HPAUHGP2 – CH 21
Chapter 21: Reassurance
Third Year
The winter holiday came and went, and it was finally time to return back to school. Although he had spent much time with his guardians over break, Harry had not approached them about his doubts about Sirius. After Harry had received the firebolt from Sirius, he felt that it was best to avoid the subject. Besides, when he returned to school, Hermione had Professor McGonagall confiscate his new broom for inspection. Even through Remus insisted the broom was fine, McGonagall gave him a speech about bring thorough, which Remus couldn't argue with.
Hermione turning over the broom, and McGonagall's insistence only encouraged his doubts about Sirius. The longer Sirius was on the run, the larger Harry's suspicions seemed to grow. He found himself staying up nights, endlessly checking the Marauder's map to see if Sirius was lurking on the grounds. When he wasn't checking the map, he was struggling to fall asleep, letting his doubt clutter his mind. After he fell asleep in transfiguration due to his sleep deprivation (and lost 15 points from Gryffindor), he decided he needed to talk to someone, to ease his mind.
Friday afternoon, Harry left Hermione and Ron to do homework in the common room while he walked to Remus's office. He knew that Remus was the only one who could reassure him of Sirius's intentions, while not defending him endlessly (unlike Tawny).
"Uncle Remus?" Harry called, entering the defense against the dark arts classroom. Remus yelled back for Harry to join him in his office. "Coming." He took a deep breath before crossing the room, and up the short stair case to his office.
"Harry, good to see you. Come in, I just put a kettle on."
"Sounds great." Harry said nervously, taking a seat in his usual chair. "Planning next week's lesson?"
"Just editing it, we're going to be – well, I won't ruin the surprise. But, I think you'll enjoy it." Remus said, just as the kettle over the fire started whistling. He swiftly waved his wand and poured the hot water over two cups with chamomile tea leaves. Remus asked, "Are you okay, Harry?" noticing him meddling with the bottom seam of his school robes.
"Yes… no… I wanted to talk to you about something. Well, not something… Sirius."
"Of course, tell me what's on your mind."
"All my life you and Tawny have told me stories about Sirius. You've talked about Sirius's bravery, and loyalty, and how much he cared for all of us. But…"
"But you are still having doubts about him, why?"
"Azkaban is a horrible place. It's cold, and lonely, and the dementors lurk around every corner. People go mad in there… How do you know what the Sirius that went into that prison is the same person that left?"
"I don't." That was the last thing Harry expected to hear. At least he thought Remus would have some sort of come back, something to convince him. "I can't tell you that he's the same person, and the likelihood Harry, is that he isn't."
"If you're trying to change my mind, you're not doing a good job, Uncle Remus."
"Azkaban change people, and I would be remiss to believe that Sirius is still the exact same person that he was. He has suffered through the torture of Azkaban for too long. You've felt the dementor's influence on you and you've only been around them for half of the term. Sirius has done that many times over, and has felt their presence around the clock for the past twelve years. You know that the dementors feed off your happiest memories. Sirius was full of them, and I know the dementors must have fed off those memories frequently.
"But Harry, Azkaban can change the way he feels; it can make the happiest person lose all hope. But, I have to believe that his fundamental principles, the qualities that make him Sirius haven't left him."
"Then what is he doing here? Why would he come to Hogwarts? Why would he sneak into the castle, and attack the Fat Lady? Why would he try to break into Gryffindor Tower, my house? Why is he making it look like he is coming after me? What if he really is?" Harry's voice broke on the last sentence, and he took a deep breath to steady himself. He hated how scared he felt. He was sorted into Gryffindor for Merlin's sake. He knew he was supposed to be brave. But, here, with Remus, he knew that he didn't have to be.
"I don't know the answer to that either, Harry. Dumbledore, Tawny, and I have all been trying to figure that out. After he tried to break into Gryffindor Tower, I investigated to see if there was anything in the tower he might need, besides you."
"You didn't find anything did you?"
"Nothing of value." Remus peeked out his door to see if anyone was listening in, and then quickly go up to shut the door. "I'm going to tell you something, that not even Dumbledore knows, okay?"
"Tell me."
Remus took a seat on the edge of his desk, facing Harry. "A week after you and I came to Hogwarts in the fall, Tawny received a letter from Sirius."
"What? No way! What did it say?"
"I just included one phrase: I must finish what I started. That's all."
"I must finish what I started? What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?"
"That is what we've been wondering. Tawny has been wracking her brain for months. To be honest with you Harry, you aren't the only one that has had doubts about Sirius."
"Tawny has had them? You can't be serious?"
"Tawny doesn't have the same doubts as you, but she does worry that he has changed or really that he hasn't changed."
"Now I'm confused."
"The night that Sirius left, he went off to your parent's house. He had heard that Peter has betrayed your parents, and he had to go see for himself what happened."
"So, the last thing he did was go to Godric's Hollow? That's where he found Hagrid. Hagrid was holding me, and wouldn't give me to Sirius. Even Hagrid didn't trust him, Uncle Remus."
"Hagrid was under orders from Dumbledore to keep you safe. That meant not give you over to anyone unless Dumbledore was present. Hagrid had his reasons to keep from giving you up."
"But he was suspicious. I mean it would make sense to believe that Sirius was working with Voldemort, his family did."
Remus paused for a moment, taken aback by Harry's response. "How do you know that?"
"I, I overheard some professors talking about it." It wasn't exactly a lie... Remus didn't ask where he overheard it. "I hate to think like this Uncle Remus, but are you sure it wasn't all an act? May the last thing he started was to finish the job that Voldemort started?"
"There was a time Harry, when I was the one under suspicion. Many people that worked with the Order of the Phoenix believed that I was working with Lord Voldemort."
"You? Why would they think that?"
"The reason isn't important, it's the fact that they did. Sirius and Tawny believed in me. They never suspected that I was working against them, and I wouldn't believe that Sirius would have joined Voldemort either."
"But your family weren't death eaters. Sirius's were."
"Sirius hated his family, and they felt the same towards him. To them, Sirius was a disappointment. He didn't uphold the family name of being not only a Slytherin, but a pureblood that only associates with other purebloods. His family called him a blood traitor for being friends with Peter, your mum, and I, and your father, another blood traitor. His parents burned his face off of their family tree when he left home at sixteen to live with your dad." The minister may have mentioned the Black family being pure-blood supremacists, but he didn't say a single thing about their mistreatment of Sirius.
"Yes, Harry, that could have been an act. But it would be difficult to fake the bruises on him when returned to school, or the chill that would go through him when he thought about returning home during the holidays. If anything, Sirius's family was a reason to defy Lord Voldemort, not support him. I may not know why he is here, Harry, but I don't believe that It has anything to do with Voldemort."
"Then what could it be? What didn't he finish?" Harry groaned, resting his head in his hands. "I wish we could just see him and ask. You haven't seen him, have you?"
"Actually, Tawny and I did see him."
"What?" Harry practically yelled, jumping to his feet. "You saw him and you didn't ask him what was going on?"
"Yes, we saw him, but he didn't say anything. It was very brief, and he wasn't really able to speak to us."
"When did you see him?"
"Recently…" Remus replied, shoving his hands in the pockets of his robes.
"Wait, is that why you didn't come home for the first days of holiday? It's because you and Tawny went to see Sirius."
"No. Tawny and I saw Sirius then, but it wasn't planned. He came to us. Tawny and I not being at the Burrow had nothing to do with Sirius."
"Then what was it about? You and Tawny… you aren't…" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.
Remus flushed at Harry's statement, and waved his hands is disagreement. "No, no, Harry, I assure you that isn't it."
"Then what? Does it have something to do with you being sick all the time? Mrs. Weasley said that Tawny had to work, did you go to the hospital?"
"No, no."
"Why are you sick all the time? You miss class all the time, and Snape has to cover. I know you wouldn't just miss class unless you absolutely couldn't make it. It's not serious, is it? You don't have what Tawny's mum had, do you? Are you dying, Uncle Remus?" With every question Harry could feel himself fighting back the tears in the corners of his eyes. He already lost one father, he couldn't lose another.
"No, no, Harry." Remus said, reaching out to wrap him in a hug. "I promise you, I'm not dying." Pushing Harry out slight so that he could look him in eye, Remus put both hands on his shoulders. "Me being sick has nothing to do with the disease Tawny's mum had. It is completely different, and I will tell you about it in time. But I promise Harry, I'm not going anywhere."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. I'm not dying, and you aren't going to. We may be unsure of Sirius's intentions, but I will not let anyone hurt you. If I am wrong about Sirius, I will make sure that you are safe."
"Okay."
"One more thing. Before holiday we talked about patronuses. Stop by tomorrow afternoon and we will have our first patronus lesson. Maybe that will keep you from falling off your firebolt when McGonagall clears it for you. Does that sound good?"
"Yeah, it does."
"Good."
"I better get going." Harry said. "I have to go keep Ron and Hermione from killing each other. They've been having a row about Scabbers and Crookshanks fighting, and now the firebolt… let's just say they're friendship is on thin ice at the moment."
Remus wished him good luck as Harry headed for the door. Just as he opened the door he stopped and turned back to face his uncle. "Uncle Remus?"
"Yes, Harry?"
"Thanks for the reassurance. I needed it." He smiled before slipping out the office door.
…
Tawny,
I'm sorry I haven't written in a while, but I have plenty to tell you. A few weeks ago, Uncle Remus began teaching me how to use a patronus charm. I know that is supposed to be an advanced spell, but Uncle Remus said you should be alright with it seeing that it will keep the dementors away from me, which it already has. Don't be alarmed, I don't mean real dementors. Gryffindor just played Ravenclaw in quidditch today. Ravenclaw put a good fight, I mean, they have a great seeker, Cho Chang. She's really pretty, and talented, and good at distracting… But, that's not the point. During the match, I thought I saw three dementors, so I used my new spell on them. It was successful in keeping them back, but they happened to be Malfoy and his goons. Not only did Gryffindor win the match, but McGonagall gave all four of them detention and took away fifty points from Slytherin! Let's just say that I was a good day.
On the downside, Hermione and Ron are still having a row. Ron is convinced that Hermione's cat has gone after Scabbers, and Hermione disagrees. They've just been building up to this fight and now I'm stuck in the middle of it. They will get over it. Once Scabbers reappears the fight will be over, maybe. I just hope that happens soon. I'm getting tired of the constant bickering. Anyway, I have a post-match party to get back to, but I'll write back soon.
Harry
Later that night, after Harry had sent his letter to Tawny, and McGonagall had dismissed the party, everyone in the Gryffindor common room filed into their beds. But, the Gryffindor students were not the only ones occupying Gryffindor tower that night.
After whispering the password to Sir Cadogan, Sirius shoved the password list into his pocked, and slipped through the portrait hole for the first time since his last days at Hogwarts. His cloak was help up over his head, keeping him covered from the prying eyes of the portraits or any students that could come downstairs.
Although he was hiding his eyes, he couldn't help but look around the room. It hadn't changed much since his days there, in fact, he felt as if he was sneaking in from a Marauder's mission or a late-night date with Tawny being in the empty common room again. He shook his head, trying to regain his focus. He was in Gryffindor tower for one reason, and one reason only: to find, and kill Peter Pettigrew.
He tiptoed up the staircase, being careful not to make a sound. Finally, when he reached the third-year dormitory, he paused for a moment. He took a deep breath, reassuring himself of his plan. This is what he had been planning for months: escape Azkaban, get to Hogwarts, find Peter, and kill the little rat. But for a split second he was second guessing himself.
But when he thought of his godson on the other side of that door, his godson that was in danger of Peter… that was all the reassurance he needed. Making sure not to let the door creak, he pushed the door open, and squeezed through the doorway, making sure to let in as little light as possible.
Sirius closed the door behind him before swiftly walking across the room, scanning for Peter in his rat form. But what he saw first, was the sleeping form of his godson right in front of him. He stood there, over him, watching him sleep, just soaking in the moment. The last time he been this close Harry was just over a year old… now he looked just like his father did. Harry's messy black hair fell across his eyes, as he slept, with his glasses still on. His arm was draped over the Marauder's map, still open and showing the figures throughout the castle.
Sirius couldn't help but smile at it. Even though the map had been confiscated years ago, it still managed to end up in Harry's hands. A marauder already. Not wanting anyone else to seep the map's secrets, Sirius quickly reached for his wand, tapped the parchment lightly and whispered, "mischief managed," and watched as the ink faded from the paper.
Just as Sirius tucked his wand back into his pocket, he heard a faint squeaking sound come from the bed next to him. He reached into his pocked, carefully pulling a knife from it. As quietly as he could he turned around moved as quietly as he could towards the bed. The curtains were still drawn, and he wasn't sure exactly where Peter was, but he knew that this was his one chance.
Sirius pushed through the curtains, and spotted the rat on the bed near Ron's sleeping figure. Peter squealed as Sirius began slashing at the rat, taking bits of the curtains with him. Sirius missed Peter, and he took the opportunity to scamper across Ron's chest to the other side of the bed. Aggravated, Sirius reached over the boy, once again trying to hit Peter. But Peter jumped and fell off the side of the bed to the floor, landing with a thud.
About to run to the other side, Sirius couldn't help but hear Ron shifting to sit up, and realize what was happening. Before he could transform and hide, Ron focused long enough to see a glimpse of Sirius with the knife and began to freak out causing Sirius to shove the knife back into the pocket of his cloak and sweep out of the room just in time for the other boys to throw open their curtains in surprise.