Outstanding Ohs

A/N: Oh, about this chapter… Sorry?

Hermione woke up feeling warm and cozy, more than likely because instead of a blanket, she was wearing Malfoy. He had his arm and leg wrapped around her as if he didn't ever want her to leave. She could barely move; he held her so tightly. Maybe he really was a snuggler. Nah. It was more likely he was just a bed hog. He always did seem to have a problem sharing. Either way, it felt kind of nice. She couldn't ever remember sleeping better, although she would never admit that to Malfoy or anyone else for that matter. It was bad enough admitting it to herself. Of course, he probably purposely positioned himself like this before he fell asleep just so she couldn't go off looking for her wand. As if a little thing like breaking his arm and leg off would stand in her way.

She forcefully pried his hands off of her and quickly got out of bed before he could reclaim her as his personal teddy bear. The room felt cool and she grudgingly missed the warmth of Malfoy's body. He was surprisingly warm for a cold-blooded Slytherin. Part of her wanted to crawl back in bed and snuggle some more even if it was with Malfoy, but she had a wand to find and a journal to read. Besides, snuggling with Malfoy was just wrong. The sun hadn't come up yet, so hopefully she had some time before Malfoy woke up. Luckily, he looked dead to the world. She was pretty sure he hadn't gotten to sleep very easily after her little stunt last night. Served him right though. She couldn't help still smirking about it.

Hermione finally got down to business and started looking around Malfoy's room in search of her missing wand. She wished she had a flashlight. It was so dark. Well, she had already checked the dresser and the wardrobe last night pretty thoroughly, so she doubted it was there. She felt under the bed and checked the floor for loose boards. She felt along the walls and in the curtains. She even tried to check behind the portraits, which obviously had permanent sticking charms. The people in the portraits weren't very happy about being disturbed and watched her search the rest of the room with angry mistrustful eyes. They said a few choice words to her but at least they didn't call her a mudblood at the top of their lungs like some portraits. Hermione was so used to Mrs. Black's rants that she barely noticed it anymore. Most of the Blacks were not very pleasant people. She wasn't too surprised Malfoy was related.

The only place left to check was the bed. So, she carefully slid her arm between the mattresses as far as she could but couldn't feel a thing. She felt under the covers with mounting disappointment and then eyed Malfoy rather warily. He was only wearing boxer shorts for goodness sake. He couldn't possibly be hiding her wand in there. Could he? Well, she couldn't turn back now. She needed her wand. She took a deep breath and crawled on the bed over to Malfoy. God help her, but she was going to willingly grope him. She took a deep breath and started feeling around tentatively with her hand. Nope. Not her wand anyway. As a result of her somewhat thorough search, Malfoy started moaning in his sleep. Oops! It seemed her wand searching had inadvertently given him a little wake up call. Hermione quickly leapt off the bed before any accidental sex could be initiated. She distinctly heard one of the portraits say, "disgraceful."

Hermione was starting to feel rather hopeless about her situation. Her wand just wasn't there. Then it finally dawned on her. Of course it wasn't there. Malfoy's room was way too obvious. He would expect her to search his room. And he knew how thorough she was. She needed to think more like a Slytherin. That shouldn't be too hard. She had been spending enough time with them lately. Well, it was unlikely it was in Ron and Harry's room. Malfoy couldn't stand them, and anyway he probably figured she would sleep in their room when he let the whirlwind loose in hers. And it definitely wouldn't be in any of the rooms they shared like the bathroom, kitchen or study. He was probably too scared to go in the basement or the attic. He was such a wuss. Most of the other bedrooms were locked. That only left the twins' room. Of course. It was perfect. Why would she ever want to go in there? She wouldn't. Well, until now that is.

Hermione silently crept out of Malfoy's bedroom. She was quite surprised not to see any whiz-bangs out in the hallway. It was strangely quiet, in fact. Before she went to the twins' room to look for her wand, she decided to stop by her room to check on the whirlwind and see if she could get some clothes. Wearing Malfoy's shirt and especially his boxer shorts was a little unnerving. Hermione was dying to take them off. So, she carefully cracked open the door and peeked inside. She was completely shocked at what she saw. Or rather who she saw.

"Goyle?"

"Hello, Granger," said Goyle in his deep sexy voice. Yeah, yeah, she thought it was sexy. Blah, blah, blah.

"What are you doing here?"

"Waiting."

"Waiting for what?"

"For you."

"But how did you get here?"

"Lupin."

Hermione sighed. She had forgotten how talking to Goyle was sometimes very much like talking to a rock. "Why?"

This time Goyle sighed. "I'm under the Order's protection. My father decided it was time for me to follow in his footsteps and join the Death Eaters. I didn't want to. I'm rather fond of muggleborns, you know. Well, one anyway."

"Oh," gasped Hermione. Not good, not good. "And you're staying here?" she barely squeaked out.

"Yes," smirked Goyle.

"Oh," replied Hermione. Oh, God.

"Oh yes," said Goyle pulling her through the door and closing it.

Hermione could feel herself getting sucked back in. There was just something about him. She could almost feel herself losing her common sense the minute she was close to him. And it kind of pissed her off. Instead of him being stupid like he was supposed to be, she was the idiot. For Christ's sake, why else would she sleep with him? Having sex with Goyle was the absolute definition of the word stupidity. There had to be some logical explanation for it. Stupidity and Hermione Granger did not go together. At all. It was like a serious Fred or George, a spoiled Harry, a tactful Ron, an arrogant Neville, a sane Luna, a cuddly Snape. It was like a kind, thoughtful, selfless, non-annoying Malfoy. It just didn't make sense.

Maybe it was some kind of reverse stupidity spell that Goyle was using on her if there was such a thing (she would have to look that up) or maybe she was trapped in some alternate reality. A really bizarre alternate reality where having sex with Goyle seemed like a good idea. The whole thing had to be Goyle's fault. He was definitely up to something. And why was he really here? "Wait a minute. How do I know this is the truth? That you're here under the Order's protection?" asked Hermione narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

"Don't you trust me?"

"No."

Goyle shrugged his shoulders as though it didn't really bother him much and handed her a letter. It was from Lupin. She recognized the handwriting.

"He wanted to tell you personally, but it seems you were somewhat occupied with Malfoy. And in his room no less," said Goyle rolling his eyes but frowning a bit. "Lupin muttered something about having seen enough of the two of you for one night and decided just to leave a note."

Hermione blushed. She really hoped Goyle didn't know about her little snack attack earlier that evening. Not that she thought Remus would actually say anything about that particular awkward moment. She was quite sure he was probably trying to obliviate that little episode from his memory. Goyle just always seemed to know things. It was kind of freaky. "Nothing was going on. I just needed a place to sleep. You know, with the whirlwind and all."

Goyle raised his eyebrows. "So, you weren't messing around in there?"

"Well, maybe messing with each others heads, that's all."

"And the knickers?"

Ah, the knickers. She was wondering when they would get to that. "Well, that's a rather long story, but I'm sure whatever Malfoy told you was a lie. I took them off myself for reasons I'd rather not get into and was holding them in my hands on the floo ride over when Malfoy stole them from me. I didn't even know he had them. Believe me, there was no fun involved. On either side."

"Not like when I took your knickers?"

Hermione blushed again. "No, it wasn't like that at all."

"Good."

"So, Remus thought Malfoy and I were, uh…"

"Yes."

"Well, we weren't," said Hermione huffily.

"I trust you."

"And Remus got rid of the whirlwind?"

"And the whiz-bangs."

"Oh." She hoped they didn't figure out that Malfoy took her wand. Maybe they thought she just hadn't found the time to take care of the whirlwind and whiz-bangs yet.

"Malfoy took your wand, didn't he?"

Or not. Shit. "No, of course not, I just um…"

"Thought you'd let them wreak havoc all over the house?"

"No, I've just been busy is all."

"To busy to flick your wand?"

"Well, Malfoy is a lot of work. Well, he is!" said Hermione not liking the look that Goyle was giving her.

"Oh, I'm sure he is, but I'm sure if you had your wand, it wouldn't be very difficult for you to stun him and then take care of a little wind and a few fire crackers."

"A little wind and a few fire crackers! Are you serious?"

"Are you saying you couldn't handle it, even with your wand?"

"Of course I could handle it!" snapped Hermione. She couldn't plead stupidity. She just couldn't. "I maybe could have stunned him if I was a mean Slytherin asshole, but I wouldn't have felt right treating him like that. I have more respect for people than that," said Hermione as condescendingly as she could.

"You show respect to Malfoy? Yeah right. Liar, liar. You'd better be careful or you're going to set Malfoy's boxer shorts on fire."

Lie. Just keep on lying. She wouldn't be caught dead wearing Malfoy's boxer shorts, and she didn't want to be caught living and breathing in them either. Especially by Goyle. "These aren't Malfoy's. They're mine. I always wear boxer shorts to bed because they're so comfortable."

"In Slytherin green?" asked Goyle skeptically.

"Well, House unity and all." Fuck. House unity? Really? She kind of did suck at lying.

"You are the worst liar I have ever met and believe me I have met quite a few. You're worse than Crabbe for Christ's sake."

Hermione couldn't help looking affronted by that comment, as well she should be. Worse than Crabbe? It was completely unacceptable to be worse than Crabbe at anything. "I'm sure I'm better than Crabbe. If I really was lying that is."

"House unity?"

"Have something against that?"

"No, I'm all for it. I'm all ready to 'unite'," said Goyle emphasizing the last word and stepping closer to her. "Especially with my favorite Gryffindor."

Hermione swallowed hard. Goyle always got her so flustered. She was beginning to feel a little hot. And bothered. Mostly bothered though. "In your dreams Goyle."

"In your dreams, Granger."

Maybe. "Not."

"Well, I hope you're really not lying, Granger. You never know when you'll need a wand," said Goyle withdrawing his own wand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and then letting it slowly slide down her neck.

Hermione didn't like where this or his wand was going and swiped it away angrily. "Alright, I don't have my fucking wand. Happy? That prick stole it, but I'm getting it back tonight. As soon as you're through bothering me anyway. And by the way, I don't know why they let you keep your wand. It should have been confiscated like Malfoy's."

"I'm not a prisoner here like Malfoy. I'm here for protection only. I'm the victim here."

"Yeah, right. You're completely innocent, aren't you?"

"Well, I wouldn't say I'm innocent, but then again neither are you," said Goyle with a smirk.

"Fuck off Goyle."

"Don't be like that, Granger. Don't you want to have a little fun?"

"Not with you."

"Oh, are you too worn out from Malfoy?" He said it like it was rhetorical, but Hermione knew it was not.

Hermione glared at him. "What if I told you I was?"

Goyle pulled her in closer and whispered in her ear. "Then I would be very, very disappointed. Of course I'm willing to bet that Malfoy didn't wear you out the way I do."

"I don't know. You both wear on my nerves equally."

"Is that why you can't decide between us?"

Hermione glared at him again. "I am not trying to decide between the two of you. That's absolutely ridiculous. There isn't even a lesser of two evils to choose from. You're both equally horrid. And so, so… Slytherin!"

"What do they say about protesting too much?"

Hermione did not like being accused of liking Slytherins. It was very insulting indeed. "I have a boyfriend you know. And it's not you or Malfoy," blurted out Hermione.

"Do you really?"

"Yes, really."

"Huh."

"Is that all you have to say about it?" asked Hermione angrily.

"I'm not really all that concerned about it to tell you the truth."

"What! Well, you should be. He could kick your ass."

"I'll take my chances. And I'm quite sure that whoever it is, I could kick his ass."

"Well, probably," conceded Hermione. "But aren't you even the least bit upset that I have a boyfriend?" Did nothing faze Goyle? Was he even human?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it doesn't make a difference. You're still going to shag me."

"Humph," huffed Hermione. However, she was slightly concerned that she didn't deny it.

"Doesn't it upset you?" asked Goyle.

"What?"

"That you have a boyfriend."

"Why would that upset me?" asked Hermione exasperatedly.

"I just thought that you might feel a little guilty when you're shagging me."

"I never said I was going to shag you."

"You already have."

"That doesn't mean that I will do it again."

"But you will," said Goyle confidently while he tucked that stupid curl back behind her ear again.

"I won't," said Hermione not wavering. Much.

"Did I ever tell you that you are a terrible liar?" asked Goyle starting to nibble on her ear.

"You may have mentioned it. Is it really that obvious?"

"Well, I'm not as stupid as I look apparently," said Goyle kissing her throat.

"Apparently," said Hermione her breath catching.

Goyle started unbuttoning her shirt but then looked at her suspiciously. "Is this Malfoy's shirt?"

"Yes," she said breathlessly.

Goyle smirked and then ripped it open scattering buttons everywhere."

Hermione gasped. "Fuck, Goyle. Malfoy's going to kill me. Supposedly this was his favorite shirt."

"Maybe we should do something that would kill him," said Goyle trailing his finger down her bare skin.

Hermione's eyes widened. "You're going to kill him?" she asked disbelieving.

"Correction. We're going to kill him," replied Goyle calmly sliding Malfoy's shirt off of her shoulders.

Hermione shivered involuntarily. Perhaps her wand was needed after all. Not to kill Malfoy of course but to save him. He was an annoying asshole, but she would grudgingly save him if she had to. More than likely anyway. Too bad for him he took her fucking wand. He could save his own ass. "I'm not using an unforgivable. That would be, um, unforgivable," finished Hermione lamely.

We're not going to kill him, kill him. Just make him wish he were dead. There are more fun ways to take care of Malfoy than an Avada Kedavra," said Goyle backing up Hermione toward the bed.

"Oh," said Hermione realization dawning.

"Oh, yes," said Goyle pushing her down on the bed. Then with his lips almost touching hers, he looked deep into her eyes and said, "Just make sure you call out my name this time." Then his lips came crashing down on hers and not unlike the whirlwind that had just ravaged her room, he completely blew her away. In more ways than one. And when the time came, Hermione being the quick study that she was, got it exactly right.

"Oh, oh… Goyle!" screamed Hermione loud and clear. After she was finished, she collapsed back onto the bed with a smile on her face, feeling as though her N.E.W.T. s had come early. She had just earned herself a well-deserved 'O'. And it was outstanding.

A/N: Please don't be too mean in your reviews. I couldn't help myself. I'm quite smitten with Goyle. Yes, really! I don't know what's wrong with the rest of you!