I know it's not exactly Doctor/Master, but I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. XD

Title: "Mean Time Lords"
Starring: Three, Jo, and a cameo from Ten!
Summary: The third Doctor is the nastiest skank bitch I've ever met. Do not trust him. He is a fugly slut! (Total crack!)

"Hey," said Jo as the Doctor came up to her.

"Why were you talking to the Master?" he asked suspiciously.

"I don't know," said Jo nervously. "I mean, he's so weird. He just, you know, came up to me and started talking to me about universal domination. He's so pathetic."

The Doctor looked disgusted and cocked a hip. "Let me tell you something about the Master. We were best friends on Gallifrey." He made a face. "I know right, it's soooo embarrassing. I don't even…whatever. So then in my second incarnation, I started going out with my first boyfriend Jamie McCrimmon, who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Scotland, and the Master was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with Jamie, he'd be like 'Why didn't you call me back?!' and I'd be like, 'Uh, why are you so obsessed with me?' So then for my regeneration party, which was an all Time Lords pool party, I was like, 'Master, I can't invite you because I think you're gay.' I mean, I couldn't have a gay guy at my party! There were going to be guys there in their bathing suits! I mean, right? He was gay! So then his mom called my mom and started yelling at her and it was so retarded and then he left Gallifrey in his TARDIS 'cause no one would talk to him and he came to Earth and he'd grown a goatee and he was totally weird and…" The Doctor shrugged. "Now I guess he's obsessed with universal domination."

Just then, a tall skinny guy with spiky brown hair walked by. "Oh my God, I love your trenchcoat!" the Doctor called to him. "Where did you get it?"

"It was Janice Joplin's in the '60's," answered the guy.

"Vintage," said the Doctor, nodding. "So adorable."

"Thanks." The guy grinned and walked away.

The Doctor smirked at Jo. "That was the ugliest effing coat I've ever seen."