacher. He agreed to stay for the rest of the school year which also gave him some time to start sorting out his affairs.

-x-o-O-o-x-

A Sunday afternoon in February found him seated in his chambers with a cup of tea and the latest Potions Monthly issue. He was ahead on brewing for the Hospital Wing, had finished a batch of experimental potions and even done all his grading. Apparently not having two masters monopolising his time meant that he actually could have some time for himself, too.

Fawkes chirped impatiently and sent a picture of fruit salad to his mind. He was growing back into his adult feathers rapidly, consuming what Severus was convinced was a full orchard's worth of fruit every week. For some inexplicable reason, it seemed as if the bird had adopted Severus as his new familiar. Severus was quite certain that it wasn't the other way around as he hadn't been given a choice in the matter, rather just presented with a fait accompli and an overgrown chicken with a fire complex. At least the bird was rather good company. He found himself reading particularly bad student essays and Potions journal articles to the bird who often sent amusing mental images back to him.

He thought back to Albus' funeral. After Fawkes' rather ostentatious fireworks, the bird had somehow managed to end up in Severus' robe pocket. Any attempts to dislodge him to his old perch in the Headmaster's office were futile as Severus would find the bird back in his pocket the next time he deigned to look, or put his hand down it. Impatient chirping requested fruit - right now thankyouverymuch - in the way only a hungry chick could, and it hadn't taken long for him to offload the task of feeding the bottomless bird belly to Winky.

Dinner in the Great Hall was noisy as usual. He chose his customary chair, Fawkes perching on the back of it. Unfortunately, Remus Lupin arrived after him and chose the seat next to Severus. Ever since that night in the Malfoys' gardens it was as if Moony had decided that Severus was pack, and that Moony himself rather wanted to move in with Severus, sleep below his bed, fetch his slippers and go for walks in the moonlight. Fawkes sent him an image of Moony with a pink bow tie and a poodle cut, causing Severus to chuckle. The bird could be just as bitingly sharp as Severus himself whenever he wanted to.

"What's so funny?" Remus asked.

"Do you have a pink bow tie? Fawkes thought you'd look good in one and a poodle cut," Severus answered.

Tonks laughed from Remus' other side. "That can be arranged, Severus. Shall I send you a picture?"

"Spare me the details, please."

"Did you hear that Hermione left St Mungo's?" Tonks asked across Remus' plate.

He raised an eyebrow at her, lazily, trying hard to look unperturbed despite his rising pulse. "I do not make a habit of gossiping about former students, Nymphadora."

"Well she did anyway, Harry thought she was with her parents but he hadn't heard from her in a few weeks. Apparently she didn't give notice to Healer Pye, she just took off. And you only call me that when I'm on to something so your attitude doesn't impress me, Professor."

"Is that so," he said blandly.

He cut dinner short and returned to his chambers, not engaging Tonks in any more conversation. Inwardly however he was concerned, and tried in vain to recall if the Malfoys had said something. He seated himself in his customary armchair in front of the fire, closed his eyes and sought out the bond which he usually kept tightly shut away. It was dull and heavy in his chest. He frowned and opened his shirt to place a hand directly over it while Fawkes clucked at him and hopped up on his shoulder. As his hand touched his sternum, he was accosted by darkness. Pain, sorrow, apathy and just plain misery shot through him, almost pulling him under with its intensity. Somehow he had managed to forget what it was like to try to exist with those kinds of feelings, when nothing could pierce the dullness of existence, when the very act of breathing was too painful and the only wish one had when going to bed was that one wouldn't wake the next day.

Steadying himself he focussed on warmth, on comfort, on reassurance that the darkness would pass, and tried to send the feelings through the bond. He vaguely noticed Fawkes starting to sing, which at least let him breathe easier even if he couldn't be sure it would transfer through the bond.

-x-o-O-o-x-

"You never told me about what happened between you and Hermione, Severus," Lucius commented one weekend evening as they sat together by the fireplace again in the Malfoy lord's study, idly sipping a cognac. Fawkes had come along too but was out on the grounds somewhere, probably chatting with the peacocks. The bird had grown into his flying feathers but was still a fledgling, not quite adult-looking yet.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. He didn't want to talk about it but there didn't seem to be a good reason not to, and so he found himself describing their interactions all the way from her assisting him with potions at Grimmauld Place during the summer up to their latest encounter. He omitted the soul bond, however.

"That explains a thing or two," the blond man said, frowning. "Do you care for her?"

Severus nodded reluctantly. "Yes … unfortunately."

Lucius smirked. "Well, since she is now my daughter, I will give you permission to court her. I never thought I'd end up with you as a son-in-law, Severus, since Draco isn't gay."

"I think you are playing this whole adoption card too much, Lucius. Besides, the question is academical as I have no intention to saddle the girl with myself as a suitor."

"Let me guess, you don't consider yourself worthy? You're too old for her? Too dark? Too grumpy? Too set in your solitary ways? You were her teacher?" Lucius ticked off the items on his fingers as he spoke, leaning forward in his chair. "Did I miss anything?"

Severus levelled a glare at his oldest friend which naturally had no effect at all. "Yes indeed. She's bright, has her whole future ahead of her and deserves someone younger and happier. I did agree to meeting her a year from the end of the war but I expect her to be hanging on the arms of a young wizard by then." He quenched the shudder of discomfort that arose at that thought.

Lucius sipped his cognac, seemingly relaxed but not taking his eyes off Severus.

"There is something more here, Severus, that you aren't telling me. What is it? Although I didn't exactly go about this in the traditional way, she's still my daughter and I will protect her."

Severus sighed and glared at Lucius again. The man could be annoyingly perceptive sometimes. "Fine. She managed to saddle me with a soul bond during our first time together, doing a ritual that Andromeda taught her."

Lucius stared at him a long time before shaking his head. "Oh, Severus. Now you've really bollocksed it up. "

He bristled. "Me? She didn't exactly ask me beforehand, or even inform me after the fact until we had slept together twice more!"

Lucius merely looked at him and shook his head, making Severus feel oddly wrong-footed again, like a boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

-x-o-O-o-x-

Slowly, insidiously, a feeling of loss made itself known. Loss, and longing, and loneliness. He realised that he missed her presence, both for her quick mind and their heated discussions but also that he missed sharing a bed with her, waking up next to a warm witch with his nose full of hair, the way she looked at him, her hand lightly touching his neck or arm. Somehow she had seen him as simply Severus, the man, not as Professor Snape or the Ex-Death Eater or any other of the roles he had been required to play over the years.

He often found himself rubbing his sternum, and occasionally he could hear a hint of a sibilant whisper as if she was saying his name. At least she seemed to be faring better than earlier, her moods through the bond were less dark. Lucius had given him a status report after his impromptu Stateside vacation, and it was Severus who had suggested that she might be interested in Arithmancy based on her work during the summer. He still couldn't quite get over the fact that she had managed to deduce that Draco was alive purely from the equations.

Miss Lovegood stayed behind after her final Potions class before the NEWTs. She was still wearing Rowena's diadem, now adorned with fresh flowers, colourful pipe cleaners, gaudy feathers and plastic googly eyes in addition to the wine corks.

She regarded him steadily over her armful of books. "She still cares about you, you know. Don't throw it away just because you're afraid."

It was no use arguing with her, he knew she knew that he knew what she was talking about. "I shall keep that in mind, Miss Lovegood. Are you keeping the diadem?"

She tilted her head and appeared to check him over for invisible creatures. "No, I'm giving it back to Rowena. It belongs here to ward off the Wrackspurts. See you around, Professor."

"Undoubtedly," he answered, giving her a nod as she turned to leave.

He felt oddly elated as he took one final look around the quarters he had called his own for nearly two decades, now stripped of anything personal. He had absolutely refused to let Minerva give him an official farewell dinner, saying that the kids would undoubtedly be over the moon to see him gone, but nonetheless his last week in the castle had seen more students seeking him out voluntarily than ever before, asking about his plans and even thanking him for teaching them. Now that was something that had most definitely never happened before. He had called a Slytherin meeting a few days earlier, gathering all his Snakes to ensure that they didn't think he was leaving because of them. A few of them had been teary-eyed and they'd even presented him with a potions journal as a gift from the whole House which had left him at a loss for words and having to pull down all his Occlumency walls to make it with his dignity intact.

-x-o-O-o-x-

He had planned to find a better location for his new brewing company which he had registered at the Ministry as Phoenix Prince Potions, but the research project he had started at Hogwarts had consumed too much of his spare time and was still in a sensitive stage. He wanted to improve the Wolfsbane potion by making it more stable so that it didn't have to be brewed fresh for the werewolf during the three full moon days each month, which would allow many more werewolves to have access to it. As such he didn't have any location for his business other than his old home at Spinner's End where he set up a lab in the cellar. Winky followed him there, simply Apparating to his living room the day after he moved out of Hogwarts, and refusing to listen to him when he asked if she shouldn't be at Hogwarts.

Draco had passed a respectable number of NEWTs and somehow managed to browbeat Severus into allowing him to redecorate the house, and so the young Malfoy spent a lot of time with him over the summer, testing out various building techniques, moving rooms and changing wallpaper. He was intensely curious about the Muggle aspects of the house and must have spent at least half an hour playing with the electric lights in the kitchen. Fawkes approved of his presence, seeming to think that Severus needed to meet some people at least occasionally, but having the opportunity to devote all his time to research felt like an indulgence after the past few years. The Wolfsbane project was difficult, not only because it could only be trialled three days per month and he only had Moony as guinea pig, but also because of the inherent instability of the brew. He had been certain that he had solved it by the full moon in late August but unfortunately Remus had spent the whole night howling in pain before Severus dosed him with a sleeping draught.

It did feel odd however when September First came and went without him seated at the High Table, guessing at the outcome of the Sorting with Minerva. Still, it felt like the right choice. He was his own master now, able to choose his hours and his tasks, although quite a few of those hours were spent brewing potions for the Hogwarts Infirmary. Poppy had insisted that he would take the brewing contract which gave him a stable source of income over the year.

An officious owl fluttered in through the window with an affronted squawk as his wards singed its tail feathers while Severus was finishing his breakfast one Tuesday morning. It held out a leg for him with a scroll bearing the Ministry seal. Ministry scrolls never contained good news, in his opinion. Warily he untied the scroll as the bird nicked a piece of bacon off his plate and flew off, and he found he was right this time too as the Ministry had now decided to host a Victory Ball and he was most cordially invited to participate on pain of Auror escort should he decline.

Not half an hour later, his Floo flared with a call from Draco who didn't wait for his acknowledgement before stepping through the flames.

"I see you also received the summons, Uncle." Draco had spotted his invitation where he had thrown it, in front of the fireplace.

"Stupid bloody Ministry and their bloody stupid celebrations," Severus grumbled.

"Oh, you're going, one way or the other," his godson promised. "Now come on, you have an appointment at Twilfit and Tattings in half an hour. Yes you do, I just set it up for you."

-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-

A/N Title is from a song by the Icelandic singer Björk. One more chapter and an epilogue. Onwards!

Oh, and phoenix behaviour and diet shamelessly stolen from the great corvusdraconis.