Riding Out the Day's Events

Chapter 21- 'The Things We Don't Know About'

OOOOO

Darcy trains more with Natasha, learns about Gulmira & Yinsen from Tony, has a good session w/Chau about Steve, and pie w/Steve before bed.

OOOOO

The next morning, Darcy hit the gym early. She used a treadmill in place of Cardio-Dance class and took earlier strength training, working with different weights than before. When she was in the locker room afterwards, she heard some women discussing the sparring match. They laughed over the thrill of watching hot-bodied men show off their strength and stamina… and reminded Darcy of all that she hated about women in locker rooms. Darcy hurried to escape the vapid conversation.

She wasn't fast enough to avoid hearing them all chime in on which Avengers they found most desirable. One woman declared that she'd been with Tony before, like many women at SI, and he was fantastic in bed. Another couldn't stop talking about Hawkeye's arms. Another chortled that Falcon was her idea of a good time. And, of course, it sounded as though any one of them would volunteer to corrupt Captain America. Darcy wondered if Steve overheard conversations like that often… and, if so, how he stayed humble. On the other hand, she couldn't picture him really liking any of the lunk-ettes, despite how high a quarter might bounce off their stupid asses.

She hurried to grab a newspaper, coffee for herself, and hot chocolate for Erik. He was still having breakfast when she arrived, but was glad to add his drink to that. Darcy called it his 'breakfast dessert.' They worked on three puzzles before she had to go.

As she left, she received a message from Steve with another song for her, 'The Things We Don't Know About' by Blue October. She stood still in the hall outside Erik's for a long time while she listened to the words and breathlessly took time to recover her composure and wipe away happy tears. She chuckled ruefully to herself. Steve was getting the hang of picking songs for her!

Next, she met Natasha for more self-defense training. Natasha looked at her carefully as she entered the room. "Have you been crying?"

Darcy looked sheepish. "Steve did something sweet." She grinned and bit her lip. Natasha nodded and gave Darcy a small half-smile. Darcy realized that she and Natasha were becoming friends. She felt ridiculously honored at the thought.

The drone was ready and obnoxious. Tony had programmed it to provoke them with catcalls and cheesy, sexist comments. Darcy mastered the ankle break move and reviewed punches. She learned basic moves for attacks on eyes, nose, groin, and knees. She even learned a knee-breaking kick that she used successfully after one too many bust-related comments from the drone.

Natasha then spent a long time teaching Darcy blocking techniques that would lessen the effect of blows to her head or body, reviewing them again and again. The key was fast recognition of the posture of an attacker, so that she could anticipate their next move and defend herself effectively. While Natasha pulled her punches, the unpleasant hit sensation and a desire to avoid bruises motivated Darcy to pay attention. Natasha noted cryptically that she'd had her early blocking instruction from one of the best, but Darcy found Natasha cryptic so often it almost made her head hurt. So, she didn't bother asking for details. She suspected Natasha's trainer had been the Winter Soldier, and would bet anything that he had NOT pulled his punches.

Next, they began work with common objects, identifying those items that could be used as weapons. Natasha suggested she watch some Jackie Chan movies for other ideas on using everyday items in fighting, and just for the entertainment value of his stunt work. After that, Darcy thanked Natasha, took a quick shower, and dressed.

Thor was in Jane's lab, discussing Heimdall's need for a sleep period. Apparently every thousand years or so he got a break, lucky guy! Darcy only paid half a mind to Thor and Jane's discussion, making good progress on her reports and transcriptions despite interruptions from the lab techs bringing in new equipment.

During a lull in her work in Jane's lab, she looked at her online courses. Her first Physics assignment was surprisingly simple, Anatomy- not so much. She laughingly wondered how many people took Anatomy with violent intent. She turned to Business courses. Statistics were, again, easy as pie. Darcy frowned.

Jane walked up behind her and nudged her. "What's bothering you?"

Darcy mused. "Do you think that kissing Steve could transmit super smarts to me?" She ignored Thor's laughter. "This coursework is too easy." She frowned as Thor texted someone, no doubt sharing her comment with Steve.

Jane looked over her shoulder at the work on her StarkPad, and shrugged after a minute. "You've been doing that kind of stuff for me for three years. It ought to be easy."

Darcy released a breath she hadn't noticed she was holding. She was smarter than she'd known. The school of hard knocks had paid off! For the first time, she realized that Steve might be right about her. There was more to her than she'd realized!

Newly energized by this line of thought, she finished her assignments and returned to work on Jane's admin forms. She grabbed them both a quick lunch, straightened her shoulders, and made her way to Tony's lab. She wondered if he would let her in. He did. He was unusually quiet, for Tony. After she settled in at a counter, he gestured his head towards a stack of paperwork. She noticed that he was pretty far behind, probably because he thought all standard reports beneath him. She worked her way steadily through the stack, waiting for him to talk to her, if he wanted.

Tony pulled up a rendering. She stopped the paperwork and watched him organize his thoughts in the multidimensional format, fascinated. She looked down the list of suit nicknames and capabilities and thought it read like solutions to a psychiatrist's list of his nightmares.

She read 'space travel' and wished she had the nerve to ask what he had seen through THE wormhole. But she didn't want to set him off. She guessed it might have the same effect as someone asking her to lie on a table while they dunked towels in a sink near her head, though with slightly lower-pitched shrieking.

Instead, she mused. "Wouldn't it be nice if the other Avengers had space suits, too?"

Tony startled, and stared at her as though he'd forgotten she was there. He looked back at the list and thought for a moment. "Hulk would have to sit out. Can't guarantee he wouldn't destroy a suit and don't know how he would do in space, not to mention the incredible materials cost. Cap, yeah, for sure, though that's a LOT of titanium. Thor, even MORE titanium, might not need one, but maybe… so he'd be able to take a look around instead of just jetting on by like usual."

She remarked, "Hawkeye will want 'space arrows.'" It went on the list. Tony looked at her wryly. She continued. "Natasha has to go if Clint does. And her suit had better be wicked fast and flexible and stuff… like an Iron Cat Suit." Tony laughed and added it that way. He also wrote 'Space Falcon.' His grin faded. 'Space Pepper' went on the list.

She asked, "Is that because you need her next to you, or because if it's bad enough for all of the Avengers to play 'Asteroids' in Iron Man suits she'd better help out?"

He grinned. "Exactly."

Techs brought in the pieces of Mark-83. Tony motioned them to a corner. Darcy grimaced at it and went back to the reports, while the techs cleaned the drone. She completed a report and set it aside and turned to her pad, realizing she'd never seen the Mark-83 before the sparring and that if she wanted a better idea of what Tony was doing, she'd need to vary her schedule in his lab. She resumed work on the rearrangement she was planning for the other R&D labs. She glanced back and saw Tony staring at his list.

Finally, she bit the bullet. "What's eating at you? Are you mad about yesterday?"

He grimaced and waved his hand dismissively. "Nah! And you're not a bad person, either, like you said to Barnes and Pepper, just touchy about Steve-o." His tone was quieter than she'd heard from him before. He had a handful of nuts and dried fruit. "Today's the anniversary of my capture in Afghanistan, the day I met Yinsen while sort of sober, though I wasn't coherent enough to do more than scream."

She set her pad aside. "Who is Yinsen?"

Tony turned to her. "Was... Just the man who saved my life in Afghanistan and made me Iron Man… He was from a place called Gulmira…his family, too." Tony's expression was haunted.

She nodded. "Good man, then."

He grinned slightly. "I didn't deserve it."

She asked, "didn't deserve the capture, or the saving?"

He chuckled mirthlessly. "Exactly."

She comforted him. "Well, you've done a lot of good since then, so it's a good thing you were saved." He sighed. She hesitantly probed, "why were you screaming?"

He tapped his chest and then laughed at himself as he touched skin and bone. "I forgot for a second that it's gone, which is kind of hilarious! I was screaming because they had crap for anesthetic, and he had to cut as much shrapnel out of me as he could, and then make a hole big enough for a magnet that would protect my heart from the shrapnel he couldn't get." He shook his head and muttered something about a car battery.

She winced. "So… why are you here brooding, instead of out partying and celebrating that you're not in a cave?"

He grinned. "I'm trying to prove that Yinsen was right to save me, to believe in me. He didn't want me to waste the rest of my life the way I did the first part."

She asked, "What happened to him?"

Tony looked almost as haunted as Bucky. "He sacrificed himself to give me time to get the first suit going so I could escape."

She looked back at the list. "You need a Yinsen drone. What special capabilities would he have?"

Tony stared at her. He then looked at the list and crossed his arms across his chest. He bit out, "now you're kind of pissing me off, Lewis." She looked puzzled. He groused. "Fresh off the very blue lecture Cap gave me about drones not having souls?"

She sighed. "Well, of course they don't! Except I'm not so sure about JARVIS and I kind of love DUM-E, regardless. But you could make a drone as a tribute to Yinsen. Maybe he could be a medic drone or something."

Tony leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Medic and scientist, forensics studies, evidence gathering..." He pulled up the template he used as a starting point for drones. He was soon lost in his design. Within minutes he had music going at top volume, and was feverishly programming.

Darcy was about to leave when Tony paused the music. "Lewis, that was perilously close to managing me again. Watch it." She grinned and shook her head. He smirked. "Thanks." He turned his music on again. She waved to him, and nodded to the techs as she left.

She spent longer in R&D, pleased to find that an office had been set up for her. She couldn't help but geek out a bit at the fancy equipment. She rendered her new arrangement ideas for the labs, and called in one of the engineers who seemed to have good sense. He looked at the rendering and sat down with her to discuss it for a while. Then, she pulled up the staff roster and went over it and all projects. She copied their final data to Tony and Pepper.

She continued work on narrowing the list of people who needed more vetting, in her opinion. Natasha had mentioned that Hydra grew within SHIELD from the science division out. That idea haunted Darcy.

She spent her time in Bruce's lab uneventfully. He was deeply drawn into his work. She showed him a couple of tricks she'd picked up from watching Tony work, but mostly transcribed, filed and filled out reports for him. A few times when she was transcribing she felt like something in his formulae was tickling her brain, but she decided to give that more thought another day.

Seeing that he was still deep in his work when her time was over, she told him she'd take a day off from yoga and see him Monday, if not sooner. He wished her a good night, hardly seeming to have heard her.

OOOOO

That done, she headed to Healing for a visit with Bucky. He had moved on from Sherlock Holmes to the Three Musketeers. She remarked, "I guess Steve's kinda like D'Artagnan, all idealistic and sweet."

Bucky looked at her like she was insane. "What are you talking about? Have you ever read the book?"

She did a double take. "No. I saw a movie when I was a kid, a Disney version."

He chuckled. "Maybe you should read the book! Since I don't think you're deluded, I assume they made changes for the movie. D'Artagnan's true love is wife to another, and he has no worries about seducing her or the evil lady spy. He's nothing like Steve. Steve only…"

She frowned and interrupted. "Does it have a happy ending?"

He chuckled. "I'll let you know when I reach it. I don't remember." He sighed, "maybe one benefit of the crap deal I got is that all entertainment is new to me, even stuff I read before." He shrugged. "I wasn't the greatest reader or student then, anyway. Neither was Steve..."

She smiled. "What were you good at? Before Hydra, I mean…"

He looked thoughtful, narrowing his eyes. "I excelled at looking after Steve and getting him out of trouble. Sniper work, too. I was a crack shot before any changes." He grinned. "Girls. I was really good with girls. Steve always said I got my share and his, too… except…"

Darcy made a face and reminded him, "You know that JARVIS transcribes everything we say here and Tony reviews it. Right?"

He smiled, "no surprise there. Howard was paranoid, too." He shrugged. "Howard was a good guy, but he didn't like to get his hands dirty… washed them a LOT. I'm surprised he was such a playboy. He seemed too smart, too tied in with the government." Bucky looked troubled as he thought about Howard Stark.

Darcy grinned. "Tony's a freakin' genius… and not much else like the way you describe Howard."

Bucky shrugged. He asked, "So, you good with him today? Or, are you avoiding him?"

She smirked a little. "We're good. He's almost 'manageable'…" She figured if Tony was going to be up in her business, she could tweak him by joking about that. She brightened. "Steve told me they're working on a place for you up on his floor. At least you'll get out of here!"

He made a face. "And will I ever get out of there?" He shook his head. "I don't know that there's enough therapy in the world to undo the past seventy years. I did terrible things." His eyes were even sadder than she'd seen previously.

She frowned and encouraged him. "At least you realize they were bad now. Steve will see that you get chances to do good things." He grimaced. She jolted and cried, "Crap! Therapy! I've got to go see Dr. Chau now."

As she turned to leave, Bucky called out, "Darcy? Thanks for sticking with me, Doll."

She ran back and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for being my friend, Bucky, for working to find your way back." He smiled at her affectionately and went back to his audio book.

OOOOO

She had a good session with Dr. Chau, exploring anger and control issues, and the potential successes she saw for herself professionally. As they neared the end of her time, Darcy admitted, "I'm kind of nervous about something… not because it's bad, but because it means so much."

Dr. Chau asked, "Is this about Captain Rogers?"

Darcy nodded and took a deep breath. "We've been getting closer, even exchanged 'I love you's'. But we've only been out a few times… and together since just after I came to New York. We planned a date for tonight, but he got hurt again and I haven't heard from him today, so I'm guessing not. But… whenever… I can't imagine this date ending at the door."

She breathed in and out through her mouth and cried, "and he's perfect, and I'm NOT perfect! He's, well, had some experience and I haven't! I hope I don't disappoint him. I can't believe he wants me." She put her face in her hands and let herself go, starting with a scream. "Gah! He's like REALLY perfect, and the girls he was with before were glamorous dancers, and so many others want him, and oh, my God! Oh, my God! I'm finally gonna make love, and it's with HIM and… Oh, my God!" She was shaking.

Dr. Chau, to her credit, did not laugh. She smiled indulgently. "It's about time you cut loose, Darcy."

Darcy looked up. "What?!" She shook her head. "I'm the one who lets it all hang out. What do you mean?"

Dr. Chau looked at her, evaluating. "Since you came to Avengers Tower, you've taken on a lot of responsibility. You were already giving yourself as a touchstone to Dr. Foster and Dr. Selvig. You've befriended Dr. Banner, a man most people fear deeply. You soon took up the role of friend and advocate with Sgt. Barnes, trying to draw him out and bring him back to Captain Rogers."

She added, "with Captain Rogers, you've accepted his advances of friendship- something he's not known to offer often- and helped draw him out of his grief more and more. You've begun exploring a romantic relationship with him that seems to have the potential to affect the course of your life."

"You've begun to stretch yourself physically and mentally, with both exercise and therapy. You've taken on more work responsibilities." Dr. Chau looked thoughtful. "I have few patients who try to take on so much so quickly. If you weren't 'freaked out' by something, I would be concerned."

Darcy put her face back into her hands, gasping. "What if I'm not enough for him? What if I'm not good enough?" Tears flowed as she sobbed.

Dr. Chau leaned forward and handed her a tissue. "Darcy! Is the Capt… pardon me, is Steve, someone you like and respect?"

It took a moment for Darcy to regain enough control to really hear the question. She sat back and quieted. "Of course!"

Dr. Chau's voice calmed her. "Then, why do you doubt his judgment and affection? Don't you think he knows his own mind and desires?"

Darcy nodded, frowned slightly, and admitted, "It seems too good to be true." She thought for just the slightest instant that Dr. Chau's eyes went wide and a flash of amusement passed across her features, but it was gone as soon as she saw it.

Dr. Chau looked away for a second and sighed. "I think you should consider the possibility that you fear disappointing yourself. You seem rather hard on yourself sometimes, Darcy. You are surrounded by strong personalities, yet holding your own, and lifting yourself to higher and higher expectations. You are in a relationship with a good man… He initiated it. Why do you think he did that?"

Darcy bit her lip. "Well… I'm his type, physically, apparently. That's a new thing to me. I don't mean that I haven't gotten attention. I just mean that it hasn't been so good before. If guys have a Madonna-Whore thing, they think I'm the one they want for a whore, usually… if they notice me at all."

Dr. Chau tilted her head. "Are you concerned about how Steve views you?"

Darcy shook her head slowly. "No. I know he likes talking to me… in addition to the physical stuff. He's my friend… which I think is kind of important when you're talking about a long-haul kind of relationship. I guess I'm a little worried that I can't be everything he needs. He's lost so much. I wonder… maybe that's what I'm afraid of? I think I'm scared his expectations of me might BE unrealistic. Damn Jane and her big brain! She told me that when he first started spending time with me."

Dr. Chau encouraged, "I hope as you and Steve talk you will better understand his hopes and desires... and he will do the same regarding yours."

Darcy sat back and murmured. "Crap. That's doublespeak if I've ever heard it."

Dr. Chau nodded, grinning slightly. "It is. If it will help at all, I will share that Steve sought time with me this week, too."

Darcy looked at her eagerly. "Can you give me another hint?"

Dr. Chau smiled. "I've shared more than I ought. Just communicate with him! I once heard it said that if you laugh, think, and cry every day, that's living. You're doing that. You've found a relationship that engages your heart, mind, and now body. It's a rare thing. I hope that both of you can relax and accept the happiness that comes your way. You're good people who love each other. I urge anyone I counsel to reach for happiness with all their might, to cling to it as long as it lasts."

She looked down for a long moment and then leaned forward. "Lovemaking is not a competitive sport. It's about being with someone, and expressing your affection for them, Darcy. Lovemaking is about allowing your feelings to flow across them physically, and trying to give them pleasure while delighting in their closeness. As anxious as you are to be 'enough' for Steve, to please him, it ought to come naturally."

Darcy dried her eyes and thanked Dr. Chau, wishing she could shake details of what was on in Steve's mind from the other woman. The notion that Steve might be anxious as well did a lot to restore her equilibrium, though. She was still glad on her way out when she noticed that Dr. Chau's office door was the same kind that was on Steve's apartment. Soundproofing for meltdowns and other secrets seemed like a good thing.

OOOOO

The light was dimming as Darcy entered her apartment. She had mixed feelings. On the one hand, she was tired. It had been a full and emotional day. She felt as though the week had knocked her flat. On the other hand, she was aching for Steve. She longed to kiss and hold him, be close to him. She felt, though, that the idea of going out on dates meant something big to him.

She was still working through her own feelings about lovemaking and intimacy. When she was not even a teen, her sudden physical development and the attention it brought had been difficult. She decided during middle school that she wasn't mature enough to handle intercourse and would wait at least until college. In college, she didn't find the 'right' guy, had to work hard on her studies, lost her grandparents, and then ended up in the middle of nowhere with Jane. She dated several guys in London, but was never in love… until Steve.

She ordered Chinese food delivery, changed into jeans and a 'Marvin the Martian' sweatshirt, and sank down on the sofa into the welcome quiet. She played games online on her pad for a few minutes, and looked at posts. She hadn't seen most of the old friends listed in over three years, had never even met many who were just fellow gamers. But she couldn't share many things about her life. She'd fallen down some rabbit hole when she started working with Jane Foster! After a few more depressing minutes on that train of thought, she set the pad down and sat quietly. Her food finally arrived. She turned on the TV and watched part of one of the Harry Potter movies while she ate.

As she finished eating, there was a knock at her door. She shuffled to open it, smiling tiredly when she saw Steve standing there with a pastry box in one hand.

He greeted her. "Hey! My shoulder's healed, finally. I'm kind of tired from all of the healing I've done lately, but hoped you might be up for some company for an hour or two… if I came bearing chocolate." He looked hopeful and sheepish.

She grinned. "Do I smell peanut butter, too?"

He nodded. "A Southern bakery down the street has a heavenly chocolate ganache and peanut-butter cream pie. It's a mark of true affection that I'm willing to share it with you."

She gestured him in. "I like affection." She glanced down at herself. "Pardon the chillin' out clothes."

Steve shook his head and gestured at his own jeans and t-shirt. "Nothin' fancy happenin' here, either. And, I like everything you wear, the smooth and the quirky. You keep me guessin'." He walked past her and set the pastry box on the oversized ottoman and looked at the TV screen. "Ah! 'Order of the Phoenix'… one of few movies I like better than the book."

Darcy followed him in, grinning. "I was so glad to see that you have the Harry Potter books. I grew up on them." He winced as she queried. "Have you read them all?"

He nodded. "Had to tear through them before Tony realized what I was reading and spoiled it." He pulled forks and napkins out of the edge of the pie box and handed one set to her.

She sat by him and took a bit of the pie, straight out of the box. "Holy crap, it's delicious! You really like me…"

He laughed and kissed her. "I do."

They enjoyed the pie and the movie, but were both yawning. She noted, "I guess it's a good thing we're not going out tonight. It probably wouldn't be romantic if we both fell asleep."

He chuckled. "I guess not…" He cleared his throat slightly and blushed. "So, tomorrow night? Dinner and dancing?" He put the pie box in the trash and moved towards the door.

She smiled. "I'm going to try to sleep in tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be better company after that." She hesitated for a moment, "Sounds good. What time?"

He laughed shortly. "We talked about 7:00, but you can decide. I'm liable to ask to meet up in the morning."

She chuckled. "Sweet talker! 7:00… at night… it is."

He hugged her tightly. "Sounds good. Darcy?"

She answered, "Steve?"

He stumbled verbally and blushed. "I'll dream… I mean, good night… I mean, sweet dreams… I…"

She answered, "I love you, too."

He blurted. "I love you!"

She laughed. "I know. Good night." They kissed, softly and sweetly.

After he left, she went straight to bed. Her talk with Chau had helped her to see how hard she was pushing herself. Sleep eluded her for a while, though. She turned on music and pulled up a playlist of songs that fit her current mood. She didn't even realize she'd started singing along until her phone buzzed.

The text from Natasha read, 'Skip that emo song… that you've played 42 times already today, and wailed to more than once, NOW… or I will record you and send Steve the recording.'

Blushing furiously, Darcy deleted Ella Mae Bowen's 'Holding Out for a Hero' from her playlist, and moved on to Katy Perry's 'Legendary Lovers'. She glared at the floor and stuck her tongue out, hoping there was no way Natasha could guess she was doing that.

to be continued...