Chapter 21 ~ Without You
Nothing seemed real anymore. The room, the window, the slap on my cheek, these feelings...nothing seemed to make any sense.
Yet, the truth always caught up to me, no matter how much I tried to run away from my conscience. It did happen.
I tried to imagine a world without him. What a small world it was indeed.
I accidentally rolled off the windowsill, collapsing on the floor in an awkward position. I made no effort to get up, there just wasn't any point. I'd let my emotions get the better of me, and now, I'd probably never have the face to see him again.
I sighed, tears rolling down my cheek. I'm such an idiot. It's alright, I tried to tell myself.
But it simply wasn't.
I couldn't stay here forever. Sooner or later, this room would fill up with so much of my insanity that I'd probably crack. I couldn't leave this world without Ze...him...anyways, because I couldn't create a portal by myself, nor did I develop my teleportation technique to be able to transport myself in between worlds. In short, no matter what, I was stuck here, for who knows how long.
I had a sudden inclination to take a walk. If he had the slightest bit of dignity, he wouldn't be wandering around outside, so I wouldn't see him, hopefully.
I grasped the doorknob gently and watched as the door creaked open.
No one was there. The hall was absolutely silent.
Satisfied, I stepped out of the doorframe and closed it behind me. Maybe I could catch one of the other members, and ask them to make a portal for me. We'll see. But then again, I didn't know anyone that well besides...him.
I walked slowly towards the elevator, and stood silently as the giant mechanism started to move downwards. To be honest, I didn't know why I was going this way...I guess I just felt like it. It was like, all of a sudden, I was absorbed in this strange curiosity to explore the rest of the castle. So I did.
The elevator stopped abruptly, and I walked towards the only exit available on this floor. As I passed through the entryway, I came to a short, suspended staircase in a large, circular room.
I climbed the stairway and entered this strangely-coloured room. Well, it was perfectly normal for a room to be dark blue of course, but considering the rest of the castle is some shade of grey, this was a pretty strange sight to behold.
"Like what you see?" a voice asked.
Whoa..whoa..whoa... My head cocked upwards at the sound.
"This is my training area," Xigbar said.
"Your...training area?" I asked.
"Yep, this is where I go between missions and downtime," he said.
"Okay, so what, are you training now?" I asked.
"As if! I'm just kicking back. I'm bored," he answered. "What about you? Aren't you supposed to be playing your little game of school? Why are you here?"
I rolled my eyes.
"Because I'm bored," I said, suddenly feeling much better.
"Pfft." Xigbar sneered. "You're just like that one. Impossible to start a decent conversation with. He likes to contradict others every 2 seconds. Sheesh. What's your problem?"
Just bringing him into the conversation made me feel really uncomfortable.
"Uh...I have to go now," I said. "Enjoy your break time."
Xigbar eyed me cautiously as I stepped right past him and into the next room.
"Suit yourself," he finally said.
I didn't want to ask Xigbar for help. Well, normally, he'd probably just wave his hand and say "whatever," but he's also that kind of annoying person that'll pester you to tell him all the details before he agrees to help you. Since I started the conversation and ended it in an awkward way, he'd definitely want to find out what was up, and no way was I going to tell him.
Although, it's sad that you can't even mention his name around me anymore. I just can't take it.
I continued through the door. To be honest, I wasn't the slightest bit interested in the scenery around here. I didn't even know why I kept walking this way. There was some kind of a chain that was tugging at my conscience (and at my body in turn) that was dragging me upwards.
I passed through what seemed to be a graveyard for all the members of the Organization, passed through this hallway with invisible steps and entered the doorway to the Altar of Naught.
And this is where the strange feeling stopped.
I took a couple of steps up the stairs, feeling a bit weird since the discomfort was now gone.
I had my first glance of Kingdom Hearts there.
I was suddenly compelled to just take a few steps closer, to get a clearer view, until I found myself hanging over the edge of the altar.
"Isn't it beautiful?" a deep voice came from behind.
I turned around.
"Oh! Um..." I started.
I didn't know how to address him really, so I decided to keep my mouth shut.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Xemnas asked again.
I didn't think anything could look nice to me anymore, but quite frankly, there was just no way to doubt the beauty that was suspended directly in front of my eyes. Kingdom Hearts. A collection of all the gathered hearts that Roxas and I collect.
"Yes, yes it is," I replied.
Xemnas turned on me.
"Is there a problem?" he asked, lips curled with interest.
"Uh...no," I quickly stammered, snapping out of it, "sir."
"So I see..." he said.
There was a long period of silence while we both stared at the massive gathering of hearts.
"Um...sir," I added.
"Yes?" he asked.
"Could you create a portal for me, back to Earth?" I asked tentatively. "He's not around and I need to get back as soon as possible."
"A portal," he said, waving his hand.
A circular, black gathering of darkness appeared from the middle of nowhere. Well that was easy.
"Thank you," I said.
"Take care of yourself, Xion," Xemnas replied with a mischievous expression on his face.
Right... I sincerely hoped this wasn't some screwed up trick to dump me in Wonderland. Did I mention I hate that messed up world?
"My liege," Saix started, "surely, you've heard the news by now?"
Xemnas merely stared at him with a blank expression on his face.
"Xion has been missing in action for the past week or so," Saix began. "Xigbar was the last one who heard from her. Apparently, she seemed troubled by something."
Saix sighed with fatigue.
"In addition, No. VI has isolated himself in his room and put up a massive array of barriers and enchantments to prevent anyone from disturbing him or entering the room," Saix said. "I regret to inform you that I'm at a loss as to what to do with Zexion. As for Xion, I propose that we send out a search par..."
It was then that Xemnas began to laugh. It began with a chuckle, which slowly transformed to one that echoed mockingly in Saix' ears.
"Excuse me?" Saix asked.
Xemnas ceased his laughter, turning to talk to Saix, face to face.
"Do you not see it?" Xemnas asked, shaking his head. "Then you truly are blind."
He chuckled once more.
"I applaud you, for playing your role as a Nobody brilliantly; however, you have forgotten that which is truly important to remember," Xemnas said.
"And that is...?" Saix asked, walking up to his master.
"The power of the human heart," Xemnas explained. "In order words, love."
Saix' eyes opened wide at his master's open declaration. Clearly intrigued by the thought, he nodded with increasing curiosity. Soon enough, he began chuckling too.
"Is this what you had intended from the start?" Saix asked.
"Plans have gone slightly awry, but more or less along the lines of what I had thought," Xemnas answered.
Saix nodded.
"I never expected Zexion to..." Xemnas started. "Never mind."
Saix stared at his master questioningly.
"So what shall we do now?" Saix asked. "Shall I..?"
"Nothing," was Xemnas' simple response. "We shall do absolutely nothing."
It's been a week, at least. I haven't even gone back to the mansion; I don't even want to leave the slightest clues that he can trace. Instead, I've been sleeping in trees for the most part. It's hard to get much sleep in a tree, so I'm now twice as tired as normal humans should be.
Nothing much has changed. I haven't even gone back to school yet. I don't really want to face Nina after what happened. It'd only make her feel worse for suggesting it in the first place.
I wanted to erase this part of my life and just pretend it never happened. I even tried to destroy the necklace, but every time I tried, it was like there was this strange unseen force that held it together. I threw it out, but it would always find its way back to me again somehow. It reached a point where everytime I tried to lift it away from my body, I felt excruciating pain around my heart. So, in short, I was screwed. Stuck with it.
I even considered suicide for the first time in my life. Emphasis on "considered." I still treasured life too much to do something like that.
No matter how hard you try, you can't change the past.
A single figure lay in the room, sprawled across his bed in the most awkward position. There was not a single thing out of place, yet the whole area just looked like a giant mess.
Zexion eyes stared into the middle of nowhere, unblinking. He tried to blow his hair up and out of his face gently, but gravity always won in the end.
"Zexion!" a voice called from outside the door. "Open up!"
The figure showed no sign of answering. He merely nudged the noise aside as if it were another distraction. The knocking finally ceased, and the presence vanished from the other side of the door.
After a while, the figure sat up slowly, stared from corner to corner and sighed with regret.
"What the heck am I doing here?" he finally said.
He waved his hand, a portal of darkness appearing on the spot, but he didn't get up. He made no move to enter the portal.
He merely sat there, deep in thought.