AN: Sorry for the delay in uploading! I've been having internet issues .
Runaways: Chapter 21
Circumspection.
_MATTS's Point of View_
It's Sunday and we're spending the day doing homework. Catching up, at least. I'm mostly finished with everything, but if I get this out of the way, I'll have a clear mind for work. Ha! Clear? It hasn't been clear since Yagami shoved formulas into it.
That, and the more I bury my head in my work, I don't have time to think about the fact that by doing so, I am overtaking Mello. There's no time to think in between algebra, stupid science equations and freakin' poetry. No time to realise how soul-destroyed Mello is going to be when he realises that I've almost caught him up.
I've spent most of the week ignoring him, the guilt is eating me up from the inside. And every day of detention, Mr Yagami is enjoying every second of it. He asks how Mello's work is coming along and how mine is, making me compare ourselves. It's ridiculous and I hate it. But he does it. He enjoys the psychological effect it's having on me, but it doesn't stop the experiments.
It's not too hard to hide it from Mello. The distance I've created between us gives things time to settle and works to an advantage. I don't like the distance, so secretly, I'm happy when we're sat together in the motel room (I've already paid rent), and just doing homework. It's nice to just stay near him without having to say anything or do anything,. Just being in his presence is enough, and I find myself being comfortable (despite the lingering headache) until—
"L asked me to help out on parent-teacher night…seeing as 'mother' isn't coming" I hear him shuffle as he packs his things up and then a sigh, followed by a waft of Mello-scented air as he flops over the end of the bed near to my neck.
"Yagami asked me the same" I mutter. Mello peers around the left side as I flick through a textbook, my headache returning. "What did you say?" I ask him, to keep him distracted. He doesn't say anything straight off, but I see him shrug out of the corner of my eye. If he was paying attention, then he should have said yes to L, because what other way would we be able to get into parent-teacher night without actually being there with 'mother' ?
"I thought we were leaving that night?" He hasn't been paying any attention, has he? It isn't that complicated! "That's why I said no" I bite my lip and Mello slides off the bed a little, snaking his hands around my shoulders. His wrist momentarily scrapes the nerve on the back of my neck and my brain trembles. I do all I can not to flip him off me. He doesn't get how gut wrenchingly guilty I feel about everything. He wouldn't understand. "When was the last time you ate?" I don't know. It's not on my top ten 'List of things to do' right now.
"If we leave before parents evening then why the hell did we stay?" It's common sense! There would be no point in staying up until that night if we weren't going to attend!
"We won't gain anything by staying anyway" Mello says. "They can't tell us how our grades are" Mel kisses my neck slightly – he shouldn't be with me. But on the other hand, if he leaves….He kisses my neck again and I almost really do flip him away from me. Keep talking. Stay calm. Thinking hurts.
"They do that the day before" I explain, sighing and taking in Mello's scent. "They hand out our reports and the rankings go up in the staff room" Yagami told me that sometime last week. When he was sure that I'd surpass Mello. Oh God… "I thought you'd want to stay for that seeing as you've worked so hard" I can't look at him. I'm making things worse by telling him it's for his benefit; it'll only backfire when he realises how close I've come to overtaking his position. I receive another kiss on my left collarbone.
"Fine. We'll stay. But it didn't answer my question. Are we leaving before parent-teacher night starts – at half five – or when it finishes, at nine?"
"Half way through" Really, wasn't he picking this up?
"You lost me" We'd gone over it three times already. Or maybe that was just me – over and over in my head until I was sure – actually, maybe I didn't go over it with Mello. Suddenly, I realise I haven't. He's been trusting me, completely blind, for the whole week. I feel like shit again. He suddenly pulls himself onto the floor next to me and sits up straight. "Matt?" I want to keep calm, but—
"Shut up" – is all that falls out. I rub my head, seeing sparkles and dots and at the same time not really seeing and taking in anything. The textbook is lost, Mello suddenly in my lap – hands on my face. "Mello…"
"You've ignored me all week" He sighs, his eyes so very, very blue. "You won't talk to me about the plan, I don't even know what it is and it's making me insanely nervous. And this…" His cool finger touches my temple and I feel it pulse underneath. I shivers. "What's going on with you, hey?"
"The plan" I murmur. "They give out the reports – they'll expect us to leave that night, if any. We won't. We'll stay – We show up at parent-teacher night. They know we'll be there – they can't argue we aren't and when they realise we're gone – they'll assume we stayed until the end. When they're both busy, we'll leave. If we go before it starts, they'll know we've gone. If we go after it's finished – they have the chance to follow us and we won't have a big enough head start"
"Right" He seems to grasp it, looking elsewhere. I suppose it is strange. Normally Mello does all the planning. "So you're not going to help out?" Oh, for the love of—
"We have to help out or else there's no point in us being there. What, do we just hang around and be like, 'oh, we're here, see!' – you can tell L that you changed your mind or something; you feel guilty that mother-dearest can't come so you'll help out other because you're all kind-hearted and shit" It tumbles out my mouth before I can stop it and I realise how mean I'm being – but it's important that he gets it.
"What is wrong with you?" He hisses. "Seriously! There's no need to be so damn snappy You're the one who suggested we stay – I'm just making sure we have our facts straight, that's all!" He leaps up and disappears from my line of sight. Maybe, on some level, I want him to hate me already, so when he realises how close I've come to knocking him off top spot, it'll just be another thing to add to the list. It's wrong, I know. I should be showering him with gifts and stuff as an apology, but I know enough of reality to know that Mello won't accept gifts without knowing why. It'll cause more problems than it's worth. Treat him too well, he'll get suspicious. So better treat him worse, that way it's just another problem on top of another. The breeze from a now opened window catches my neck. The bubbly feeling enters my stomach, neck and chest as I fight the urge to cry. "And since when did you take your studies so seriously; you'll be passing me if you keep this up" I bite my lips and dig my fingers into my legs. The blood gushes through my head and my veins, my breaths quiet and raggedy as my throat tenses in refusal to let out the sobs that are building up. Mello, I'm so sorry! So, so sorry!
It's Monday. Today we'll be getting our reports and the teachers will know the rankings of the students by the system in the staff room. As pupils, we don't get to see it, however the top ten are 'mentioned' in their own reports, something like "blah blah is a gifted student as is within the top ten boundary as number whatever". Apparently, anyways. We get them handed out to us in our registration class. I try to persuade Mello that the report doesn't matter; they can go in the bin for all we care, we don't need them. But Mello being Mello – he wants to know what they've written about him. I make him promise to open it at break; he just about manages. As soon as the bell goes for break we both meet each other in the dining hall.
Mello already has his finger looped inside the seal on the envelope, eager to open it. He slides into place opposite me and tugs the seal open, poking his fingers inside and pulling out the sheets of paper that are stapled together. His eyes whizz over them carefully as he flips through them and I take to drinking the coke that I'd packed. It's at least five minutes of background chatter that I listen to before I hear Mel's shuffling as the papers go back in the envelope and the envelope in his bag. I don't trust my voice to say anything. He's quite calm.
"It's not that bad, considering" He smiles and leans forwards. "I came in the top ten bracket thing at least– so it's something of an achievement considering we haven't exactly been here very long" I nod numbly in agreement. Please don't ask—"Have you read yours?"
"I think I'll burn it" I shrug and Mello goes bug eyed. "Or…not?"
"I, for one, am curious to see where all your hard work has gone" He wiggles his eyebrows and smiles. He doesn't seem too pissed off – does this mean he placed first? "Show me?"
"Later…I-I just remembered something" I haul my bag up and make to leave but Mello pulls me down. "Mello please" I beg quietly.
"Is…is this another 'trust me' thing?" Mello frowns, his face working in some kind of…confusion. "Because I do, Matt. I trust you" He whispers. "But…"
"Ahem" Mello's eyes flicker to face the voice, who, surprisingly, was Watari – the head teacher. He was stood at the other end of the table we're at., looking pleasant and cheerful. "I thought I'd congratulate you both on your work rankings. It seems you've both made a huge impact on the teachers, too" Mello smiles, blushes a little and glances at me. Mello's used to getting praise for his work. His genius was nurtured from a young age. Mine wasn't, so I'm still learning to care what people think of my applied genius noodles. "Because of your success, we really would appreciate it if you could attend the parent-teacher night tomorrow – I know your slip said your mother couldn't make it" He pauses. "I understand if the work-load has been too much and you'd rather enjoy your free time now, however, it would be very much appreciated, to show good will and all"
"Sure" Mello nods eagerly. "We'll come. Just helping out on stalls and stuff, right?" Watari chuckles and nods.
"You'll be guided to your post on the night – just ask at the desk" Mello nods again and Watari says his thanks and congratulations to us before leaving.
"He's sweet" Mello smiles softly. "Kind of like the grandfather I never knew" He then switches topic, back to the reports. "So he said 'congratulate you both'…which implies you came within the top ten as well" Mello leans on the table with his elbow and looks right at me. "Do you know where?"
"I haven't looked at my report yet, I told you" I frown, my bag feeling surprisingly exposed at it's place on the desk. All it took was for Mello to reach and grab it –
"And you won't show me?" He asks, donning a hurt expression on his face and looking at me dejectedly through those blue orbs.
"What if it's bad?" I say automatically.
"Bad? How can it be bad Matt" I make a gesture for him to lower his voice and he frowns. "How can it be bad, you got top ten!" He stage whispers.
"You didn't even tell me what number you came! Why should I tell you mine?" I fire back.
"Touche" Mello strokes his chin in a mimic of a gangsta' movie. He then grins. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours?"
"Mello, I don't care" I sigh exasperatedly.
"Well I do" Mello giggles and lunges for my bag. He's quicker and snaps it to his chest before I can protest or make a move to grab it back. He then promptly races from the cafeteria and I'm forced to run after him.
He's already half way down the corridor, still chuckling as he tries to run, with his bag on his back, and unzip my bag at the same time. With nothing to hold me down I catch up to him, grabbing his waist with the aim of hauling us both backwards – but our feet get tangled as Mello jolts to a halt and we both fly forwards into someone else. My bag falls to the floor, my report folder skidding across the floor. A slightly tanned hand picks it up with a light laugh. We both look up.
"What on earth are you two doing?"
"Yagami" Mello hisses with a frown. The teacher glances over the report and then at me, before flicking it over to view the seal.
"You haven't opened it yet?" He asks, holding out the report for me to take; Mello snatches it first. "I hear you both did considerably well in the rankings. I'm impressed" My heartbeat thuds in my head, every vein in my body throbbing with warning. He's going to tell Mello. He's going to make some stupid comment about it and Mello will know! He knows I haven't opened the seal so it's safe to say he knows that Mello is unaware of my progress. "I was surprised at you, though, Martin" Mello quirks an eyebrow and folds his arms rebelliously over his chest. He's the only thing between me at Light.
"I've been telling you this whole time that he is capable" Mello rolls his eyes looking defiant, mumbling under his breath 'fucking asshole'. Light either doesn't catch it or doesn't scold him for it. I reach down to retrieve my bag and snap back to my place behind Mello's protective form.
"Yes, but I was sure you'd do the bare minimum" Light's eyes flick to me as he grins. "To place top three, when you started out as weak as you did – it really is something of a turnaround. Congratulations"
"Top three?" Mello echoes, impressed, turning to me with a genuine smile of pure happiness. Then the warning bell goes. I take my report from Mello, shove it in my bag and walk away. Mello says a polite but pathetic goodbye to Light before catching me up. "You know, if you did do well, it's not a bad thing" His fingers loop through mine. "It's not like I'll expect you to do it ever again" He says, running his thumb over my fingers softly. "So…if you're not telling me because you think I'll expect you to do well all the time…then don't. Because I'm happy with you being you – and you working too hard means you're distant" He gives my hand a quick squeeze and we stop at an intersection. "I don't like you being distant" He says quietly. "So whatever it is that's bothering you, don't let it. The worst thing that could ever happen is you being taken from me" He admits softly, his eyes swimming with emotion. My heart skips. "Anything else is irrelevant, or repairable. It can be fixed. Ok?" I give him a nod and he leans closer – but I pull back before he can make the mistake of kissing me where he intended to. He notices his mistake and laughs quietly. "Right" He starts walking back to class, one finger pointing upwards. One night to go! Walking to my class, I suddenly feel just a little bit better.