A/N: This is my favorite chapter in this story. I tried really hard to keep Goku IC in this story and I think it especially shines in this specific circumstance. Lemme know what you think!

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

-MalRev

Spectre

21

At that point, I considered it perfectly excusable for me to do nothing but feel bad for myself. I'd lost it all over some stupid crush. A strong gust of wind buffeted me off course as I flew aimlessly away from the city, thankfully hidden from prying eyes by the torrents of rain. It was hard to see in the dark and I only narrowly avoided colliding with a few buildings by following the blinking red lights at their rooftops. I considered flying straight through a window and letting myself bleed out.

It was the same as always: I ended up on the outskirts of the city where the forest just barely began to touch the roadsides, turning them to nothing more than dirt. I landed, sobbing pitifully, and walked into the black woods without stopping to consider what I was doing. Maybe another spider would bite me and turn my veins green again. God, why was Mt. Paozu such a weird place and why did it attract such weird people? It had to be cursed.

I stumbled blindly through the forest, repeatedly whipped by branches and shivering from the cold. My head had stopped bleeding but I could feel it throbbing as water dripped through the tree canopy to torture the raw wound. My human eyes couldn't perceive anything in the blackness unless moonlight happened to hit it just the right way. I strained my pupils against the shadows for any glimmering spiders creeping along the ground, waiting to bite me again and land me in the hospital.

There were flashes of yellow light as I kept running through the woods. Lightning to top off my fantastic day. My teeth chattered furiously and I arrived at the edge of the treeline to see a small clearing with a droopy cherry tree directly in the center, pink blossoms spilling into a pond. I peered up at the rumbling sky and carefully made my way to the tree; quite possibly the worst place to be. Oh well.

I sat beneath the tree and leaned against its gnarled trunk, closing my eyes as the rainfall grew steadily more intense. Summer was still a ways away. The cold grip of winter hadn't quite left the area yet and I could potentially see us getting snow later on at night. It might bury me in a wonderful, freezing grave so I would never have to see Goku's horrified expression again or listen to him tell me he "appreciated" my feelings but couldn't reciprocate them.

Why did love have to hurt? More importantly, why did I have to fall in love with someone I couldn't have? It was wrong of me to be jealous and demand Goku feel the same way but I couldn't help myself. He was there for me when no one else was. He told me I was his; he said he wanted me. Every time I thought of his smile and the way his black eyes sparkled excitedly, I wanted to cry again.

There was a sharp, twisting pain just under my left breast that made me curl my toes into the dirt. Heartbreak was agonizing. I'd been so distracted I forgot to shoes on before I left. I'd be paying for that in the morning, if I even survived my little emotional crisis. I probably had all sorts of sticks jammed underneath my toenails and if I got an infection where Goten ripped out my hair I'd be—

I heard a splash in front of me and my head snapped up.

Goku was kneeling in a puddle, partially under the protection of the tree. His spiky black hair was plastered to his head but still fought against the weight of the water. He was wearing his training uniform, absolutely drenched to the bone like I was. He carelessly wiped his face with one of his soaked sleeves and leaned back on his heels, giving me the thousand-yard stare with a slightly cocked head.

We stared at each other for a while. My eyebrows furrowed together angrily and I scooped up a handful of sopping mud to chuck at his chest, which he didn't bother avoiding. Goku didn't break his eyes away from me. He looked like he was wrestling with the convoluted mass of emotion swirling within him, tangling into impossible knots he couldn't hope to rip apart. His shoulders slumped under the weight of his inner turmoil. Feelings were his Achilles' heel.

I swallowed back my tears. "What? Why are you even here?" I shrieked, digging my fingers into the earth. "Why don't you go home? I don't want to talk to you or anyone else."

His mouth opened slightly like he wanted to say something but quickly shut again. Goku hesitantly dropped to all fours and crept towards me as lightning flashed overhead. I hissed furiously, pressing myself against the tree until pieces of it began stabbing into my skin, but he didn't stop. He slowly proceeded forward and sat a foot away from me with his legs crossed, still limp.

There was no light in his black eyes. His eyebrows were parted, slanting downward like a sad puppy looking for someone to love him. He gazed at me and said nothing while thunder rumbled forebodingly in the background, deafening over the streaming sound of rain. His orange shirt clung to the lines in his muscles but they didn't seem imposing, not with the stricken expression on his face.

I lashed out. I pressed my palms to either of Goku's shoulders and shoved, breaking down into pathetic sobs yet again as his body failed to move. From what I could tell, he wasn't even breathing. I fell back and slapped him hard across the face, which only made my palm pulsate with fresh pain. He still didn't budge from the effort. Outraged, I tried punching him in the stomach but my fingers glanced off his rock solid flesh and I was left yelping in agony.

He watched as I collapsed on my side in the mud, engulfing my head wound in filth. I'd definitely get an infection. There was no way I could get out of this without a hospital stay. The rain fell in sheets. Thunderheads rolled in, spoiling what could've been a beautiful, starry night.

A warm hand gently touched my cheek. "Marron, you need to come home with me."

"Piss off," I snapped. "The last time I was home with you, we did bad things and you made a bunch of promises and said a bunch of things you didn't mean. I'm glad I was useful to you. You tore up my bed sheets and almost got me killed because your son is certifiably insane. All those times you kissed me and… and… did those other things, it was all just for fun."

I glared up into his wide black eyes and spat some dirt out of my mouth. "You're a horrible person, Son Goku. You took advantage of your best friend's daughter and don't even care." My voice was dripping with poison; envy has truly turned me into a monster. "You're despicable. Get out of my sight."

The Saiyan retracted his hand from my face, staring at me in fear. He was caught in the blinding headlights of my fury and had no way to escape. I was too angry to care about the lost, pleading look in his eyes that was begging me to understand. He felt emotion just as strongly as the rest of us but he had no idea how to put it into words; he needed someone to push him in the right direction. Goku had learned a long time ago that men don't cry.

His Adam's apple bobbed. "M-Marron, I… you don't understand." He paused as he collected his thoughts. I could practically see the cogs turning in his head as he ruminated over how to approach the situation. He wrung his hand nervously. "That meant a lot to me. I mean, more than the time Vegeta was willing to put on the Potara earrings so we could permanently fuse and defeat Buu and I still appreciated it even after we broke apart because of his stomach acid…"

Nope, he couldn't keep it together. Everything had to be tied back to fighting, the one thing he knew best. I sat up and touched the top of his hand as he babbled incessantly about the entire battle with Majin Buu, which I remembered like yesterday. I could clearly see Goku shouldering a radiant Spirit Bomb, turning Earth's most feared opponent to nothing more than dust in the wind.

The same man was sitting in front of me, innocent as a child, looking to me to tell him what his feelings meant. He could blow up planets but he didn't know how to tell someone he was attracted to them. It was ironic and sort of a good thing that Goku had a bulbous heart but zero brains. He was endearing and sweet, exactly the opposite of his sons and wife. He was one-of-a-kind throughout the entire universe.

"Listen," I said, shuddering from the cold, "if I say things, can you tell me whether or not you agree? Then you don't have to say anything. Just nod or shake your head."

Goku nodded eagerly and grasped my hand firmly in his. "That sounds much better."

"I figured as much." The coldness was seeping to my bones but I didn't care. I needed answers before we could go anywhere. "Okay, we'll start with basic questions. Remember that all you have to do is nod or shake your head. I won't expect you to explain anything yet. We can work up to that."

"Are you okay? You're shivering."

"I'm fine," I lied. I moved a bit closer to him and his outrageous body heat. My heart was racing with excitement—soon I'd know the answers I'd been burning for. "Okay, first things first, just to clarify: are you attracted to me? I mean, I know you are but I'm talking about… you know, dating-wise."

To my relief, Goku grinned and nodded, shifting closer. Our legs were touching now. I could feel his warmth seeping through my clothes. At least I knew he was actually interested in me and our entire relationship wasn't one-sided. I irately pushed my sopping hair away from my face, curling it behind an ear and tried to think of what the next most important question was. I had so many.

"Have you liked me all this time?" I pressed. "Were you afraid of our age difference and what people would say if they knew? Because I'm totally fine with keeping it a secret."

He looked down at my hands, now holding both of them gently in his own. He nodded quickly, ashamed of his feelings he kept rejecting. It was bittersweet for me: Goku was willing to admit these things but he hadn't quite come to terms with them. I knew it wasn't easy and I knew he was embarrassed.

I pulled one of my hands free to touch his face, making him look up quickly. "Hey, don't worry about it. You're okay. I think you're perfectly fine. It's really weird for me to like someone so much older than me but I do a lot more than I thought I would. This will be our little secret until the right time comes along to tell everyone. Unless you don't want anything to happen and you want to stay with Chi-Chi."

Goku leaned his cheek into my palm and gazed at me through half-lidded eyes, a small smile touching the corners of his lips. "Y'know, you're one of the most selfless people I've ever met. Even after all this you're still willing to give me up to my wife, no matter what it means for you. I think…" He made a face, clearly putting a lot of thought into his words. "I think that's what I like about you. Selflessness. The ability to look beyond what you want and do what's best for the other person."

My heart sank. "So… so you're staying with her?"

"Well I don't want to if that's what you're getting at." He turned his head to kiss my wrist, sending tingles down my arm. "I could smell them in the house when I came home. It was gross inhaling their scents mixed together. They were already gone but it was pretty obvious what had been going on in our bedroom, so I got mad and uh…" He shrugged sheepishly as I gently stroked his skin with my thumb. "I might've destroyed our bedroom. I dunno if she's even come home yet.

"Getting a divorce after almost forty years of marriage isn't gonna be easy, though. Chi definitely won't be happy and everyone is gonna wonder why. I figured it's easier staying with her and turning blind eye than confronting her or Yamcha. I don't like fighting with the people I care about."

"You're not leaving her for me," I said, now holding his face with both hands. "This is for you, Goku. This is for your happiness and nothing else. If you get a divorce and don't want me anymore, that's fine. I want you to find happiness no matter where it is or who it's with. Got it?"

Two beautiful black eyes blinked at me through the darkness and they were suddenly so close I could see the tendrils of blue hidden within his irises. Goku kissed me firmly, grasping my dampened face with his calloused hands and nearly pushing me over on my back. It felt beyond good to feel his soft, damp mouth on mine, making wet noises that were drowned out by the rain. We were kissing again. I was shivering a probably about to contract pneumonia, but dammit, I was making out with Goku.

He suddenly pulled away, eyes focused on my hair. "C'mon, let's get you back home. You need a good shower and some of that bubbly stuff to kill the infection. I can never remember what it's called… something to do with one of the things in air. Uh… helium?"

I giggled as he scooped me into his arms. "No, silly, that's in balloons. It makes them float."

"Oh…" Goku lit up like a Christmas tree as he placed two fingertips to his forehead. "It makes your voice sound funny, too! I remember one time with Krillin…"

I was smiling as we teleported away from the beautiful cherry tree.