Cheers to all who are reviewing - very happy there were some tears last chapter...I sobbed like a baby writing it (I'm such a loser).
If you're reading and not reviewing - you're running out of time to immortalise your opinion...only 5 chapters left after this.
As promised, things are lightening up from now on as long ignored libido's wave their hands and say, 'Here we are!'
WARNING: Sexual tension...
The best way to prepare for life is to begin to live. - Elbert Hubbard
Chapter Twenty One
Five weeks later
'It's…nice?' Remus said tentatively, biting his lip to hide his smile as he looked over at Ashlin.
She shot him a reproachful glare before she walked across the room and yanked open the heavy, burgundy curtains. A cloud of dust rose, making her cough as she waved her hand in front of her face to try and clear the air. The room didn't look much better in the sunlight and Ashlin sighed.
'This is going to be harder than I thought,' she murmured, looking a little disheartened.
She had finally gotten around to visiting her childhood home but was shocked to see its state of disrepair. 'I didn't realise it was so bad,' she said to Remus as they moved through the living room, pulling open velvet drapes as they went.
The furniture was old - not antique 'old' but rundown 'old'; the carpet threadbare and smelly. Cobwebs and dust clung to every surface and the musty smell was beginning to give her a headache. Ashlin unlocked the nearest window, trying to push the disused frame up to no avail.
'Let me try,' Remus said and she stepped out of the way, watching as he tried just as unsuccessfully to lift it, then pulled his wand out. He pointed it at the window and it crashed open, shattering the pane of glass.
'Oops,' he said with a shocked look and Ashlin giggled at his expression.
He looked at her then grinned in delight. 'Wow. I would've smashed every window in my house a month ago if I knew that was what it would take for me to hear that sound again,' he teased, grin widening when she flushed a little. It had been a long time since she'd laughed and she had surprised even herself with the giggle.
For days after her breakdown, she'd remained in bed, alternating between staring non responsively at the ceiling, and sobbing into either her pillow or Remus' shoulder. She refused food and slept fitfully as the shadows that had been momentarily pushed aside began to take hold of her once again.
After just over a week of feeling helpless to do anything for her, Remus had enough, literally dragging Ashlin out of bed (not quite kicking and screaming but certainly complaining). He made her sit down under a tree with him and eat something, keeping her there for the afternoon, talking non-stop until she began to participate in the so far one sided conversation. When the sun went down, he stood and pulled her to her feet.
'Thanks,' she said softly and he smiled.
'No problem,' he replied, giving her a one-armed hug before they went back inside.
She slowly changed as the days turned to weeks, the darkness that had been threatening to consume her began to lose its grasp on her heart and soul, and Remus was startled but pleased when he caught the occasional glimpse of the woman he'd met many years ago. The sparkle he remembered from their school days shone through more and more often and she smiled easier.
Physically, she was still too thin but she looked much healthier - her body regaining a few of the curves he used to fantasise about as a fifteen year old. Her hair had grown, soft blonde waves falling to her shoulders (she'd used a spell to rid herself of the grey - Remus teasing her mercilessly about her vanity), and her face could be described as beautiful again - even marked as it was with premature creases and the long scar Voldemort had given her.
It had taken some time, but she finally felt like she was ready to start her life again, beginning with moving into her own house - a plan that looked like it might be a little more difficult to implement than she'd anticipated as they took in the condition of the house.
Remus waved his wand now, repairing the shattered pane of glass and watching it return to the frame. He'd been heartened by hearing Ashlin laugh. He'd been so anxious about her state of mind for the past few weeks and concerned that she was going to give in to her old habits and hurt herself in her grief. Unbeknownst to the woman, he'd taken to checking on her throughout the night, needing to see the steady rise and fall of her chest for himself before he was satisfied that she was alright. And even though now she was emotionally stronger, he had been finding it difficult to stop himself from making his way to her room to sit and watch her sleep.
He was finding slumber elusive again, as it had been for a long time until he had finally faced his feelings about Tonks' death and Remus was wondering if seeing Ashlin's grief for Sirius had bought some unresolved emotions of his own to the surface. Perhaps he hadn't put the ghost of his friend to rest? He'd hoped that, by helping Ashlin, he would stop feeling as though he'd betrayed his friend by keeping her from him in the last year of his life. He'd explained himself to Ashlin, who told him she didn't hold him responsible for Dumbledore's actions, but the niggling 'what if' was still there.
He'd been surprised by the sharp stab of combined disappointment and loss he'd experienced when Ashlin announced she was going to move out.
'I think I've imposed on you long enough,' she said with a smile last night.
'You don't have to, Ash. You know you're welcome to stay as long as you like,' he'd argued but she shook her head.
'In order to start to get on with my life, I need to stop leaning so heavily on you,' she'd said softly then looked at him piercingly. 'I need to make sure I don't replace an old bad habit with a new one.'
His frown had deepened and he turned to check dinner, knowing exactly what she meant. Ashlin wasn't hurting herself anymore - seeking help from a counsellor to avoid falling back into the habit - but they were both aware that they'd come to rely too much on each other for reassurance; for comfort. Their relationship was in danger of becoming unhealthily co-dependant and neither of them wanted to ruin a friendship they both valued.
'None of the furniture is going to be usable,' she called and he realised she'd wandered across to the other side of the room. 'Anything that was valuable was put into the family vault. I don't really want any of it. The relatives can fight over it and I'll get some stuff that suits me a bit better.'
He looked at the dilapidated table and chairs and nodded. This wasn't really Ashlin's style. It was dark and ornate, unnecessarily fancy. He instinctively knew that Ashlin would favour lighter grains and plainer design. Remus said this and she smiled brightly.
'Good guess,' she said, looking impressed. 'You want to take a stab at the colour I'm thinking of for the walls?'
He chuckled and looked around thoughtfully. The room was dark and dreary, desperately needing lightening up. He glanced back at Ashlin, who had spent so much of her life in the dark: first here, then with the Death Eaters. She'd want it to be light, to bring in the sunshine and clear skies.
'White,' he said with certainty. 'White walls and maybe some yellow or light blues or greens.'
Ashlin looked startled but nodded. 'Yeah,' she said, a little unnerved by his accuracy. 'Am I that predictable?'
Remus let out a breath of laughter. 'You are anything but predictable, Ash,' he told her with a grin. 'I guess I've just gotten to know you pretty well.'
She smiled, slightly alarmed by the warm feeling that blossomed inside her when his smile reached his eyes, then turned away from him, shaking it off. 'I'm going to check out the upstairs.'
They opened up the whole house then spent a couple of hours using their wands to siphon up the dust and cobwebs. They shrank the old furniture then Ashlin Vanished it. Remus used a spell to lift the worn carpets then Ashlin made them disappear as well. They walked around, identifying and repairing any small breakages and working out how much furniture she was going to need.
It was dark before they took a break, Ashlin collapsing dramatically on the now bare floorboards with a heavy sigh, making him laugh.
She grinned at him then winced as a splinter poked her in the leg. 'I'll get someone in to sand and polish these,' she said, running her hand over the boards as he sank down next to her, his back complaining. 'But I'll paint these walls first then get some furniture.'
She turned her head to look up at him, catching his grimace as a spasm tightened already sore muscles. 'Your back again?' she said sympathetically and he nodded, shrugging.
'It's fine,' he mumbled but she sat up, scooting across the floor a little so she was sitting behind him.
'Here?' she asked, slipping a hand under his shirt and laying it on his lower back. He jumped a little at the touch but couldn't help his groan as his back clenched again.
'Don't bother answering,' she told him, fingers pressing harder now. 'I felt that.' Her hands moved, rubbing at the tight muscle and he bit his lip, unable to successfully hold back his moan of gratitude.
'It's alright, Ash. You don't have to…' he began but she just murmured, 'Shh. It's my fault it's aching. I shouldn't have let you do so much.'
He stopped arguing as her hands worked magic on the sore muscles, accepting the massage silently but with a slight frown as he realised that her touch was warming his skin a little more than it should have been.
'You know, it's going to take a while to get this all this stuff done here,' she said after a few minutes, her breath tickling the back of his neck and making his skin break out in goose bumps. 'Do you mind if I take advantage of you for a little longer?'
He smiled and shrugged. 'It's been a long time since someone took advantage of me, Ash,' he teased. 'I look forward to it.'
Ashlin was surprised. Was he flirting with her? Disturbed that her heart seemed to speed up a little at the thought, she smiled and took her hands off him. 'Better?' she asked as she stood up.
Remus nodded, thanking her as he tugged the back of his shirt down, trying to ignore the way his skin was tingling where she'd touched him.
'It's been way too long,' he thought, annoyed his long ignored libido was starting to affect the time he spent with Ashlin. 'Maybe I need to go out and get laid before I do something stupid.'
'You think we're too grubby for the Leaky Cauldron?' she asked, smiling at him and distracting him from his thoughts. 'I'll take you out for dinner to say thanks for your help today.'
'You don't have to do that,' he said, more out of habit than actual reluctance. They'd been stuck in his house for too long and a meal out sounded fantastic.
'I know,' she said, extending her hand to him. 'I want to.'
He took her hand and she pulled him up, neither of them letting go until after they disapparated, appearing outside the Leaky Cauldron.
They ate heartily, having missed lunch, and drank far too much mead. It had been a long time since either of them had drunk alcohol seriously and the sweet elixir had hit them hard, making apparition a non viable option.
'We'll just get some rooms,' Ashlin said unconcerned, when Remus commented on his light head as they ordered sweets.
'That house is going to take a while to paint and get set up,' she said a little later over a dessert of fruit salad for her, cake for Remus.
'Mmm,' he agreed, watching in growing amusement as she eyed off his cake. 'It's pretty big. Won't you feel like you're going crazy in all that space?'
Ashlin sighed, poking at her fruit salad and wishing she'd ordered the cake. 'Probably,' she admitted. 'But I can't impose on you forever.'
'Sure you can,' he said then chuckled as her eyes returned to his plate. 'Ash, just take some. I can't eat it all anyway.'
She looked up in surprise. 'Was I that obvious?' she said and he nodded.
'Yeah, you were,' he told her, using his fork to break the slice of mud cake in half.
'No, thanks,' she said, regretfully. 'You've gotten me too used to feeding my face. I barely fit into my new clothes now as it is.'
'For God's sake, Ash,' he muttered, transferring the chunk of cake to her plate then pinching some berries for himself. 'You're as gorgeous as you ever were - maybe a bit too skinny still, if anything. Eat the damn cake.'
She flushed but ate the cake.
They talked about their childhood and school days for the remainder of the evening until the barman came over to tell them he was closing up. Ashlin, overriding Remus' objections, organised two rooms for them before they went upstairs, stumbling a little on the uneven steps.
'Remus, you've been letting me stay at your house for months,' she argued when Remus told her he'd pay for his own room. 'For God's sake, don't worry about it…whoops!'
He had tripped up the stairs, and she grabbed his arm to steady him before he fell. They both laughed then shushed each other noisily as they walked down the hall, Ashlin squinting at the room keys.
'You want 5 or 6?' she asked, dangling them and he grabbed one.
'Don't care,' he mumbled, stopping outside 5. He peered down at his key which had a black 6 printed on it. 'This is yours.'
She checked her key as well then tried to get it in the lock, making several attempts before she managed to push it in and turn it. She was leaning heavily against the door and when it flew open, she stumbled inside. Remus wasn't quick enough to catch her and she hit the floor. Remus laughed and Ashlin giggled hysterically, rolling over onto her back.
'I think…that we are drunk,' she said sagely and he laughed harder.
'I think you are right,' he agreed, grabbing her hands and pulling her to her feet.
She shot up and fell against him. 'Careful,' he said, clutching her upper arms. 'You're going to break something.'
'Mmm,' she murmured then realised he was holding her flush against him, her hands flattened over the wall of his chest and, goodness, it felt a lot broader and firmer than she thought it would.
Remus also recognised how close they were as her palm rubbed over his nipple through his shirt, the nub hardening from the light friction. Their laughter faded as a frisson of electricity passed between them. It was just a moment then, almost as if they'd choreographed it, Ashlin stepped back as Remus dropped his hands.
'Well, night,' he said quickly, his brow creased in confusion as he backed towards his room.
'Night,' she echoed, grabbing the door knob and shutting the door firmly, the same thought running through both their minds.
'What the hell was that?'
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